If you are a guy looking for a partner, a great place to look and get in shape at the same time is in a Yoga class. I take a couple of classes a week at the new YMCA here, and while the classes draw 20 or more, only 3 or 4 of those are men. The attenders span the gamut age-wise and shape-wise, but some of those folks look pretty good twisting themselves about. And the class instructor (female) is a dish. When we step outside the classroom, the gender ratios shift in the weights and machines, approximately 5:1, male to female. Yes, these women may have skimpier outfits on, but men, the numbers are in your favor in Yoga.
The New York Times (and NYC yoga studios) has noticed On December 4, the NYT published an article “Yoga Assumes a Social Postion,” commenting on how yoga studios are incorporating social activities in their programs.
You have to admit that a class where people literally dress down has it’s benefits. And with all those mirrors, you can check someone out pretty unobtrusively.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I’ve read articles about dating and the social lives of Washingtonian’s by Seattle Times reporter Diane Mapes before. She’s good. But you’ve got to take a look at what came out on December 20th: “Friends with benefits. Buddies. Booty calls. Is this what dating has become?” Oooeee! If you are over 40 (and maybe if you aren’t), this article about what dating is becoming (at least some dating) will curl your hair. You will be amazed by the story she opens with.
But this stuff is good to know about, because there’s always a chance that your date will have exactly this in mind. Essentially, what we’re talking about here (not to be coy) is meeting for sex purposes only, the old-fashioned one night stand, or the new-fashioned “friends with benefits.”
Mapes quotes PerfectMatch’s Pepper Schwartz: “If someone has no intention of looking for someone special in their life and just wants sex for fun and pleasure, isn’t it better that they tell you right up front?” For SURE! In fact, let’s get them really separated out and onto their own sites. Places that already exist like AdultFriendFinder.
The clearer we all can be about what we really want, the more likely it will be that we get it. If you are married and looking to fool around, there are sites just for you (like AshleyMadison.com and Philanderers.com. I’ve written about them on my blog. Don’t lurk around on Match.com and spoil the fun for people who are seriously looking for someone serious.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
What can I say? I’m famous. Here’s the latest place I’m quoted, in Match.com’s online magazine “happen.” Actually this is the second time the reporter Laura Gilbert has quoted me: Here’s the first article. Yea, Laura! As we know, Match.com and Yahoo! Personals are the Big Guys in the online dating game. I’ve got an article posted on Yahoo! right now too, as well as my predictions for 2006 being included in Yahoo’s annual compilation. So that’s twice on Yahoo and twice on Match, in just a couple of months. I’ve been discovered.
It’s about time.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Right on Match.com’s home page is a link to a free downloadable ebook “How to Find the Love of Your Life in Ninety Days.” They’ve just added a section on holiday dating, which is very timely. You can also read the whole or parts online, and just print off the pages you want to keep. There’s some real information in the cutesy writing, so plow through. Though the whole could have more depth. But hey, free is free, so let’s not fuss.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Since I wrote earlier about FarmersOnly.com, the site has gotten lots of attention. I’ve seen it mentioned in the press and on TV at least a couple of times. Guess that those lonely farm boys and girls really twang the imagination of urbanites, at least the journalists and producers.
FarmersOnly is getting a great big boost from reality TV: The producers of “American Idol” are hard at work on a matchmaking reality series based on a European reality show called “The Farmer Wants a Wife.” They are looking for handsome bachelor farmers (Does this sound like “Prairie Home Companion”? Or that one with Paris Hilton?). If the guy can’t get away for the casting call, he can email a photo and short description: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Go for it, guys.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Here’s an article out of Uganda about Online dating etiquette, most of which I absolutely agree with. Except #4. For heaven’s sake, why not look online for information about your correspondent? What is Googling all about, anyway? Click here for my earlier postings about Googling.
Rule no. 1: Respond politely and quickly to any expressions of interest.
Rule no. 2: Be honestHonesty is sign of respect.
Rule no. 3: Don’t move too fast.
Rule no. 4: Don’t go digging for information on your new friends.
Rule no. 5: Don’t treat the website like a porn site.
Rule no. 6: Don’t ask for favours. Never ask for money, credit cards, gifts, airline tickets or accommodation, no matter how close you are with your on-line friends.
It’s good to see these kind of guidelines from anywhere, but since so manyof the dating scams seem to be originating in Nigeria, Ugandan behavior suggestions are much appreciated.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Recently Yahoo! Personals asked me to make a prediction about Online dating trends in the near future. They are online now—take a look at what lots of dating experts are saying. Here’s what I wrote:
I think we are going to see a real trend towards it becoming standard that online daters officially establish their identity on the Internet while also keeping anonymity. We are already seeing sites pop up that appeal to the fears of singles (like true.com which does criminal background checks and prohibits married people from signing up) and truedater.com, where people can go and report in, positively or negatively, about the accuracy of a date’s online presentation. Sites are also appearing that help you verify your own identity for others as well as check out a potential date, like trufina.com, safedate.com, and verifiedperson.com. Soon it will become as odd to see a profile without a verified identity as it now is to see a profile without a photo.
It seems very 21st Century to me that we all should have an awareness of our online presence. It also feels a bit like the old-fashioned small town, where everyone knows everything about everybody. Of course, that’s part of the allure of big cities, the anonymity. Similarly, big online dating sites. Clausterphobic as small town life can be (Lord knows, I’ve been both repelled and attracted), everyone knowing everything has a real social value. There’s much more pressure to behave yourself when you have to face the same people day after day.
I just Googled my name and got 911 hits, at leas half of which are really about me. Thank goodness, the citations are in general good ones. The one I particularly love (that isn’t me) is on a site called pathetic.org. Wouldn’t you know it?
Go ahead and Google yourself and see what comes up. You ought to know, because others are going to Google you, especially dates, so if you’ve got a pathetic.org in your Google resume, be prepared to explain!
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
If you are more comfortable at a computer keyboard than any other place in the world, if “geek” or “geeky” applies to you (or you are turned on by such), I have the site for you: www.gk2gk.com And good news if you are looks challenged: gk2gk doesn’t post pictures!
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
My coach friend Susan Robison publishes an excellent newsletter for women who are managers or bosses, call appropriately BossWoman (check Susan’s website BossWoman.org and subscribe). I always read what she writes, and it is always good.
In the last issue, Susan’s lead article was titled “Logical Consequences” and I thought the points she made were quite transferable to singles. “If only I had known.” Susan writes that one of the best predictors of future success and happiness is a person’s ability to predict consequences and make good decisions as a result. If you are still single and wish you weren’t, what could you have done differently when you were younger to prevent your current situation?
Using the same thinking, since what you have been doing so far has kept you single, what is likely to happen in the future if you keep doing what you have been doing? What can you change NOW that will make staying single less likely?
It’s like the old saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Thinking ahead, anticipating consequences, and planning your actions accordingly can change your future.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
My daughter Mishelle loves Judith Martin, the columnist also known as Miss Manners. I like what Miss Manners has to say, too, and her column dated October 30 in the Tallahassee Democrat made some excellent points for singles.
Appropriate for the date of the column, Miss Manners wrote “How can we tell when it is Halloween now that everybody is playing dress up all year?” Like it or not, what you wear signals many things to others, and maybe not what you want to convey.
When you are going to meet your potential True Love, dress for the occasion. If you want to find a nice, respectable mate, dress for the part: Pick your wardrobe and your grooming so that you look like the partner of the nice respectable mate you want.
Guys, you wouldn’t believe the numbers of women I have heard describe quick turn-offs to a new date because of how he dressed. And I’m not talking about coming decked out like a fashion magazine. I’m talking about wearing clean, non-wrinkled clothing—without holes—that are becoming to you and look like you have respect for yourself and your date.
Ladies, even though 99% of the guys and maybe 98% of the women are thinking “sex,” don’t dress as if you are selling it. If you present yourself predominately as a hot ticket, that’s what the guys will think they are buying. Now, I’m not saying to dress like a nun, but save the tight, low cut numbers and the bare midrifts for when you know your date a little better.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Here’s an innovative twist on mate-finding in cyberspace: Deborah Hale has put her house—and herself—up for auction on eBay. Not only does the house look pretty good, Ms. Hale seems gorgeous. Price tag? $600,000.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
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