Is my Sweetheart a scammer?
Here are the most blatant indicators of a scam artist: 1. They contact you first; 2. They have a gorgeous photo; 3. They have incredibly bad luck that only your money can fix; 4. Often they will claim to be an American, but write English poorly and/or speak with a strong foreign accent, and may have Nigerian connections.
A scammer will be reluctant to give you too much detail. Give yourself permission to ask lots of questions. In particular, ask your potential Sweetie about his/her background and listen for the answers. If he/she avoids the questions or gives vague answers, follow up: Ask the question again, and then ask “Why aren’t you answering my question?” if the evasions continue. Scams often originate outside of the USA. If he/she says he grew up in Buffalo, Google Buffalo, find out some details, and then ask some questions to see what his/her knowledge of Buffalo really is.
Watch and listen for inconsistencies. Says she/he went to college? Where? Again, Google the school, find out some things about it that anyone who attended there should know, and then ask questions. Often scammers pump up their credentials or downright fabricate them. Does he/she give you “facts” that you can check out? Where does he/she work? Call the workplace and asked to be connected. STAY ON THE PHONE and see if your real Sweetie answers.
Are there gaps in his/her personal “resume” that are unexplained? Ask about family and his/her relationship to them. Here’s the magic one: Ask him/her to write a history of their own intimate relationships. How they handle the question is as important as what they write. Do they resist doing the exercise, or do they take it seriously?
Do they avoid connecting you to realities in their own life? Do you EVER talk to or meet any of their friends or family? Are you sure that these folks ARE really friends or family? Does your Sweetheart avoid leaving you alone with others?
Does he/she avow love and push for marriage very fast, maybe even before you have met? A fast proposal suggests they are up to something. Manipulating you, for instance.
How clear is she/he about his/her financial situation? Do they brag about how much they are worth, or claim to be “between jobs” or starting a new business? The big one, a huge flappy red banner: Do they ever ask you for money? Ask for facts: Where are his/her investments? How does he/she plan financially? If you are starting to talk seriously about the long term, ask to see income tax returns and bank account statements. No, it’s not too intrusive. We are talking about your future.
Does he/she lie about their age? Yes, many people shave off a few years to make it into the next decade lower and your search. But any kind of lying should be a red flag. And your Sweetie may be changing his birthdate so that you (or the courts) can’t trace him/or. Also beware of more than one social security number. Falsifying your age or social security number can get you into big trouble, along with signaling nefarious activity and intent.
