Kathryn's Blog

Wow! So glad my sister located this site. I am a grown woman who has been divorced for many years. I’m smart, kind, funny, and I have a big heart.

I joined singlenet.com to make a connection and find my soul mate. The man I would spend my life with. My Sons are grown, job is going great, it’s was time to allow myself the pleasure of being in a committed relationship.

I feel it is important to tell you a little about myself before presenting the facts. I received an email via singlenet.com He ask me to chat with him on IM Yahoo at

First compliments my picture..likes my essay, etc....within 2 weeks he is expressing love and referencing me his angel.

He was born in the UK moved to Los Angeles CA where he married and he has been a widow for 4 years. His wife(Deb)and daughter died in a plane crash. He has a son remaining,; he’s 20 yrs old. His picture is distingushed and attractive. Currently in West Africa completing a construction project.

Chats later...he is comming to Houston before flying to CA to meet me. He knows in his heart.I’m the one...I’m his angel....heck he sent a poem referencing me as the beginning and end........ saying good night to the stars and referncing his dead wife. A promise he made to himself...when he found the one he would begin a new life with. (I really thought this was strange)

There were many red flags..but despite them..I continued to allow myself to be swept away.....why? You ask? Are you desparate? No, but I am human.

It was nice reading sweet sentiments..such as sweetie, honey, etc… It was nice to have someone ask “how was your day?” It was inspiring to hear how many things we would share. A life cherished. Someone who would never let you down.

At the mark of 2 weeks, I was asked to help. He was waiting for payment from the Nigerian Goverment in regards to a 4.5 million dollar deal and he needs(?..he needs) money to assit with Attorney fees to close the payment transaction. His opertaional, building absorbed his cash.

I couldn’t wrap my head around that....why on earth would anyone need my hard earned money if they just completed a 4.5 million dollar project? I asked for an ID, Dr Lic, etc...The initial reply tried to attack my generosity...by saying money isn’t everything and he would pay me back....he’s ashamed but he’s in a bad place until he gets his payment(?....we say..until I get paid?) I replied” It’s not the money..money can be replaced...it’s my heart and soul that would be at risk. I asked for personal information which could be confirmed.

Sent a reply this eveing with your sites information. If I get a reply...I’ll thank him for the flowers I received today..prior to the request for help.

Kim

Posted by Kim  on  06/10  at  10:58 PM

Wow, Kim, what a story!  I’m glad that I was able to help.  Keep me posted, and let me know what you sent him that I wrote.  I’d like to know.

I’ve written a lot about scamming.  Most of it is posted here on my blog already.  If you haven’t found it yet, go here for more:

http://www.find-a-sweetheart.com/blog/C48/

Also, I hope you subscribed to my enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE* while you were on my site.  I publish the most recent stuff on scamming and staying safe there too.  Here’s how to subscribe:

http://tinyurl.com/4hsn66

April 15th’s *eMAIL to eMATE* had an article that exactly describes what you have been going through.  I’ll copy it here below.  I’m going to use what you wrote here in the next issue.  It’ll really help other singles protect themselves.

Best, Kathryn

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
4.  Fools for Love: Date Scammers
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Last month I talked for an hour or so to some guy who had
contacted me through my website.  He had looked around there and
done enough research on me to tell me just what someone like me
wants to hear: Essentially, “Your work is fabulous, we can make
you famous, get you on Oprah, make millions of dollars.”

Thank goodness, I had received offers like this before, though
none so elaborate and glamorous. I had done my homework too,
scouring the website he had referred me to that described what
his organization does.  There was no indication anywhere that he
and this business wanted anything from me besides my talent.  I
suspected otherwise though, and about 45 minutes into the
conversation, I started picking up the clues.

Come to find out, to get this run at fame and glory, I had to
pony up $35,000.  Once I made crystal clear that I did not have
$35,000 to spend on something they sought ME out for, nor would I
try to get someone else to give/lend me that money, that guy
couldn’t get off the phone fast enough.  And I have not heard
from him since, despite my follow-up email saying that I was
still interested if my talent and products were enough to close
the deal.

Clearly, what he was interested in was my $35,000, not how
wonderful I am not how fantastic my books and work are.

Online dating scamming works the same way.  Here’s how:

1.  The scammer(s) approaches YOU first, with a good-looking
facade and an almost unbelievable offer.

2.  We are vulnerable in some way to the offer.  For instance, a
story like “I am an engineer [or a Russian beauty], I saw your
picture, and I think you are wonderful,” with a handsome/gorgeous
photo of him/her attached, touches a soft spot, even if you are
way older than the writer and ought to know better.  The
preposterousness of the offer is characteristic.

3.  They figure out and tell us what we want to hear.  By the
bucket full.

4.  When they think you are hooked, they’ll start some cautious,
low level hints about the need for money.  If you go along,
they’ll get bolder.  Sometimes, it’s that they are caught short
in Nigeria and need you to cash a money order.  Or they have to
have an operation and don’t have the money.  Or they want
desperately to fly in to meet you but need money to buy the
ticket.

5.  If you do send money, you will continue to hear whatever the
scammer thinks is working, but they will NEVER follow through on
what they seem to be promising: To love you forever, marry, live
happily with you, whatever.  Essentially, you are paying them to
tell you what you want to hear.  And if you stop paying, they’ll
stop telling.

5.  Here’s how to tell if they are more interested in you than
the money: Make it absolutely clear that you do not have or will
not send any money whatsoever, and stick to it.  Expect your
correspondent to up the ante and put more pressure on you to
cough up the dough.  But don’t.

6.  If they stick around and no longer put pressure on you for
money or elicit it in any way, MAYBE they are sincere.  But my
guess is that they will simply work to get you more deeply hooked
in and then try again.

None of us want to be made fools of in our love searches, yet
unfortunately there are folks out there who are all too willing
to take advantage of our vulnerabilities.  While all of us
looking for love want something for ourselves in the bargain,
most of us understand that you give to get, and that the best
kind of love relationship is highly reciprocal, with both
partners giving (and therefore getting) generously.  Those who
make us feel foolish are pretty much on the take and not the
give.  They’ll say or do whatever it takes to get what they want.

Primarily,some people will want to get either money or sex from
you, or both.  Their behavior is solely directed at what they
want, and if they get an inkling that you will not give either
easily, they won’t be able to get away fast enough.

Posted by Kathryn Lord  on  06/11  at  09:37 AM

good

Posted by nelson  on  06/27  at  11:55 AM

Dear Kathryn,
Thank you for the information on scammers. I have been approached on Match dot com many times by these scammers. 
My first contact was from a man who said he lived in Portland (300 miles away from me), but mentioned that he was currently traveling for business.  He immediately switched to a yahoo address and wanted to IM. He thought I was “the sun and moon and stars.” It was very flattering. Then he told me he was traveling for work in Africa and asked me to call him at his hotel.  It was a Nigerian country code.  I dropped the contact immediately. He tried to convince me to continue contact with him, but I refused.
Repeatedly, I have been contacted by numerous “gentlemen” and they have the following things in common: they never capitalized the word “I”, unless it is at the beginning of a sentence; they spoke of love in “Godly” and/or “heavenly” terms; they only had one picture posted. 
I actually investigated a bit more and found approximately 10 ads on Match that had the exact same profile (word for word), but with different pictures.  They were all supposedly in Tulsa, OK. I reported it to Match but never heard anything back and all the ads were gone within a day or two.
Cathy

Posted by Cathy  on  07/06  at  04:13 PM