Why should I tell the truth when everyone else online is lying?
First off, not everyone on dating sites is lying. No one can say how many for sure, but some folks are totally honest and accurate. My husband Drew and I both were. We have copies of our profiles and the emails we exchanged before we met, and neither of us has detected that the other lied in any way. In fact, Drew is so honest that I am careful about what I ask him. Sometimes I don’t want to know if a dress really is becoming or not, I just want to be told I look nice.
But like everything else, singles on dating sites exhibit the whole range of lying behavior, from “white lies” to small distortions to deliberate lies to bald faced whoppers. White lies are the inaccurate but kindly meant things we say not to hurt someone’s feelings, like “You look lovely,” even when a change of clothes is called for. Distortions might be to call oneself “above average” in looks or intelligence when average or below might be more accurate statistically. The individual may or may not be fully aware of the distortion. Deliberate lies are planned and calculated to mislead and deceive the listener. Bald faced whoppers tend towards the fantastical and occur when the person knowingly fabricates to mislead or control the listener.
The most important reason to tell the truth is because that is a statement about you: You are honest. Why should you present yourself as a liar, even if the reader can’t tell immediately? What would you think about somebody else who said they were two or three inches taller than they really are, or whose picture was ten years and fifty pounds out of date? After you got angry about being fooled, you’d likely notice that the liar was trying to shore up his or her dismal self-assessment. Do you want to be seen as pathetic?
Think about why you would be angry: You would feel tricked, wouldn’t you? The liar has kept information from you that, if you had it, you might have made other decisions. A lie seems mean. Also, no one likes being tricked. Being the victim of a trick feels humiliating, like the trickster thinks you are stupid enough to fall for the subterfuge. You may also feel controlled, because indeed the trickster has lied for control or advantage over you. Do you really want your date to be angry because you tricked him or her?
If you are honest, you’ll have less to remember and will be more able to concentrate and focus on your date. You need to have as many of your faculties available as possible, because you need to be assessing if THEY are telling the truth, and whether or not you want to see them again. You’ll have plenty to do and do not need your lies and worries about detection to distract you.
The very best reason I have heard not to lie is that someone you know may see your profile on your dating site, know that you are lying, and tell others. It is bad enough for only your date to find out you are a liar. What if just about everyone you know knew, or everyone you worked with? It’s happened. Protect yourself. Tell the truth.
