EHarmony Again and “Focus on the Family” Connections
I’ve written about eHarmony before, and I sure do wish that I could feel better about recommending the site to my clients. I like what eHarmony has carved out as their market—serious daters looking for serious relationships. I even have a link to eHarmony on my website, because a proportion of my clients sign up there, even after I tell them my misgivings. But eHarmony does not work with everyone, and that I find disturbing.
What’s even more disturbing is eHarmony and it’s founder Neil Clark Warren’s evangelical Christian roots. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being being a site associated with a religion. There are plenty of sites like that, some very popular, like JDate.com for Jewish singles. What bothers me about eHarmony is that they play down this connection, and now seem to be actively trying to dissociate themselves with that base.
David Cober writing for the Los Angeles Times tells about Warren’s attempts to buy back publishing rights for his own book from James Dobson’s organization “Focus on the Family,” with whom Warren has been associated since the 1980’s. Dobson is also a psychologist, as it Warren, and active in politically promoting conservative Christian values. Pointing to the banner for “Focus on the Family” across the top of the cover of his book “Finding the Love of Your Life,” Warren says “That’s a killer for us.”
What’s not at all clear is if and how the conservative Christian roots of eHarmony may show up in it’s matchings of singles. One thing that they are up front about is that eHarmony does not work with Gays and Lesbians, and does not plan on changing that. From Warren: “I don’t know how to do those matches, the research has not been done.” What a weak excuse for blatant discrimination.
I wonder about how other biases may have crept into the matching procedures, like perhaps women are only paired with men their own age or older. Or men have to have equal or higher incomes or job statuses than women they are paired with. Or women are paired only with men who are the same height or taller. Who knows, because eHarmony’s not telling.
There’s also the weird Orwellian atmosphere that “Dr. Warren knows best.” Warren is about the only psychologist I know who insists on being called Dr. Warren, or even Dr. Neil Warren. No matter how his name is presented, the Dr. is always there. Even Phil McGraw is Dr. Phil, which while including the Dr. seems much folksier. It certainly seems that Warren is using his Dr. to the max. And why would I want “Dr. Warren” making such important decisions for me, even if he does know best? I like to think I have some ability to think and decide for myself.
What I do know is that eHarmony attracts many more women than men, so the odds are very bad for women, especially older women. Warren also believes that the more similar people are, the more likely for success of the relationship.
So if you are male, heterosexual, with fairly traditional, conservative values, looking for the same in a woman, and you don’t mind someone else doing the picking for you or not seeing what the lady looks like until you have communicated for awhile, eHarmony would be a good place to sign up. If that doesn’t describe you, go somewhere else.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
No sheyt, Sherlock.
Pays yer money, and takes yer chances, as the old carnie says.
He doesn’t get that men are visual, fercryinoutloud.
And your comments about taller and more wealthy men? Well, could very well be, given the whole tone.
Dr. Warren, as most bible-thumpers, must understand making money. That is what this is all about. He is not nice saint that wants to pair folks up, but is about the bling.
That said, he will appeal to a certain segment (women with romantic fantasy) about the “perfect match”. He will get them to pay big bux for this, for the allusion of protection, and for the ‘science’ of hormones. Lord, spare me for speaking tongue in cheek here for a minute. It is a business, and a business model, trying to differentiate himself and his site, much as does true.com with its ominous warnings about marrieds.
If you can’t make your own decisions, maybe this is a good site for you, but methinks the good Doctor is about lining his pockets, rather than his stated mission. Not a bad thing, necessarily, but we should be truthful about what we are doing.
Dimensions of compatibility, indeed. The only dimensions I want to know about are the hootchie-chick’s measurements. Yeah, thas’ the ticket.
Rant mode off.
Posted by The Geezer on 05/10 at 08:56 AM