More on “The Tipping Point” and Playing Your Part
Here’s more of the relevancy of Malcolm Gladwell’s writing in"The Tipping Point”:
Gladwell writes about the Power of Context, how everyday signs of disorder like graffiti and subway fare-beating can help fuel crime, or how most people will lie, given the opportunity and context. That got me thinking about the Internet and online dating—of course! What else do I think about, right?
One of the biggest concerns online and what daters worry about most is lying. And the Internet provides just the conditions that make lying easy: You can be anonymous, create any persona that suits your fancy, and chances are good you’ll never be caught. Unless you form a relationship that leads to a meeting in real time and space.
A good part of the “fun” online is based on fantasy. Sometimes that’s clear, and sometimes it’s not. Role playing games on the net are very popular (that’s the total extent of my knowledge, right there). Most game-playing folks know when they are playing a role and have an awareness that everyone else is playing too.
On the XXX rated sites, it may be less clear that some of the “actors” involved are “playing a role.” The anonymity of the computer screen allows all kinds of fantasies to be projected and played out.
Years ago, I worked with a woman in therapy who earned her living talking hour after hour on the phone with men who fantasized and masturbated while she talked dirty. She had a wonderfully throaty and sexy voice and a terrific imagination that kept these guys going for hours, but I don’t think she could have been anything like the guys thought they were paying for. She weighed at least 500 pounds. That’s why she earned her money doing phone sex—she couldn’t do anything else that would earn her as much without having to go out of her house and be seen. Believe me, if she could have figured out anything else to do, she would have. That work took an enormous toll, and played a big part in her self-hate and self-destruction.
The point I am making is this: We all contribute to the whole that the Internet is. We can spray paint graffiti or jump the turnstiles or be deceptive about who we are or be rude, crude, or a cheat. Or we can contribute to “the greater whole” of the web by acting responsibly, by being kind and polite, by telling the truth and being willing to prove that we are who we say we are.
Keep the gaming on the sites where the fantasy is clear, but when you are looking for a life mate, act like you deserve a good one. Leave the pretending where it belongs, where everyone knows the rules and understands the fantasy.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
