IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Welcome and What’s New?
2. How about some pleasure?
3. What’s going on at Sweetheart School?
4. Sweetheart School is on vacation!
5.  Why is Internet dating is more like a rummage sale than shopping at a high end store?
6. Who is Kathryn Lord?
7. What is Romance Coaching?

WELCOME! AND WHAT'S NEW?

Well, goodness gracious!  It’s July already!  Are you heading off for a holiday weekend?

The only way you’d know it is July here on our Maine island is that the flags are out for the 4th Celebration.  But if the weather continues (and no reason to think it won’t), it is going to be a cold and soggy 4th with no fireworks, because the fog is so thick you wouldn’t be able to see them.

This has been the coldest and wettest June I can remember.  Our garden is doing nothing except providing a little vegetation for the slugs.  We’ve had a fire in the woodstove nearly every day.  Much as I love it here, and of course we do come for the natural air conditioning, we are reminded every day of what a difficult climate this is to live in – and this is SUMMER, for heaven’s sake!

I lived here year around for ten years, but finally moved south when the winters and the loneliness got to me.  I had pretty much given up on ever being back here for more than a few weeks at a time.  Living alone was just too hard.  Now with a partner, it’s do-able, but even Drew (who adores this place) is starting to see the difficulties of the climate and the isolation.

When I lived here, I watched the lonely older women struggle to maintain their homes and a life.  For the most part, it seemed a pretty miserable existence.  That was a prime motivation for my move south and then, for my mate search.  Both worked, thank goodness, and I’ve been able to keep my patch of Maine as well. 

What are you doing to plan for the rest of your life?  If you are heavy into your career and having trouble finding the energy and the time to look for love, keep in mind that your career will not be with you your entire life.  But the family and friendship connections you make now will. 

Best, Kathryn
Your Romance Coach

This last Sunday’s New York Times had a very interesting article in it called “The Adult Store Goes Mainstream.” Rather than those smarmy looking converted gas stations with the painted out windows that you wouldn’t slink into unless in head to toe disguise, these “stores” are online or at house parties, where vibrators and lubricants are sold like Tupperware.  Here are a couple of interesting excerpts:

Fifty-three percent of women and nearly half of all men report having used a vibrator, according to two new national surveys from Indiana University recently published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
And what the surveys make clear is that the vibrator — dismissed as a “masturbatory machine” for “sexually dysfunctional females” in The Journal of Popular Culture back in 1974 — is being used by couples for shared pleasure. Eighty-one percent of women and 91 percent of men who’ve used one report having done so with a partner.

And…

While baby boomers, the first Americans to come of age in an era of loosened sexual strictures, were pioneers of vibrator acceptance, the data make clear that succeeding generations have surpassed them. Among boomer women, ages 45 to 60, 46.3 percent reported having used a vibrator at some point in their lives, compared to 59.5 percent of women, ages 23 to 44; and 32.7 percent of women, 18 to 22. For men, 45.2 percent, ages 45 to 60 reported having used one; 51.5 percent, ages 23 to 44; and 15.5 percent, ages 18 to 22.

You may want to zip on over to the NYT article to see what other gems are in this piece.  But it looks as if vibrators are mainstream now, even if they were rather dismissed when we boomers were most likely to be influenced. 

Mentioned in the article as sources for pleasure toys: mypleasure.com (nice assortment – I checked it out).  From my archives: evesgarden.com

Do you have some favorite sources of sexual doodads that I ought to add to my repertoire?  Send them on! 

Sweetheart School’s newest offering “What’s my problem?” got off to a smashing start over the last couple of weeks, with FOUR classes of folks, just like you, who were brave enough to sign up, reveal their struggle, and then show up for some cures.  Like “What’s wrong with my profile?”, “What’s my problem?” is a you’ll-never-get-a-chance-like-this-in-real-life to get the kind of feedback that you receive in these classes.  Of course, you get my expert advice, but you also get the feedback of your classmates.  So in a full class (10) you can get up to ten different opinions on why you are not getting the results you want online. 

Now, saying that, you are going to have to WAIT, if you haven’t already gotten your questions answered at Sweetheart School, because…

Even online teachers get to take a break, and I am giving myself a vacation.  Sweetheart School will start up again in September, so watch here for new course offerings. 

(But that doesn’t mean that I am not available to help, because I am.  And even better, I am going to be having some surprise offerings – summer deals! – in a continuing efforts to help you find love!  Stay tuned!)

In the last issue or *eMAIL to eMATE*, I compared Internet dating sites to shopping malls.  That analogy fits, in that malls, like dating sites, let anybody come in, hoping they will turn into paying customers. 

But a rummage or jumble sale of thrift store may be a better analogy for the actual experience of Internet dating.  Here’s why:

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, on dating sites are used goods, just like at a rummage sale.  Since babies aren’t allowed (most dating sites are for those 21 and older), every person you will see listed on your favorite sites has some living behind them.  Even if they have never been married before, they probably have had some dating, relationship, and breaking up experience.  And if by chance they have never had a date in their lives, then they have THAT experience – of never picking or being picked, probably with feelings of failure and being out of sync with others their own age.

Not only that, but also, at rummage sales, you will find only one item of each style and color.  If that gorgeous silk shirt is a XXS and you are a medium, you are out of luck.  No amount of pawing through the racks is likely to turn you up that shirt in just your size.

Thrift shops have piles and piles of stuff that you will not want, that in fact are pretty icky.  But … if you are willing to paw through the stacks and racks, and you are flexible about what you are looking for, you just may find a gem.  Maybe a beautiful cashmere sweater in a color that you would not have gone looking for, but is pretty darned stunning.  And big enough to be roomy and comfortable.  Or a tuxedo with practically no wear that would look great at a party, whether you are a man or a woman.

If you are a rummage sale junky, you probably feel a spark of excitement every time you find a new sale or visit your favorite store.  There is always that … possibility.  Maybe, this time… And if not, then next time…

Frankly, I don’t like rummage sales or thrift shops at all.  It gives me the creeps to think of wearing clothing that someone else has worn.  But when it comes to prospective mates, I – and you – don’t have a choice.  Everyone has been “worn” before, and so have you.  And when it comes to people, frankly, I’d rather have someone with a little wear on them.  Brand new is okay for jeans, but not for people.  Brand new in people is boring.

What I have learned to like is antique stores.  I used to feel the same about them as I felt about thrift stores – why be interested in someone else’s old stuff?  But I have learned.  My husband Drew restores broken stained glass windows, so we spend a bit of time poking through antique stores looking for bargains.  Along the way, I have started noticing other gems.  Last week, I found a gorgeous Persian rug, hand made, in just the deep blue red that I like, obviously old but in very good shape.  I wasn’t looking for a rug, but I admired it to the shop owner, who said, “Want it?  It’s a great buy – only $95.” Well, I know a bargain when I see it.  We now own a Persian rug.

Learn to love the dating sites.  They are bringing you, in one place, all the jumble of people just like you who are for looking for love.  99% of what you see there you will not want, guaranteed.  Maybe even 99 44/100%.  But there is a chance, every time you go on and look around, that you will find what you are looking for.  Or even someone you wouldn’t ordinarily consider, but you stumbled on, and darn it, he or she is pretty cute.  You need to be willing to paw through the stacks. 

Learn to simply not notice what you don’t want.  Go on to the next item and keeping looking for the gems.  You wouldn’t leave a rummage sale or an antique store moaning about every single thing there that you didn’t want to buy, would you?  Not finding something you wanted to buy wouldn’t keep from ever going shopping again, would it?

Drew and I just heard about a new antique store, actually an antique mall, and we are heading off to see it right now.  It’s an hour away, and it is hard to get Drew to even leave the Island, but a new antique store will do it.  We are going treasure hunting.  What about you?

6. WHO IS KATHRYN LORD?

Kathryn Lord (that’s me) is a Romance Coach and psychotherapist with over 30 years experience in helping singles find love and happiness. If you want to know more about my qualifications, you can find lots about me on my website http://www.Find-a-Sweetheart.com.

I know that you can find the love you are looking for because I did it myself when I was 48.  It was 1998 and online dating sites were brand new.  I was terrified, but I persevered, figured out the system on my own, and met my now husband Drew.  We are a match for sure.

7. WHAT IS ROMANCE COACHING?

When Drew and I met, we were pioneers.  Internet matchmaking was brand new, it was scary, and we had no help.  We were lucky.  We were able to make it work.

My goal is to make the whole business easier for singles just like you.  I have spent the last five years learning everything I could so that I could pass onto you just what you need, right when you need it.

If you would like to know more about how I could help you in your search for love, you can talk to me on the phone.  Go to My Sweetheart Store on my website and sign up for “The Romantic Mini” or the “One Hour Special.” Once your purchase is complete, I’ll contact you to set up a time to talk.  And think about it: What does it mean if you DON’T?

Pass or forward this newsletter to friends or colleagues. You may be giving them the gift of romance!

Copyright 2007 Kathryn B. Lord. All rights reserved.

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