Finally, a good, sarcastic article about one of my least favorite “dating sites” Ashley Madison.com. About all I can say that is good about Ashley is that she just might be helping get the married folks (men mostly) off the mainline dating sites. Good riddance.
Ashley Madison’s secret success The dating service caters to people wanting to have an affair.
Meghan Daum
January 10, 2009
‘Life is short. Have an affair.”
That’s the slogan of the Ashley Madison dating service, a website for people who want to cheat on their partners. That’s right, unlike traditional Internet dating sites—where you’re expected to say you’re unattached no matter what the truth is—Ashley Madison is honest about its duplicity. Unlike match.com, with its married interlopers, Ashley Madison isn’t about to break the hearts of innocent singles who only want to live happily ever after with someone who loves Elvis Costello as much as they do. And although its mission can be perceived as very wrong (for the record: cheating is bad!), the fact that it claims 3.2 million members suggests that it’s also doing something right.
For starters, the commercials are hilarious. One television spot shows a glamorous couple in the throes of passion. A title card reads, “This couple is married ... but not to each other.” In another ad, a man retreats to the sofa to escape his obese, snoring wife while a voice-over declares, “Most of us can recover from a one-night stand with the wrong woman, but not when it’s every night for the rest of our lives.”
The ads, as well as the slogan, were written by the company’s 37-year-old founder and chief executive, Noel Biderman, a former attorney, sports agent and self-described happily married father of two who started the company in 2001.
I met up with Biderman, who is from Toronto, on Monday at KTLA Channel 5, where he was a guest on the morning news. Despite much hand flapping and righteous indignation from the hosts (even the weatherman wanted in on the questioning), Biderman calmly suggested that because many members are in sexless marriages but don’t actually want to leave their spouses, the company “preserves more marriages than we break up.” He added that the most sign-ups occur around New Year’s and that, ahem, Los Angeles is the company’s biggest market.
When I talked to him after the broadcast, Biderman, whose mild-mannered comportment belies the seediness of his enterprise, explained that in hard economic times, a lot of people who’ve been planning a divorce suddenly cannot afford one. The money-saving solution? Seek carnal comfort in others. He also made an analogy between his extramarital dating service and handing out condoms to teens.
“Some people say it promotes promiscuity,” he said. “But if you don’t do it, you get behavior that’s way more harmful to society. Infidelity has been around a lot longer than Ashley Madison.”
He believes that hearing about the service in a commercial is not going to persuade anyone to have an affair. “It’s a decision they’ve come to already. All I’m saying is, don’t do it in the workplace where it could result in someone losing their job, don’t go to a singles dating service and lie about your status, don’t hire a prostitute. Given that affairs are going to happen no matter what, maybe we should see Ashley Madison as a safe alternative.”
And just who is Ashley Madison? Is she the steamy love child of Laura Ashley and a Dolly Madison chocolate Zinger? Is she Heidi Fleiss with a Daughters of the American Revolution name? Alas, she doesn’t exist. In an effort to attract women to the site, Biderman and his colleagues combined two of today’s most popular baby names and invented their fictional proprietor.
By tracking information provided on user profiles, Biderman has been able to learn quite a bit about his clients, even if he doesn’t know their real names. Seventy percent are men, he says; among those who are “active” members (sign-up is free but you must purchase credits to interact with others), the male-to-female ratio is 1-1. The majority of the men, who tend to be in their late 30s to early 40s, are married. The women, who skew a bit younger, fall into three categories: the suburban housewife “who is seeking validation of her desirability”; the “quintessential mistress” who is not interested in a family life but wants things like trips and dinners out; and women who’ve been married only a short time and suddenly wonder what they got themselves into.
The company put me in touch with a “quintessential mistress” named Jackie (at least she wanted to be named Jackie for the purposes of this column) who professes total satisfaction with Ashley Madison. A self-described “very fit and attractive” 43-year-old college graduate who lives in Beverly Hills and works in real estate, she says she values her independence too much to pursue a conventional relationship. Of all the dating sites she’s tried, Ashley Madison has worked out the best for her. (It can’t hurt that the site sometimes offers free points to members who will talk to the media.)
“A few weeks ago, I had a fantastic meeting with someone who’s been married for 15 years and has three children,” Jackie said. “I met him at the Four Seasons on Friday night and we met up again Saturday morning and went to Vegas for two days. I didn’t really care that the guy’s married. He has no desire to leave his family, and I have no desire for a commitment. So it’s ideal.”
What’s that furious clacking sound I hear? Is it the sound of apoplectic readers typing irate e-mails about the subject of this column? Or is it the sound of people signing on to Ashley Madison?
Or is it the sound of divorce lawyers lowering their fees? Maybe some good can come of this after all.
Steve Penner does such a good job with his columns. Here’s another—boring guys unite!
Was he really such a boring first date?
By Steve Penner
February 27, 2009 6:00 AM
One of the most common first date complaints I heard from women in the 23 years I ran a dating service was that the guy was “nice and very polite.”
But he also was “a bit boring, not outgoing enough,” and consequently there appeared to be no real “spark.” As a result, many of these women turned down a request for a second date.
Then they would call their counselor and ask to meet someone more talkative, lively and fun. Sometimes, such actions were huge mistakes.
As I have written before, unless a person finds someone repulsive, or he (or she) does something truly offensive or obnoxious, I almost always recommend a second date. (To use a golf term, everyone deserves a “mulligan.”)
Nerves can make anyone seem a bit dull or stiff on a first date ... especially never married professional men who may lack experience on meetings arranged through a dating service. Of course nerves may also affect recently divorced or widowed men, many of whom are dipping their toes into the dating pool for the first time in literally decades.
Moreover, men overall are less social than women. Women are quite used to chatting with friends over coffee or a casual drink; men rarely sit down for a casual drink or conversation with other men, unless they are watching a game or conducting business. This is one reason why guys tend to drink more than women, to loosen themselves up.
In fact men who come across too outgoing, funny, or boisterous on a first date may be putting on an act, an act practiced before a mirror or on scores of prior dates. Some of these charmers are just “players,” playing a game to see how many women they can get into bed ... or they may be drunk or even high. I know guys who always had a couple of drinks BEFORE meeting a date. I also know guys who always smoked a joint before a first date.
After all, another common complaint I heard from women at LunchDates was “he was so much fun on our first date; we had such a great time. We went out a few times, and then he stopped calling. I don’t know what happened.”
Ladies, you were “played.”
If you are looking for a man whom you would hope to eventually marry and have him be the father of your children, think how you would like “future dad” to act on a first date. Would you really prefer that he come across like a manic Robin Williams or a more subdued Harrison Ford?
Even though at LunchDates I was involved in arranging several hundred thousand dates in restaurants, I recognize that sitting across the table from someone on a first date can be a stressful experience for anyone. Also (and this is a fact that few women realize), if a guy does not talk much, it may be simply that he finds himself very attracted to his date, and therefore becomes even more nervous and stressed.
This is even true of many men who are outgoing in their career personas. I recall interviewing one man at LunchDates who was a prominent Boston lawyer. He explained that he had no trouble standing before a jury and delivering eloquent orations. BUT on a first date with an attractive woman, he would often revert to being a nervous teenager. The opposite is also true. Some guys, who are NOT physically attracted to their date, may become even chattier, because they feel no pressure to impress the woman.
The fact is that many men of all ages are not that evolved from the 10-year-old boy who pulls the pigtails of a girl on whom he has a crush. That is, many guys are just clueless about the opposite sex.
Moreover, our technological age has created many men (and women) who have not experienced a great deal of social interaction in their careers. Sitting in an office cubicle and working in front of a computer does not lead to the development of tremendous social skills. And such recent technological developments as faxing, e-mails, instant messaging, texting and twittering tend to blunt people’s conversational development even more.
Not too long ago teenagers spent hours yakking to friends over the phone while honing their verbal skills (at least with their friends, if not their parents). Today though, things have changed. Teens and young adults now do much of their socializing online. Even their cell phones are used more for texting than for actually talking to one another. It will be interesting to monitor what will occur when this younger generation starts dating as adults. I can almost picture a man and a woman sitting at a table in an elegant restaurant a decade from now, sending text messages back and forth.
But back to those women who think their first dates lack the outgoing wit and charm they would prefer. As I said, I suggest they give the man another chance. And I strongly recommend that instead of a second date taking place in a restaurant, they should plan on carrying out a FUN activity together, such as hiking, biking, or even bowling. Then, if on this fun date they don’t have any fun, well, don’t bother with a third date.
Because maybe the poor guy really is boring.
Garrison Keillor is so wonderfully prolific. His “Dear Mr. Blue” column on Salon.com is a little-known gem. See here Mr. Blue’s excellent advice to this 63 year old woman looking for love in Mississippi (I’ve underlined the part I particularly like):
Dear Mr. Blue,
I am a 63-year-old woman blessed with incredible genes. My mother is 81 and looks like my sister; my father is 86 and looks like he is maybe 50. I look great. I’m a size 4. I have great bones. I love men, and I love sex. But no one ever asks me out, except a couple of old friends and a few lovers who are married to other women. They tell me that I should just enjoy life with them but I want to meet interesting, sexy men who are not married. A considerate man who loves sex, good food, good movies, classical music. I could delight such a man indefinitely. What is wrong with me?
Perplexed in Mississippi
Dear Perplexed,
Nothing is wrong with you whatsoever, but perhaps Mississippi is low on unmarried, sexy men who are interesting and who are interested in 63-year-old women with great bones, so, as when you search the woods for your car keys, you must cover a great deal of ground and look closely. Look for “interesting” first and then cull the marrieds from the herd. An interesting man is one who can talk and when he does, doesn’t talk about his pickup, or football, or hunting. Football is a depressant, like most sports, and hunting is mostly about drinking and male bondage, and pickups are not suitable friends: They are motor vehicles.
You might feel differently, but I don’t know any interesting people who don’t read books, so you might start nosing around bookstores and the library. You can spend hours in these places and not spend a dime and nobody blinks at it. Avoid the auto-repair section; hew toward nonfiction, history, biography, and when you see the zebra come to the water hole, approach him and ask an innocent question about whatever section he seems to be browsing in—e.g., “Do you know any good books about World War II?”—and if he leaps away in alarm, let him go, and if he answers appropriately, scan his left hand, and if it’s clear of ringage, tell him in a quiet voice that he is awfully good-looking.
Tell him this as a preface to something else, e.g., “I suppose you hear this all the time, but you’re what I call a blanket man. Speaking of which, do you know where I’d find the poetry section?” The vanity of men should never be underestimated, and women, for some reason, have given up playing to men’s vanity, thinking perhaps that in the 12-Step Era, frankness and empathy are the key. Nonsense. Men go to pieces if a woman compliments their appearance, their overall sexiness, because it almost never happens. So this man, dazed, not knowing exactly what “blanket man” means (neither do I, I just made it up), follows you into the poetry section where you are browsing, and, as he approaches, you look up and smile and you ask him, “What do you think of this?” and you read him a poem—like Mary Oliver’s “Wild Geese” or James Wright’s “A Blessing” or, if you are brave, something sexy by Sharon Olds—and you judge this man by his response. If he can say that he likes it and sound plausible, then he’s worth looking into. Good luck, and remember that good advice can be magical: Sometimes you do the exact opposite and achieve the same result.
.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Marks Brooks at OnlinePersonalsWatch recently got permission to publish ChristianCafe.com’s gender ratios, by age groups. You don’t often see these kind of stats, because dating sites don’t want you to know if you may be at a statistical disadvantage on their site. But I suspect that these ratios are typical for religious themed sites. Look at how quickly the stats get skewed, putting women at a distinct disadvantage:
Male/Female
18-20 - 50.7% / 49.3%
21-30 - 42.8% / 57.2%
31-40 - 40.8% / 59.2%
41-50 - 37.5% / 62.5%
51-60 - 33% / 67%
61+ - 31.9% / 68.1%
Avg overall - 39.9% / 60.1%
When you look at the attendance at most churches, women usually predominate. Therefore it would make sense that on Christian themed sites, women would be in the majority. So not only are the stats bad for women, but also, men target these sites to find vulnerable women. Folks assume that a site that welcomes Christians, let’s say, is safer, that all on the site embrace Christian values. But the site can do little if anything to assure that this is so. I have had several clients and others report getting scammed with dates that came from a Christian site or eHarmony, which has evangelical Christian roots. So ladies, beware. Christian or not, you probably would be served better on a site that has better gender ratios and didn’t lull you into thinking you were safe.
I’ve been collecting romantic recipes. You never know when you’ll feel the urge to spoil a Sweetheart or impress a date. Here’s my most recent effort, a first attempt at Milk Chocolate Truffle Hearts:
Recipe:
8 ounces milk chocolate, chopped fine
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped fine
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
3/4 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
1. Line a 9” baking pan with aluminum foil so that the foil covers the bottom and sides, overhanging the edge by about 1”.
2. Place chocolates and butter in a large heatproof bowl. Bring cream and sugar just to a boil in a small saucepan. Fold hot cream mixture into chocolate and butter until both are melted and the mixture is smooth. Scrape mixture into prepared pan, smooth and chill until set, at least one hour.
3. Using foil as handles, remove chocolate from pan and place on cutting board. If the chocolate surface is uneven, you can try smoothing it with a rolling pin. I used parchment between the chocolate and the rolling pin.
4. Use a small heart-shaped cutter to cut the chocolate int bite-sized pieces. I got over 4 dozen tiny candies out of this batch. Roll the scraps into balls. Sift cocoa powder over all, place candies between parchment paper and store in fridge for a week or more.
5. Serve simply on a pretty plate with perhaps some green leaves and a blossom or two.
Here’s some of the ingredients—I got really good chocolate and cream from the local organic food store:
And this is how I chopped the chocolate—without nibbling:
Stir in the cream and sugar ...
Stir…
Pour into the pan…
And smooth, then chill.
After chilling, remove from the pan…
Cut with heart-shaped cutter (this was the hardest part, getting the cut dough out of the cutter—I used my little finger and pushed)
Finished cutting, then dusted with cocoa powder (put powder through a sifter)...
For the final product…
These truffles are really easy and DELICIOUS!
I’m always on the lookout for more information to help you stay safe. Oprah is usually on top of the most recent stuff, and Cindy Surette publishes some of the findings on her blog. Take a look at this summary:
On Cindy Surette’s blog:
Oprah Romance Scam
On yesterday’s Oprah show, they dedicated a whole show to SCAMS, not just Nigerian email scams, but all kinds of other scams. I’m going to focus on one of those scams—- The Romance Scam. This online scam is conducted at many of the popular dating sites. They meet you in the normal way. They send you a picture of a very good looking man/woman (the real person to whom this picture belongs is also being scammed since they have no idea that their picture is being used in these kind of scams!) They tell you everything you want to hear, so you are going along thinking you’ve met the perfect guy/girl (yes, there are also women scammers) until they start asking you for money. Here are some warning signs taken directly off this site romancescams.org/
When Contact is First Made
* They immediately want to get off the website and onto Yahoo IM or MSN IM
* Their profile seems to disappear off the website immediately after conversation begins
* They claim it was destiny or fate and you are meant to be together
* They immediately ask for your picture and they send you a picture of themselves
* They immediately want your address so as to send you flowers, candy, and teddy bears, often purchased with stolen credit cards
* They claim to love you either immediately or within 24-48 hours
* They immediately start using pet names with you: hon/hun baby/babe sweety/sweetie
* They claim God brought you to him/her
* They typically claim to be from the US (or your local region) but they are overseas, or going overseas mainly to Nigeria, sometimes the UK for business or family matters
Thus if you have been taken by a Romance Scam like the Oprah Romance scam go to the above mentioned site. They have a lot of resources there to help you.
Hey Shana, why didn’t you call me? I’d love to talk to you about my very favorite topic!
Control alt meet
Dec. 29—Welcome to New Year’s Eve—the official No. 1 Date Night of the entire year. Let us hope that all you singles out there are happily matched up and ready to ring in a new year with that special someone ...
Or perhaps not.
Perhaps you are among the 10 million American Internet users who say you are currently single and looking for a romantic partner, as reported by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. And maybe, just maybe, you are among the 7.5 million who have actually gone to an online dating site, looking for a partner.
Come on, don’t be shy. There’s nothing wrong with this, says Shana Kopaczewski, an assistant professor of communications at Southern Connecticut State University, who has spent the last few years studying the online dating habits of single Americans.
The verdict: More people than ever are meeting dates this way, and yet the stigma still remains.
“Hardly anybody wants to admit that it’s something they’re doing—not until it works, at least,” says Kopaczewski, who first got interested in the topic of online dating the same way a lot of people did: She saw the commercials on television of all the happy couples, smiling adoringly into each other’s eyes, or dancing the jitterbug while a fatherly voice said that finding a partner this way is an OK thing to do. “When I saw all the ads, I thought, is this reality?” says Kopaczewski, whose specialty is studying the way people communicate. “Is everybody a happy couple? I had some friends at the time who were trying out online dating, and I was definitely hearing different stories from them. So I decided to research it and find out what the truth is, and then—well, it turned into my doctoral dissertation.”
Kopaczewski has studied three popular online dating sites: eHarmony, match.com, and Yahoo Personals, by reading comments that their users posted on a site called edatereview.com, which allows people to tell their stories of what happened to them.
There were many more negative comments than positive, she reports, but, she says, that is to be expected. “Many are from people who are ticked off at the process, not the happy and satisfied customers who are off having a good time,” she says. “I did see people who had met their soul mates and think it’s wonderful, but many more who are unhappy about their experience as a whole. It’s a place where people can go to vent.”
Yet, in analyzing the results, Kopaczewski found it interesting that people complain about the population who seek out dates online, and yet don’t seem to notice the irony that they are doing this, too.
“It’s almost like they want their cake and to eat it, too,” she says. “The thinking is they can go online and find someone, and if it works, then it’s awesome. But if it doesn’t, then they say to themselves, ‘I’m a great catch, but I was thrust into this world with crazy, abnormal people in this crazy, abnormal way of dating.’”
The trouble, she says, is that we’re a society in transition. “There’s still a stigma to being single, and everybody is expected to get married, have children and settle down—and yet the dating infrastructure has changed. There aren’t any more matchmakers, and if you don’t meet someone at school or at work or get fixed up by friends—then how are you supposed to meet people? People go online because that’s how we communicate with each other these days. And yet there’s still a shame about admitting that the ‘traditional’ way didn’t work for you and that you’re looking online.”
But Kopaczewski says this perception is changing over time, as more people know someone who’s met their life partner this way. “If you think about dating from a historical perspective, there have been a lot of changes. And every time there’s something new, it’s strange and takes time for the new to become the norm.
“When you tell your family you’re looking for dates online, believe me, they’re most likely going to be upset. They’re going to tell you that it’s not safe. The perception of online dating is not helped by stories about online predators. But all in all, the truth is you have to use caution just the same as you would in meeting someone face to face.”
And there are actual advantages to online dating, Kopaczewski found. “When you meet someone on one of the online dating sites, you know from the start that this is a person who is seeking a romantic relationship. That’s not necessarily true when you meet someone in a bar. And chances are a computer has found that the two of you have something in common. Some groundwork has been done.”
Online dating can also work because you have the chance of meeting so many more people, whereas if you only have the pool of people from school or work to count on, you may go a long time without meeting anyone new. And with the online dating sites, you have a chance to talk online and weed out any people you’re not interested in before actually meeting them. You can actually find out a lot about them before you ever get to the face-to-face part.
But of course, no questionnaire can predict the most important thing of all: Is there a chemistry between you?
“They haven’t found a computer program that can predict that certain intangible something,” Kopaczewski says. “And maybe that’s where the problem is. The sites are attempting to objectify something that is entirely subjective and can’t be explained.”
Some people complain that they feel that going online and paying a dating service is a blatant attempt to purchase love and companionship, and that it’s taking a consumerist approach to love.
Still, Kopaczewski, who recently presented a paper at a professional conference on communications, says that online dating is here to stay, and that it will grow in popularity as more and more people do it. “It just fits society’s needs so well that I can’t imagine it won’t be more widespread. Soon it will just be seen as one of the ways people use to meet their partners.”
Her conclusion is that online dating is just another way of meeting the need to meet people, with no more magical power than any of the traditional ways.
“It’s simply an opportunity to broaden your horizons, get in touch with more people than you might meet in your ordinary life,” she says. “It’s got its ups and downs, its bad and good experiences. Be careful and be safe. And ... well, you just never know.”
The longer you have been single, the more used to the single state you are and the more likely it is that you will stay that way.
I don’t have any research to back me up on that, but frankly I am pretty sure that is so. Particularly if you have never been coupled (living together for a year or more) or married before at all.
It’s pretty hard in our culture to have managed not to marry at least once by the time you are 35 or 40, if you are heterosexual. The pressures to couple and marry are fierce. In fact, you probably worked a bit to stay uncoupled, either avoiding dating at all, or getting out of developing relationships before committing.
Being and staying single is what you know how to do. Your thoughts and behaviors keep you that way. And you will probably stay single without putting in enormous effort to get different results.
Interestingly, singles are often unaware of what they do that keeps them single.
Most folks have some ambivalence about looking for love. Ambivalence means having thoughts, feelings, or actions that are in contradiction to each other, like love and hate. Because it is hard for us to keep two conflicting thoughts or emotions conscious and in focus, we are often aware of only one side of the ambivalence. Therefore, you may think and believe that you want to find a partner, that you are willing to do anything in order to get one, but you may also be equally unsure or not wanting to give up your single privileges, and you act unconsciously to undermine your best efforts to get what you think you want.
What might you be doing that undermines your finding love?
If you are stumped, take a hop over to my readers’ “50 Ways to BLEEP Your Lover” for a funny take on the question. But I’ve got some serious suggestions that might be indications of ambivalence:
 You do nothing that will move you towards finding love.
You think that love should “just happen” with no effort on your part.
You are always “too busy” in the present and vow to start sometime in the future when you have time. But that time never comes.
Perhaps you are listed on a dating site, but you do not post a photo. Or your profile essay is negative or otherwise poorly written.
You never make the first contact to potential partners.
You are critical of those who contact you.
You do not answer first or later emails promptly, waiting days or weeks to respond.
You complain about how much time Internet dating takes and the poor quality of people on your dating site.
You have long lists of “must have’s” and “deal breakers” that eliminate just about everyone.
Your schedule is so full that it is next to impossible to arrange even a coffee date.
You don’t show up at the first meeting, or you get lost, or you are late, or you change plans multiple times and then complain when your date backs out.
You are negative and critical at you first meeting, complaining about other dates or your ex.
You focus on some small detail that totally turns you off to your date, like he is balding or she is a little heavier than her pictures indicated, or he doesn’t talk easily, or she can’t spell.
You do not express positive interest, even if you are interested, and leave getting in contact again after that meeting to your date.
You consistently are not interested in people who are attracted to you, are reasonably healthy emotionally, and are truly available for a relationship.
You are interested in complicated, artistic, wealthy, elusive, moody, or eccentric people who perhaps are married or otherwise paired, or never married, alcoholic or drug-addicted, unemployed or deviant.
You expect your partner to make your life exciting. But exciting may really be a synonym for scary.
Well, as you probably can guess, I could go on and on. But I am sure you get the picture.
Now, if you keep reading, fair warning: I’m going to spoil it for you. You won’t be able to use your old excuses as reasons why you are single.
You are the reason. The consistent factor in your staying single is you.
And it’s not because you are fat or short or bald or use a cane to get around. Plenty of short, fat, bald, lame people are in relationships or married. The fact that you aren’t one of them is you.
Ugh. That’s the bad news, hard to hear and not easy to deliver, believe me. But there’s good news, too, because if you are the reason you are single, then you can do something about it.
From Online Dating Magazine, info on dating sites and types:
A Look at the Five Different Types of Online Dating Services
The online dating industry is a very competitive marketplace as more than one thousand dating services compete for market share. But unlike Abraham Lincoln’s famous “All Men Are Created Equal” speech, not all online dating services are created equal.
At the moment there are five different types of online dating services. Today we’ll explore these different types of services.
1) General Online Dating Services
General online dating services encompass the bulk of the marketplace and hold the greatest market share. These are sites like Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, LavaLife, American Singles, Udate, and FriendFinder. In essence, these services give you full access to their member database. You sign up and can instantly browse any profile you want to find the right person. Some services will offer optional tests, quizzes, or guides to help you find what you’re looking for, but you always have the option to expand your search as wide as you want.
2) Relationship Services
Relationship services were formed to help people who are more serious about finding a “soulmate”. Generally, these services target ‘marriage-minded” people. The two biggest are eHarmony.com and Chemistry.com. Interestingly enough, Chemistry.com is owned by Match.com. Match.com simply wanted to expand its presence to reach the same group of people that have made eHarmony so successful. Relationship services force you to fill out an in-depth personality profile that usually takes anywhere from 40-90 minutes to complete. Your answers are then used to calculate what type of people you are most compatible with. The service then provides you with only those matches. Unlike General Online Dating Services, you don’t have access to everyone’s profile - only those the service finds you best match up with.
3) Social Networking Sites
Social networking sites provide a way to connect with old friends while making new ones. They are also becoming an increasingly more popular place to meet people to date. The largest of the social networking sites are MySpace. Others include Friendster and Orkut.
4) Niche Online Dating Services
Niche online dating services are sprouting up like crazy. These services look for one common denominator that people must share in order to be a part of the service. For example, TrekPassions.com is a niche online dating service for Star Trek and scifi fans. CatholicMatch.com is for people who are catholic. AnimalAttraction.com is for pet lovers. There are literally hundreds of these sites aimed to connect people who share a particular passion or belief.
5) Merging Online Dating Services
The newest type of online dating services to crop up are Merging Online Dating Services which merge aspects of the offline and online dating environment. For example, two new services (Peek a Bio and Chick n Chit) allow you to put a profile on their Website then print cards with your handle name and the site URL. When you run into someone interesting you can give them one of these cards so that they can learn more about you online then contact you through the service. In the months and years to come you’ll see many more Merging Online Dating Services hitting the market, trying to more closely tie in the offline experience with your online experience.
For users, the growing types of online dating services is providing a wider selection to achieve their dating goals. But as the types of services grow, the overall take of the pie begins to shrink. For example, we can already see signs of Social Networking Sites cutting into the online dating pie. The draw, of course, is that the majority of Social Networking Sites are free.
For general online dating services and relationship services to be able to hold onto their position, it is vital that they improve customer services and develop techniques to help spread positive word of mouth. New public relations and advertising strategies will have to be used, but also accompanied with better user experiences and an outlet for users to share their success with others.
There’s momentum building to combat the bane of Internet dating: Those who lie on their profiles. While there are very good reasons never to lie—among them, you’ll make your future date angry, you’ll likely get dumped, and present lies can haunt you in the future, like in a divorce—the sites themselves may be moving towards stricter enforcement of the rules that you agree to when you join, whether you read the rules and find print or not. See the article below, underlines are mine.
Experts warn users to read website terms carefully before clicking ‘Accept’
Posted By James Keller, THE CANADIAN PRESS
VANCOUVER — It’s become a routine of signing up for e-mail, online dating services or social networking websites: casually clicking ‘‘Accept’’ below several pages of dense legalese that none of us ever read.
But these so-called terms-of-service agreements, which outline everything from who owns your Facebook photos to which court you’d need to fly to if you were sued, are binding contracts and shouldn’t be entered into lightly, say online privacy experts.
‘‘The public doesn’t have the time or the knowledge to work through these agreements,’’ said Michael Geist, who teaches Internet law at the University of Ottawa. ‘‘But yet they unquestionably set the framework for the rights that a user has if they use a website.’’
The issue was highlighted last month when Missouri mother Lori Drew was convicted after she created a phoney MySpace profile in a hoax that apparently drove a 13-year-old girl to suicide.
The 49-year-old was essentially found guilty of conspiring to violate MySpace’s terms-of-service agreement, which forbids fake names and harassment, even though her lawyer argued that no one actually reads them.
While it was an extraordinary case, it served as a reminder that running afoul of the sometimes-burdensome language inside such agreements could land users in trouble. And you might be surprised at what’s in them.
Users typically retain ownership of the pictures, videos and text they post, but they often grant the sites a broad licence to use the content in pretty much any way they want.
Facebook, MySpace and Google all require legal disputes — whether against users or the companies — to be fought in courts in California.
On Facebook and MySpace — as Drew found out at trial — lying about your identity is a no-no.
Anyone caught sending spam or other unwanted e-mail on MySpace could be charged US$50 per message.
Google users must be old enough to form a legal contract — 18 years old or higher in many places.
YouTube bans, among other things, ‘‘ninja assassin training’’ videos.
Adulterers need not sign up for dating sites Match.com and eHarmony, where the fine print requires users to be single.
Some websites and software downloads even include language that allows personal information to be sold or spyware to be installed on users’ computers. And in most cases, websites can change their agreements without notice, leaving it up to users to check back for updates.
While it would take a legal case to ultimately settle the issue, Geist says most Canadian provinces have e-commerce legislation that make online contracts binding.
‘‘It removes the doubt about what does it mean when you click, ‘I agree.’ It means you agree and it’s enforceable,’’ he says. ‘‘By and large, as long as it’s consistent with reasonable expectations and standard industry policy, the person creating the contract can expect it will be enforced.’’
While the courts would likely be reserved for extreme cases, most sites insist they are active at enforcing their terms-of-service agreements, suspending or deleting accounts of users that break the rules.
‘‘I think users should take the terms of use seriously whenever they join a site, and respect those terms in how they use the site,’’ says Simon Axten, a privacy officer for California-based Facebook.
‘‘I would guess that one of the dangers would probably be not having a clear enough understanding of what’s acceptable on the site, and what’s not, which we feel is really important in maintaining this safe, secure environment.’’
But it might be unrealistic to expect users to read every agreement they come across.
A study published last fall by researchers at Pittsburgh’s Carnegie Mellon University looked at the amount of time it would take Internet users to read online privacy policies, which are often the same thing as terms-of-service agreements.
The study found it would take more than 200 hours per year — or about 30 minutes each day — for average Internet users to read the agreements for every website they visit, which in turn would cost the United States about $650 billion worth of lost time.
‘‘A lot of these agreements are not really designed for readability, most of them are just trying to make it all legal and are taking a CYA (cover your ass) approach,’’ says one of the study’s authors, Lorrie Cranor.
‘‘So if you go back later and say, ’How could you have done this to me, I didn’t know?’, the company can say, ‘Well, we said it in black and white, didn’t you read it?’’’
Single’s Misery Awareness Day?
If Valentine’s Day is your worst holiday of the year, use the misery to get you moving towards finding love.
Instead of just waiting until Valentine’s Day is over, try magnifying your distress to get you moving. I’ve got a brand new product that is perfect for those folks who have been waiting at the edge of the dating pool, too scared to jump in: My Sweetheartology 101 ecourse. Hop on over to take a look. Sweetheartology 101 will get you going. Here’s a hint: By the end of the first lesson, you will have signed up on a dating site. That’s how fast this course moves.
If even that seems like too much, you may need to do some serious “getting ready.” Well, I have something for that, too: My book “Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women.” “Find a Sweetheart Soon!” does nothing to help you get a date EXCEPT get you readier than you can imagine. Readiness is an extremely important factor in finding a partner.
The message here is if you do nothing, nothing is what you are likely to get. Use your unhappiness about being single today to get you moving towards love!
Here’s another article that points to the good effect that the economy is having on Internet dating and the search for love. My clients are telling me that they are seeing more quality people online and more activity. That plus the prime New Years to Valentine’s Day period make for a fabulous time to get on a good dating site and start looking. (Underlines in the article below are mine)
www.cheapdate.com Memberships are soaring at dating websites as more singletons opt to screen out duds online before spending cash on a face-to-face date
ZOSIA BIELSKI
Cheapos unite, in digital love.
The downturn is proving to be a boon for online dating sites as Canadians look to hide in the arms of lovers they can suss out for free (or a nominal fee) online rather than over pricey fine dining that could yield a dud.
Websites such as Lavalife.com, PlentyofFish.com, Match.com and PerfectMatch.com have seen their memberships soar after September’s stock-market plunge.
Lavalife registrations are up 11 per cent from last month (Toronto is experiencing a 20-per-cent increase), and messaging among members is at its highest point in six months. Likewise, Vancouver-based dating site Plenty of Fish enjoyed a 77-per-cent growth in visits from December, 2007, through December, 2008. About 900,000 people now log in daily.
“It’s a pretty good deal at $25 a month to go out and meet people online, versus going out and spending 50 to 100 bucks per night and possibly not meeting anyone,” says Plenty of Fish spokesperson Mark Brooks, who delivered the keynote speech at the Internet Dating Conference in Miami last week.
The mood in Florida was upbeat, he said, with owners of free and niche dating sites in particular reporting huge growth.
That, Mr. Brooks said, is because unlike the real world, dating sites offer the lovelorn a “completely refined, focused community.”
“At the end of the day, if somebody wants to wander around and meet somebody, that’s not a good idea on two counts: No. 1, it’ll take them a long while and No. 2, if they do meet somebody, they’ve got to get all the difficult questions out of the way.”
Dating sites take care of the formalities: Plenty of Fish, for example, forces aspiring members to list their marital status, disclose whether they want children and how many times they booze it up in a week, and finally to elucidate “what makes you unique.”
In-person dates are, of course, far from extinct, but they are happening later in the romantic process. A survey by Florida-based Avalanche LLC - which operates international sites date.com, matchmaker.com and amor.com - found that 48 per cent of respondents were spending more time online or on the phone with a potential date before spending cash on a face-to-face meeting.
Dating sites have long relied on people’s romantic notions about “the right one” - as well as on their laziness and frugality, says Mandy Ketcheson, a Toronto-based psychotherapist who provides relationship counselling. “Online sites play on that hope with the added bonus of not having to go to a lot of trouble getting dressed up [and] spending money.”
For some of her single clients, cruising free dating sites has become a cheap hobby lately, with people “perusing other people more like commodities,” the way they might shop for deals on eBay, she said.
The psychotherapist adds that some of the searching is simple pragmatics: “There is a rising sense of desire to couple up in poor economic times because pooling resources is a better way to ride a bad economy.”
Joe Tracy, publisher of Online Dating Magazine, agrees that bad economic times force people to “reprioritize their goals in life.”
“People don’t like to face negative news alone,” he says. “It’s nice to have someone to share difficult times with. Thus they look harder for that ‘special someone.’ “
With online dating, the hunt costs a little less.
“There will still possibly be that ‘expensive dinner,’ usually around the second date, but the process allows singles to better filter and select who they want to go out with.”
“[Online dating] is like lipstick: It’s one of those comforting things that doesn’t cost a lot,” says Lavalife chief executive Marina Glogovac. “When people get disillusioned or structures are breaking down, they feel less confident or secure with the material things in their lives.”
Indeed, Paul A. Falzone, chief executive of Boston-based LoveAccess.com, says this windfall is reminiscent of what happened after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.
“It just seems that people, when they’re confronted with any type of dilemma in their lives, they tend to want to migrate back to what’s comfortable to them. They go back to eating their comfort foods, they crank up the heat by the fire instead of going out all night, and they want someone to be able to share things with.”
That said, Mr. Falzone has no time for misers using online services to skimp on chivalry.
“If somebody is being a cheapskate, it’s a lot easier to act on a $29.95 subscription than it is to step up to the line. They might be getting their jollies meeting a lot of people, but they’ll never have a crack at them if they don’t step up and act like a fair human being about it and not expect everything for free.”
Some good news in the economic woes…
No recession for online dating sites
Maybe misery loves company? The sour economy is driving scads of singletons online to look for love. But money worries mean people are scaling back on actual dates.
By Susan Carpenter
Housing prices are plummeting. Jobs are evaporating. And the economy, as a whole, is in free fall.
But despite—or perhaps because of—such relentlessly bad news, there’s an up side—for daters, at least. Singles are wading into the online dating pool in record numbers, giving virtual matchmakers their best traffic figures in years—and users even better odds for finding a snuggle buddy, a fling or the One.
In addition to “This Cougar is looking for her prey” and other bootylicious come-ons, lonely hearts are now headlining their posts with more somber come-hithers, such as “its a gloomy time of year and im not talking about the rain” or “need hot girlfriend, will provide food.”
Whether they charge by the month or accept free posts, online personals websites are experiencing a major boost, even if their users seem to be scaling back on the cost and quantity of their actual dates. Craigslist personals postings and eHarmony.com registrations have each seen 20% increases in 2008. Match.com has seen an even larger spike; its memberships were 22% higher in December than they were in the same period last year. Even more interesting, both eHarmony and Match.com reported especially high traffic on days when the Dow Jones Industrial Average plummeted.
“We had our third busiest weekend of the year following the five-year low in the stock market,” said Mandy Ginsberg, general manager of Match.com North America.
That was in mid-November, a historically slow time for Internet dating. But ask people who were brave enough to check their 401(k) balances at that time: November was historic for other reasons too. Not only did the Dow dip below 8,000, but the unemployment rate in California also climbed well above the national average (to 8.2%) and housing prices were down 40% from their peak just 18 months prior.
Those disturbing trends aren’t likely to end any time soon. In fact, they’re likely to continue, bringing twin results: even higher anxiety levels, and impulses to entwine one’s life with that of another.
“Stressful times can have a big effect on people’s desire to be in relationships,” said Gian Gonzaga, an eHarmony research scientist. “When people are feeling stressed about the economy and feeling stressed about their love lives, they’re more likely to want to be in a relationship than when they’re not feeling stressed.”
Gonzaga was part of the eHarmony team that analyzed the results of a new relationship anxiety survey conducted by Opinion Research; 92% of 1,092 respondents reported feeling stressed about the economy. How does that manifest in individuals’ desire for long-term relationships? About 19% of unmarried men and 25% of unmarried women said they wanted one even more.
Jamie Fields is one of those women. The 42-year-old from Santa Monica rejoined Match.com the weekend after Thanksgiving, having broken up with the guy she’d been seeing the last few months.
While Fields had attempted to find men more organically, i.e. in the real world, the last few times she’d been to wine bars with a girlfriend in the hopes of meeting someone new, she said, “We were like, ‘Where are all the people?’ There aren’t any.”
For Fields, it was the relatively recent void-of-people-in-public-places that led her to spend more time with her keyboard. But for a lot of other Americans, it’s decreased wealth—both real and perceived—that’s keeping them home, inspiring them to spend less money and more quality time with their computers.
Money worries are even making them more picky. While Match.com reported a 50% increase in profile views from November to December, a recent survey of 1,500 members found that 84% of them were “being more selective about first dates in today’s economy.”
“There’s this underlying anxiety I feel energetically everywhere I go,” Fields said. “Everybody I meet, there’s this tentativeness.”
That tentativeness is extending beyond a singleton’s willingness to seal the deal and make a first date. It’s also manifesting as a hesitancy to reach for the check at the end of an outing.
“Guys aren’t jumping on it anymore,” Fields said. “It’s uncomfortable.”
Wendy Rice, a 33-year-old chef from Hollywood, said she’d also experienced an unusually high frequency of daters playing “chicken” with the bill.
“Some guy took me out to dinner at Benihana’s and he only brought $100. I was like, ‘Hello. You’re taking me out,’ ” said Rice, who, on the Craigslist ad she posted last week, asked, “What happened to date night?” “Another guy took me out and said he forgot his wallet.”
Rice didn’t believe him.
“You left your house. You picked me up. You put gas in your car. You bought yourself cigarettes,” she said.
Men ages 25 to 44 are feeling the most stressed about the effects of their personal economic situations on their love lives, according to the eHarmony survey. Psychologist Diana Kirschner speculates it’s because American men derive so much self-worth from their jobs.
“A lot of self-esteem and self-love and the identity of being a powerful person is tied up with work in this culture,” said Kirschner, a New York City relationship expert and author. “It can really stress people out if they’re out of work or financially challenged or feel like they can’t do their normal courting routine.”
But even though less income often means lower self-esteem, it doesn’t have to be that way, Kirschner said.
“When there’s less money available to go on fancier dates, people can have a very simple connection that’s even more fulfilling,” she said.
Doing things like going for a walk means there’s more talking. And where “there’s more talking, there’s more sharing, so there’s intimacy. There’s more closeness. You wind up being more real with each other,” she said. “It’s not about impressing the other person, because you can’t [afford] to impress them.”
That’s been the experience of Johnnie Hobbs of North Hollywood. The 26-year-old aspiring actor, tap dancer and writer has a full-time job at the Apple Store in Pasadena and says the economy “hasn’t affected me that much.”
Still, he said, when he goes out, “You’re trying to save money as best you can without telling the girl you’re saving money.”
“It’s a very thin line between sort of being that man and also understanding that I may not have the money right now,” he added.
Financial stress is a difficult topic to discuss, regardless of relationship status. Hobbs said he has “never had that kind of conversation” with a date. Instead, his tack is to steer the date toward activities he can afford.
“It’s not that I want to disguise it. It’s just something like, ‘Look. Let’s do this.’ You balance out the money you have,” said Hobbs, who likes taking dates to the movies, which costs him $23, or dinner at Olive Garden, for which he spends $30 to $50.
“You can find fun things to do without spending money,” he said. “Even if I had money, like billions and millions of dollars, I’d still probably do sort of the same thing.”
Everyone should have a few romantic, indulgent recipes for special occasions. I love simple and elegant food. Add the romance and you’ve got a sure winner. Martha Stewart has this one—Rose Water Panna Cotta—below in her current magazine, at least a version of it. I didn’t like the fruits she paired with it—canned lychees? And where do you find edible rose petals, fresh ones, at this time of year? Not in my Publix, for sure. She also suggests raspberries, which I think are a good idea, but the raspberries in our market are not so good right now and VERY expensive. Minding the budget, which we all have to do these days, I went with blackberries, strawberries, and blueberries which are all at bargain rates and in perfect shape. Here is the result:
Rose Water Panna Cotta
(adapted from Martha Stewart’s recipe)
1 cup heavy cream
2 T sugar
1 tsp unflavored gelatin
1 T cold water
1/3 cup mascarpone cheese
2 - 3 tsp rose water (or 1/2 tsp vanilla or 1/4 tsp almond flavoring)
1 drop red food coloring (optional)
fresh berries for decoration
1. MIx cream and sugar in a small saucepan, heat over medium heat until sugar dissolves and remove from heat. Do not allow cream to boil.
2. Sprinkle gelatin over cold water in a small bowl and allow to soften, about 2 minutes. Add to hot cream mixture and stir until dissolved.
3. Put mascarpone in a medium bowl and strain cream mixture over it. Straining twice may seem silly, but it will make the result silken smooth. Stir until mascarpone is thoroughly mixed in.
4. Add rose water and coloring, stir and strain again into measuring cup or bowl with a pour spout.
5. Pour mixture into 4 demitasse cups, decorative bowls, or pretty wine glasses. Chill at least 2 hours.
6. Just before serving, either unmold or leave in containers, decorate with berries, and serve.
Here’s the hardest part of this very easy recipe—the ingredients. Mascarpone is Italian cream cheese—milder than what we think of as cream cheese—don’t know if you could substitute. Rose water I happened to have in the cupboard, and it has been there for years and is still good. The cream I got was exceptionally thick and rich, which of course made the results even more so:
The rose water going in—you probably could use vanilla or almond flavoring, but the rose water was really lovely and unusual:
And now the dishes—Martha used demitasse cups and then unmolded the panna cotta after it chilled. Why go to that trouble? Use a pretty dish that shows it off, like wine glasses. Then decorate with berries. I finished off with a dusting of powdered sugar. Pretty or what? And really very easy.
Martha’s got lots more Valentine goodie ideas on her website: http://www.marthastewart.com/photogallery/valentines-day-treats. But this one (slightly revised) is in her February magazine with the gorgeous cupcakes on the cover.
We all have to take responsibility for keeping ourselves safe, on the Internet and in real life. The story below highlights a problem of ALL relationship. While the couple met online, the Internet can’t be blamed for the abuse. However, it does seem that the dating site(s), in this case Match.com, should take some responsibility about banning guys like this from listing again and finding new victims.
Dark Side of Looking for Love on the Internet
An alleged predator who used an online dating site as his personal hunting ground is behind bars after being charged with felony aggravated assault.
He said he was looking for love on the Internet, but now he’s charged with beating the wife he met on Match.com and she’s not the first…
“I am a good guy. A true gentleman,” read one of Jeff Poliskiewicz’ profiles. But it took Melissa Poliskiewicz just three months of marriage to realize she needed to get away from the man she’d met last year on Match.com.
Police were called twice to the couple’s Bangor, Pa., home following beatings that finally inspired Melissa to flee the man she says constantly abused her. Melissa also discovered that Poliskiewicz ‘s first two wives said he beat them too. So she sent letters to the District Attorney to file criminal charges.
Wife No. 2, who wishes to remain anonymous, says she never reported her beating to police but she filed for a protection from abuse order against Poliskiewicz. Wife No. 1 filed three protections from abuse orders.
But Melissa says no one listened to the story of the three wives except for Heidi Markow, an advocate for abused women.
Despite boxes of documentation, no one seemed concerned about Markow’s warnings about Poliskiewicz being back on Internet dating services looking for wife number four. But then the District Attorney John Morganelli called.
Morganelli wants to know how Poliskiewicz slipped through the legal cracks over 17 years with three battered wives.
Incredibly, the woman who had driven him to court is his new girlfriend who said she had just met Jeff on Match.com. They’ve been talking about getting married.
Here’s part of one of the comments that picks up the flaw—the fact that this couple met on the Internet is NOT the issue—You can meet a batterer anywhere”
Don’t blame the place the victim met her spouse or boyfriend..I met mine at the office he was my boss and abused me and stalked me now for 4 years… Where we met didn’t do me any good and this is the truth for all victims. The fact this domestic abuser is using the internet to find his next “victim” to torture in itself is sickening.
Ah, revenge is sweet. I love these ingenious ideas for getting back, with no blood being shed. Ya know, guys and ladies, you think that you are fooling around in private, and you are counting on your partner to behave as is he or she is sane, but don’t count on either.
The wife, the cheating husband, his lover and her ‘humongous’ knickers
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – especially when she has access to eBay.
At least that appears to be the motto of an Australian woman who is seeking revenge on her cheating husband by selling an empty condom wrapper – “size small” – and a photo of his lover’s underwear on the internet auction site.
“Empty Ansell condom packet (size small) and a photo of The Tart’s black lacy knickers (size humongous)” reads the ad, placed by ‘Annastella’ who says she discovered the items in the bed she shared with her husband of 22 years.
Anna, who also plans to auction her ex-husband’s Harley Hog motorcycle - “his pride and joy” for 99c (46p) - originally had the actual knickers up for sale but was asked by eBay to take them down due to the website’s policy against selling second-hand underwear.
“Personally, I did think 99c was a bit ambitious,” she writes of the bloomers on eBay
“But, as they are so huge, I thought they may make someone a nice shawl or ever better, something for Halloween perhaps”.
Explaining in some detail why she is selling her rival’s knickers, Anna says she caught her husband out when he accidentally sent her a text meant to be for his lover, apparently named Kylie, and how she returned home from work early to find him watching a DVD and discouraging her from entering the bedroom.
She describes how she found the condom wrapper under her husband’s pillow and ‘The Tart’s’ knickers at the end of the bed, and explains in detail his rather comical explanations for how a condom and underwear which was not hers appeared in their marital bed.
She said her husband claimed he used the condom to fish his mobile phone out of the toilet and that the knickers were his because he was a closet transvestite.
“10 out of 10 for trying buddy but your (sic) out of here…” Anna wrote on eBay.
Since the ad was placed on August 7, 47 people have placed bids for the items, with the top bid currently standing at £71 ($US132.50). The auction finishes on Sunday.
EBay, which is full of odd items up for sale, is becoming revenge site for the broken hearted selling off bad memories.
In March, Canadian political pundit Rachel Marsden used the auction site to sell the dirty laundry of her ex, Wikipedia co-founder Jimmy Wales, who had broken up with her via his blog.
And earlier this year an Australian man, wanting a fresh start after separating from his wife, auctioned off his entire life and belongings for just over £186,000 ($AU400,000).
Guys who dance have a distinct advantage over those who don’t. Even guys who aren’t particularly good dancers but are willing to try have an edge. Watching the Obama’s on the dance floor recently got lots of folks talking. My client Leslie wrote me a wonderful piece of reflection that I am publishing in my February 1 enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE* that goes out today and is posted here on my website. She refers to one of my most popular articles “Become a Babe Magnet” which deserves to be posted here for your enjoyment:
Become a Babe Magnet without Surgery or Drugs!
Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved
“I’d like to find a partner who dances. Do you?” my profile on
Match.com asked. My now-husband Drew emailed that he was willing
to take lessons, and that was enough for me. Non-dancer Drew’s
courage to put himself out on the dance floor and to show in
lesson after lesson his amateur status was truly impressive. We
took private dance instruction for a year before our wedding, and
as a result, got around the dance floor quite gracefully at our
reception.
Women are dying to dance. Any man who can ask a woman to dance,
then take charge of what happens on the floor and move relatively
smoothly to music, has enormous appeal. Fat or skinny, short,
tall, or not even close to attractive, even old, old, old, a man
who is comfortable on the dance floor has his pick of the ladies.
For whatever the reason, dancing intoxicates. Especially women.
Few men can really dance, and those guys are on the floor
constantly. Some men think they can dance and do get up, ask the
ladies, and have fun. But at least half the men sit or stand
uncomfortably on the sidelines with all the women who wish to be
on the dance floor.
We women don’t get to dance nearly as much as we’d like to, even
the ladies who are good dancers. There aren’t enough dancing men
to go around. You can almost feel the yearning, the sadness, and
the disappointment in those women and between those non-dancing
couples. And the non-dancing guys? Pathetic.
I personally know three women close to my age who met their now-
spouses on the dance floor, and those ladies were great catches!
Gentlemen and ladies, there’s a message here.
Guys:
1. Take lessons and learn how to dance. Leading well takes
skill, but if Drew could learn how, so can you.
2. Go to dances.
3. Ask women to dance. Lots of women. They’ll love it. Even
if you aren’t so good, they’ll appreciate your efforts.
Dance lessons themselves are good places to meet women, and most
dance studios have regular parties for their students to practice
what they have learned.
Ladies:
1. Take dancing lessons yourself and learn how to follow. Here
I was, 50 years old, thinking I loved to dance, and I had no idea
how to do the woman’s part! Following takes skill! You have to
figure out what your partner has in mind for you to do in a split
second, and then actually do it, all while dancing backwards.
2. Buy yourself some real ballroom dancing shoes, maybe with
high heels. Believe it or not, those shoes are comfortable. They
have to be. Not only do they look very sexy, they stay on your
feet!
3. Hang out at dances, too, if you like to dance. Single guys
go to dances.
If you are connected to a dance studio, other single women will
be at their parties as well as the studio instructors and male
students, so you will know people. Dance parties are safe and
comfortable for single women.
Guys—nothing enhances as man’s romantic marketability more
than becoming a decent dancer. Learning to dance is cost
efficient and relatively painless. No surgery or blood loss, no
sweaty hours at the gym, no personality makeovers needed. Just
dance lessons.
What’s stopping you? Look up the dance studio nearest you and
make that call! You’ll become a dancing babe magnet!
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