Email etiquette for online daters
The question I always get from Internet daters is “Why don’t they answer my emails?” I’ve written about this before, about how something dating sites DON’T make clear is that a very large proportion of those with profiles posted on most sites are not paid members (as many as 70-90%), and only paid members can respond to emails unless they pay up. Beyond that obstacle (which is formidable), even if there has been one or two email exchanges, it’s not uncommon for one side of the correspondence to suddenly stop.
Just like with the regular mail, occasionally mail gets lost. Computers and cyberspace can break or do wacky things, we all know, and devouring email is one of them. So the first place to start is to re-email your last communication and ask if it had been received when you sent it ??? days ago.
Here’s some more guidelines:
1. Once you start communicating, respond in a timely manner. Check your email at least daily, and give yourself a 24 hour limit for writing back. Relationships that start online need to be fed, and the energy you put into your emails will pay off. Feed daily, at least.
2. The tone of your writing should be respectful in language and content. Do not try to be something you are not, but do be polite. Make your emails look like you care about what you are writing. Use good grammar, full sentences, your spell check, and keep the tone positive. Give your reader something to look forward to.
3. This is the time to ask the questions that are important to you—while trying not to be too harsh or intrusive. It’s perfectly appropriate to ask marital status, relationship history, or what your writing partner is looking for with online dating.
4. If you decide to end the communication after you have been having an email dialogue with a potential mate candidate, say what you are doing, with an explanation. Rather than wait for the email that never comes or wonder what could have happened, you can also tactfully and respectively ask why your correspondent stopped communicating. Whether and how your email contact answers will tell you a lot about them and what happened, and if you did do something that caused the breach, you can learn from the new information and make necessary corrections.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
