Marrying Felons: Runaway Brides of Another Sort
Why do women like bad boys? The extreme playing out of this old saw happens when women pursue and marry men who are in jail. And while we don’t hear about it so often, free guys also fall for imprisoned women. And of course, guys for guys, and women for women.
We’ve just been witness to this in the dramatic example of Jennifer Hyatte, who murdered a guard to bust her husband (of just a few months) George Hyatte out of prison. George was serving a 35 year term for several robbery and assault charges.
While this is certainly a very complicated phenomenon, here’s what strikes me right off the bat: Men in prison are the ultimate bad boys, yet contained, controlled, and “civilized” by the fact they are in prison. Just think about it: The percentage of single men vs. married men in prison must be much higher than in the real world, they are all concentrated in one place and can’t move, they are desperate for connection to the outside world, and they are super-skilled at manipulation of vulnerable people, with a prison full of tutors if they need a little help.
Here’s the “edginess” that lots of women crave, that sense of mystery and danger, yet also controlled. Like a caged lion. And these men have nothing better to do with their time than to focus on a woman who is vulnerable and charm her, if not her out of her pants, than out of her good judgment. A woman would feel as if she were in control of a relationship like this, and forget that it is the bars that are keeping her safe.
Sounds like Jennifer Hyatte fell and fell hard. But like most fairy tales, when exposed to real life, matters are quite different. Without the bars, the romance crumbled fast, and ended just the way you’d imagine, with the couple on the run, in a crumby motel room. Now they are both back in jail, and she is likely going to face her own life sentence for murder.
Remember: Danger is dangerous. Excitement usually comes from fear. Fear is supposed to keep us cautious and therefore avoiding dander. Sometimes we get mixed up: roller coasters are based on this mix-up. They make fear and danger “safe.” But sometimes even roller coasters kill. Certainly people do. If someone is in prison, they are most likely there for good reason. Pay attention, and at least wait until they are out of prison to see if they have learned their lesson and now can behave in socially appropriate ways.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
