What’s the point of lying online?
Lord knows, I’ve written plenty about the importance of telling the truth. I’ve pointed out over and over how short-sighted lying is. Here’s a great quote that I got off a Starbucks cup: “It takes two seconds to tell the truth and costs nothing. A lie takes time and costs everything.” Randi Rhodes
What do people on dating sites seem to lie about most? Age. Here’s what “Social Q’s” in the NY Times’ Style Section had to say last Sunday, with my comments in red:
I am on a dating site called OKCupid.com and list my age as 33, even though I am actually 43. When people meet me, they assume I am in my late 20s or early 30s. I feel fortunate to get away with looking so much younger than I am without Botox. My plan is to admit my true age on a second or third date, and hope he’ll forgive me. Or should I correct my age now? K.S., Bridgeport, Conn.
I hate to be the bearer of hard (gravitational) truth, but no one who is 43 looks as if he or she is in the late 20s (or early 30s, either). And if people are telling you that you do, they are fibbing to make you feel better.
Ain’t that the truth? No one EVER has told me that they look old for their age, but I regularly hear that they are “young looking.” The other day, a service man at my car dealership called me “young lady.” Argh! I am 62 with a full head of gray/white hair. “Young lady” to older women seems to be meant to be a sort of Southern compliment, but Yeesh! Did he think I would fall for that? Maybe. See Pamela Meyer’s points about lying #5 below,
Correct your listed age. Better to underpromise and overdeliver on dating Web sites, and elsewhere, than to play it in reverse. There is also the small matter of honesty with potential mates. Why not be the youngest-looking 43-year-old on the Internet?
Great strategy. Make your date pleasantly surprised when you meet, rather than angry and feeling tricked. (It happened to me. I drove quite a distance to meet a guy who said he was 53. In person, he was clearly quite a bit older, verified by his telling me about his 38 year old son. I doubt that he was a father at 15.)
But I was not born yesterday (either): Online daters tell me that age shaving to the next-lower 9 (listing yourself as 39 when you are 43) is a common ploy. That way, we turn up as matches for folks who only want to date people under 40. That may be ageist of them, but it’s their loss. So why waste your time?
Tricky, huh? That’s a good reason not to do it (lie about your age to trick someone into contacting you). No one likes being tricked. Besides, it is a waste of time to be trying to figure out and out-maneuver everyone else. Be honest, do your own searching, and write those first emails. You will be much more likely to get what you want if you do.
