Dear Advice Goddess: I met this girl on an online dating site, and we exchanged roughly 10 e-mails there, maybe 10 more on our personal accounts, and about 15 texts. This was all before our first date (scheduling conflicts kept us from meeting for several weeks). After our date, I knew I wasn’t interested, but I feel I owe her more than an e-mailed “thanks, but no thanks” since we had all this correspondence. - Oddly Connected
Dear Connected: Imagine walking up to a stranger in a parking lot and telling them you’re worried about your mom’s gallbladder. That’s pretty much what you did with this girl. And then, because you spilled, and she spilled, and then you both spilled some more, you started to feel connected - before you actually knew what you were connecting to.
I used to joke “Never have sex before the first date,” but these days, with everybody’s capability for constant instant communication, there’s a real need for the advice “Never start a relationship before the first date.” Since you only have the illusion of a relationship, all you owe this girl is an e-mail telling her you had a good time but felt you didn’t “click.”
In the future, try to meet the girl as soon as possible, or maintain near radio silence until you do, lest you start acting all “You complete me” when it’s possible the message you’ll eventually want to send is “You! Delete me!”
Sigh. Along with fat thighs and STD’s, we have to worry about our credit card balances. Yes, it is right to disclose. But yes, you should have tidied up your business before getting out there and dating. Unless you are hoping your Sweetie will rescue you. In which case, there’s even more reason to disclose. What if he or she is in worse shape than you???
You owe it to your partner to disclose debt
By Jenifer Goodwin
Union-Tribune Staff Writer
You’re getting serious with a new boyfriend or girlfriend. As you grow closer, you’re naturally sharing more about your personal life. But there’s one thing you haven’t discussed: You’re carrying thousands of dollars in credit-card debt.
Now what?
If you fear you’ve gotten in over your head with credit cards, you’re not alone. As of December, the average amount owed on credit cards was $5,710, according to TransUnion. About 55 percent of credit-card users carry a balance from month to month.
Still, during those first few dates, you really don’t have to reveal anything about your financial affairs – and it’s wise not to, said Jackie Black, a relationship coach and author of “Meeting Your Match: Cracking the code to successful relationships.” “Dating is a time to meet people and explore whether or not they are a good match for you on many different levels,” said Black, who lives in Palm Desert. “Most of the people you date will not be a match, and you’ll move on and never see them again.”
But when you start to get serious, especially if you’re moving in together or contemplating getting engaged, your financial situation becomes very much your partner’s business. Simply fessing up isn’t enough, Black said.
If you owe thousands of dollars that you can’t pay back, you’re a poor choice for a partner. Before involving someone too deeply in your life, either pay off the cards or take concrete steps toward making better spending decisions.
“Get to work now to clean up your financial affairs so you can report honestly that this is an issue that is being addressed by you,” Black said.
In the end, you’ll be happy you did.
Financial issues are a major reason couples divorce, said Hilary Black, author of “The Secret Currency of Love: The Unabashed Truth About Women, Money and Relationships.”
You owe it to your partner to be upfront about your financial style, even if it’s not particularly flattering. Couples who have similar outlooks toward spending and saving do better than those who are mismatched.
“Financial compatibility is as important as sexual compatibility,” she said.
Oooo. If you weren’t nervous already about dating online, you don’t want to read about the data you enter and what the sites do with it. Frankly, I’d rather not know.
Online dating: Your profile’s long, scary shelf life
By Robert L. Mitchell
Two years after meeting your one true love, you find yourself embroiled in a nasty divorce. During the proceedings, your spouse claims that you misrepresented yourself right from the beginning, and—surprise!—she has a copy of your original profile from the online dating site where you met to prove it.
Online dating services have privacy policies that offer some assurances about how that data will be used and not used, but they don’t necessarily delete your data after you’ve canceled your subscription and moved on. Many sites keep the profiles and related data long after you’ve left the service; some won’t delete it unless you ask—and others never delete it at all.
“We have an archiving strategy, but we don’t delete you out of our database,” says Joseph Essas, vice president of technology at eHarmony . In that way, users who return a few months—or a few years—later don’t have to fill out the 400-question profile again. “We’ll remember who you are,” he says.
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That’s important because a substantial percentage of users tend to return to online dating sites over and over again. eHarmony also uses that archival data for research purposes, according to a company spokesperson.
Yahoo Personals declined to say how long it retains customer information. True.com retains the data indefinitely. “The data just sits there. We don’t really get rid of those [old records],” says CEO and founder Herb Vest. But Plenty of Fish is more pragmatic about its disk space. It tends to delete records after six months to a year of inactivity, according to CEO Markus Frind.
Users should know the retention policy of the service they’re using, says Jonathan Sablone, a partner and chair of the e-discovery group at law firm Nixon Peabody LLP . “If you don’t know what the policy is, you have to assume that the data will be there for a very long time, if not forever,” he says.
Legal concerns
Users should be well familiar with a dating site’s privacy policy. Ideally, you should have a good idea what will happen if the site is presented with a subpoena or court order.
eHarmony maintains that its records are safe. It has a strict privacy policy and complies with the state and federal laws regarding the privacy of electronically stored information, “which prohibit the release of customer records in response to a subpoena in civil litigation,” a spokesperson says. “For example, the contents of users’ communications cannot be disclosed in response to a subpoena.”
That is true for cases where the Federal Electronic Communications Privacy Act applies, says Sablone, but litigants can still get the data. “If there’s information within that database that may be relevant to a divorce proceeding, then through a court order, it’s possible to obtain that. If the court issues an order, you’ve got to do it.”
While businesses routintely delete old records to protect themselves from future legal discovery requests, many online dating sites don’t. “The danger of retaining information longer [than is necessary] is that it opens the door for legal processes down the road,” says Sablone.
That means personal data within online dating profiles has the potential to haunt users months or even years later. “The risk is that the detailed personality profiles can be disclosed in a lawsuit and then used against you in novel and negative ways,” says Pam Dixon, executive director of the World Privacy Forum . These include divorce or custody proceedings, employment-related lawsuits and potentially even medical-related lawsuits.
Though rare, legal actions have been filed in cases ranging from date rape accusations to sexual harassment accusations to a lawsuit ( preview the story here ) against former WellPoint Inc. executive David Colby by a woman who contended that he misrepresented himself on Match.com .
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In an ideal world, the service would notify the customer immediately of a subpoena so that he could get a court order to block it. But online dating services are not obligated to tell you when someone presents a subpoena or court order demanding your profile data.
“Whether or not a dating site will do this for each and every customer is an open question that only the site’s privacy policy can answer,” Dixon says. Those policies, she says, aren’t reassuring.
Some Web companies fight hard to protect records. “They will resist every effort to produce that data,” says Sablone. Others simply notify the user, particularly if the data resides on an active storage device and is inexpensive to produce. “They put the burden on the consumer to fight that battle,” he says.
Matchmaking or marketing?
Online dating services have good reasons for wanting to hang onto user data: It’s valuable. The sites gather extensive amounts of personal information about their customers that can be extremely valuable for marketing purposes.
When you sign up for an online dating site, you fill out a profile, which can run from a few dozen questions to several hundred. It includes both demographic data (age, gender, location, race and religion) and personal preferences even your mom might not know about. (You don’t want to date Hindus or Catholics. Who knew?)
Most services use this profile data to try to convert customers who are just looking into paying subscribers. But what else can they do with it?
For one, they can try and sell you other products or services from their own company. While Yahoo Personals, Plenty of Fish and PerfectMatch.com all say they eschew this practice, eHarmony uses the business intelligence it has gained about its customers to market related services on four advertiser-supported advice sites, including Project Wedding and Fertile Thoughts . More are planned.
Advertising issues
That same data also can be used by online dating sites that carry advertising to deliver ads or offers for complementary advertiser-supported services that are highly targeted to individuals. “Ultimately, we’re looking at hypertargeting individuals to deliver ads that way,” says a spokesperson for eHarmony.
Ross Williams, CEO at White Label Dating , which provides business and hosting services to dating sites, says the prospect of offering highly targeted advertising based on detailed demographic, behavioral and psychological data—and even very detailed profile data such as the color of your hair and that you’re balding—is attractive.
“We know that information. If I have a hair product for men, I don’t think there are any places online other than online dating where you can get that [demographic data],” he says. That type of information, Williams says, gives online dating sites a unique competitive opportunity, if they’re willing to exploit it.
That raises concerns for Paul Stephens, director of policy and advocacy at the Privacy Rights Clearinghouse . He thinks that users who sign up for online dating services may be giving up too much about themselves in the bargain.
“I would be reluctant to provide the level of information they are requesting. You’re essentially providing a gold mine of information, both for behavioral and marketing purposes. That information—on hobbies, interests, religion—is very valuable information that you are aggregating into one location,” he says.
Stephens also notes that it’s probably better not to reveal too much about yourself before you meet someone. As with a good resume, an online profile should be a teaser that makes people want to meet you, rather than a detailed biography. “You might want to use a bit of discretion and leave a little bit of mystery there,” he says.
Mark Brooks, editor of Online Personals Watch , a newsletter that covers online dating and social networking sites, sees highly targeted marketing as inevitable. He says traditional “interruption marketing”—rollovers, pop-ups and so forth—hasn’t worked well on Internet dating sites because users don’t pay attention to the ads.
Brooks thinks ad-supported sites such as Plenty of Fish (a former client of Brooks’ consultancy, Courtland Brooks) should leverage compatibility profiles to allow advertisers to target users with highly contextual offers that would be of the most interest to them. “Advertising is an annoyance. The only way it will work is through the power of the friendly referral,” he says.
But for now, Plenty of Fish’s Frind says the site’s current advertising model, which lets advertisers target users based on basic demographic information, is working just fine. He claims that the site has a higher click-through rate than social networking sites and generated about $10 million in ad revenue last year.
As these profile databases continue to scale, the economics of targeted adverting could one day switch the dominant model from subscription-based to advertising-based. “Once you build up a big enough database, advertising becomes quite interesting,” Williams says.
Protecting your personal data
Both Stephens and Dixon recommend that users who have concerns about how their data will be used should read the privacy policies of these services before signing up. Sablone suggests inquiring about user account data retention policies as well, which may not be in the privacy policy.
Once you’re through using a service, some sites will delete your data if you ask. If you think you’ll return to the site, it might be convenient to have your profile waiting. But users who value their privacy may want to ask to have their profiles deleted when they leave.
Plenty of Fish will honor that, says Frind. Vest says True.com will also delete user profiles on request. But Sablone warns that if there’s no stated policy or agreement in advance, a customer request to delete data is just that. “It’s a request that the company may follow—or not,” he says.
eHarmony has a different policy. “We do not permanently delete account information from our system, but when members ask to close their account, we ensure that their profile information is turned off and not shared with other members unless the member explicitly asks for the account to be reactivated,” says a spokesperson.
eHarmony also deletes the user’s e-mail account information once the account has been closed. Presumably, you won’t be hearing from them again. But that time capsule of data about you remains in the vault forever. And, says Dixon, “that [privacy] policy can change any time the site wants to change it.”
Is more better? How many dating sites do you belong to?
Singles play the field online, seeking match with ‘the one’
Megan K. Scott ASSOCIATED PRESS
When it comes to love, Kathleen Hanover is searching for a needle in a haystack. So, to find Mr. Right, she has profiles on at least five online dating sites.
Miss Hanover, who owns a marketing business, figures it’s simple math.
“You have to have a big pool of leads to find the percentage who might feel right,” says the Dayton, Ohio, resident, 43. “I’m looking for a very specific kind of man.”
With 1,400 online dating sites, according to the research firm Hitwise, many singles are finding it easy to cast a wide net, posting profiles on multiple sites in hope of reeling in “the one.”
Melissa Galt, an interior designer and motivational speaker in Atlanta, was on four sites at once and compared it to having a second full-time job. One site she used was about “quantity and not necessarily quality.” Another seemed better suited to one-night stands.
She subscribed to eHarmony multiple times but had no luck there and didn’t fare much better at Match.com, where she struck out enough that the site was willing to give her six months of free membership. Since then, Miss Galt has gone out on two dates with someone from Match.com and says so far, so good.
Neither eHarmony nor Match.com, two of the leading online dating sites, captures information about how many of their members are on other sites. Match.com has 15 million active members worldwide. EHarmony has more than 20 million registered users around the world.
Markus Frind, chief executive of the free dating site Plenty offish.com, estimates that 15 percent of the people in the United States who are active on his site are members of other, paid dating sites. About 900,000 people in the North America and the United Kingdom log on each day.
It makes sense to post profiles on more than one site, says Mark Brooks, editor of Online Personals Watch and an Internet dating consultant.
He compares serial online dating to bar- and nightclub-hopping. Someone may go to a wine bar one night and a “Cheers” bar another night. He says people generally settle on one main site and a smaller niche site.
Jordanna Petkun, 30, a business owner in Half Moon Bay, Calif., says when JDate, a site for Jewish singles, seemed to run out of potential matches, she signed up for OKCupid. She didn’t want to cancel her JDate membership, though, because “what if the right guy comes along tomorrow?”
Some relationship experts aren’t so sure that signing up for multiple sites brings better luck in love.
Michael Somerville, host of the upcoming dating series “Wingman” on the Fine Living Network, wonders how people can genuinely give the time and attention to a potential match on eight different dating sites. If you really want to meet the right person online, you need to work at it, he says.
“I have seen daters who spend more time checking their dating sites than they do dating,” says Nicholas Aretakis, author of “Ditching Mr. Wrong: How to End a Bad Relationship and Find Mr. Right.”
Jess McCann, a dating coach and author who once used three sites at the same time, says she was cutting and pasting generic responses to e-mails for awhile. She had two folders: one for the men she wanted to meet and another for the ones who gave her a so-so feeling. If one of the top prospects disappeared, she bumped up one from the other folder.
She has since met her match - but not online.
Tricia Dodson, 47, of Murrieta, Calif., who has been on four or more sites at the same time, says she printed out the profiles of the men with whom she communicated and wrote detailed notes on them, such as hobbies, career and “cute things he said.”
“This isn’t a fail-proof system,” says Miss Dodson, who wrote a book about dating. “At one time, I was e-mailing and talking to six different men via phone and there was a time or two that I got them mixed up.”
So just how much is too much?
Mr. Aretakis recommends singles sign up for one general site, a second specific site and a third niche dating site. So, for example, someone who is Jewish and loves to fish might be on Match.com, JDate and Single Fishing Enthusiasts on the Net.
However, it’s better to be on one site proactively than on three passively, says Nancy Slotnick, founder of the love-life management site Cablight.com. She recommends that singles log on and e-mail 10 people a week. Of the 15 hours a week Miss Slotnick recommends spending on finding a mate, she suggests spending no more than three hours on online dating.
After all, there is a real world out there.
Miss Hanover has no time for that. In fact, she’s so short on time that in some of her online profiles, she directs potential suitors to her personal Web site, http://www.myhero quest.com, where she asks prospects to give her five first dates’ worth of details about who they are and what they want in a relationship.
“I honestly don’t have time or the patience for long, drawn-out, get-to-know-you chitchat and casual dating,” she writes on the home page, adding that “frankly, I’d rather get some extra sleep!”
Women want tall men and men want little women, but only 15% of men are six feet tall or more, and roughly 1/3 of adults are obese. So think of all those good ones you are passing by, just because you are prejudiced against the vertically or horizontally challenged.
The big and small of dating
By Dusan In General |
Most of us think up the most ideal situations when it comes to dating is a petite girl and a tall, dark and handsome man. But what happens when the guy is shorter than girl, or the girl weighs a few more pounds than her man?
This is an important question to be asking — obesity is rampant in the United States with more than 31% of the dating population being overweight.
Dating a short guy should no longer cause a problem, as we are no longer fighting for survival - so the height and strength of a man is not a question of life and death. But it seems that the guys are more self-conscious about this. If you want to date a short guy, you should consider measuring up his self-confidence first.
Though it seems that the bigger ladies will have more of a problem finding a date, as there is much more of a stigma around dating big women. This is met with rude stares and a lack of acceptance. However, this does not mean the big and tall ladies do not deserve just as much love as the men. The ratio between overweight women and men is fairly even, so why all the hang-ups?
Basically, those who have been wading through the dating pool for a long time and just haven’t found anyone, should try opening their horizons. A few inches more here and few less there does not mean that someone does not have the kind heart and love that you are looking for.
Now here’s an interesting take on the economy and the advantages of online dating. Beyond the “more fish in the sea,” #3 and 4 are goodies: Use the profile information to ferret out whether you potential Sweetie is similar to you in economic status and spending habits, and think about the economy of shared expenses. Taking that a bit further: Ladies, it’s time to pony up when the check comes.
Four reasons why online dating is recession proof
By Amelia McDonell-Parry
With unemployment rates at a record low, mortgage rates skyrocketing, and businesses shutting their doors on nearly a daily basis, the average American is cutting back on expenses BIG time, especially when it comes to their social lives.
Online dating is one social activity that has not been hit hard by the economic recession.
Dinners at restaurants have been replaced by cooking at home, seeing movies in the theaters—at a whopping $12 a ticket—seems excessive when you can wait until the film in on DVD, and traveling? For fun? Not in this economy!
But one social activity that’s NOT seeing a dip in participation is online dating. According to The New York Times, Match.com had its strongest fourth quarter in the last seven years. An easy explanation is that though times may be tough, loneliness is loneliness, no matter how much money you have in your bank account.
Rich or poor, employed or recently laid off, everyone wants to have love. With that in mind, here are four reasons why online dating is recession proof.
1. There’s more fish in the pond: The primary benefit of dating online is that you’re casting a wide net. A whole world of romantic possibility is at your fingertips. The chances of meeting someone amazing with thousands to choose from online is far greater than frequenting your local watering hole, in hopes that in between rounds of overpriced cocktails, someone fantastic will walk in and take a seat next to you.
While many people meet possible mates through friends or acquaintances, as you get older, the dating pool gets smaller, as more people get engaged and married. With online dating, there’s little question as to whether someone is available.
“I was sick of going out every weekend, spending money on drinks, as I made small talk with men who bored or offended me,” says Emily Parker*, an editor in New York City. “My budget is super tight, especially since I feel like my job isn’t secure. But I didn’t want to stop dating, either. I joined an online dating site and have met some really cool guys so far. That’s more than I can say about the time I spent trolling the bar scene.”
2. Narrow your options via e-mail, IM, and phone convos: How many first dates have you been on that felt like a waste of time, where you would have preferred to clean your oven than waste two hours talking about the weather with Mr. Not Right?
First impressions are everything, but you can certainly gauge your compatibility with someone in conversations you conduct over Instant Messenger, email, and the telephone, before you commit to an in-person date.
“Online dating is totally cost effective,” says John DeVore, a 34-year-old playwright from Austin, TX. “A guy like me can screen his prospective dates, engage in witty banter, and size up whether there’s a mental click there well before fulfilling his gentlemanly duties and purchasing her dinner or drinks. Better not to waste her time, my time, or my wallet’s.”
“In my time online dating, I’ve messaged with at least a dozen men, but only with a few have I clicked well enough to actually meet in person,” says Jane Walsh, a 27-year-old actress in Los Angeles.
“Nowadays, more people are going Dutch treat on dates, which is a bummer if you’re more traditional, but regardless, it makes you think hard about whether you really want to spend a three hours with that person - and shell out the money for dinner and drinks. You’re forced to consider what qualities are really important to you. In the end, that benefits all.”
3. Fit your financial lifestyle: Are you strapped for cash and can’t afford to take a woman out on a fancy date? Thanks to the handy information offered up on an online dater’s profile, you can sniff out the gold diggers who insist upon four-star meals at restaurants with foreign sounding names. And you can also come across potential dates that share your affordable interests.
“I think there are a lot of creative things that a person can do for a date if they put in the time to plan,” says Jennifer DeChristoforo, 32, a copywriter based in Boston, MA. “Just because times are hard does not mean that being skimpy is acceptable. One of my best dates ever was with someone I met online. We went to the Natural History Museum and then had coffee. It was a great day and not expensive in the slightest.”
Still, if you are looking for a fancy dinner at a classy restaurant and tickets to the opera, you can certainly find the perfect gentleman to provide that online too. Certainly, “John Smith, 34, Investment Banker,” might be down for that.
But beware. Just because the quantity of people dating online is up, doesn’t mean the quality of the dates is always that great.
“I had one Match.com guy tell me on our first, and only, date that he has ‘levels’ for dates,” says DeChristoforo. “First, there’s a drink. One. If things are going well with him, he’ll offer to order a second round ... and if that’s going well, appetizers can be in your very near future! He did ask me out again, because I was worthy of a whole second date, but I politely declined.”
4. You’re that much closer to shared expenses: The fact of the matter is, two people sharing the bills is always more cost effective than one person being singularly responsible for a household. So once you’ve toiled away online, found someone who is on the same financially playing field, and has been deemed worthy of multiple - creative and cheap! - dates, you’re well on your way to shacking up, sharing the bills, and merging bank accounts.
Social networking sites are the rage for sure. Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and their derivatives are spouting like mushrooms. I just wrote a couple of entries ago about Zoosk and MyTweetheart. What do you think?
Facebook and MySpace are ‘most popular places to find love’
Social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace and Friends Reunited have taken over from pubs and nightclubs as the most popular place to find love, it has emerged.
Three quarters of Brits believe there are fewer stigmas attached to meeting a love-match via Facebook, Friends Reunited or Bebo than normal internet dating websites like match.com
One in four British people are dating – or have dated – someone they met through online community websites.
And over a third have got back in touch with an old flame through the sites.
One in ten have even had gone a step further and had an affair or a one-night stand with someone they met via a social networking site.
A spokesman for internet market research company http://www.OnePoll.com, which carried out the study, said: “Traditionally the pub used to be a central meeting place where many couples met across the bar and got to know each other.
“Now social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace have taken over as the dating hot spot with many singletons finding love online.
“The websites also seem to be a breeding ground for rekindling old romances and the results also show that many affairs begin by tracing ex-lovers too.”
The poll of 3,000 20 to 40 year olds revealed that almost half (46 per cent) believe it’s now easier to meet someone through social networking sites than in the flesh.
And 57 per cent of those admitted they are more confident communicating with a potential suitor online.
Over a third (39 per cent) said they preferred the method as it enabled them to get to know someone before actually meeting them.
And 27 per cent felt using social networking sites cut down the time to find love compared to having to having to meet prospective partners face to face.
Yet 44 per cent agreed it’s now considered “cooler” to find love via online community sites than traditional means.
This could explain why over a quarter surveyed confessed to purposely uploading nice pictures of themselves in the hope that potential love interests will spot their profile.
And three quarters of Brits believe there are fewer stigmas attached to meeting a love-match via Facebook, Friends Reunited or Bebo than normal internet dating websites like match.com.
A spokesman from http://www.OnePoll.com added: “You can see why the appeal for finding love through social networking sites is so strong.
“You can see someone’s profile online, trawl through their personal pictures and see messages from their friends – creating a far greater impression of what that person is like than a traditional internet dating site.
“The fact that almost half of the nation now considers finding love via online community sites cooler than traditional means proves the stigma that used to be attached to online dating is becoming a thing of the past.”
Ooooh. If you want to get the chills, read this story. It is WEIRD.
Shon Pernice Posts Online Dating Profile Husband Of Missing Mom Says He’s Seeking Companionship
KANSAS CITY, Mo.—Relatives of a missing Northland mother are upset that her husband has published a profile on a dating Web site, claiming he’s divorced and looking for companionship.
Renee Pernice, 35, has been missing since early January. Prosecutors have declared her dead.
Shon Pernice has returned to work at an Independence fire station, where he is a paramedic.
His dating profile was found on the site Plentyoffish.com.
“I think any concept of Shon being on a single’s Web site, and particularly announcing himself as being divorced, is just disgusting and appalling,” said Rick Pretz, Renee’s father.
The profile features photos of Shon Pernice serving in Iraq, mentions his two sons and said he’s looking for a life partner.
“I would say, given the short time frame that has passed since his wife’s disappearance, the fact that her body hasn’t been found or anything like that, I think it’s somewhat unusual for someone to be out there so soon,” Capt. Rich Lockhart told KMBC’s Jim Flink.
Flink knocked on Pernice’s door to ask him about the dating profile, but he refused to comment.
Renee’s relatives are hoping someone will recognize a white pickup truck that was spotted near where her personal belongings were found.
“The family believes Renee had to be carried from that home—we just believe that—and a vehicle had to be used to do that,” Pretz said.
“We’re very much in need of a critical piece of evidence, a critical tip, a critical detail, that someone out there may know, and they don’t know how important it is,” Lockhart said.
On Wednesday, shortly after KMBC visited his house, Shon Pernice’s dating page was shut down and the account was closed by the user.
“I really wish Shon would spend as much time trying to resolve the death of his wife as he does trying to find a new companionship,” Pretz said.
Police said Shon Pernice’s recent behavior is one more part of the puzzle in helping them determine what role he may have played in his wife’s disappearance.
Pretz said he has only been able to see his grandsons in limited meetings. He said he’s been unwilling to discuss the issue out of fear that the rest of the family would be kept from seeing the two boys, ages 8 and 6.
Anyone with information in the case can call the Crime Stoppers TIPS hot line at 816-474-TIPS.
Your Sweetheart School is open! The very first FREE class is:
I don’t know where to start. Do you yearn for love, hope desperately for a date, but haven’t the foggiest idea how to get going? Join other lost souls and get Kathryn’s suggestions on how to get yourself on the right track and moving.
This class is scheduled for Tuesday, April 21, at 8pm Eastern.
CLASS SIZE IS LIMITED! ONLY 10 SEATS PER SESSION! So if you are interested, sign up NOW! Once the seats are filled, it’s full. If you do not get a seat in this first class, have no fear. I’ll put you on a list and schedule more classes until everyone has had a chance.
Since this class is totally FREE, the price is right and will be very popular. Don’t wait!
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Another sad story of a woman duped by a Nigerian scammer. It’s worth reading her story, because it is so clear about how the scam worked. The woman paid this guy to tell her what she wanted to hear.
Romeo 419ers take Canadian women for $300k
Lonely hearts, empty wallets
By Lester Haines
Nigerian fraudsters have relieved a number of Edmonton women of a total of $300,000 in what the local Sun describes as “an online dating scam”.
One unnamed middle-aged divorcee - who admitted to losing “a lot” of money - was baited last September by a text message purportedly from a US businessman buying antiques in Nigeria. It read: “You know, you’re a very pretty lady, I like your profile.”
The victim, who was presumably identified on an online dating site, said: “You feel very flattered.”
The romance blossomed via text messages, emails and instant messaging, and the scammer faithfully promised to fly to Canada to marry the lovestruck mugu. She explained: “You can’t wait to get home from work, to message them. They’re not like your partner in life - they’re always there. And it’s always good things [they say], right? It’s never bad stuff. It’s what everybody wants to hear.”
Once firmly hooked, the woman then fell for a classic fleece. Requests for cash quickly “flooded in”, including a claim that the con artist’s son was in a NIgerian hospital and “needed money for three surgeries”.
She said: “I had so many friends tell me, ‘don’t send money’. But you love that person, you believe what they say. You don’t want to stop.”
After five months, during which other scammers also moved to extract cash from the unwitting victim - including one who offered unspecified Nigerian “police help” in return for wonga - the woman finally called the Canadian police.
She said of the Casanova crook: “How could you do this to me? Take away my money, my self-esteem. They took my life, basically.”
The victim concluded: “You think you’re smarter than [the crooks], but you’re not. It can happen to anyone.”
Detective Mark Johnson of Edmonton police explained that the woman was “not alone in getting duped by the same elaborate scam”. He admitted cops would “have to rely on Nigerian police to find and arrest the crooks”, but stressed that the victims could probably wave goodbye to their cash due to a “patchy foreign court system”.
Everything indicates that a poor economy is great for looking for love. I just watched a Nightline segment featuring Match.com and Internet dating and Match had double the business in January 2009 compared with January 2008. DOUBLE! Here’s an artcle below about a dating site I hadn’t heard of before—Zoosk—that appears to be doing a booming business. But BTW, the quotes of Match.com prices is dead wrong. I just checked: Match is $29.99 for one month, but just $14.99 if you join for six months. Chances are very good that you will not meet your match in one month, so sign up for the six. And even if you do meet Mr. or Ms. Right the first day, isn’t that a great investment?
Can a recession seriously boost online dating? Commentary: Free and social services will see more of a boost than pay sites
By Therese Poletti, MarketWatch
SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch)—As empty pizza boxes piled up on office tables, tech-minded twenty-somethings swilled beer from plastic cups. In the corner, a DJ was spinning dance music. A guy donning a toga and blonde curly wig worked the room, pretending to be Cupid for Valentine’s Day.
No, it’s not the dot-com era rising from the grave. It’s a startup named Zoosk, hosting its own “Lunch 2.0,” a vestige of the recent Web 2.0 boom. It begs the question: At a time when many in the tech world are now job searching, what kind of company could host a free beer-and-pizza lunch?
Zoosk is an online dating site targeted at those in their 20s and early 30s, a demographic that spends a lot of time on social networking sites. Zoosk’s founders say their site is among the first to incorporate social networking into online dating.
Available both as a full subscription premium service and scaled-down free offering, it just may represent online dating of the future, where friends join the same sites and help find each other matches. It was started in December 2007.
I asked a Zoosk investor how the 13-person startup could hold a free lunch and have offices in San Francisco’s pricey Financial District. After all, startups were warned late last year to save pennies if they want to survive, and generate revenue.
Zoosk has received $4.5 million in funding from various venture capitalists, a fair amount but not really enough to warrant corporate indulgences, unless it was generating revenue.
“We had a subscription model at the outset,” explained Deepak Kamra, a general partner at Canaan Partners in nearby Menlo Park. Kamra was also an early investor in online dating pioneer Match.com, now part of IAC/InterActiveCorp.
Unprecedented growth
Kamra said Zoosk was seeing “unprecedented growth,” especially when compared with the early days of Match.com, when online dating was a new and scary concept. Zoosk currently has 16.5 million registered users despite being barely one year old, and it is even hiring a few software engineers. The company won’t disclose its revenue figures.
Dating services seem impervious to economic downturns, Kamra said. To illustrate the point, he borrowed a news hook from some pre-Valentine’s Day articles last week about traffic growth at online-dating Websites.
“Why would love be susceptible to a recession?” he asked.
Jeff Lindsay, an analyst with Bernstein Research, described the recession phenomenon in a report last week, in which he analyzed sudden boosts in visits to U.S. online dating sites.
“The explanation is not rocket science,” Lindsay wrote. “People suddenly have 60 to 80 more hours free per week and are miserable—almost perfect conditions for the dating services. These conditions are particularly favorable for the online players because online is cheaper.”
Visits do not necessarily translate into revenue for all. Zoosk has applications for MySpace, Facebook and Twitter and calls itself a social dating network.
Not all Zoosk users—many of whom use free social networking sites—pay $24.95 a month. In return, though, they have fewer features. Zoosk offered a Valentine’s Day promo where users who signed up on Feb. 13 and 14 received full access to the site and members for those days.
Not all growing
But not all dating sites are growing like Zoosk.
Older pay sites have seen growth fall off in the last year or so. Last January, reports surfaced that Beverly Hills, Calif.-based Spark Networks Inc was looking to sell one of its sites, the popular JDate.com, a service geared toward Jewish singles. Sparks saw overall sales drop to $14 million for the most recently reported quarter ended Sept. 30, vs. $15.8 million a year ago.
On the other hand, Match.com saw growth in the quarter, albeit in the single digits, in part due to its expansion in other countries. Revenue at Match grew 5% to $93.5 million.
December 2008 monthly unique visitor data compiled by ComScore and Bernstein Research showed another player in the U.S. called SinglesNet.com taking the lead from Match, with a slightly cheaper monthly subscription of $24.99. Match charges about $35 a month.
Right behind SinglesNet and Match was a free offering, called PlentyofFish.com, based in Vancouver. It generates advertising revenue based on partnerships and links to other pay dating sites, said Dave Evans, who writes a blog called Online Dating Insider. PlentyofFish probably has one of the lowest-cost businesses models. Founder and Chief Executive Markus Frind is the company’s sole employee, though he gets some help from his girlfriend.
“The economy has affected online dating in recent months,” Evans said. “But to say that is the primary driver is just lazy. People are joining more free dating sites; that is a constant trend.”
Increased ads
Evans also said many sites, such as Match, increased advertising budgets to take advantage of the often gloomy time for those without partners. That’s the period from Thanksgiving to Valentine’s Day when many feel pressure from families about their single status.
The December boost in unique visits ahead of Valentine’s Day surely will slow at the pay dating sites as the recession wears on. While jobless people may be also lonely, many will find paying $25 to $35 a month for a dating service is a luxury when they have no income.
They likely will veer toward free social networking sites, social dating sites like Zoosk or free sites like PlentyofFish. No doubt some people are also now taking advantage of free promotions, and will cancel their subscriptions as soon as the free trial period ends.
“We see a real risk of a Craigslist-like disintermediation of the online dating space,” said Bernstein’s Lindsay.
So while the recession seems to have given a temporary boost to some of these sites, it may only be short lived. End of Story
Therese Poletti is a senior columnist for MarketWatch in San Francisco.
All of us who find ourselves single and wishing we weren’t need all the help we can get. Since older folks have been looking and finding love online in greater and greater numbers, we are also seeing more and more good advice. Here’s some from Abigail Trafford:
How to Find Love Later in Life You’re never too old to fall in love—or fall apart
By Emily Brandon
Falling in love at age 60 is reminiscent of love at sixteen—just as exciting, and just as risky. Washington Post columnist Abigail Trafford quips: “It’s wonderful to realize that you’re never too old to fall in love, but wise to remember that you’re never too old to fall apart in love.” Trafford spent a year at the Stanford Center on Longevity at Stanford University interviewing couples over age 50 about their personal love stories. She published those stories in a book released this month called As Time Goes By: Boomerang Marriages, Serial Spouses, Throwback Couples, and Other Romantic Adventures in an Age of Longevity. U.S. News asked her to share some of her dating adventures. Excerpts:
What’s different about dating in your 50s, compared with your 20s and 30s?
The biggest difference is you have some experience. You already have a love story inside you. You’re a lot freer. You’ve completed your adult tasks, which are to raise a family and establish yourself in the community. In your 20s, 30s, and 40s, you have a really long to-do list. By the time you get into your 60s and 70s, you have a kind of confidence that comes with experience. You are freer to define the kind of life you want to lead. That’s a wonderful bonus for relationships. You put a premium not on scoring with someone, but on connecting with someone and being who you really are. When you’re young, there’s a lot of pressure to find your mate and settle down. Once you’re in your 50s and 60s, you don’t have that pressure. The urgency is to make friends. You’re dating for fun.
How do you balance commitments to a deceased spouse with beginning new relationship?
People who decouple again after having had a relationship before are able to embrace the past relationship and then move on. I think one of the dangers is that second relationships feel that they are in competition with first relationships. The man and the woman need to be very comfortable acknowledging that each person had a past life. The key is to have confidence in who you are in the relationship right now. Remember the past, but also don’t let it weight you down.
How do kids from previous relationships come into play?
You redefine your relationship with your adult children. They are no longer a dependent child, but someone who is also an adult who you can be very close to. They may think it’s cool that Grandma goes out on a date or [that] adult children may be protective. They want to make sure that their mom is not going to get hurt or their dad is not going to be taken for a ride. Adult children are usually happy that their parents, who have become single from a death or a divorce, are going on dates and have someone special in their lives.
Do baby boomers and seniors frequently look up old flames from high school or college?
This happens quite frequently. Sometimes people wonder what has happened to someone they had cared about so many years ago. Sometimes it is part of a reunion of a college class. Sometimes people look them up with the Internet. You go to your hometown for a funeral and you run into that person’s family. It’s a way that older people like to write their narrative of relations and make a coherent story
What dating mistakes are baby boomers and seniors making?
In the research that I did, finding a partner and being part of a couple is not enough. You really need a network of friends and family to enrich your life. You should have about eight or 10 people in your circle. If you get below three, you may become quite isolated.
More people than ever are over 40, 50, 60 and even 70 and 80 are going online to find love. Goodness knows we need all the help we can get. Here are some suggestions for the over 50 folks.
7 Tips for Dating After Age 50 How to meet new people and ace your first date
By Emily Brandon
Posted February 20, 2009
Dating can be an unnerving experience at any age. But dating after age 50 presents a unique set of challenges. “You have a 50-year-old body with a 20-year-old headset,” says Judith Sills, a clinical psychologist and author of Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You’ve Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted. “You are anxious and giggling the way you were when you were 19. You feel like you have dialed the clock back.” To help you ace that first date, here are some pointers:
Try a new activity. Let your friends know that you’re dating and ask if they know anyone who might be right for you. Also, expand your social circle by taking on new actives such as a cooking class, hiking group, or becoming a docent at a park or museum. “Find a situation that brings people together and offers an opportunity to meet and get to know each other,” says Abigail Trafford, author of As Time Goes By: Boomerang Marriages, Serial Spouses, Throwback Couples, and Other Romantic Adventures in an Age of Longevity. Her suggestions for great places to meet a love interest: community centers, elder hostels, music and book clubs, or other community associations.
Look up an old friend. Remember the guy you dated in college for two years and lost touch with? Do you still think about the beautiful girl your traveled around Europe with for a month? If you remember someone fondly from your past, it could be worth looking them up online. “A large percent of people who get married in their 50s…they find people they met in their past and look them up,” says John Gray, a certified family therapist and author of Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One. Try Googling their name, contacting college or high school alumni offices, or even an old-fashioned phone book.
Go online. Americans age 50 and older are the fastest growing demographic on the dating website Match.com, and they make up 20 percent of all users. “My mom found someone on Match in five months and she is 63,” says Whitney Casey, a relationship insider (her actual job title) for Match.com and author of The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild…Not Away. The stock market slump may further contribute to a surge in online dating. “On days when the Dow went down by 100 points, we found an increase in our site usage relative to when the Dow increased by 100 points,” says Gian Gonzaga, a senior research scientist for the dating website eHarmony, which saw a 20 percent spike in users between September 2008 and January 2009, compared with the same time period a year ago. “Economic news tends to be stressful, and as you become more stressed, you begin to look for things that will offer you comfort and help you out during these tough times.” Post a flattering picture of yourself online, but don’t use a photo 10 years younger than you are. “Get friends to look at [the picture] before you put it online and find the best picture that really represents who you are,” says Casey. You should also avoid exaggerating or downright lying in your profile. “The more descriptive and honest that you are, the better match you are actually going to make,” says Casey.
Keep it light. Don’t turn a first date into a job interview. Go into the meeting with the intention of having a good time. “Let go of the goal-oriented dating of finding a soul mate,” advises Gray. “You want to lower your expectation of finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Find someone to date that seems intriguing to you.” Be open to experiencing each date and each person for what they have to offer.
Prepare conversation starters. There’s nothing worse than awkward pauses on a first date that stretch into eternity. “You need to have a list of three surefire conversation starters and continuers,” says Casey. Her favorite questions: What is the most memorable meal you’ve ever had? Where do you want to travel to? Movies, books, and television shows are also safe topics, she says.
Mention, but don’t dwell on kids. It’s important to mention that you have children in passing or if asked, but don’t talk about their first words or college choices for two hours. “When people talk about their exes and their children, it’s boring,” says Sills. “Your children are never ever as fascinating to other people as they are to you.”
Don’t mention your ex. It probably goes without saying that by age 50, you have had a few love relationships in your life. There’s no need to give a new love interest the play-by-play. “People in their 50s often have a history of being in a relationship where it didn’t go well,” says Gray. But that’s no excuse for imposing that resentment on a different person, he says. Don’t talk about your dating life, either. “Cute, funny stories about horrible men you have dated do not make men laugh,” cautions Sills. “Don’t bring up your ex-husband or your ex-wife for a very long time.”
I’ve been experimenting with Twitter a few months now, and I’d have to say I am semi-hooked. How’s that for ambivalence? It’s fun watching the Tweets of the people I am following scroll down the left side of my screen (I use Twitbin to do it). And I like the quick, immediate way Twitter allows me to communicate with MY followers, which are accumulating every day. That part is fun to watch too, those folks who find me somehow and sign on for the ride.
People get hooked on Twitter. Interesting as well as useless applications turn up every day. But here is one that really floored me: Leave it to the Twitterites to come up with a DATING SITE base on Twitter: http://www.mytweetheart.com/ You’ve got all the standard dating match-up possibilities, men seeking women, women seeking men, men for men and women for women, as well as men seeking men/women and women seeking men/women. I just saw a posting by a man seeking men/women and the picture he had posted was with his wife and kids! Lordy.
But it is free, and it would be a real challenge to write a profile in less than 140 characters.
I’ve lost count now about how many stories I have noticed in the NYT’s “Vows” where the couple met online. If you are not a NYT reader, every Sunday they feature a couple with more than the standard wedding write-up. This couple met on Match.com in 2006, an unlikely match if there ever was one. How else would a physician in Vermont meet a musician in Brooklyn? One really bad no-no is that the musician lied about his age—by 10 years! Which made him 20 years older than her, rather than the 10 she was already concerned about. In his case, the ruse worked, but yick. NYT or not, lying about age or anything else is not a good idea if you are dating online. He tricked her into dating him, getting deeply involved before she found out the truth. Who likes to be tricked? He must have an incredible amount to offer to get beyond the lie.
March 15, 2009
Vows Rachel Steward and Peter Lord
By ERIC V. COPAGE
IT took an intervention of sorts to bring together Dr. Rachel Steward, a hyper-energetic physician from rural Vermont, and Peter Lord Moreland, a laid-back musician from Brooklyn, known professionally as Peter Lord.
The elements for their romance began to form early in spring 2006 in the Manhattan apartment of Dr. Steward’s friend Dr. Myrandele Damian-Coleman.
Dr. Damian-Coleman said she “thought Rachel deserved a nice guy” but was meeting all the wrong ones in the wrong places — namely St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Center in Manhattan, where both are medical residents.
The two doctors and a male friendtalked about Dr. Steward’s bad choices. But when she went for the door, Dr. Damian-Coleman said she locked it and told Dr. Steward she wasn’t leaving until she joined an Internet dating service.
Dr. Steward, then 27, and for whom online dating carried the stench of desperation, remembered thinking, “Oh, my God, has it really come to this?” But with her exit blocked, Dr. Steward chose the path of least resistance and entered her profile on Match.com. Her first prospect was yet another co-worker, which caused Dr. Steward to tell her companions, “See, even online I’m not going to meet guys outside the hospital.”
Days later, Mr. Lord, a record producer and a founder of the Family Stand, a group that mixes pop, funk and R&B, also found himself motivated to meet people outside his usual circle. Mr. Lord, who has written or co-written songs including “Rush, Rush” and “The Promise of a New Day,” both performed by Paula Abdul, sent Dr. Steward a less-is-more greeting. It read: “A simple hello, and I liked your smile.”
Dr. Steward, an obstetrician and gynecologist, was at work when she clicked on Mr. Lord’s message and profile. She hesitated over his posted age (37) but was intrigued by the photo of him singing.
They began an e-mail exchange. Eventually Dr. Steward and Mr. Lord, who friends say is prone to hum or sing melodies as they occur to him, whether riding in a car or playing tennis, agreed to get together for a drink.
Dr. Steward is worldly, having traveled extensively and becoming fluent in Russian and Spanish, which contrasts with what she described as her “backwoods” upbringing. “We were constantly eating all of my pet cows, turkeys, goats, deer,” she said.
Their first date, a few days after their last e-mail exchange, began with Mr. Lord pulling up to Dr. Steward’s apartment in his black Mustang. As she approached the car, Mr. Lord thought, “She’s beautiful.” She slipped into the car beside Mr. Lord, whose face was obscured by a knitted cap, and was suddenly seized by a realization: “I didn’t know him at all.”
She took a deep breath as they drove to a SoHo bar for mojitos and “a very deep first date,” which included a discussion of Tolstoy’s essay on what is art but “no peck on the cheek goodnight,” she said. “Nothing.”
He recalled being drawn to her intelligence, and her lack of contact with his world was refreshing. “Lots of people who know pop culture are also caught up in its trendiness and superficiality,” he said.
On their next date, when they saw “Spring Awakening,” the musical, “there was some moment I remember resting my hand on his arm,” she said. Not “a desperation grasp,” she said, just comfortable.
Within weeks she had invited herself along on a gig that the Family Stand had in Amsterdam. Despite their growing affinity, it became clear during that trip that they are “extremely different people,” Dr. Steward said. “I was going for runs in the morning, getting up at 6 a.m., and he was sleeping and preparing for the show that night,” she said.
Before heading overseas, she learned their differences went beyond style: he was not 10, but 20 years older than she. “It slipped out when he had told me his sister was the same age as my mother, and that his sister was seven years older than he was,” she said. “I said, ‘That makes you 47.’ and he said, ‘Oh, yeah, that’s really how old I am.’ ”
Dr. Steward, now 29, admitted, “If he hadn’t lied about his age I would never have agreed to go out with him.” Still, she said it took her a few weeks to become comfortable with the revelation. “If I am going to build a family with this man and spend the rest of my life with him, I want him to be there,” Dr. Steward said.
In the end, she said, “I was extremely comfortable and trusting of him.” She also appreciated “coming home from the hospital to find the house filled with artists creating.”
His proposal came last November. Mr. Lord, now 49, sang a song he had written especially for her as they rode in a horse-drawn carriage through Central Park.
They were wed on March 7 by the Rev. Joseph W. Tolton, a Pentecostal minister, before 98 guests on the yacht Cloud 9, docked at the New York Skyport Marina on the East River. After the ceremony, Dr. Steward’s sister, Aron, gave a toast in which she encouraged her new brother-in-law to “Dance with her. Always be a little bit better than her on your feet. Competition keeps her around and excited.”
Later that evening, as the yacht glided around Manhattan, the bridegroom, who had described himself as “old, fat and bald,” sought to do just that as he led his new wife around the dance floor with his energetic Salsa moves.
You don’t have to go to Starbuck’s for that first date. This couple picked Zaxby’s, and neither of them could have guessed how much that fast food emporium would figure in their future. Read here about a first date that clicked, and how Zaxby’s played a real role in their love story.
This couple’s love comes with a side of Texas toast Marriage proposal on Zaxby’s sign - and a Big Zax Snak - brings couple full circle
=
By Brandee A. Thomas
Picture it. The date is Feb. 18, 2008, and a couple who met on a popular online dating site are preparing for their first date.
She’s in Oconee County near Athens, and he’s in South Carolina. Fearing that he may be crazier than their online interactions led on, she picks a public place close to the highway for them to meet: Zaxby’s restaurant on U.S. 129 in Jefferson.
She was too nervous to eat, so she ordered a sweet tea. He, too, wasn’t very hungry so he ordered a small meal for them to share as they got to know each other better.
“We met on (http://www.match.com). I knew about that Zaxby’s because my son plays basketball in Cleveland and we’ve stopped there to eat a few times after his games,” said Cyndie Kenimer, a special education teacher in Oconee County.
“I picked a public place because if this guy turned out to be a creep, I wanted there to be a lot of people around. But once we got there we found out we had so much in common. We stayed and talked all night — until they came and told us they were about to close.”
And that was the beginning of their lives together, where they fell in love over a Big Zax Snak.
Fast forward 10 months to December. The couple is on vacation after spending nearly every weekend together and talking on the phone for countless hours.
“We went to Las Vegas for (New Year’s Eve) and it was pretty funny because she kept saying, ‘We’re here, why don’t we just get married,’” said Brad McKee, Kenimer’s online match and a special education teacher in Gwinnett County.
“I kept telling her, ‘No, I don’t want to do it now. I have a plan.’”
Although she didn’t know it at the time, McKee’s plan would bring them full circle to the place where their love affair first started.
After making a call to the restaurant where they met, McKee had secured a public venue to ask for Kenimer’s hand in marriage: the Zaxby’s sign facing U.S. 129.
“I wanted to do something different, but not too corny,” he said. “I thought it would be cool if it could be up on a billboard or something. It’s kinda corny, but kinda cool, too.”
Luckily for McKee, the folks over at Zaxby’s have a soft spot for a romance.
“We haven’t had a request like that one before,” said Sherrie Holcomb, one of the restaurant’s managers. “When he asked us to do it, it seemed kinda odd. But it was romantic, so I agreed.”
Fast forward again to last Wednesday afternoon, when at least 10 tornadoes touched down in Georgia and it rained cats and dogs over most of Northeast Georgia.
“The weather was really bad and I thought, ‘Oh no, she won’t be able to see the sign,’” McKee said. “But then when we got about half a mile from the restaurant it quit raining and the sun came out. It was perfect.”
As they were driving past the sign, which read “Cyndie will you marry me,” Kenimer looked up and noticed something out of the ordinary.
“I was like, ‘My name is on that sign. Why is my name on that sign?’ And then I realized what it said I was so excited that I cried,” she said.
Once they got inside the restaurant, they both realized that the Zaxby’s crew really pulled out all the stops to help make their day special.
McKee had asked that the table where the couple sat on their first date be reserved. The restaurant’s staff also added a vase of flowers and a card for the couple.
“After I got our order — another Big Zax Snak — I set the food down on the table, got down on one knee with the ring and asked her if she definitely wanted to do this,” McKee said.
Of course, Kenimer said “yes.” It’s hard to say “no” to a man with a beautiful ring and a tray of fresh fried chicken, Texas toast and french fries.
Looking back on how she became acquainted with her future husband, it’s easy to see that these two were destined to meet.
“I’ve been divorced for about five years now and I have a daughter in high school and a son in college,” Kenimer said. “I really wasn’t interested in meeting anybody because I was so devoted to being a good mom. But then I noticed that I was always home alone on weekends because they kids were gone so much because they are involved in so many activities.
“A very good friend of mine was single and she said that I should try (http://www.match.com) for a month, just to check it out. I did, but I was scared to death to actually meet anyone, so I would just exchange e-mails with them. After a month, I let my membership expire.
”About five months after her first foray into online dating, Kenimer’s friend died from cancer. So as a tribute to her friend, she decided to give the Web site another try.
“I said, ‘OK. This time I’m really going to go for it.’ I signed up for a three-month membership that December and I met (McKee) in February,” she said. “We have so much in common and my kids adore him. It’s really just been a good experience all around.”
For the couple with such a nontraditional courtship and subsequent proposal, it’s only fitting that their nuptials follow that same path.
“We’ve both been married before and had the big weddings, so we don’t want to do that again,” Kenimer said. “We’ve been to Las Vegas and we’re thinking about going back again and letting Elvis marry us.”
Right now continues to be the best time ever to be dating online. The rough economy is spurring people to not only think about love, but also to get online and pay for the privilege of looking for and contacting singles. Take a look at the article below, underlines mine.
Sharing the pain People are flocking to dating services amid the recession
By Rachel E. Zarrell, Globe Correspondent | March 7, 2009
At least once a year, Jean Mozolic used to take herself on vacation, traveling alone to places like Peru and India. Divorced from her husband of 16 years since 1991, Mozolic had gotten used to spending time on her own. But recently, to save money and focus on working, she’s had to stop her trips completely.
Even so, Mozolic recently signed up on the dating site Chemistry.com, which costs her $49.95 a month.
“I’ve been on my own for a long, long time. And trust me, I truly enjoyed it. I really did,” said Mozolic, who lives in Wrentham and runs a technical consulting business. “I’ve just gotten to a point where I want to share some new experiences with somebody. I’m at a point where I want somebody in my life.” Mozolic said she would rather spend the money to find someone to travel with than save it and continue to travel alone. And at 56, she admitted she doesn’t know how else to meet someone.
Millions of singles are suddenly jumping on the online dating bandwagon, despite the fact they may not be able to afford to go on as many actual dates these days - or expensive ones, anyway. Online matchmaking services - even those requiring fees to join - have seen an unprecedented increase in memberships in the past three months.
Some of the increase is due to the annual rituals of making New Year’s resolutions and thinking about Valentine’s Day, but experts are attributing most of the rise to the recession itself. People seek companionship during times of crisis, and stress is more bearable when there’s a special someone in your life. Some people may even be thinking that it’s easier to pay the bills when there are two people footing them.
Match.com, which now boasts 15 million members, recently had the best fourth-quarter earnings in its 14-year history, said Mandy Ginsberg, senior vice president. In December alone, member registration jumped 22 percent, which she described as an unusually large increase. Match isn’t the only love company thriving: In November, eHarmony saw a 20 percent increase in users, the biggest spike in its history.
Ginsberg attributes the gains to multiple factors, including new features on Match.com, such as a news feed modeled after Facebook and the “Daily 5,” which offers users five new matches a day, as well as a newfound comfort in looking for love online. But her main theory has to do with how people behave in a lousy economy.
“People are anxious. They’re not going out as much. They’re not spending as much money out on bars [and] restaurants,” she said. “So they want someone to find to kind of help them weather the storm.”
Joe Tracy, founder of Online Dating Magazine, said people are often too busy with work to think about relationships. But with unemployment rates at the highest they’ve been in 17 years, people suddenly have a lot of time to ponder their singlehood and what to do about it.
“Economic downturns usually call people to reprioritize their goals in life, and relationships usually move up on that list,” he said. “That need for someone tends to go higher when things aren’t going as well.” January is typically the best month for online dating services, he said, but this year the bump in membership started around October - months before the New Year’s and Valentine’s Day rushes could kick in.
Though they might worry about losing their jobs, people still splurge on their personal happiness and well-being in times of financial crisis, said Dr. James Houran, a psychologist who developed programs assessing long-term compatibility for the dating site True.com. Houran said looking for love online can relieve stress, making the cost seem worthwhile.
“While online dating certainly isn’t a form of entertainment or escapism, [users] see it as a crucial part of life, a critical component that they’re not willing to let go,” said Houran, who writes a column for Online Dating Magazine.
Rachel Miller, a 22-year-old Belmont resident, had to move in with her aunt and uncle after being laid off. Now she works as a nanny for their three children, and also part-time at Starbucks on the weekends.
“I’ve really had to scale back on a lot of things. I don’t drive that much, I don’t go out that much, of course I work at home,” she said. “I just don’t get out of the house much, and my social life is almost completely dead.” In the hopes of making some connections, Miller joined Chemistry.com, which claims more than 5 million members. “It was at the point where I scaled back enough that I had a little bit of money to work with,” Miller said.
Despite the sense of security that paid sites can bring - as many users assume the fee will weed out less serious users - some people prefer to save money by signing up on free sites, like Match.com’s new project, Downtoearth.com, Canadian-based PlentyofFish.com, or OkCupid.com.
Linus Minsk, 46, of Waltham joined OkCupid recently. He said he was unsuccessful in getting a date through Match and eHarmony, and has since become unemployed. “In the past when I have spent money to join, there’s no guarantee you’re going to meet anybody,” he said. “And I didn’t meet anybody.”
After a crisis such as the loss of a job, people tend to search for a significant other, said April Braswell, a personal dating coach. In the six months or so following 9/11, she said, marriage rates spiked significantly.
Yet Braswell doesn’t think this rush to the Internet in the hopes of getting matched is entirely healthy, as people are looking to fill a gap in their life that has nothing to do with love. “In terms of dating and wanting to be coupled up, we’re thinking that will reassure us about everything that just got really unstable because of the economic crisis,” she said. “And in a way it can’t, because it does not affect our 401(k), it does not affect our IRA.”
Nevertheless, Jean Mozolic said she will continue to look for a travel buddy on paid dating sites, simply because it’s the best option she’s found yet.
“I wasn’t meeting anybody the way I was doing it,” she said, “which was sitting at home, waiting for my knight in shining armor to knock on my door.”
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