Low Income and Dating Potential
I get letters from visitors to my website and readers of my enewsletter all the time. When I think that the questions posed are of interest to more than the writer, I often alter the writer’s note to conceal identifying details, then publish the relevant content here or in my free *eMAIL to eMATE* enewsletter. (Not a subscriber? Sign up here!)
Dear Kathryn,
I am a very proud. divorced Hispanic artist and have been told that am as handsome as a movie star. I have also been told that I am above average in intelligence, yet I keep being turned down for dates. Like most artists, I do not earn much money and I would like to know how I can convince some ladies that I am a good catch despite my lack of much money? Like most people, I hate rejection. Any suggestions?
Jose
Well, Jose, you pose a difficult question. I don’t know how old you are, but the older a man gets, the more women will look at financial accomplishments as part of a total package. Of course, men look at women’s finances too. Only smart on both parts. Pride and good looks lose their luster with age, when women start looking to other qualities.
Finding a partner can be compared to striking a bargain like buying a car. What do you have to offer in the deal? The more that you have to offer, the better deal that you can strike. I suggest that you look to increasing your worth as much as possible, and I don’t mean just money. Kindness, generosity, dependability, humility, good character all might be qualities for you to work on that would increase your appeal to women. You also might want to take a look at my two articles on rejection: “Rejection Protection” and “What Part of No Don’t You Understand?”
Good luck to you. Kathryn
Dear Kathryn,
I read with interest your comment on my previous query. I am in my mid 50s but feel 20 years younger and have been trying to date women aged less than 40. I am puzzled about your explanation about money. I am not flat broke but will not own a car for personal reasons and I detest ostentatious displays of wealth. If money can buy love, how come so many poor people love each other? As for the other precious characteristics you mentioned, I possess them all but no one seems to be willing to give me a chance to show them. I interpret rejection as a signal that “you are not a nice person.” My response to this is “if you can judge me without knowing much about me, you are not a nice person.” Are there any nice girls left?
Dear Jose,
Now you include another clue for why you are getting rejected: If you are in your mid 50’s and approaching women under 40, your rejection level is going to be high. Why would a woman that age want a man in his 50’s who is not well established financially? Again, you need to get more realistic about what you have to offer and look for women who are more likely to accept what you have—women your age, for instance.
Best, Kathryn
>> I am in my mid 50s but feel 20 years younger…
Surely there are plenty of women in their mid-50s, who feel 20 years younger, too?
Posted by Sean on 08/03 at 09:21 AM