Fair warning about lie detecting
So you have cleaned up your act and are telling the absolute truth. You are doing your own searching and contacting. But then you have another whole set of problems about truth and lies: How do you know if your date is telling you the truth?
Most of us would like to think that we can tell if someone is lying. I’ve even written about it. What I wrote in that article sounds pretty good, frankly, though a heck of a lot of factors to keep track of on a date.
However, even with practice, most of us would only catch the liars who weren’t very good at lying. In reality, we learn to lie very early in life, starting around age 4. And we get progressively better at it. (See “Nurture Shock” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, Chapter 4 “Why kids lie.” According to the authors, who reference a number of studies, even the children’s parents cannot tell if a child is lying.)
We do seem to want to keep our belief that we can detect liars, though, and we are not alone in that wish. I stumbled on this TED talk by Pamela Meyer. I don’t know if what she has to say will make anyone more able to detect a liar, but I did find a couple of points she made very useful: 1. She says that lying is a cooperative act – it takes a liar plus someone willing to be lied to, and 2. You are vulnerable to being lied to around what you want to hear. For singles, that might mean you want to hear that you are lovable and desirable, and you are willing to suspend disbelief if someone tells you those very things.
I like to think that I have sharpened my ability to spot liars by watching Dr. Phil – not so much by what he says, but by watching the “guests” squirm and evade when Dr. Phil tries to pin them down. Here’s an example of the most believable con man you are likely to meet.
Regardless of whether you are able to spot liars at all, meeting strangers in your efforts to find love requires that you do your “due diligence.” Here’s part of a definition of “due diligence” that I found online:
Generally, due diligence refers to the care a reasonable person should take before entering into an agreement or a transaction with another party.
I’ll write more about “due diligence” in the next *eMAIL to eMATE*. In the meantime, let me know what YOU do to check out prospective mates. .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) with your suggestions.
