Kathryn's Blog

Pounds Count.  Sigh.

I get letters from visitors to my website and readers of my enewsletter all the time.  When I think that the questions posed are of interest to more than the writer, I often alter the writer’s note to conceal identifying details, then publish the relevant content here or in my free *eMAIL to eMATE* enewsletter. (Not a subscriber? Sign up here!)

I got this note from a coaching friend recently.  I am on the
round side myself, and understand the irritation women who are
not rail thin have when reading men’s wish lists in their
Internet dating profiles.  When the average weights for white
American women are 149 for women 40-49 and 158 for women 50-59
(that means that half the women in each age group are above that
weight and half are below), and the average dress size a 14,
asking for “thin or slender” is cutting out lots of really good
women. Like probably 75%.

I joined a small Christian Internet dating site about a
year ago.  I joined because I was bored, in a new town,
and needed to boost my social life even if it was just
virtual.  At the time I joined I was about 50 pounds
heavier than I am now.  I did not receive much interest.
Some, but not too much that interested me in return.
Often when I would initiate contact, I would receive a
message that their ideal match needed to be very thin.

I did connect with one person at that time.  We scheduled
a meeting,,,at the beach no less, in a swimsuit.  Upon
meeting me in person, he was not longer interested.  He
was gracious, just bowed out.  I was disappointed.

So, I finally got my act together and decided to find the
real me again which was indeed a size 6 or 8 hiding in
that size 12 to 14 body.  I found a diet plan that worked
which eventually did involve the services of a bariatric
physician.  What had worked for me in the past did not
work this time.  I had to do something new.

I lost the 50 extra pounds through a combination of
controlled eating and exercise.  Not rocket science, we
all really know what it takes, just have trouble with the
motivation.  Now I needed new pictures.  I took a self
portrait, a head shot in the mirror.  Posted it with some
improvement.  I finally got a friend to take some new
pictures with a digital camera.  Two great shots
resulted.  Posted them.  Wow!  What a difference.  Now
when I log on, I can hardly tend to email for all the
chatting requests.  And the volume of the mail has
greatly increased.

Men have similar resentments about height specifications from
women.  Many women would LIKE a man over 6 feet tall, but only
15% of men would qualify.  Average height for American men around
age 50 is 5’ 8”.  I encourage my women clients to really expand
their height specifications. at least to their own height and
above.  Character is more important than height.  I would suggest
that it is also more important than weight.

From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord

posted by Kathryn Lord on 08.15.06 at 5.02 am
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