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Yea, Spark.com! Fatties of the world, unite!
Spark.com Thinks BeautifulPeople.com Acted Ugly
New Online Dating Site Offers Free Subscription to ‘Booted Beauties’
BEVERLY HILLS, CA--(Marketwire - January 6, 2010) - Spark®.com, created by the same people behind such successful online dating sites as JDate®.com, BlackSingles.com® and ChristianMingle®.com, announced today that they will offer a free subscription to all 5,000 members ousted from BeautifulPeople.com yesterday for allegedly putting on a few holiday pounds and being “newly chubby.”
“As a company based on inclusion and creating communities where people feel comfortable and safe, we’re outraged over the widely publicized actions taken by BeautifulPeople.com,” said Adam Berger, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Spark Networks®, the parent company of Spark.com. “We created Spark.com to be a place where all are welcome and we adhere to the philosophy that any two people willing to take the time to first know themselves, and then learn about others, can improve existing relationships as well as form new and rewarding ones. We are so disappointed in how that ‘other site’ behaved, and feel the right thing to do is to offer a free one-month subscription to anyone who was kicked off that other site for putting on a few extra holiday pounds.”
To take advantage of this special offer, all people have to do is log on to Spark.com, complete a free profile and email their Spark.com username and rejection notice from the other site to , and they’ll receive a free one-month subscription within 24 hours.
Easily one of the LEAST attractive attributes I see in both men and women is fat phobia, followed quickly by looks snobs—those folks who look for perfection, even thought they are far from it themselves. Here’s a dating site that is a wonderful refuge for them both—fat phobics and looksists. And see what BeautifulPeople.com, a dating site that has a “strict ban on ugly people” did after the holidays. Charming, huh? At least they have a place of their own to hang out, away from the rest of us who are a bit more tolerant.
Dating site for beautiful people expels ‘fatties’ after holiday weight gain
By Mallory Simon, CNN
(CNN)—A dating site that markets itself as an elite community for beautiful people with a “strict ban on ugly people” has axed about 5,000 members for packing on the pounds during the holiday season.
The international site BeautifulPeople.com threw out members after they posted photos “revealing that they have let themselves go,” according to a company statement.
“As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld,” said Robert Hintze, founder of BeautifulPeople.com. “Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded.”
The site describes itself as an “elite online club, where every member works the door”—that is, users can join only after enough members vote them “beautiful” during the 48 hours after their profile is uploaded.
And apparently, enough beautiful people were angry that some members had enjoyed a bit too many treats during the holiday season.
So BeautifulPeople.com sent those flagged members e-mails, according to the company statement, telling them they could register again for the site when the extra pudge was gone.
“We responded to complaints by moving the newly chubby members back to the rating stage. This is the same as having them re-apply,” Greg Hodge, managing director of BeautifulPeople.com, said in a statement.
The company said it “expelled” 1,520 users from the U.S., 832 from the U.K., 533 from Canada, 510 from Poland, 425 from Germany, 402 from Italy, 323 from France, 220 from Denmark, 176 from Turkey and 88 people from Russia. In the e-mail, it gave users suggestions for boot camps and workout facilities to get themselves back in shape.
Some gave the site a shot again, hoping fellow users might not see them as the “fatties” others had.
“Their re-applications were reviewed by existing members, and only a few hundred were voted back in. Over 5,000 were rejected,” Hodge added.
Hodge admits, and has admitted from the time his company started, that his site may not be fair, but people want to date someone they are attracted to.
“Is it elitist? Yes, it is, because our members want it to be,” Hodge said when the company started out in 2005. “Is it lookist? Yes, it is, because our members want it to be. Is it PC? No, it’s not, but it’s honest.”
And on this site, beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder; only one in five applicants is normally accepted, a company statement said.
Maintaining those standards is what the site is about, Hodge said, and that’s why people were expelled.
“Every year we see that some of our members from Western cultures eat and drink to excess over the holidays, and clearly their looks suffer,” he said in a statement. “The U.S.A. has been grossly over-indulging since Thanksgiving. It’s no wonder that so many members have been expelled from the network. We hope they will be back after shedding the festive pounds.”
There’s nothing like New Year’s for starting fresh, and if you have an old relationship that needs some housecleaning, here’s an article below that will tell you just how to do it.
The Post-Breakup Technology Cleanse
by Melissa Noble
If you’re one of the three people out there who endures a completely mutual, pain-free and friendly as a bouquet of roses break-up, then read no further. The below is not intended for you. Now, if you fall into the category of “everyone else” and your recent split caused a rush of heated double-clicks and jealous scrolls through a flurry of screens large and small, then you really ought to fumigate your technology like you would a roach-infested kitchen.
Here’s how:
1.) Delete every single e-mail ever given or received
As cathartic as it might sound to keep an archive of sweet messages, witty one-liners and even the cruel and brutal (as a remembrance as to why you should never reconcile) just don’t. Instead, search and delete every received and sent message. It might sound time-consuming and dramatic, but you’ll come to realize how much you’ll enjoy having an ex-free inbox.
2.) Cleanse your smart phone
Deleting someone’s number isn’t good enough. Nay. Go in and scrub away every trace like you would shower grime. In one broad stroke, eliminate every missed, outgoing and dialed call, plus every sent and received text and picture. You want no excuse to cave, crumble and call.
3.) Un-friend from Facebook and possibly block
Facebook is the Mecca of peeping Toms and an all-access pass to an ex’s status updates, wall posts from attractive members of the opposite sex, and pictures with said attractive members of the opposite sex. Unless you’re a masochist, it’s just bad, bad, bad news. Absolutely un-friend, and if you want to take it one step further (and why wouldn’t you?) use that nifty “block button.” Blocking eliminates you from coming up on a search and showing up on a mutual friend’s list of friends, so your ex likewise won’t be reminded of you and reach out in a fit of nostalgia.
4.) If you met on a dating site, remove from favorites and block
If you met on an online dating site, definitely remove your ex from your favorites and block him/her from contacting you. This one is a no-brainer.
5.) Un-follow and block on Twitter
The same rational for Facebook goes for Twitter. If you and significant other were tweeters and hung on each others posts, it’s time to unfollow and block. Life is just too short for 140 characters to unleash the millions of angry memories. Just trust us on this.
6.) Remove from IM
In Gmail, it’s possible to suppress a contact from appearing in your Gchat list. You can also remove or block a buddy in AIM, Skype and other such instant messaging systems. When you’re trying to write an e-mail to your mom or cruise a dating site for new love interests, what benefit is there in seeing your ex’s name in your chat list?
Yes, this technology cleanse is extreme. Think about it this way: seeing your ex online/in your phone will only make you think about what he/she is doing, realize you’re no longer privy to that info (at least not right now, maybe friendship lies ahead), and—as any human would—suffer as a result. Why not make technology work for you and remove the catalysts for this negative reminder?
If your ex wants to reconcile, he/she will find you. Or, given your freedom to exist without constant reminders, maybe you’ll see him/her in a new light and decide to reach out. Either way, keeping an ex’s fingerprints all over your technology will only help keep you jailed in breakup pain. We say, cleanse and be free. You’re too fabulous to wallow.
I’ve always been a fan of long-distance love. My Sweetie Drew was 482 miles away when I found him, and we made it work. Here are other folks who didn’t let miles, oceans, or country borders get in the way. Inspiration for us all.
Daters without borders New Yorkers find international love online
By CARRIE SEIM
There are more than 8 million people in the city of New York. Most are either too young, too old, too married or too incarcerated to date. The remaining 17 have weird hobbies, creepy hygiene and bad manners.
Plus you’ve already slept with them.
Time to look beyond the boroughs. And no, we’re not talking New Jersey. More and more New Yorkers are searching for love on European dating sites, living out fairy-tale fantasies of international romance.
“French men really treat you like a lady,” says Lillian, a 42-year-old Manhattan copy editor who signed up for Meetic.com, Europe’s largest dating site. “They wine you, they dine you, they make you feel like you’re the only one on the planet.”
Lillian describes the men she’s met on US-based dating sites as “sleazy,” and the real-life dating scene in New York as “nonexistent.”
“I go out here — and nothin’,” she says.
But on Meetic, she Skypes with a Parisian man from the site for an hour each day. This month they missed connections — she flew to France for vacation the same day he flew to NYC for business — yet Lillian managed to line up two dates with another Frenchman Meetic member while in Paris.
“I was talking to guys in Italy, France and Sweden all at once,” she brags.
Susan, a 22-year-old grad student, also struggled with dating locally, so she widened her eHarmony parameters.
“What are the odds that that perfect person is within a 25-mile radius of your home?” she asks.
Turns out her future husband was living 3,400 miles away in a tiny village with the population of 60. eHarmony matched her with Peter, a 30-year-old Slovakian living in England. After months of Webcam chats, Susan hopped the pond for a face-to-face.
“I was really, really nervous on the plane,” she remembers. “I don’t do this sort of thing! But he was that special.”
Peter proposed a few months later in a romantic English garden. They married last June near a lake in Aurora, NY, and he’s since moved here.
Even “Real Housewives of New York City” reality star Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen met through Matchmaker.com while living on different continents.
“I had already dated most of the guys I knew and wanted to date in New York,” says Alex.
Simon, meanwhile, was based in Sydney and posted a profile on the Australian section of the site. On a lark, he changed his location to New York during a work trip to the city.
“I wasn’t looking to find a New York woman and move here,” he insists.
Still, international love prevailed and they tied the knot in 2000.
“Expect it when you least expect it,” they say. In unison.
Mark Brooks, editor of OnlinePersonalsWatch.com, says international romance is a growing trend, due to singles’ increasing pickiness about potential life partners.
“The longer the shopping list, the further afield you should cast your net,” he advises.
A single New Yorker four years ago, he flew to Prague for a European online dating conference where he met — and fell for — a Czech woman. They married last April and now live in Malta with two daughters.
It’s not just New Yorkers who are searching overseas for love. Sarah Shaw, 45, describes the dating scene in LA as “a nightmare,” so a French friend made her register with Meetic, where she stumbled upon Pierre Dubois, a handsome French painter. They fell into a whirlwind “fantasy” romance and were married soon after. Pierre moved to California and they now have identical twin girls.
Sarah credits European men with being more open and less threatened by female success than American men. Plus there’s that foreign accent.
“You have to be willing to look under every rock,” she says. “In every country.”
Here are some of the most popular dating sites from around the world:
* Europeans: Meetic.com
* Brits and Canadians: PlentyOfFish.com
* Asians: AsiaFriendFinder.com
* Australians: RSVP.com.au
* Indians: Shaadi.com
* Russians: Member.ru
Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/lifestyle/dating/daters_without_borders_lE0aVEOO6fidW6lXlntY2H#ixzz0YYvNa9GM
It astounds me how short-sighted people are when it comes to telling the truth online. Just about every one of my older clients asks me if it is okay to lie about their age. Of course, no one wants to lie about being older than they really are. They all say “Well, I look a lot younger that my age and I feel younger. And the men/women I am attracted to are a lot younger than I am too.” Isn’t that interesting? Just about everyone I know looks their age. And what if they do look younger? Isn’t that a wonderful statement about their good genes or how well they have taken care of themselves? Rather than worry about being caught in a lie, how about being respected for telling the truth? Here are some right-on thoughts about lying and truth-telling, underlines are mine.
‘White lies’ are a dating no-no
By KRYSTLE LAUB AND ERIN OUTERBRIDGE
Everyone tells a white lie now and again. Telling someone they don’t look horrible when they are clearly having a bad day is actually a nice thing to do and, in our eyes, acceptable. However, when you are out there dating, lying is one of the things you should avoid.
We are both single, and we find ourselves navigating the wide, wide world of Internet dating and the ever-popular blind date. “Don’t lie?!” you say? “Well, how will I ever get someone to date me?” We suggest the truth and being proud of who you are. This column is, in short, a guide to how the opposite sex is not stupid, and how lies are not a great way to start a new relationship.
The very first guy that Krystle met in person from Match.com was a teacher from Brooklyn. He drove all the way out to Hackensack to meet her at the Cheesecake Factory. That day she had scrolled through his profile for one last gander: six feet, brown hair, “athletic build.” When she arrived, the man in front of her had blond hair, and the top of his head barely reached her 5-foot, 9-inch height. Did he really think that she wouldn’t notice the obvious difference? Recently she met a guy at a bar that she had contacted on Match, only to find out that nearly everything he told her had been untrue. Everything: the town he lived in, his job, the types of cars he drove. Everything was false.
Last summer Erin experienced a similar situation. She went on a blind date with a guy who said he was 5 feet, 11 inches. This seemed to be the perfect height difference as she is 5 feet, 3 inches. Well, it was the perfect height difference until he walked in. When retelling the story to friends, Erin was generous and said he was 5 feet, 5 inches, but being honest, they were the same height. He was a great guy and the date went well (minus the mouse scurrying across the barroom floor), but his “white lie” and being more than 15 minutes late really put a damper on the chemistry.
Women are just as shady when it comes to dating. We decided to ask our guy friends for instances of dating horror stories. One friend told us about a first date with a girl in which he was really interested. During the conversation that night, they agreed that they both loved James Bond movies. On the second date, he cooked her dinner and they watched their mutually-agreed-upon favorite James Bond movie. Before the credits even finished rolling, she was berating him for choosing to watch this particular movie and lecturing him about how James Bond movies are demeaning to women.
Another guy friend told us about a woman who would say anything to him to seem open-minded. If you are a vegetarian, tell him before he recommends a steak house!
While we are all insecure about different things, being dishonest about anything is never a good idea. The whole concept behind dating is to find someone who loves you for you, not to trick someone into dating you.
Finding the special someone you want to spend the rest of your life with will come so long as you are honest about who you are and your intentions. Whether it’s big or small, about appearance or interests, fibbing isn’t going to get you anywhere with the other person. They will eventually find out the truth, and it will hurt your chances at a serious relationship.
So be brave, lay the cards out on the table, and tell the truth!
E-mail your questions to .
Who do you turn to when you need advice? If a neutral sounding board is what you need, e-mail us! We are here to help you keep a level head and an open heart on life’s bumpy road to happiness.
Everyone tells a white lie now and again. Telling someone they don’t look horrible when they are clearly having a bad day is actually a nice thing to do and, in our eyes, acceptable. However, when you are out there dating, lying is one of the things you should avoid.
We are both single, and we find ourselves navigating the wide, wide world of Internet dating and the ever-popular blind date. “Don’t lie?!” you say? “Well, how will I ever get someone to date me?” We suggest the truth and being proud of who you are. This column is, in short, a guide to how the opposite sex is not stupid, and how lies are not a great way to start a new relationship.
The very first guy that Krystle met in person from Match.com was a teacher from Brooklyn. He drove all the way out to Hackensack to meet her at the Cheesecake Factory. That day she had scrolled through his profile for one last gander: six feet, brown hair, “athletic build.” When she arrived, the man in front of her had blond hair, and the top of his head barely reached her 5-foot, 9-inch height. Did he really think that she wouldn’t notice the obvious difference? Recently she met a guy at a bar that she had contacted on Match, only to find out that nearly everything he told her had been untrue. Everything: the town he lived in, his job, the types of cars he drove. Everything was fasle.
Last summer Erin experienced a similar situation. She went on a blind date with a guy who said he was 5 feet, 11 inches. This seemed to be the perfect height difference as she is 5 feet, 3 inches. Well, it was the perfect height difference until he walked in. When retelling the story to friends, Erin was generous and said he was 5 feet, 5 inches, but being honest, they were the same height. He was a great guy and the date went well (minus the mouse scurrying across the barroom floor), but his “white lie” and being more than 15 minutes late really put a damper on the chemistry.
Women are just as shady when it comes to dating. We decided to ask our guy friends for instances of dating horror stories. One friend told us about a first date with a girl in which he was really interested. During the conversation that night, they agreed that they both loved James Bond movies. On the second date, he cooked her dinner and they watched their mutually-agreed-upon favorite James Bond movie. Before the credits even finished rolling, she was berating him for choosing to watch this particular movie and lecturing him about how James Bond movies are demeaning to women.
Another guy friend told us about a woman who would say anything to him to seem open-minded. If you are a vegetarian, tell him before he recommends a steak house!
While we are all insecure about different things, being dishonest about anything is never a good idea. The whole concept behind dating is to find someone who loves you for you, not to trick someone into dating you.
Finding the special someone you want to spend the rest of your life with will come so long as you are honest about who you are and your intentions. Whether it’s big or small, about appearance or interests, fibbing isn’t going to get you anywhere with the other person. They will eventually find out the truth, and it will hurt your chances at a serious relationship.
So be brave, lay the cards out on the table, and tell the truth!
It really does boggle my mind when people complain about how much time looking for love takes. Don’t they have any idea how much time BEING in a relationship takes? Just try going though a breakup in a long-term relationship and see how much time you now have on your hands that otherwise went into relationship maintenance!
However, in the spirit of passing on what might be valuable resources for my single friends, here’s the latest: Outsourcing your love life.
Outsource love life to virtual assistant?
By Judy McGuire, The Frisky
(The Frisky)—I am a huge fan of online dating. I met my long-term boyfriend on Nerve.com and the majority of the weddings I’ve been to over the past few years have been between people who met online.
Though I still have friends who are reluctant to try it (you know who you are!), I encourage every single person looking for love to give it a whirl.
But even I raised an eyebrow last year when I read writer/comedian Carrie Seim’s New York Post story on how she entrusted her love life to a virtual assistant in India.
It’s one thing to weed out dudes using their blurry photos and attempts at wit; it’s quite another to have some stranger pick your dates for you. After suffering through too many disastrous fix-ups, I even stopped letting my friends set me up.
But Carrie had a good experience. Suresh, her VA, found her two amazing guys with very little guidance from her.
“I’m very type-A with all aspects of my life, so it was tough for me to give up the reins,” she says. “He himself was a single guy looking for love in Bangalore, so he had a romantic streak. He was absolutely intent on finding me the perfect match. His enthusiasm was contagious—he even went to the point of penning love letters for me!”
Since her story, I’ve read several accounts of people outsourcing their love lives. An expert at outsourcing almost every aspect of his life, Tim “Four-Hour Work Week” Ferriss also tried it with excellent results.
A brief look through virtual assistant Web sites (there are tons) showed rates ranging anywhere from $4 up to $100 an hour, depending on what was expected and where they were based, with the average hourly rate being around $30.
So I was intrigued when I got a press release for a new(ish) company called Virtual Dating Assistants. When VDA began, they only serviced men, but have recently expanded their parameters to include the ladies. For $480 a month, they guarantee you two dates every 30 days. (They count on spending about 40 hours per month on each client, averaging out to about $12 an hour.)
Please note, I’m no supermodel, but for $20-a-month online subscription I was able to get two dates a week—more if I had the energy. But then not everyone has as much free time as I do.
VDA not only figures out which sites are the best fit for you, they select candidates, craft your profile, help you pick the best photos, and then correspond with potential dates. I asked Scott Valdez, one of the founders, how catering to women differed from servicing men.
“When a guy is less attractive, if he has a lot of other things going for him, he can still attract a woman,” Valdez says. Translation: money can buy even the fugliest dude love—a lesson I think we all learned from “Millionaire Matchmaker.”
Apparently this is not so true with a less-attractive woman, regardless of how successful she might be. Valdez and Co ran into a problem when one of their less-cute lady clients wanted them to bag her a fox.
“She was picky from a physical standpoint which made it very hard,” Valdez tells me. “It didn’t matter that she had money or confidence.” Ouch.
While she does have good looks going for her, a year after her original outsourcing, Carrie Seim remains pleasantly surprised by her outcome.
“I think when women search for dates online, we can get so carried away with external qualities, like a man’s education or job or height or bicep size, that we forget to look for values like integrity and kindness,” she says. “Suresh had a knack for sieving out the bad guys and finding treasures.”
So hey, you send out your dry-cleaning, why not give your love life a try?
Most of us are easily findable online now. Some of us are so much online that we need to keep track of what is being said about us or someone else who has the same name. If you are dating online, you need to be aware that your date likely is googling your name as soon as they know it. So Google your own regularly to find out what your date may be finding out about you. See this advice below for managing your online reputation.
Protecting Yourself.com
Here are some tips for defending your reputation online:
* Find out what people are saying about you. Search for yourself on search engines weekly and set up Google alerts and Twilert (for Twitter tweets) on your name.
* Sign up for free Web sites that allow you to create a brand for yourself, such as LinkedIn, Ziggs or Naymz.
* Buy the URL for your name from a site such as GoDaddy.com.
* Don’t respond online or in email to anyone who has said something bad about you on the Internet. This will only feed the fire.
* If someone has defamed you, check out the code of conduct regulations for the site where the comments were posted, and report the comments if they are a violation of the site’s abusive language policy. Copy the relevant regulation in your complaint.
* Create a blog and keep it updated. The goal is to make sure this new, accurate content rises to the top of a search of your name.
* If all else fails, hire an online-mangement service such as ReputationDefender to manage your reputation online.
I’m the grand champ of “tell the truth, never lie,” with anything that has to do with finding your true love online. Lying is just plain dumb and short-sighted. You’ll be found out, and then be branded a liar. It is not worth the risk, believe me. And it is becoming more risky all the time. Ways to find out whether your date is lying are becoming more and more available. Don’t let yourself be on the receiving end of some new lie detector service like the one described below.
The PeopleFinders Network Announces Lie Detector Applications for the iPhone
The PeopleFinders Network, the premier provider of online and mobile people search services, today announced the addition of Stud Or Dud and Are They Really Single iPhone applications and Websites to its portfolio of services. The applications arm singles with the only tool they need to find true love: their Apple iPhone.
Stud Or Dud and Are They Really Single provide today’s singles with quick, easy-to-view reports that can help them make important decisions about potential love interests. The reports are based on background information including age, marriage and divorce records, criminal history, business ownership, property ownership, evictions and more. With Stud Or Dud and Are They Really Single, people in the dating scene now have the tools they need to determine if Prince Charming is really Mr. Right.
“Stud Or Dud and Are They Really Single provide a new line of defense for people to protect themselves against those who misrepresent who they are, or who they aren’t,” said Bryce Lane, president and COO of PeopleFinders. “In the time it takes to order a beverage, people can easily run a comprehensive background check on their iPhone using our new apps. It’s a quick and easy way to weed out any white lies or half truths that sometimes pop up in conversation when you first meet someone.”
Stud Or Dud a.k.a. “Stud/Dud”
To conduct a Stud Or Dud search, users simply enter a name, age, date of birth, phone number, email address, city or state. The application quickly performs an extensive search through PeopleFinders’ proprietary database of public records and publicly available information, and formulates a comprehensive profile on the person of interest. Based on criteria such as stable address history, real estate ownership, business records, professional licenses, bankruptcies, criminal records and evictions, the application helps users determine whether the person might be a “stud” or “dud.”
Are They Really Single a.k.a. “Single?”
Are They Really Single, known as “Single?,” helps users confirm that a potential love interest is, in fact, single. To get started, users enter a name, age, date of birth, city or state. The service then searches through information pertaining to marriage, divorce, spousal and other domestic relationships, and creates a list of people who have or had long term relationships with the person. The service then compares the gender, age differences, last names (current and maiden) and other relevant data to find existing relatives or spouses, resulting in a relationship indicator report.
Pricing
Consumers can purchase each application for $0.99. This allows users to order an unlimited number of Stud Or Dud or Are They Really Single reports. Both services are also available online where users can purchase a single report for $9.95 or an annual membership with unlimited reports for $24.95.
Availability
Both Stud Or Dud and Are They Really Single are available online at http://www.studordud.com and http://www.aretheyreallysingle.com. Consumers can also download the applications to their iPhone by searching “Stud/Dud” and “Single?” in the iPhone App Store.
About The PeopleFinders Network
The PeopleFinders Network provides consumers and businesses with a collection of online and mobile people search services. Each service produces comprehensive reports based on the company’s propriety database of public records and publicly available information. The PeopleFinders Network is the only company that can search billions of records spanning the last 40 years, making search results more comprehensive and accurate than competitors. The PeopleFinders Network was founded in 1988 and is headquartered in Sacramento, California. For more information, visit http://www.peoplefinders.com.
I love how you can find just about anything you want on the Web, even, as we well know, Sweetie Pies. But I do have difficulty with the thought that busy people can’t make the time to manage their own love life. How do they expect to make a relationship work, with all the time that THAT takes, if they don’t even have the time to find the guy or gal in the first place? But where there is a need, a service appears. Here’s one that may work for you, if you can’t find the time to do what needs doing.
Busy Women Can Now Outsource Online Dating to VirtualDatingAssistants.com
With the loneliest time of the year right around the corner, Virtual Dating Assistants LLC, a company that has allowed men to outsource online dating since June of this year, has decided to open its doors to time-strapped women. Now busy female professionals can fully delegate their online dating duties to an expert team of virtual dating assistants for only $480/month.
Miami, FL (PRWEB) December 1, 2009—
On June 10th, Virtual Dating Assistants LLC entered the online dating scene with a unique concept. The company proposed to enable busy men to fully outsource their efforts on internet dating sites such as Match.com and OkCupid.com to a team of seasoned pros. The company’s virtual dating assistants handle everything from profile creation to online interaction and, ultimately, bring online dating offline for its male clients.
Since its initial launch, the company’s executives reportedly came to the realization that not offering to service women was a big mistake. According to Scott Valdez, Co-Founder and President of VDA, “While our service was initially designed for men, countless women have gone out of their way the past five months to make it clear to us that they could benefit from a service like ours. Once we were certain we had made a strategic error, we began testing profile strategies, emails and other factors to determine what approaches men respond to on internet dating websites. We had to make sure we were able deliver the same level of service and overall results to women before we officially opened the door.”
What we realized though, after talking to countless time-strapped women, is that they need help weeding through the masses for potential keepers. Plus, many of them want to take a proactive approach to pursuing the most eligible bachelors possible online.
That time is now. For $480 per month, the company’s virtual dating assistants will devote 40 hours towards helping busy women to identify and meet high-quality men through a variety of online dating websites.
“I had always assumed that professional men would find our service most appealing since they have to take a proactive approach and craft hundreds of customized messages to women online, which takes considerable time” remarks co-founder Mark Anderson. “What we realized though, after talking to countless time-strapped women, is that they need help weeding through the masses for potential keepers. Plus, many of them want to take a proactive approach to pursuing the most eligible bachelors possible online. Like our male clients, many female professionals simply don’t have the time to handle these difficult and time-consuming activities themselves.”
The company will guide female clients through the process of defining exactly what they are looking for in a partner (age, ethnicity, body type, physical distance, “deal breakers”, etc.) and then help them to brand themselves properly online so that they attract him. The assistants will continually weed through incoming emails (sometimes hundreds per week) looking for keepers but since the keepers aren’t always the ones doing the emailing, the assistants will also be filtering the databases of various online dating sites to find men that meet the client’s requirements. Once identified and approved by the client, the assistants will craft and send customized emails to them on the client’s behalf.
The company guarantees at least 2 dates per month that meet each client’s criteria but, based on pilot testing results, anticipates arranging an average of 6 dates per month for its female clients.
Statistics show that 58% of single women have tried online dating and that women, on average, have 30 minutes less free time each day, which means less time to devote to finding that special someone. Virtual Dating Assistants now has now opened its doors to these time-starved women looking for companionship.
ABOUT VIRTUAL DATING ASSISTANTS LLC
Virtual Dating Assistants is the first company to allow time-starved singles to outsource their online dating. The company handles everything from profile creation to online interaction and effectively brings online dating offline for its clients by setting them up with dates that meet their specifications.
The company is the brain child of Scott Valdez and his partner Mark Anderson, who originally had his virtual assistant schedule 79 first dates using online dating sites over a 12 month period. These dates eventually led Anderson to his wife and a happy family life.
For more information, view Virtual Dating Assistants’ website at: http://www.VirtualDatingAssistants.com
Finding a mate gets a lot harder for women once they hit 35 or 40. I just stumbled on this article below that is excellently realistic about the fix that women can get themselves in—with good advice on how to get out of said fix. I’ve underlined the parts that I think are particularly good. What do you think? (Actually, I think the whole thing is so good that I recommend you just read the whole thing.
How to meet a man at 40 It doesn’t get any easier the older you get. So just how do you win the dating game?
Shane Watson
Before we get started, you need to know that the man you fall in love with will bear absolutely no resemblance to the man you were planning to fall in love with. He will live an hour away from where you live, minimum. He will be wearing a shiny suit and, possibly, a brown shirt. And he’ll have the sort of baggage that requires its own baggage handler. This much you can guarantee.
Because one of the reasons you are single (and this is the only one that is strictly your fault) is that you have written off every kind of man who might conceivably cross your path. You have built a fortress out of your preconditions and you are glowering down from the battlements. Men do approach from time to time, but then they see the vats of boiling oil teetering on the ramparts and think better of it.
As far as you are concerned, this fortress is a normal precaution for vetting prospective men, and so it was, initially. Then time passed, you settled into a routine and now you are mistress of the You Won’t Get Past Me checklist.
As it happens, I was set up with the One at a lunch three years before the party at which we officially met. The reason the lunch doesn’t count as the first meeting is because we barely spoke, and the reason we didn’t speak is because I ran his details through the List database and, in 0.2 seconds, it came up with a You Cannot Be Serious rating. Of course it did! The One was very recently divorced (not for me, thanks). He had three children in tow (uh-oh). I think he’d had a savage £5 haircut, and I’m almost certain he was wearing the brown shirt. So, at that first meeting, I summoned the List and the List gave me permission to do nothing.
This List, let’s be clear, is not made up of sensible broad guidelines such as must not be married or should live on same continent; it is extremely specific. Here are some edited highlights from my List, and I’m not making a word of it up:
- Must have hair. Hair is good, but what if top of his List was “must have large breasts”? That puts a rather different complexion on it, doesn’t it?
- Must not have ex-wife or children. Like the pool isn’t small enough as it is.
- Must not wear fleeces. The bulky navy ones. I’m not going to budge on this one. Fleeces say you’re the kind of man who takes his wife to the pub for your anniversary dinner.
- Must not wear short-sleeved shirts. See fleeces. Add golf/ cricket/rugby club to anniversary venue.
- Must not wear jewellery. Although you can tell a lot from jewellery. Any man wearing a leather-thong necklace is certainly a narcissist who still imagines he could have been in the Rolling Stones. Pierced earrings past the age of 40 equal midlife-crisis man. Gold chains on a mahogany chest are the equivalent of the long little fingernail (just plain sleazy).
- Must have a good job, but not one that requires him to get up at 5.30am and take a laptop on holiday.
- Must not wear hoodies or V-neck sweaters with nothing underneath. Hoodies are for boys. And “nothing underneath” is another I Love Myself sign, only this time there’s also the suggestion of And I Am Hot in Bed.
- Must not sing flat. This, too, I stand by.
- Should play sports to fairly high standard. No excuse for this. It’s probably a hangover from school and the presex checklist of a boy’s fanciability.
When you think about it, this List would be more appropriate for an 18-year-old girl. Right now, and without any further ado, you need to abandon the List. Come on, there is nothing on your List that is genuinely non-negotiable. So you hate goatees, get him to shave it off. So you’re allergic to three-quarter-length trousers. Tell him. Liberate yourself. Start over. Not your type? Right, and that’s been such a success for you to date.
After much deliberation, these are the only up-front non-negotiables:
- Must be kind. If you have heard him be vile about anyone, seen him be cruel to animals, children or boring hostesses, then this man is not kind.
- Must like women. You think this goes without saying. Of course every man you’ve ever been out with has loved women. But are you absolutely sure? Did they like it if you contradicted them in public? Were there many women they found attractive who were a) over 50, b) large, or c) noisy? Thought not.
- Must adore you.
- Must be smarter than you, or at least as smart. Smarter, probably, or you will keep looking for that Achilles heel.
- Must have bigger feet than you. Obviously. And must be hairier.
- Must be able to make you laugh in all situations, including when you get to the airport and discover he has no passport.
- You must fancy him unconditionally.
If you cannot put a tick next to all of the above, then I would seriously consider calling it off right now.
So you’ve dumped the List, or at least made a concerted effort to put aside your prejudices. Now what? First, a small pep talk: you need to be ready for this to happen. Long-term single women have been known to get hooked on keeping their options open. You secretly like the feeling that something life-changing might be just around the corner. And the reason you — who travels solo, makes friends easily and never says no to adventure — need to rethink your future is because you may be ready to try everything and risk everything but your heart.
GETTING IN THE ZONE
- Assume that you are going to be having sex in the very near future. It generates that mixture of adrenaline and pheromones that people have been trying to bottle since the beginning of time.
- Make the extra effort. If you go to the party wearing your second-hottest dress, because you are saving your No 1 dress and you’ve already decided that you’ll only stay for an hour, then you might as well not bother. You will not exude the right anything-is-possible glow and the One will look in your direction and think “Downer”.
- Do something differently. Wear heels instead of flats, put on a slithery dress instead of jeans, do something unexpected with your hair (though obviously not involving an Alice band). You won’t necessarily look any better, but you will feel like you’ve changed up a gear. Part of the game (after a period of being overlooked) is believing you are definitely worth some attention, rather than passable in a low-lit environment.
- Lose your friends. I know, this sounds like madness. Who has the single woman got if not her loyal girlfriends? Who is going to bung you in a cab at the end of the night and then ring to check you haven’t fallen asleep in the stairwell? Nonetheless, as much as you love them and need them, your friends will cramp your style. What you don’t need is one of them rolling her eyes as you nibble provocatively on the rim of your champagne glass, or another bellowing: “Go on, do your Hoffmeister bear impersonation!” Plus, if something should happen to develop when your friends are in the vicinity, you can expect them to react in one of the following ways: gawping, followed by circling at a not-discreet- enough distance, texting all your other mutual friends with updates on your progress; giving the double thumbs-up immediately behind his head; leaping in to help things along (Isn’t she just gorgeous. I just love her! Doesn’t she look amazing tonight? Isn’t this brilliant?). Alternatively, if drunk enough, they may start popping up behind sofas, sniggering. This stuff doesn’t change the older you get; if anything, it gets worse. So don’t automatically arrange to go to the party with a couple of girls or, once you get there, rush to find the people you’ve known all your life.
- Pick your man. Don’t wait for him to find you. The One says he saw me steaming across the room, nostrils flared, elbowing women out of my path, but this is not true. I did spot him in the distance and then sort of worked my way across the room in his direction. But it’s true that I made it happen. And then, drum roll please, I did that thing happily single women so often forget to do. I set about making him like me (as opposed to waiting for him to prove to me that he was worth the trouble).
- Flirt and then some. However much you think you are flirting, double it. What the hell, quadruple it. Barely-there flirting will register as average civility, if it registers at all. Singledom makes a girl cautious. She is preoccupied with not looking like a mad, sad, ticking man-huntress. Trust me, you need to be flirting at a level where you think, “Blimey, steady on, he’ll think I’m a pro”, before you can be confident that he has twigged you might quite like him.
SOME RULES OF FLIRTING
- Be intensely interested in everything he says. Casting your eyes around is counterproductive, especially if you’re hunting the canapés.
- Maintain eye contact for long enough that you are both in no doubt it is not accidental.
- Be very impressed.
- Tease, a bit, but not about any of the no-go areas — height, hair, lisp, mothers, his level of inebriation/sweating.
- Flatter, but only lightly, in passing, and not more than once.
- Don’t touch. You could lightly touch his forearm, maybe. But better not.
- Disappear at some point. For roughly 10 minutes. You want him to have the chance to miss you.
- Some say fiddle with your hair, your cleavage, your earrings. I say don’t risk looking like you have fleas. Don’t lick your lips/teeth under any circumstances. He may think you are chasing canapé particles.
- Be extravagantly open about everything (bar medical stuff). Honesty is disarming.
- Make him responsible for you. Say, “Would you get me another drink?”, “Would you let me lean on you while I do up my shoe”, “Would you tell me what you think about buying property when the subprime market is in collapse?” Just kidding.
BEING SUCCESSFULLY SINGLE
Look, meeting a man is not your only goal in life. It doesn’t keep you awake at night (although it has been known to). But the key to being successfully single is keeping an open mind. You want to exude contentment and confidence, but also avoid giving the impression that you are so pleased with your single life, you wouldn’t give it up for anything, including the right man. It’s all about presentation:
- If there is one thing the single woman cannot afford to be, it’s a burden. You must be sunny and amenable, the best guest, the most reliable friend, the tonic at the party and the one who blends in on the family holiday. Precisely because you are not part of a couple, you need to give out the message, loud and clear, that you are no trouble and guaranteed life-enhancing. Being successfully single means having lots of different options and knowing plenty of people who might think, “Yes, bring her along!” rather than, “Maybe not”.
- People notice single women getting drunk more than they would notice any other demographic. They are waiting for you to get swervy and take to the dancefloor, on your own, clutching a bottle of champagne, and then collapse sobbing on the shoulder of some man who has long since married your best friend. All men over the age of 35 have pretty fixed views about women and drink — not women in general, you understand, but women they could be interested in. They love women who drink. They’re crazy about wild party girls. But they are all petrified of a genuinely drunk woman. Uninhibited is good. Determined to dance is good. Singing is good. Stumbling is less good. Slurring is worse. Shouty and argumentative is not good. Legs buckling is bad. Weepy is bad. Sick on floor is really bad. He decided not to call you, by the way, at slurring.
- The single woman must be prepared at all times. Even if you know that the chance of your freshly waxed areas getting man exposure is zero, there is a certain confidence that comes from being good to go at a moment’s notice. Grooming (don’t you hate that word?) works in mysterious ways. I have a friend who is living with a man she first slept with solely because, that same day, she had shelled out for a very expensive seaweed wrap. The seaweed wrap made her a) more confident on account of her baby-soft skin, and b) absolutely determined not to waste her investment. So there’s a possible double incentive for grooming.
- A woman who has a boyfriend can turn up to a party wearing a holey jumper, a ripped skirt and trodden-down ballet pumps and this woman will look bohemian and sexy. A single woman wearing exactly the same, on the same night, will look scruffy, grubby and, possibly, a bit unstable. People will look at her and think: “Poor Susie. She really has given up, hasn’t she?”
There is one unavoidable truth about clothes that many of us are still determinedly avoiding: if you want sex, then you need to dress with sex in mind. Dressing with sex in mind does not, repeat not, mean second-guessing men’s fantasies. That could work, but it will not work nearly as effectively as you wearing whatever you think is blindingly sexy, for two reasons:
a) A woman in slit satin skirt, fishnet tights, clingy top or similar will look like the reluctant deputy headmistress in the school charity performance if she simply isn’t that kind of girl. b) Who knows what men find sexy? It’s different for all of them, and just when you think you have a handle on what they like, they’ll remind you it isn’t that simple. The look you really want to avoid (apart from goth) is what your mother might describe as “lovely”. Lovely is a bias-cut floral dress and kitten-heel slingbacks, wrap dresses worn with cashmere cardigans, and pastel ballerina tops over slinky skirts. Once, a long time ago, the brilliant Isabella Blow told me I must wear a hat if I wanted to find the One. “You have to stand out in a crowd. You have to let them see you,” she said. “And men love a hat. They see the hat and they want to meet the girl.”
I never got around to wearing a hat Isabella-style (shaped like a galleon, blocking out the sun), but I should have taken the point. You don’t have to put a ship on your head to get men to notice you, but if you spend a decade wearing black trouser suits to parties, don’t be surprised if they walk right past you to get to the girl with the parrot on her shoulder.
Here’s a question I hear all the time: How long should we email before meeting? Internet dating has evolved to the point that many folks have little or no patience with emailing at all and want to move right to the phone or that first meeting at Starbuck’s. I do think that meeting too fast is a lost opportunity to get to know someone before having to deal with the physical reality, but it does seem that the physical reality is what many people want first and foremost. But as a general rule, it is not a good idea to let the email relationship continue on too long. First off, it is too easy to “fill in the blanks,” idealizing what you do not know, and then falling in love with what you have made up. And it is too easy for your email partner to hide behind the computer screen. Do not let an email relationship go on much more than two or three weeks before meeting and getting a grounding in reality.
GadgetMonkey’s Advice Column On Online Dating
DEAR GADGETMONKEY: At what point should I be meeting an Internet connection in person? I have been chatting with this guy online for three months and he still hasn’t committed to actually meeting me in the real world. Signed, Penelope Stuck Online.
DEAR PENELOPE STUCK ONLINE: At some point, you have to quit rooting for the Chicago Cubs to go to the World Series, for a French automobile that doesn’t suck, and yes, at some point, you have to ditch a loser online. If he’s not willing to meet you after three or four emails (much less three or four weeks), then it’s time to have them put up or shut up.
There’s probably a reason that they’re not willing to meet. Either they’re married, have a girlfriend, they’re quite ugly, or they’re working you remotely as part of a scam from Nigeria. I would say that it’s probably the last one, so hopefully they haven’t sent you any attachments that you opened or have asked you to wire them money by Western Union because they’re “stuck in Great Britain without their passport.” If you send me $200 and your social security number, I will be more than happy to send you more information on these types of scams on the Internet.
It’s an unfortunate truth that as wonderful a resource as Internet dating has been for adult singles, it also has increased the pressure to be perfect, especially in the looks and weight department. One of the thing that dating online encourages is the fantasy that every beautiful woman OR man is equally available to you, no matter what your relative looks are. Add in that most people overrate their own attractiveness, and you have a gold rush of business to the 10’s online, and nothing or next to it if you are a 5 or below. Large women have the most difficult time of all. In my experience, if you are female and on the heavier side of average or higher (and average is 165 pounds and size 14), either lose some weight or get on a site for larger folks. The lack of traffic and attention to you on the mainstream sites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals will be deafening.
BBW can’t find SM: Plus-size online dating is hard
Each day, Match.com sends Christie Hyde five potential mates based on preferences in her profile—age, height, education, religion, smoking.
But then she reads “slender” or “athletic and toned” for their preferred body type.
She’s a size 24.
“It literally happens every day on that site,” said Hyde, 33, who works in public
relations in Daytona Beach, Fla. “I am open on the sites about my size. I am who I am.”
The dating show “More to Love” suggests that love comes in all shapes and sizes, but plus-size singles say their weight sometimes gets in the way of finding love online, even though two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese.
Cynthia Colby, 55, who works in multimedia marketing and promotions in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, said she tried eHarmony and Match.com with no luck.
“Either I was overlooked or I would sometimes get someone who didn’t read the part where I said how heavy I was,” said Colby. She included that she was a large woman (size 20) in her profile and posted photos, but typically when she reminded matches about her size, they’d say, “‘Oh. I didn’t know. That changes things.’”
Cheryl Sellick, 54, of Cherryville, N.C., who has been on Match.com and Plentyoffish.com, doesn’t say she is a BBW (big beautiful woman), size 26, in her profile, but does post photos.
She sends the men an e-mail before meeting in person: “ “I want to remind you I am a big beautiful woman. Are you sure you want to do this?’ Some guys are gracious about it, she said, but “most of them are just gone.’ “
Sellick is now looking for matches on the MoretoLove.com dating site, and feels more comfortable knowing the men are looking for larger women.
Studies show that people who are overweight face discrimination in many areas, including work, education, health care and even from families and friends, according to Peggy Howell of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. Dating seems to be no different.
A Wake Forest University study earlier this year found that men find thin, seductive women the most attractive. Researchers surveyed 4,000 men and women aged 18 to 70-plus and asked them how attractive they found photos of members of the opposite sex.
The men had similar body type preferences, while the women had a more diverse range of responses, said lead researcher Dustin Wood.
No wonder some women lie on their profiles, choosing a “few extra pounds” instead of “heavyset” or posting photos from younger, thinner years.
Laura Triplett, an assistant professor of communications at California State University, Fullerton, who studies fat discrimination, said many larger-sized women are rejected once they meet a potential mate in person, even if they are upfront about size in profiles and photos.
She said in one instance, a man flew a woman across the country for a meeting, was disappointed when he saw her and asked her to refund the price of the ticket, claiming he flew her there under false pretenses.
“With online dating, I think that people invest themselves with emotion and fantasy of who the other person is,” said Triplett. “The actual facts fall by the wayside. When they actually see the person, taboo takes over. Simply being near someone who possesses a socially undesirable trait is enough to trigger fear of public outcry.”
Triplett suggests overweight women use a niche site like MoretoLove.com, BBPeopleMeet.com and BBWRomance.com. But she does not advise including weight or size in profiles. “People are going to use your physical characteristics to judge you,” she said. “Why not focus on other things about yourself?”
It’s one of the reasons eHarmony doesn’t ask about weight in its questionnaire. Matching focuses on psychological characteristics, such as shared values, beliefs, attitudes and interests rather than looks, said Paul Breton of eHarmony.
But people should be honest, said James Houran, columnist and spokesman for Online Dating Magazine, whether it’s about size, height or how much hair they have. He calls the eHarmony approach naive; men are visual creatures, he said.
“By sharing who you really are, you are increasing your odds of finding someone who will genuinely have an attraction to you,” he said.
Some men, of course, want to date large women. Bill Fabrey, 68, of Mount Marion, N.Y., owner of Amplestuff, which sells accessories for large people, prefers women who are a size 20 or more. He himself is 5 foot 8 and 220 pounds. He complains that some women on plus-size sites are reluctant to post photos. “Most of the matches that are successful result from photos,” he said.
Linda Arroz, 50, of Los Angeles, a lifestyle expert and former plus-size spokesmodel, said a lot of online success comes from confidence. When she used the headline “Smart, Successful BBW seeks SWM for fun, wine and dine” on Craigslist, she received 100 responses. She vetted six, met five and ended up dating two of the guys.
“I realize that many, if not most men, do not want to date a fat woman,” said Arroz, who is divorced and a size 16-18. “If they like the woman first, they don’t notice her size, they just notice her.”
I’ve been pretty uncomfortable about all this business about older women dating younger men, a phenomenon that’s become called “Cougars.” While theoretically I am not opposed to age differences one way or the other, what I didn’t like was the predatory slant that “Cougar” implied. That aside, well why not? This article below makes some points that I had not thought of, and says that younger men are now starting to seek out older women for particular reasons. What occurred to me is for guys 35 and under, going older has a lot to be said for it. I call it the Magic 35—for men 35 and under, the competition from other men for the most attractive women is very stiff. Going older might be a very good route for these men. (I’ve underlined the parts that I liked best.)
Field Notes In Cougar Territory, Cubs Take the Lead
By MARCELLE S. FISCHLER
IN the swirl of attention around older women coupling with younger men, it seems the guys are increasingly the ones on the prowl.
Over the last year, Amber Soletti, a founder of OnSpeedDating.com, has been playing host monthly to “Cougar/Boy Toy” speed-dating events. And despite research to the contrary, it is the men, she and others say, who are clamoring for more.
“We’ve had to turn away men at every event,” she said. Ten men were on the waiting list at the most recent one.
Casey Mizzone, 31, a teacher from Hoboken, N.J., made the cut at the “Cougar/Boy Toy” night on Nov. 4 at the Watering Hole, a New York bar. He had been wait-listed the previous month. Older women, Mr. Mizzone said, “are not so nitpicky, so naggy; there’s not a lot of pressure.”
He was one of 16 men to get a chance to meet, for four minutes each, the 15 women at the OnSpeedDating.com event, which typically draws more cubs than cougars. The men were 23 to 31 years old; the women 35 to 56.
Ms. Soletti said the lure for the men is that older women are more sophisticated and, frankly, more sexually experienced.
The women “are in their sexual prime,” she said. “If they can please her, they feel like they rock in bed.”
James Insinga, 28, managing director of a Manhattan real estate firm, said he finds younger women “are about getting married immediately, having kids.” He said the older women he dates are easier to talk to and more enticing, including an “adorable” friend of his mother’s (but it “would be dicey” to tell Mom).
Barry A. Farber, a psychotherapist and the director of the clinical psychology program at Teachers College at Columbia University, said “dating an older woman may free the man from the pressures of the ‘baby hunger’ that a relationship with a younger woman might bring.” An older woman, he added, “may well take him more seriously than a woman his own age and will overlook the relatively small flaws.”
It is not, however, a new idea. In 1745, Ben Franklin in his “Old Mistresses Apologue” advised men that “in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones.”
“They are so grateful!” he added, rather indelicately.
And into the 21st century, men have started Web sites to chase and give advice about dating older women, such as Urbancougar.com, where “cub chronicles,” “cougar confessions,” cougars of the month and listings of “dens” are posted.
There are more men than women among the 200 that have signed up for the first International Cougar Cruise, a three-day sail from San Diego to Ensenada, Mexico, Dec. 4 to 7.
Rich Gosse, the organizer of the cruise and the chairman of the Society of Professional Singles, based in San Rafael, Calif., said that when he started running younger men/older women parties a year ago, the focus was on “cougars wanting the younger guy.” Now the men are “more excited about this phenomenon than the cougars.”
Not too long ago, Mr. Gosse said, a 20-something male wouldn’t admit to dating a woman over 40. “Now it is a badge of honor,” he said.
At a cougar speed-dating event at R. C. Dugans, a bar and lounge in East Meadow, N.Y., last month, 8 of the 10 men attending said they would date Patricia Polenz, a 48-year-old Northport, N.Y., divorcee with five children. Her first husband was 20 years her senior.
Ms. Polenz said the younger guys were “a little refreshing.”
“They are a little more eager to know me,” she said, “they are more willing to be accommodating than men my age.”
In fact, a recent study of 4,500 British singles conducted by Parship, a British online dating service, said 20 percent of men in their 20s and 22 percent of men in their 30s would date an older woman.
For the last six months, Andreas Anastasopoulos, 27, a graphic designer from Hamilton, N.J., has been dating Erin MacCord, 41, a divorced mother of three teenagers and a nonprofit development director from Burlington, N.J. Mr. Anastasopoulos said that women his age are into “immature partying and drinking, and being stupid and irresponsible” and he is “past that.”
He thinks her children are great. “I have younger sisters that are their age,” he said.
Brandon Solomon, 28 and a real estate project manager, sat next to Ali Addesa, a 44-year-old accountant, during the East Meadow speed-dating event, which was sponsored by WeekendDating.com. He said he would be willing to date 8 of the 11 women at the event, who were nearly old enough to be his mother, and wondered if they might consider him “a trophy.”
A booth away, Fred Guarino, 34, of Middle Village, Queens, and the owner of a heating and air-conditioning company, said, à la Ben Franklin, older women tend to be more appreciative, especially those “who have been married and divorced and have seen how bad things can get.”
“Young girls today, they take everything for granted,” he said.
Finally, some good news for women AND men with a few extra pounds. Here’s some real life numbers about how singles really feel about dating people who are bigger than skinny.
85% of Single Men Would Date Heavy Women; 90% of Single Women Feel Men Can’t See Past a Few Extra Pounds States Date.com
MIAMI BEACH, FL, Kirstie Alley, Jessica Simpson, Kelly Clarkson and Oprah have spent year’s yo-yo dieting, but would they work so hard to be thin if they knew men love them despite the extra pounds? These days, Fat is Fabulous, with reality shows about a heavy bachelor searching for his heavy set sweetheart and zaftig women competing in dance-offs, bringing in big ratings numbers for the Networks. So when Fox’s More to Love Bachelor, Luke Conley, professed to loving big, beautiful women, leading online dating sites Date.com (http://www.date.com), Matchmaker.com (http://www.matchmaker.com), and Amor.com (http://www.amor.com), decided to poll its members to see what they think about dating overweight men or women.
The results were surprising, perhaps even astounding. A whopping 85% of single men professed their love for heavier women with more than 80% of men feeling that overweight women are less bitchy than thin women. These single men thought that overweight women appreciate the attention that men give them and are more loving because of it.
Since the beginning of time men and women have failed to understand each other and this latest poll shows that this continues. While the majority of men have no issue with an overweight woman, 90% of women think men find extra weight unattractive, and that heavy women have a much harder time dating.
“These poll results show such a significant discrepancy in the way men feel about dating overweight women, and what women think men are looking for when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately, these types of misconceptions between the sexes are extremely common, and result in a lot of missed dating and relationship opportunities,” said Shira Zwebner, Relationship Advisor for Date.com, Matchmaker.com and Amor.com. “At the end of the day, what’s important to men is that the women they date be open and receptive to being loved and to giving love, not whether or not they’re a perfect size zero. And once overweight women realize that men aren’t just looking for a thin woman, they’ll have a lot more self-confidence when dating, which will ultimately result in more successful romances.”
In a new survey of thousands of male online daters nationwide, conducted in the months of July and August 2009, we asked: Fox’s hit reality show this Summer, More to Love, is about an overweight guy looking for love amongst overweight women. America is one of the fattest nations on the planet; do you prefer dating skinny or overweight women?
Following are the complete results:
A couple of extra pounds is fine by me: 85%
Thin: 15%
We also asked our male members the following: Why do you prefer to date a heavy woman?
Following are the complete results:
I find that overweight women are less bitchy than thin women, they appreciate the attention men give them and are more loving because of it: 80%
Because it matters what’s on the inside, not on the outside: 68.7%
Heavier women are better in bed: 54.2%
Overweight women have more fun, especially those who are happy in their own skin: 12.5%
All of the above: 34.6%
We also asked our male members the following: And if you would date an overweight woman, how heavy can she be?
Following are the complete results:
She can be obese; it doesn’t matter as long as I love her: 79.9%
A couple of pounds overweight, but she should be working on losing it: 63.8%
20 pounds is my limit: 42.5%
I wouldn’t date someone who is overweight: 20.5%
In a new survey of thousands of female online daters nationwide, we asked: Fox’s hit reality show this Summer, More to Love, is about an overweight guy looking for love amongst overweight women. America is one of the fattest nations on the Planet; do you think overweight women have a harder time dating?
Following are the complete results:
Absolutely, men can’t see beyond a few extra pounds: 90.0%
Not really, they’re just single like the rest of us: 10.0%
We also asked our female members the following: Would you date an overweight guy?
Following are the complete results:
Yes, I love a teddy bear, I feel protected by a bigger guy: 87.6%
Depends on how overweight he is, I’d like someone who is health conscious and not a couch potato: 74.3%
No, I want a guy who is fit and keeps in shape: 29.8%
Ah, the nuances of online dating: How long do you email? How fast should you move to the phone or to that first coffee date? I think singles are tending to move too quickly from the first contact to the first meeting—why waste the opportunity that emailing gives to get to know someone? But the other extreme is never getting beyond emailing. While emailing and phone conversations are a good way to ease into a new relationship before dealing with the physical reality of the in-person person, there are dangers in letting this stage go on too long. I suggest to my clients that a face to face meeting within two or three weeks is best. It is too easy for fantasy to take over and fill in the blanks of what you don’t know. Or for folks who are not being truthful to continue to hide behind the relative anonymity of their computer screen. See this letter below for an example.
Cat’s Call: Online suitor making her wait for date
By Catherine Specter
DEAR CAT: After the end of a long-term relationship and a long period of “not dating while focusing on my career,” I have jumped into the Internet dating pool. I met a nice man on one site. We were to meet for drinks a few weeks ago. On date day he had a work emergency and we agreed to reschedule. Since then, we’ve continued to e-mail every day (all intelligent, witty and occasionally innuendo-laden) and we talk on the phone for at least an hour each time, but he hasn’t rescheduled our date. I’m frustrated. If he’s interested, why not reschedule? If he’s not, why is he continuing to e-mail and call? I get the feeling that he may be trying to decide between me and someone else (he continues to log into the dating site, as have I), but I can’t get a read on it. Should I give up and throw in the towel?—NEED TO KNOW
DEAR NEED: It’s impossible to know why he hasn’t met you in person. He certainly sounds interested, but maybe not interested enough to take things off-line ... yet. Could he be nervous after all this build-up? Sure. Could he be juggling a few women? Sure. Could he be married? Sure. A big problem with online-only communication (including phone) is people get comfy not having to deal with live interaction and it’s up to you to decide how long you’re willing to wait for one date. You’re allowed to ask him if he ever intends to meet you, but I’d wait for him to make a move and keep him as an option while you date around. With very few exceptions ...
Cat’s Call: When a man really wants to see you, he makes it happen.
Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09293/1006735-436.stm#ixzz0UrQraBE4
Wow. I’ve got Internet dating author’s Eric Fagan’s book “Cast Your Net” right on my bookshelf. It was one of the first books on Internet dating techniques to come out, and a good one. I still use some of his ideas. And now it seems that he has been arrested for a murder back in 1989. Preonline dating days, I suspect. But that he was both looking for love online, found it, and then wrote a book about it… and now THIS???
Calif. attorney pleads not guilty to 1989 murder
VICTORVILLE, Calif. — A Southern California attorney accused of killing his girlfriend’s daughter 20 years ago has pleaded not guilty to a murder charge.
Eric Fagan, who has written a book about Internet dating, also pleaded not guilty Friday to an attempted murder charge in San Bernardino County Superior Court.
He is charged with killing Cathy Paternoster and wounding her boyfriend Carl Fuerst outside their home in 1989. Fagan is being held on $2 million bail.
Authorities say Fagan shot the couple so his girlfriend Betty Paternoster, Cathy’s mother, could gain custody of her granddaughters.
Fagan is due in court November 2.
A bugaboo since the dawn of Internet dating has been how easy it is for people to stretch, fudge, or bend the truth—let’s be blunt: Lie. What folks have a hard time understanding is that whatever you put in your online dating profile will eventually be checked out in reality, on that first coffee date and beyond. Now, not only is it left to the wits of the individual to figure out if their date is lying or not. Resources are popping up all over the Net that allow you to check out the veracity of anybody. Google was the first biggie. Now it is routine to Google a date. Then background checks. And now, even your smartphone can do the job. See the article below for “The future is now.”
Is your date a ‘stud or dud?’ Ask your phone
By Doug Gross, CNN
If that dreamy blind date seems too good to be true, or the guy at the bar with a martini and a pencil-thin moustache looks a little sketchy, the truth about them—or at least some of it—could be found on your phone.
Designers at a pair of companies say their new applications for smartphones can tell you in real time whether someone is married or divorced, has a criminal record, has filed for bankruptcy or has any number of potential red flags in their past.
Using Google to search for information on a prospective romantic partner is standard practice for many single people in the digital age. But these new apps, combined with the growth of smartphones and wireless networks, now allow for quick background checks on the go, potentially before a date is even over.
The lighthearted iPhone apps Stud or Dud? and Are They Really Single?—from online information broker PeopleFinders—have far-reaching potential for convenient snooping, and not just on potential dates. Their makers say that in today’s society it’s increasingly important to check out people’s backstories.
“There are more and more strangers in people’s lives,” said Bryce Lane, president of the PeopleFinders Network. “There’s this digital awakening where people are in online communities—they’re meeting people they don’t have information on.
“We think that’s a problem. Yes, there are a lot of opportunities to meet great new people, but a lot of people are misrepresenting who they are.”
Meanwhile, another data company, Intelius, is offering a similar app called DateCheck for the Android and BlackBerry, with other platforms in the works.
Marketed with the slogan, “Look up before you hook up,” the application has such features as a Sleaze Detector, which checks for criminal offenses, and $$$, which uses property ownership records to gauge someone’s financial assets.
DateCheck offers some less-serious information, too. Its Interests feature trolls for information on educational background, social networking activities and professional history while Compatibility compares the subject’s horoscope and astrological sign with the user’s.
With Stud or Dud? the user punches in as much information as they have on their subject. Results can range from past addresses, real estate ownership and business and professional licenses to bankruptcies, evictions, criminal records and what the company calls “possible relationships.”
Are They Really Single? scans marriage and divorce records.
Accurate searches also require a date of birth, which may be tricky to extract tactfully from someone on a first or second date.
Lane said all information comes from public records that are available to anyone. But PeopleFinders, which has been collecting data for more than 20 years from sources all over the United States, pulls it all together into one database.
“We’re hoping they’re fun apps and they’re helping you learn about the people that you come into contact with,” Lane said. “They’re easy to use and we’re pretty hopeful that they’re going to be popular.”
Both PeopleFinders apps will only return results on people 18 or older.
Advocates of online privacy say they see some problems.
Paul Stephens, a director at consumer group Privacy Rights Clearinghouse, said the main danger lies in thinking you’ve dug up dirt on someone when you’ve actually found someone else.
“If you only have limited information about the individual, it’s going to be culling from various sources that may or may not [find] the person you’re trying to investigate,” said Stephens. “You need to take the information with a grain of salt.”
While the iPhone apps are aimed at dating, the information is bound to be used in other ways, he said.
“In the case of a person not dating somebody, it’s not that big a deal,” said Stephens. “But we’ve had cases where somebody might not get a job because of an inaccuracy [from online information brokers], so it does become a big deal.”
He said his group, based in San Diego, California, would like to see more organizations regulated by the same federal laws that monitor fair and accurate credit reporting.
Lane, whose PeopleFinders Web site offers detailed background checks on people for a fee, said he’s providing a public service by making legally available information more accessible.
“We feel very strongly that it’s educational, it’s informative, it’s actually helping the public,” he said. “It’s what you don’t know about people that could potentially hurt you.”
He said the applications clearly show when results include multiple people and tell users that the more detail they provide, the more likely they will get an exact match.
Lane said anyone who asks can be removed from the company’s database, but he suggested that most of those who do have something to hide.
“Criminals ... of course they don’t want this information out there,” he said.
In a column on technology Web site Gizmodo, editor Rosa Golijan described the PeopleFinders apps as fun and joked that it was depressing to find out how many of her ex-boyfriends were “duds.”
She also noted at least one apparent glitch, when Are They Really Single? told her that a former high school sweetheart might be married to his grandmother. (In fairness, the app did say it was unlikely.)
Golijan dismissed privacy concerns, saying most of the info on the apps could be found “from a few clever Google searches.”
“I don’t think there’s reason to panic about privacy due to this app,” she said. “The same information and searches have been available for a long time.”
Here’s some recent research, article reprinted below—what do you think? “Couples in which the woman was more than five years older than the man were three times as likely to split up as those where both partners were the same age. And those in which the woman was more than five years older, neither partner was well-educated and one had a previous divorce, stood the least chance of surviving.” I took the fluff out (where the hearts  are) of the following long article and kept the parts that I thought interesting, what the research says about a couple’s potential for staying together.
What’s the formula for the perfect marriage?
By Dani Garavelli
IF YOU thought the secret to choosing a lover who will last a lifetime was down to chemistry, then think again. According to new research, the best way to tell if a marriage will go the distance or fall at the first hurdle is by trusting another science altogether – mathematics.
Keen to rid society of the blight of divorce, mathematicians assessed the staying power of 1,074 Swiss couples and came up with a formula for a long-lasting union. Ditching such airy-fairy notions as love, romance and sexual compatibility, they used the “linear assignment model” – a methodology used by businesses to match workers to appropriate tasks – to “optimise spousal allocation”. Yes, that means helping people end up with the best possible partner.
The results were dramatic. Having assessed the age difference, cultural and educational background and divorce history of all the couples, the academics found the marriages most likely to succeed were those in which the woman was five or more years younger than her partner, and also better educated.
Couples in which the woman was more than five years older than the man were three times as likely to split up as those where both partners were the same age. And those in which the woman was more than five years older, neither partner was well-educated and one had a previous divorce, stood the least chance of surviving.
“Being able to choose our partners in the way we do is a bit of a luxury,” says Emmanuel Fragnière, a lecturer in management science at Bath University and co-author of the report. “As recently as a few decades ago, marriages were a matter for the community. We know divorce has an economic, social and psychological cost, so why not try to improve the odds of a marriage succeeding?”
But is a mathematical approach to dating really more likely to improve the odds of a successful marriage than a sociological or psychological one? And can immutable facts such as age difference or educational background really do more to keep a relationship afloat than empathy, tolerance, compromise and a healthy sex life?
Fragnière makes no apology for looking beyond the factors usually credited with keeping love alive. “It appears that men and women ‘choose’ their mates on the basis of feelings of love, physical attraction, similarity of tastes, beliefs, attitudes, and shared values,” he says. “All of these determinants are supposed to help them be happy together. However, research has shown that the longevity of marriages or partnerships also depends on objective attributes such as differences in age, family history, and educational levels.
“We imagined what it would be like if you had a regime like in North Korea, say, and marriages could be coordinated by a central agency. After looking at the impact of age difference, and cultural and educational background, we reallocated around 68 per cent of individuals to a new couple that we posited had a higher likelihood of survival.”
It all sounds a bit Brave New World. But could it perhaps throw light on some of the great love affairs of history? If only Cathy had been just a couple of years younger, might she and Heathcliff have escaped from the gloomy Yorkshire moors and settled down to a life of domestic bliss in a town house in Kensington? If only Anne Boleyn had stuck in at school, could she have kept her head?
The notion that husbands should be older than their wives goes back centuries and spans several continents, although most cultures believe there should be a limit to the age gap. (In the West, one theory has it that the women should be no less than half her partner’s age plus seven).
The tradition probably stemmed from the expectation that a man would be able to provide for his wife and future family. “It is received wisdom that men choose younger women for evolutionary reasons, because they look like better breeders,” says Barbara Bloomfield, a counsellor with Relate and an author of books on love and dating. “But then, of course, they may trade off looks for kindness and intelligence.” Equally, received wisdom says men look for women of lower social or educational status so as not to feel threatened.
A study carried out by Aberdeen, Glasgow, Edinburgh and Bristol universities in 2005 found that the likelihood of marriage increased by 35 per cent for men for each 16 point increase in IQ, whereas for women, there was a 40 per cent drop for each 16 point rise, suggesting either that men aren’t interested in clever women, or that clever women have no interest in getting married.
So why do relationships where the woman is better-educated stand the best chance of survival? “As a counsellor for 14 years, I have found that women do tend to set the emotional bar,” says Bloomfield. “They are far more likely to divorce men than the other way around, so you could hypothesis that maybe better educated women make better choices.”
Fragnière – who, it has to be said, has his tongue firmly in his cheek – accepts his research is unlikely to revolutionise dating, but wonders if it could have an application in the world of internet dating. Sites such as Match.com promise you will find someone special within six months or they will give you your money back.
At Edinburgh-based Datetheuk, for example, members have myriad options for checking out their compatibility with a potential partner. They can draw up their own profiles, look at other members’ profiles, rely on recommendations from the agency or suss out other people’s personalities by reading messages posted on public forums.
Checking the age or educational backgrounds of potential matches is no doubt part of the process – but it probably comes second to that first glance at the potential suitor’s photo.
A more obvious problem with the report is that it fails to take couples’ happiness into account. Not all long-term married couples are happy with their lot, after all. “It was not one of the criteria we included, but it might be possible to develop the model further and include some psychological criteria, and then, I suppose, happiness could be included,” says Fragnière.
Since Google and the Internet has made it so possible to learn everything and anything about anybody, lying seems pretty pointless these days. Remember when a blind date meant that you knew nothing about who you were meeting? Just as it is routine to do a search about who you are about to meet, it is a good idea to do the same searches on yourself to see what others might find out about you. And then be ready to explain it.
The Blind Date Meets the All-Seeing Internet
By Ellen McCarthy
Washington Post Staff Writer
Has it happened, finally? Has the Internet killed the blind date?
Given a first and last name, Google will often reveal where a person lives, how much they paid for their place, what they wrote in their last letter to the editor, possibly what kind of unsightly sandals they were photographed wearing at each stop on their last cross-country adventure.
And if their Facebook profile isn’t private, as Jeanna Brown, a 25-year-old single woman from Mitchellville, knows, “you can find out a whole lot.”
Web searches for background intel on prospective dates have been undertaken since the dawn of cyberspace, but only in the last few years—with the advent of Twitter, Flickr, LinkedIn and the like—have our online identities grown so rich that they routinely precede in-person introductions.
“First impressions have changed,” says Dan Schawbel, a 26-year-old personal branding consultant. “For me a first impression could be a Google search, a search on Facebook or MySpace. . . . You can do research beforehand and know whether or not you want to go through with the date.”
On more than one occasion, Brown has found out that men who represented themselves to be single were actually married, sometimes with children. The Web, she says, often reveals the discrepancy between “what they say they are and what they really are.”
Nancianne Sterling, a 32-year-old Arlington woman who runs TargetLove.com, a service that coaches clients through the Internet dating process, understands the temptation to scour the Web for information on a person in advance of a date with them. Before meeting her current boyfriend, she used to do it all the time, looking for résumés, school associations, blogs and anything else she could dig up.
But she advises clients to skip the preemptive search.
Scattered bits of online info color the way people look at their prospective dates—and not usually in a good way, she says. “We make determinations about somebody, whereas if we met them and we liked them, it wouldn’t be as big a deal.”
In this region in particular she often hears from clients who found that a potential date donated to a candidate of a political party different from their own and then decided it was game over.
“People come up with all these reasons why somebody’s not going to be good, before they meet them,” she says. “It’s almost like you’re looking for quantitative information to make a decision without emotion—and when you do that, you don’t allow yourself to feel for that person in the way that you might’ve if you hadn’t looked up any of the information.”
Plus, she adds, it kills the fun and mystery inherent in allowing a person to reveal themselves organically over time.
That’s not going to stop the author of DC Dating Adventures, a blog written by a 29-year-old District woman who asked that her name not be used because she blogs anonymously.
She once Googled the e-mail address of a guy who’d asked her out and found it registered on foot fetish message boards. A quick search saved her from having to find that out in person, she says.
And even as she uses the power of the Internet to research others, she’s tried to reduce her own Web trail. She made her Facebook profile private, deleted her entire MySpace page and regularly Googles herself to make sure nothing strange comes up.
That, Schawbel insists, is something everyone should be doing. Like grooming before an actual date, he says, people should be aware of how they’re presenting themselves online. “In person it’s much easier to control the way you’re perceived—people can get to know your personality. The Web sort of lacks that,” he says. “You need to put effort to the way you put stuff online.”
Brown agrees. A Web presence might not be the full measure of a person, but what’s up on a social networking site, she thinks, is “what you want to be seen. And if that’s how you choose to represent yourself, then that’s truly who you are.”
And despite Sterling’s entreaties, people like Brown aren’t going to resist the urge to do a quick pre-date Google search. “Why not? If the information is available, you might as well take advantage of it,” she says.
Be a Cyber Treater
How to be a Cyber Treater:
1. Look like your photo.
2. Tell the truth, especially about things a potential mate would want to know (relationship histories, children and families, disease or disabilities, or financial difficulties, for instance). If you have a secret that keeps you from dating, you need my article “Do you have a secret? How to tell your Sweetheart Your Worst”
3. Be polite, kind, responsible, and prompt in your communications. Kindness and courtesy cost nothing.
4. If you are not interested in pursuing contact, say so in an email. Be tactful. This process is hard enough on everyone. Rude and nasty need to take a hike.
5. Do not continue contact or date if you know that this person is not for you, just because you don’t know how to say “no” or don’t want to hurt the other’s feelings. It is cowardly, not kind. Exit graciously and free your date up to find someone who truly would appreciate them.
6. Take your share of the responsibility in keeping communications going and building a relationship. Dare to initiate contact, offer plans for meeting, and be ready to share expenses.
7. Show by your behavior that you treat the possible relationship as important. Groom and dress for meetings—neat and clean go a long way, as does freshly barbered or hair-styled. Show up when you said you would. Offer to help pay.
8. Try to relax and don’t push yourself in an attempt to impress. If you are interested in your date and ask questions, that will help you feel less in the spotlight.
9. Avoid alcohol and drugs, one drink at the most. You need your senses totally sharp so that you can decide whether you want to see this person again. And no one is more attractive drunk or high.
10. Expect and insist the same respect and honesty from your date as you are willing to provide for them. If your date misbehaves or you find that you have been lied to or misled, you are not obligated to see this person again or even endure the rest of the date.
Despite the “Trick or treat?” of Halloween, most of us want the treat part and would just as soon skip the trick. No one likes feeling tricked. If you’d like the option of a second date, improve your chances dramatically: make yourself into a treat.
P. S. If you are unsure if you are a “Trick or treat?” you could use my book “Find a Sweetheart Soon!” [ www.YourLoveTripPlanner.com ] It will take you through all the ways I could think of that singles undermine themselves in their search for love, and help you design your solutions. There is nothing like being ready when the right person shows up. “Find a Sweetheart Soon!” will get you readier than you can imagine.
Trick… Or Treat?
Anyone who has done any online dating or listened to other singles knows that dating horror stories abound. What you hear less of is the successes, and there are plenty, believe me. I’m one of them—I met my husband online. If people like me weren’t finding love online, Internet dating sites would have gone out of business years ago.
But if there is ever a time for horror, it’s Halloween. If you need a few lessons on how to scare the willies out of your cyber sweetheart, try some of these Trickster Tips. You won’t even need to yell “Boo!”
How to be a Cyber Trickster:
1. Lie—about your age, weight, height, or marital status.
2. Post an old or deceptive photo. (Most men have learned how far a “glamour shot” is from reality, but not all...)
3. Start writing/talking about sex in the second email or first phone call.
4. Neglect your personal hygiene. Do not have your teeth cleaned in recent memory. Or take a bath. Or clean your nails. Or have your hair cut. Or your gray roots dyed.
5. Treat your first date like a trip to the Laundromat. Dress accordingly.
6. Expect the worse and make it happen.
7. Take your time. Be late. Very late.
8. Forget your wallet.
9. Show up drunk or high, or proceed to get that way.
10. Say that you will call or email and then don’t.
Scary, huh? Well, if you’d like to more of a treat and less of a trick, avoid the boo-boos that so many others have made before you.
Texting. I don’t get texting any more that I get emoticons. Except that you can do it from a phone and you don’t have to be in front of a computer. But whatever, here are some guidelines for dating and texting from Geek Sugar.
Tech Dating 101: Decoding Post-Date Texts and IMs
by GeekSugar
The men of Swingers championed a rule that fundamentally changed how fellas of the ‘90s plotted post-date communication. They said a man should wait three days after a date to call a woman so she would want them more. Preposterous, right? Today the possibilities for contact are so varied — email, work email, IM, gChat, Facebook, Twitter, text and so on — that it can be harder to gauge interest or commitment based on the time frame and way someone reaches out. In this installment of my Tech Dating 101 series I will address how technology and texting have changed the moments and days after a good first date. To see what I think (spoiler alert: it’s complicated), read more.
* The same day text: Most women I have talked to say they like it when a guy follows up a first date with a short text. It doesn’t have to be sexy, or even offer the promise of a second date, but texting is a simple, quick and sweet way to say thanks, without an immediate call. If you had a great time and want him to know, text him yourself. It is one of the most relaxed forms of communication (no login required!) and will keep both of you from getting too wordy.
* The three-day text: Consensus among friends is that the day three text could be a cop-out (as in, he isn’t ready to commit to a phone call and he’s using the antiquated Swingers mentality to make you want him more), but it does count as contact and an effort.
* The instant reach out: If a guy initiates communication via instant messaging in any form (iChat, Yahoo Messenger, gChat, Facebook chat etc.) less than two hours after a date he can come off as eager to get the party started. Do with that what you will. I do; however, think it is polite for him to acknowledge he sees you online if you pop online right after your date or in the days following. It’s ridiculous to pretend you don’t see one another online. That being said, instant messages are not a phone call. If he really wants to talk to you he should still call you up, or at the very least send an email to plan your next get-together.
I really dislike emoticons. }:P I was going to write “hate” but that is a little too strong. They seem so silly to me, very junior high school. “Write what you mean!” I want to yell at the computer screen. In online dating, it’s best NOT to do anything that risks turning off the recipient, and emoticons are one of them. When in doubt, don’t.
Tech Dating 101: What’s Up With All the Emoticons?
I was out with a group of girlfriends last week when one of them received a text from a guy she’d gone on a few dates with. It read, “Great time last night ;)” — with the winking emoticon. Apparently after every single text he sends (and sometimes midtext, too), he includes an emoticon.
One of our friends thinks he’s just being friendly, but another is convinced he’s downright weird. And the friend-in question is not sure whether to accept his request to go on another date. “It’s too weird!” she says. “I’m not sure what he’s trying to do, but it’s sort of creeping me out.”
I’ve covered a few text-etiquette rules, like if it’s appropriate to get out of a date via text and how to decode post-date texts and IMs, but what about the little day-to-day exchanges you tend to have with a potential love interest? What do all of those smiley faces mean? For more of my emoticon advice,read more.
Generally, you seem to feel emoticons are fine for personal use but not for professional. What about dating? I can see where my friend is coming from, and I’ve definitely decided to check myself when it comes to text and instant-message emoticon use. Turns out I use them more often than I should! I received some solid emoticon advice recently: “Don’t ever use an emoticon smiley face with a guy you don’t want to make out with.”
I asked a few guy friends, and their answers varied from the seemingly obvious: “He types a smiley face because he’s actually smiling,” to the sort-of charming: “He really likes you and is trying to be endearing,” to the less virtuous, “He thinks you’re into him and is trying to charm you into another date.”
If his emoticon use really bothers you, you could always address it . . . but risk him feeling rejected. Until he starts adding the spoken equivalent of emoticons into regular conversation (think: “I’m sorry you can’t hang out later. Sad face."), it’s probably not worth getting worked up over. If you simply can’t take it anymore, you could always try calling him instead. Have you ever dated an overzealous emoticoner? Is it ever cute? Or just annoying?
And she got married! Essence Atkins married the guy she met on Match.com two years ago. If you wonder about the quality of the men and women on dating sites, it’s hard to argue with this pairing:
ESSENCE ATKINS MARRIES HER INTERNET BEAU: Couple jumped the broom Saturday in Pasadena. G. Garvin provided the food.
*Actress Essence Atkins, best known for her role on the UPN sitcom “Half and Half,” has married her boyfriend Jaime Mendez after meeting him less than two years ago through an online dating site.
According to People.com, the wedding took place Saturday at the Ambassador Mansion and Gardens in Pasadena, Calif, The couple met on Valentine’s Day of last year through Match.com.
“I wrote him a quick little note that I had read his profile, and then I signed off, Happy SAD Day – that’s Single Awareness Day,” says Essence, 37. A week later the couple went on their first date, and they were engaged a year later.
The bride wore a Stephen Yearick gown for the ceremony and an Angel Rivera dress for the reception, according to People. “I felt like a princess,” she says.
Her former costar Valerie Pettiford performed original music at the reception. Plus, the bride surprised her husband with a salsa band to celebrate his Puerto Rican heritage.
“We’ve been taking salsa lessons. It’s part of what we’ve been doing together as a couple,” she says.
TV One personality, chef G. Garvin, blended Puerto Rican and traditional soul food dishes, which included mac and cheese, roasted pork, peach cobbler and plantains.
As party favors, guests received match books and travel-sized candles. But singles guests were given six-month memberships to Match.com.
If you think it is only losers who use online dating, get a load of this story:
ESSENCE ATKINS ENGAGED TO MATCH.COM DATE:
Actress puts profile on Internet dating service and strikes gold (as in a ring).
Actress Essence Atkins got herself a fiancé through Match.com.
The former “Half and Half” star got engaged to Jaime Mendez in February following a year-long courtship that started when they came across each other on the popular Internet dating site, reports TMZ.com. Their wedding is set to take place on Sept. 26.
Atkins, who started her career on “The Cosby Show,” says she preferred using Match.com because she didn’t have to post a picture of herself. She ended up sending Jamie a message on Valentine’s Day because they were 97% compatible.
If you are in a relationship, no matter how you met, your participation is needed in a new study on couples. It only takes a few minutes to fill out the online questionnaire (I took about 10 minutes, vs. what the suggested time was of 30 minutes). We need data comparing relationships that met online vs. those who did not. Either way, if you are in a relationship, go to this website and answer the questions:
http://lovestudy.yolasite.com/” title="http://lovestudy.yolasite.com/">http://lovestudy.yolasite.com/
Are Online Relationships More Successful than Offline Relationships?
OnlineDatingMagazine.com Launches Groundbreaking “Modern Love Study”
(September 29, 2009) Online Dating Magazine, a consumer watchdog publication for online daters, has just launched a new modern love study of the factors that determine relationship satisfaction and whether couples who meet online have the same or better quality relationship when compared to couples who meet through more traditional methods.
“We are seeing the media increasingly challenge the claims of dating websites that online matching methods produce high quality relationships for singles,” says Joe Tracy, Publisher of Online Dating Magazine. “In fact, the debate continues around the world as to whether online dating is really effective at creating successful long-term relationships. We want to see a conclusion to that debate through this study.”
The study will measure different aspects of committed, romantic relationships in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships and then determine whether relationship satisfaction and stability is different for couples who meet online compared to couples who meet using traditional methods.
“This type of study has never been conducted before, and a major goal of the research is to create the most comprehensive and valid measure of relationship quality in the academic field. Much research on compatibility is based on outdated questionnaires and theories,” said Dr. James Houran, spokesperson and feature columnist for Online Dating Magazine, who heads the team conducting the study.
According to Dr. Houran, “This project aims to bring cutting edge analysis to the question of what really defines a successful relationship, regardless of sexual orientation or how a couple meets.”
Anyone who is currently in a committed relationship or who has been in a committed relationship, is eligible to participate in the study. Participants are asked to respond to a series of questions about their current or most recent serious relationship. The basic results of the study will be released upon the study’s conclusion. The questionnaire has approximately 130 items and takes about 30 minutes to complete. It may be accessed via the link below:
http://lovestudy.yolasite.com/” title="http://lovestudy.yolasite.com/">http://lovestudy.yolasite.com/
One thing that is simply great about computers is their ability to count. OKCupid puts this skill to work in its analysis of what people are actually doing on their dating site. The following article is from the OK Cupid blog, and it is about optimum length for first email messages. Combine that with the earlier posting about what words to use, and you should be able to write a winner.
Online Dating Advice: Optimum Message Length
Picture this online dating scenario:
1. You see someone you like.
2. You read their profile, and wow.
3. You send them a long message.
4. You hang tight and…
5. …you never get a reply.
Sadly, this is a typical story. Even on a lively site like OkCupid, only about a third (32%) of first messages get any response.
Some people, however, get much better results.
In the next several posts here on OkTrends, we’ll be taking a closer look at messaging and finding some ways to improve your own message response rate. We will not be dispensing generic advice. No. We’ve done research, and we have actual numbers.
As we began to dig into OkCupid’s messaging data, the first thing we noticed was that most people’s contact attempts are way too lonnnng. Almost 16% of first messages are over 2000 characters (roughly 400 words), and the average is 743! At least in terms of using your time efficiently, your messages should be much shorter. Let’s start with this chart: [go to OKCupid’s blog to see the actual graphics]
The y-axis is reply percentage; the x-axis is message length, in characters; and the two lines are as follows. Red is the ratio of messages that get any reply. Green is the ratio of messages that get a reply that in turn gets replied to by the original sender. The idea is that this is the ultimate goal of the first message: to start a conversation with someone.
Messages sent by guys are, overall, only about half as likely to get replies as similar messages from women. But when you consider we’re including dudes who send out messages such as:
Your hot
DAm I got inch for you
and
Your people need to get out of Israel
a baseline reply rate of 22% is looking pretty darn great. (All those were actual first messages, by the way.)
Now, our graph clearly shows that in raw terms, it helps guys to write longer messages. But when we factor in the actual time it takes to compose a given message, it becomes clear that in terms of time put in vs. likelihood of starting actually having a conversation, shorter is actually better. If we imagine that people type messages at about 200 characters per minute, we get the following table: [go to OKCupid’s blog to see the actual graphics]
Of course, we shouldn’t forget that there’s a certain amount of overhead involved with contacting someone (scanning her profile for common interests, thinking of jokes to make, taking a deep breath, clicking around, and so on). If we include 5 minutes of forethought, we find that the actual ideal first message length is 200 characters, or 1 minute’s worth of typing for the average writer.
Yes, brevity is key. Something we learned building SparkNotes, in our pre-OkCupid days. If you’re the kind of person who spends a little more time reading a profile and thinking about your message, say, 10 minutes, then the optimal length goes up a few words (to 270 characters), but, still, short is better. Savor this advice, men, for there are not many things in your world that fit this paradigm.
For women, the most efficient message is even shorter.
The shortest messages get almost the best absolute response rate, and the reply rate actually goes down as messages approach extreme length. Apparently, after about 360 words (1800 characters), you start scaring people off. A message like that is the online equivalent of a face tattoo. Of your life story. Let’s generate our efficiency table for women: [go to OKCupid’s blog to see the actual graphics]
Incredibly enough, the optimal first outreach from a woman to a man is just 50 characters long! I’m willing to speculate that this graph is telling us that a guy decides whether or not to reply to a woman’s message regardless of what the message actually says, and that the first message’s true function is simply to bring her profile to his attention.
My guess is that he looks at her picture and if she’s his type, he writes back. On the one hand, such a superficial reality is depressing. On the other, over 40% of female-to-male first messages do get replied to, so, as a woman, if you’re writing to a few people who fit your basic demographic the odds are very good you’ll get a response. Anyhow, all this implies that the average woman’s time is better spent looking for the right people to write to, rather than composing detailed messages.
OK Cupid has been fooling around with some hard data that they have been combing out of their dating site. Here, they have boiled down results to some concrete rules for writing those first email. I can’t reprint the nice charts they have in the article, but you can try going to the blog website and see them there.
Online Dating Advice: Exactly What To Say In A First Message
Ok, here’s the experiment.
We analyzed over 500,000 first contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. The result: a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself online. This is the second post of our statistical investigation into the optimal online dating message; a note about how we protected user privacy is here. Let’s go:
#1 – Be literate.
Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. Our negative correlation list is a fool’s lexicon: ur, u, wat, wont, and so on. These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit (and we do!) the worst 6 words you can use in a first message are all stupid slang.
Language like this is such a strong deal-breaker that correctly written but otherwise workaday words like don’t and won’t have nicely above average response rates (36% and 37%, respectively).
Interesting exceptions to the “no netspeak” rule are expressions of amusement. haha (45% reply rate) and lol (41%) both turned out to be quite good for the sender. This makes a certain sense: people like a sense of humor, and you need to be casual to convey genuine laughter. hehe was also a successful word, but much less so (33%). Scientifically, this is because it’s a little evil sounding.
So, in short, it’s okay to laugh, but keep the rest of your message grammatical and punctuated.
#2 – Avoid physical compliments.
Although the data shows this advice holds true for both sexes, it’s mostly directed at guys, because they are way more likely to talk about looks. You might think that words like gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. As we all know, people normally like compliments, but when they’re used as pick-up lines, before you’ve even met in person, they inevitably feel…ew. Besides, when you tell a woman she’s beautiful, chances are you’re not.
On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:
The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. As an adjective, it’s a physical compliment, but as an adverb (as in, “I’m pretty good at sports.”) it’s is just another word.
When used as an adverb it actually does very well (a phenomenon we’ll examine in detail below), but as pretty’s uses become more clearly about looks, reply rates decline sharply. You’re pretty and your pretty are phrases that could go either way (physical or non-). But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out.
#3 – Use an unusual greeting.
We took a close look at salutations. After all, the way you choose to start your initial message to someone is the “first impression of your first impression.” The results surprised us:
The top three most popular ways to say “hello” were all actually bad beginnings. Even the slangy holla and yo perform better, bucking the general “be literate” rule. In fact, it’s smarter to use no traditional salutation at all (which earns you the reply rate of 27%) and just dive into whatever you have to say than to start with hi. I’m not sure why this is: maybe the ubiquity of the most popular openings means people are more likely to just stop reading when they see them.
The more informal standard greetings: how’s it going, what’s up, and howdy all did very well. Maybe they set a more casual tone that people prefer, though I have to say
You had me at ‘what’s up’
doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.
#4 – Don’t try to take it outside.
Obviously, all successful OkCupid relationships outgrow our in-site messaging feature. But an offer to chat or of an email address right off the bat is a sure turn off. One of the things online dating has going for it is its relative anonymity, and if you start chipping away at that too early, you’ll scare the other person off.
Also, don’t ask for or give away a cell number (10%). I thought that was a no-brainer. For the brainless among you who are doing this, my best advice is to paypal me 25 dollars and never use a computer again.
#5 – Bring up specific interests.
There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie, band, tattoo, literature, studying, vegetarian (yes!), and metal (double yes!) that are all clearly referencing something important to the sender, the recipient, or, ideally, both. Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. We’re presenting just a smattering: in fact every “niche” word that we have significant data on has a positive effect on messaging.
Even more effective are phrases that engage the reader’s own interests, or show you’ve read their profile:
#6 – If you’re a guy, be self-effacing.
Awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda, and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages. As we mentioned before, pretty, no doubt because of its adverbial meaning of “to a fair degree; moderately” also helps male messages. A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.
It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. But either way: men should be careful not to let the appearance of vulnerability become the appearance of sweaty desperation: please is on the negative list (22% reply rate), and in fact it is the only word that is actually worse for you than its netspeak equivalent (pls, 23%)!
#7 – Consider becoming an atheist.
Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. We know that’s going to piss a lot of people off, and we’re more or less tongue-in-cheek with this advice, but it’s what the numbers say.
These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often (342 times per 10,000 messages, second only to 552 mentions of christian and ahead of 278 for jewish and 142 for muslim).
Though very few people actually do it, invoking the sky-breaking thunderbolts of zeus does help a person get noticed (reply rate 56%), but maybe that shouldn’t be a surprise on a site that is itself named for a member of the Classical pantheon. So if you can’t bring yourself to deny the deity, consider opening yourself up to a whole wacky bunch of them. But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. It can help your love life, and, besides, if there really was a god, wouldn’t first messages always get a reply?
I love it when Forbes magazine writes about dating. Here’s an article below about the problems of high-powered women in finding love. While both high-powered men AND women have similar problems making time for romance, women have the additional dilemma of being too high powered for many—if not most—men. And while power makes men MORE marketable, it makes women less so.
The Dating Game
Kiri Blakeley
Attention eligible bachelors: Sabina Ptacin would like to meet you. She’s the owner of two successful companies and is energetic and sociable.
She looks a bit like the actress Kate Winslet, with green eyes and sandy blonde hair. There’s only one problem: She spends so much time working, she breaks more dates than she keeps. “I’m not going to marry either one of my jobs,” admits Ptacin, who nevertheless often puts in 100-hour workweeks.
Loretta Talbot, a senior project manager at Wyeth, the pharmaceutical giant, wants a relationship too. She has a zest for life and enjoys photography and sailing. But it’s not a sure thing that a man will call for a second date once he finds out how much real estate she owns.
Finding one’s soul mate is never easy. But for women who are pursuing influential careers--women like Ptacin, Talbot, even Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor--the course of true love can be especially tricky. It’s not just a matter of trying to find the time to date when you’re working around the clock. Women face far more complex hurdles. Unlike their male counterparts, who generally become more desirable in the romance arena as they achieve higher career status, powerful women are often handicapped by their success.
And antiquated social mores still dictate that no matter how commanding a woman is at work, she should let her date choose the wine in a dimly lit restaurant.
“Successful men are viewed as highly desirable for women, but successful women are viewed as really scary by men,” says Patricia Cook, who runs a boutique executive recruiting firm and has worked with hundreds of senior level executive men and women. “A man needs to be confident and secure in himself in order to be with a woman who earns more than he does.”
Time Is Not On Her Side
A compatible partner can be hard to find, especially when time is hard to come by. Justice Sotomayor married her high school sweetheart just before starting Yale Law School in 1976, but they divorced seven years later. She subsequently acknowledged the difficulty she faced as a young ambitious lawyer who often had to cancel dates because of late nights at the office or sudden business trips. “He begins thinking, ‘Gee, maybe she’s not that interested,’’’ she has said. She had hopes of remarrying in her mid-40s, but that fiancé broke off the relationship and ended up marrying a younger woman. At 55, Sotomayor remains single.
The experience is shared by younger women like Ptacin, who turned 31 this year and spent the last half of her 20s co-founding a public relations firm, Red Branch, and a community for women entrepreneurs, Collective-E. She put off romance to focus on her personal and professional growth. Now both of her New York companies are humming along, and she’s ready to pursue a relationship.
But her seven-days-a-week workday begins at 7 a.m., and the e-mailing and problem-solving can go on until as late as 10 p.m., not to mention the evenings she’s out at business events or traveling to visit clients in Toronto, Washington and other cities.
As an entrepreneur, Ptacin has to “triage” her daily commitments by order of importance. Her businesses usually take precedence, especially when she suspects a prospective suitor isn’t going to turn out to be Mr. Right. “You don’t have the luxury of dating someone who might not be a good fit for you and just seeing what happens,” she explains. “There’s no time to date just for fun.”
Not surprisingly, she adds, “I end up canceling dates a lot.” Once, when Ptacin had rescheduled a get-together for the fourth time via text message, the man picked up the phone and “really went off on me,” she says. “He asked if we were ever going to go out or if he should just move on.” She let him move on.
Since the ‘70s women’s work hours have increased steadily, especially for those in managerial, professional or technical occupations. According to a study published in 2004 by Harvard University Press, 17% of women in those fields worked 50 hours or more each week, compared with 8% of women in other occupations.
When there are only so many hours in a day, something has to give, says Ann Smith, a Wernersville, Pa., marriage and relationship therapist. “It’s hard to be great at two things at the same time,” she says. “You can’t put 120% into the office and give the same amount of focus to your romantic life.”
The Achievement Dilemma
Even when they do reserve time to date, however, executive women may find that the very qualities they’ve needed to get ahead in business work against them in romance. Prevailing conventional wisdom--reinforced everywhere from the retro dating bible The Rules to the Bravo television series The Millionaire Matchmaker--holds that traits such as assertiveness and decisiveness are a turnoff to men.
“We tell women to let the guy call, let the guy decide if he wants to go out again, let the guy pick you up and don’t grill him on the phone about his background and whether he wants to have kids,” says Sherri Murphy, owner of Elite Connections, a Los Angeles matchmaking service.
Susan Posnick, a Dallas cosmetics executive in her 50s who looks at least a decade younger, thinks men where she lives view her success as a liability. It isn’t that Dallas men don’t like well-heeled women, explains Posnick, who is divorced with a 17-year-old daughter. It’s just that they’re more comfortable with women who have come into money through family or divorce. “They’re not so interested in successful businesswomen,” she says. “They’re more interested in trophies.”
Even younger women who were encouraged to compete with boys in school say they risk getting rejected if they too boldly tout their achievements. Wyeth executive Talbot went out with an information technology specialist who, after seeing her three-bedroom home in an upscale New Jersey suburb, commented, “I’d have to get another job in order to keep dating you.” The potential romance fizzled before Talbot could reveal that she also owned two rental properties and a boat.
Salary and asset differences are deal breakers for many a potential couple. But it isn’t just men who balk when a woman earns or owns more. Many women can’t envision marrying someone they view as lower on the financial and status totem pole, says Helen Fisher, a research professor at the Center for Human Evolutionary Studies at Rutgers University and the author of Why Him? Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type.
“For evolutionary reasons, women have always looked for a partner who has status, resources and money, and can help her raise babies,” she says. “As long as our society holds money so dear, with men as the primary providers, successful women are going to have a problem in the dating market. Although this is changing,” contends Fisher.
Peach Reasoner, a divorced 58-year-old recording studio owner in Santa Monica, Calif., puts it this way: “You have this long laundry list of things you want a guy to be. And when you meet, you’re still computer processing: ‘Does he match up here? Check. Here? Check.’” She’s been dating--finance types, entrepreneurs, a photographer--but over the last two years, none has met all of her checklist criteria.
Love For Money
In order to increase their chances of finding a good match, many women are taking matters into their own hands and are joining online dating sites or hiring a matchmaker.
At the Internet service eHarmony, which caters to singles seeking long-term relationships, the number of female members earning over $125,000 has grown 85% in two years. For one-on-one dating coaches and matchmakers, who charge as much as six figures for their expertise, business has increased 8% since 2005, and the cottage industry now pulls in $260 million annually, according to research firm Marketdata Enterprises. Overall, the dating services industry, which also includes singles Web sites such as Match.com and in-person meet-up groups such as It’s Just Lunch, is a $1.8 billion industry.
Wyeth executive Talbot has been working occasionally with New York dating coaches Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal, who charge $1,500 for six one-on-one sessions. Titus explains the difference between matchmakers and dating coaches this way: “Matchmakers bring the fish. We teach you to fish.” To that end, the couple advise Talbot on the best New York City watering holes in which to cast her line (Wall Street hangouts Wolfgang’s Steakhouse and Harry’s Café), how to bait a hook (approach a man confidently, hand him your card and then pretend you have somewhere else to be) and how to reel ‘em in (don’t talk too much about your busy schedule, which can make him feel like you don’t need him).
Talbot is still looking but thinks the coaching has been worth the price. “A year ago I wouldn’t approach men. I wasn’t as confident. But I realized unless I take control of things nothing will happen.”
Posnick, the Dallas cosmetics executive, is having fun dating men she has met while on business trips to different cities. And Ptacin, the public relations entrepreneur, now reserves one day a week--usually Sunday--to socialize, either on a date or with friends. “I won’t allow myself to look at the BlackBerry anymore when I’m out with friends,” she says. “And I’m meeting many more interesting people this way.”
She has also stopped dating men from her media and entrepreneurial circles, because that just leads to more work: “Who wants to talk about pitching angles on a date?”
Ptacin is hopeful she’ll eventually find her match because she has known men who enjoyed being attached to ambitious women. Her father, a physician, is her role model. When her mother started a catering business in her 30s, Ptacin’s father did everything from washing dishes to coming along on catering jobs. “I do want a family and a life, but I need someone like my father,” Ptacin says. “Or I need a wife.”
For some reason, I have been seeing lots of online dating information from our friends Down Under. Here’s a list of 50 reasons why you should try online dating. While a couple are specific to Australia, most apply anywhere. And it is the best list I have seen—and the most positive—about why to get online and start looking.
Online Dating Fifty Reasons Australian Singles Use Online Dating
75% of online singles claim they are looking for a life partner - a much higher percentage than the locals down the pub.
Australian online dating sites guard you from overseas online daters.
Contact is quick when online dating, with free sites offering instant messenger, video cam chat and groups, there is a chance for everyone to converse the
way they choose to.
Convenience.
Dating profiles allow you to accurately determine if an online single would suit you.
Even if you don’t meet a long lasting partner, you can make many friends with common interests.
We all know someone who met their partner online and that could be you.
Fear of rejection is lessened as everybody is aware of where they stand before they chat to initial members and can decide whether to pursue or not.
Online dating can enable you to chat secretly with several singles before taking the next step.
Online dating allows singles to get to know someone fairly well before committing to meeting them in person.
Online dating can be very safe if you don’t hand out private information in early chats - the other member has no way of tracing you.
Online dating can assist you overcome feelings of shyness, paranoia and insecurity.
Online dating chat can be kept for later reference, meaning you wont forget what you were chatting about.
.
Online dating chat rooms offer an excellent source of dating advice for new timers or the not so experienced.
Online dating isn’t dangerous - you don’t have to go to meet an unknown stranger and you can always let your mother know where you are.
Online dating can be very private, no one need know that you have joined a dating site.
Online dating means you can find groups of singles or set up your own groups for similar minded singles.
Online dating profiles can inform you about a person more so than initial conversations usually can, therefore you are more likely to choose someone with suitable dating credentials.
Potential partners have a better chance to get to know one an other as they are not restricted by closing times, the picture theatre finishing or the date ending.
The best free sites allow singles to chat endlessly without charge.
The amount of online singles available is huge.
The online dating friends you find may be sober!
The friends you meet are single (hopefully!) and you wont have to second guess it.
Statistics show the chances of your online dating relationship will out last “conventional” dating methods.
There are usually new online dating members waiting to chat.
There isn’t any social stigma attached to online nowadays.
Web cam chat permits you to see the other member and so you can tell if the attraction is there.
You are not limited by distance.
You cant get sunburnt when online dating.
You can “date” many singles in the early days then find the one you like the best.
You can easily get out of online friendships that are not working.
You can flirt away until your hearts content, safe that nobody will take you too seriously - unless you would like them to.
You can find people wanting the same amount of commitment - marriage, serious romance, casual sex, friendship, chat and dates.
You can find people with marginal interests that match yours - You may not be the only one who collects lunch boxes? Online you will discover someone else who shares your interest.
You can meet someone fast - often on the first sign on.
You can sometimes see the singles you would like to chat with before initiating a conversation.
You can online date and don’t have to feel guilty at leaving your dog home by themself.
You can go online dating at any time of the day or night.
You can online date when the kids are asleep and get to know others without introducing lots of new “dads” or “mums”
You do not need to ask for someone’s mobile number to online date them, the method of contact is established.
You do not need any money when online dating using free dating sites.
You do not need such great social skills when online dating. You can get to know people over time and get over any initial awkwardness.
You do not need to get new clothes and dress up to meet online singles.
You don’t get surrounded in smoke when you are internet dating (or alternatively you can smoke yourself to death whilst online dating)
You don’t have to wait for the weekend to meet your dream partner - you could chat to them before work, during work (don’t get caught!) or after work.
You wont get burgled while you are online dating.
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