Give generously!
This is the season of giving, and it is fitting that the New York Times had an article in its magazine section last weekend about generosity in relationships. The point of the article is that research suggests generosity is crucial to happy and successful relationships, number 3 after sexual intimacy and commitment. The study cited defined generosity as “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly.” Doesn’t that sound lovely?
(If you would like to test out your own relationship generosity, here’s a short short quiz.)
When I was “doing therapy” on a daily basis, I often talked about the importance of self care, especially to women. I saw so many depressed, empty women who so valued giving but had nothing left. The image I used was a bubbling spring: they needed to be full to overflowing if they were going to be able to give and give as they wished. You can’t give what you don’t have yourself.
In a relationship, copious generosity becomes an endless feedback loop: one partner gives and feels better for doing so, then the recipient feels good because of the gift and is inspired to give back. This giving/receiving/giving/receiving loop is very pleasurable and reinforcing. When everyone has enough, they stop counting and hoarding good deeds and instead become like a bubbling spring, full and overflowing.
Do you “have enough” to be able to give without worry about getting back? What signifies “a generous spirit” to you?
