We Love Fan Letters!
What a lovely letter dropped in my email box last week! Here’s an email from a reader named Sheila. We’ve never talked, I don’t think, but Sheila has obviously been reading my newsletter *eMAIL to eMATE* very carefully. Below is Sheila’s note, in its entirety, only slightly edited for readability. I underlined the last paragraph for good reason: Sheila makes a tremendously good point. And it’s good advice for men AND women.
I just want to seize this opportunity to support the sage advice in your newsletter.
Succinctly stated, I began dating (Mostly via online connections) in 2002, after 3 years of being “single again.” Being almost 50, I figured that life experience had given me some of those “weeding skills” which you mention. So, the conversations began.
Suffice it to say that I waded through a lot of nice (but not Him) guys as well as quite a few turkeys. By the time I discovered your newsletter in spring of 2004 I had pretty much decided that it would take a rare exception of a man for me to consider actually going out with a divorced fella. I hated coming to this conclusion, being divorced myself… it seemed rather unfair. But frankly, the only guys who seemed to possess any real relationship skills and maturity were the few widowers I had met along the way.
After a while, I began to despair of ever finding Mr. Right. A major ! move from a very rural area to an urban one kept me busy and totally uninterested in dating for a few months.
Then one day, voila, there in my Match.com mailbox appeared a letter from a nice, stable sounding widower who lived across town from me. At first, I didn’t respond to his mail… pondering if I even wanted to get back into dating. Then I asked myself “Why not?” After a year of dating, we are now a very happy and compatible couple.
My words of advice to women of all ages, were I asked, would be: “Stay away from the playboys, the desperately needy, the co-dependent.” No matter how charming they may be, no matter how strongly they appeal to your nurturing nature, do NOT get involved with them. They are NOT “happily ever after” material! They will never become what you want/need them to be. That old adage about people not changing for love definitely applies. If he is not already the kind of man you need and deserve!, then HE NEVER WILL BE!
And yes, take second (and third, fourth, etc…) looks at those guys who seem rather ordinary and nerdy. I have found that Mr Stability and Sanity is very often the most capable of thoughtfulness and tenderness as well.
Sincerely, Sheila
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
