Confronting your own ageism
I turned 62 in 2011. Eligible for Social Security. Drew just turned 65 and got a barrage of stuff about Medicare and the impossible puzzle of insurances. My friend who is about to turn 70 keeps telling me about Silver Sneakers and the Senior Citizens Center activities. Drew and I are about to become grandparents for the third time. How did all of this happen?
I grit my teeth and accept what I cannot change. Most are facts. But I am not ready for Silver Sneakers or anything with “Senior” in the title except discounts. (My favorite local market Earthfare calls it the Wisdom discount – isn’t that WONDERFUL? Yea, Earthfare!)
(Speaking of gritting my teeth: I had my teeth cleaned this morning and had a bit of a complaint about food getting caught in my teeth (TMI?). The hygienist said “Well, it’s all due to that horrible word …” and whispered so that I couldn’t hear. “What?” I asked. “Aging,” she stage whispered back.)
Ageism pops up in dating all the time. What do singles lie most about in their dating profiles? Their age. And it pops up again in the age parameters that they specify for prospective mates. Men routinely look for women much younger than the age they list for themselves (and they may be lying about that too). Women too are telling me that they are attracted to younger men, that men their age are OLD.
What do you think when you see a single, male or female, looking for younger partners? To me, it screams “Ageism!” This person is having trouble accepting the age that they are.
As we get older, it becomes more and more apparent how well we have taken care of ourselves and how well we have lived our lives. Plus genetics plays a part too. There is a dramatic difference in how old people exactly the same age look. And of course, feel.
If you feel and/or look younger than your birth date suggests, isn’t that great? It is something to celebrate. And guess what? There are plenty of others right around your age who are right there with you.
Don’t be ashamed of the fact of your age. There is nothing to be done about a fact like that. Much better than to broadcast your own discomfort with your getting older by lying or saying things like “youthful” or “young looking.” People will figure it out quickly enough. It will be a nice surprise.
You’ll do much better being truthful (and being able to back it up in person). You’ll get more first contacts and answers to your emails if the age range you post is 5 years +/- your own age. If you see someone younger, go ahead and email them. But ask yourself “Why might they be interested in ME?” and be prepared for silence.
