No-no to lies
It astounds me how short-sighted people are when it comes to telling the truth online. Just about every one of my older clients asks me if it is okay to lie about their age. Of course, no one wants to lie about being older than they really are. They all say “Well, I look a lot younger that my age and I feel younger. And the men/women I am attracted to are a lot younger than I am too.” Isn’t that interesting? Just about everyone I know looks their age. And what if they do look younger? Isn’t that a wonderful statement about their good genes or how well they have taken care of themselves? Rather than worry about being caught in a lie, how about being respected for telling the truth? Here are some right-on thoughts about lying and truth-telling, underlines are mine.
‘White lies’ are a dating no-no
By KRYSTLE LAUB AND ERIN OUTERBRIDGE
Everyone tells a white lie now and again. Telling someone they don’t look horrible when they are clearly having a bad day is actually a nice thing to do and, in our eyes, acceptable. However, when you are out there dating, lying is one of the things you should avoid.
We are both single, and we find ourselves navigating the wide, wide world of Internet dating and the ever-popular blind date. “Don’t lie?!” you say? “Well, how will I ever get someone to date me?” We suggest the truth and being proud of who you are. This column is, in short, a guide to how the opposite sex is not stupid, and how lies are not a great way to start a new relationship.
The very first guy that Krystle met in person from Match.com was a teacher from Brooklyn. He drove all the way out to Hackensack to meet her at the Cheesecake Factory. That day she had scrolled through his profile for one last gander: six feet, brown hair, “athletic build.” When she arrived, the man in front of her had blond hair, and the top of his head barely reached her 5-foot, 9-inch height. Did he really think that she wouldn’t notice the obvious difference? Recently she met a guy at a bar that she had contacted on Match, only to find out that nearly everything he told her had been untrue. Everything: the town he lived in, his job, the types of cars he drove. Everything was false.
Last summer Erin experienced a similar situation. She went on a blind date with a guy who said he was 5 feet, 11 inches. This seemed to be the perfect height difference as she is 5 feet, 3 inches. Well, it was the perfect height difference until he walked in. When retelling the story to friends, Erin was generous and said he was 5 feet, 5 inches, but being honest, they were the same height. He was a great guy and the date went well (minus the mouse scurrying across the barroom floor), but his “white lie” and being more than 15 minutes late really put a damper on the chemistry.
Women are just as shady when it comes to dating. We decided to ask our guy friends for instances of dating horror stories. One friend told us about a first date with a girl in which he was really interested. During the conversation that night, they agreed that they both loved James Bond movies. On the second date, he cooked her dinner and they watched their mutually-agreed-upon favorite James Bond movie. Before the credits even finished rolling, she was berating him for choosing to watch this particular movie and lecturing him about how James Bond movies are demeaning to women.
Another guy friend told us about a woman who would say anything to him to seem open-minded. If you are a vegetarian, tell him before he recommends a steak house!
While we are all insecure about different things, being dishonest about anything is never a good idea. The whole concept behind dating is to find someone who loves you for you, not to trick someone into dating you.
Finding the special someone you want to spend the rest of your life with will come so long as you are honest about who you are and your intentions. Whether it’s big or small, about appearance or interests, fibbing isn’t going to get you anywhere with the other person. They will eventually find out the truth, and it will hurt your chances at a serious relationship.
So be brave, lay the cards out on the table, and tell the truth!
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Everyone tells a white lie now and again. Telling someone they don’t look horrible when they are clearly having a bad day is actually a nice thing to do and, in our eyes, acceptable. However, when you are out there dating, lying is one of the things you should avoid.
We are both single, and we find ourselves navigating the wide, wide world of Internet dating and the ever-popular blind date. “Don’t lie?!” you say? “Well, how will I ever get someone to date me?” We suggest the truth and being proud of who you are. This column is, in short, a guide to how the opposite sex is not stupid, and how lies are not a great way to start a new relationship.
The very first guy that Krystle met in person from Match.com was a teacher from Brooklyn. He drove all the way out to Hackensack to meet her at the Cheesecake Factory. That day she had scrolled through his profile for one last gander: six feet, brown hair, “athletic build.” When she arrived, the man in front of her had blond hair, and the top of his head barely reached her 5-foot, 9-inch height. Did he really think that she wouldn’t notice the obvious difference? Recently she met a guy at a bar that she had contacted on Match, only to find out that nearly everything he told her had been untrue. Everything: the town he lived in, his job, the types of cars he drove. Everything was fasle.
Last summer Erin experienced a similar situation. She went on a blind date with a guy who said he was 5 feet, 11 inches. This seemed to be the perfect height difference as she is 5 feet, 3 inches. Well, it was the perfect height difference until he walked in. When retelling the story to friends, Erin was generous and said he was 5 feet, 5 inches, but being honest, they were the same height. He was a great guy and the date went well (minus the mouse scurrying across the barroom floor), but his “white lie” and being more than 15 minutes late really put a damper on the chemistry.
Women are just as shady when it comes to dating. We decided to ask our guy friends for instances of dating horror stories. One friend told us about a first date with a girl in which he was really interested. During the conversation that night, they agreed that they both loved James Bond movies. On the second date, he cooked her dinner and they watched their mutually-agreed-upon favorite James Bond movie. Before the credits even finished rolling, she was berating him for choosing to watch this particular movie and lecturing him about how James Bond movies are demeaning to women.
Another guy friend told us about a woman who would say anything to him to seem open-minded. If you are a vegetarian, tell him before he recommends a steak house!
While we are all insecure about different things, being dishonest about anything is never a good idea. The whole concept behind dating is to find someone who loves you for you, not to trick someone into dating you.
Finding the special someone you want to spend the rest of your life with will come so long as you are honest about who you are and your intentions. Whether it’s big or small, about appearance or interests, fibbing isn’t going to get you anywhere with the other person. They will eventually find out the truth, and it will hurt your chances at a serious relationship.
So be brave, lay the cards out on the table, and tell the truth!
