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Kathryn's Blog: Online Dating Facts and Figures
Facts on Internet dating from the Canadian press:
From an article in the Calgary Herald Canadians are lucky in love, Saturday, May 24, 2008
The poll also found that 16 per cent of Canadians had found love online, with the younger demographic having more success—more than a quarter of respondents aged 18 to 34 had been successful in seeking a mate via the web. Only seven per cent of those aged 55 and older had started a relationship online, either by way of e-mail or the Internet.
I always recommend that singles pick a big, established, well-trafficked dating site, one that charges a fee. And of course, if you join, you should pay. Here’s a report that backs up some of my rationale—that people who join and pay a fee are more serious and see others posting on the site as more serious too. Underlining below is mine.
The typical online dater is serious, says report
People who date on the internet tend to be serious about the endeavour, a new report asserts.
According to eMarketer, those who use paid-for subscription services to meet prospective romantic mates are doing so because they want to find a specific sort of person who takes the venture as seriously as they do.
Citing comScore figures that reveal 97 million people visited matchmaking websites in December of last year, representing a ten per cent year-on-year fall, the report comments that a specific demographic is drawn to such resources.
“Online dating site users are looking for a pool of other people who are serious about dating, and pay for access to that pool,” the publication notes.
Meanwhile, an International Herald-Tribune article is cited in which the chief executive of Match.com, Thomas Enraght-Moony, describes internet dating as “highly underpenetrated”.
Hitwise has reported that the term ‘Valentine’s poems’ was the most popular search phrase containing the word Valentine in February 2007.
Most people know that Internet dating is one of the biggest money-makers on the web. Even though total visits were down 10% in December, revenues continue to climb. Speculators say that the less serious singles are dropping out, and the truly serious are paying up. See the article below, I added the underlines.
JupiterResearch Sees Steady Growth for Online Personals, Despite Explosion of Social Networking
NEW YORK--(BUSINESS WIRE)--JupiterResearch-- a leading authority on the impact of the Internet and emerging consumer technologies on business, reports consumers are looking for love in cyberspace at a steady pace, which will result in significant growth during the next five years. Online dating and personals will increase from $900M in 2007 to $1.9B in 2012, according to the recently published JupiterResearch report, “US Paid Content Forecast, 2007 to 2012.”
Despite the grave outlook in some press reports, there are no signs that the eruption of social networks has burned the paid online personals market.
“Still, as casual visitor traffic slows or shrinks, competitors will have to seek out harder-to-sell consumers, as well as offer additional services to their existing customers,” said David Card, Vice President and Research Director for JupiterResearch. “And competition is already ferocious.”
Personals remain one of the larger paid content categories online. Only music and games are bigger, or attract more than 10 percent of online users.
“Personals are one of the few legitimate billion-dollar paid content businesses,” said David Schatsky, President of JupiterResearch. “JupiterResearch projects a steady 16 percent compound annual growth rate through 2012 for the category.”
I love watching how the online dating industry and the way people use it changes so quickly. It wasn’t very long ago that you could find anything at all on the net about dating, what was happening and trends. Here’s an article about where things are and where things are going that says some interesting things. The article is in red, I’ve underlined parts I think are interesting, and commented in the body of the article in black.
How do I catch a valentine?
By ERIC GWINN
Chicago Tribune
It’s the week before Valentine’s Day, and you might be looking for a special someone. Maybe you’re one of the millions of people who haven’t tried an online matchmaking service. Or maybe you tried one a while ago and were disappointed by the number of people more interested in casual dating than in establishing serious relationships.
Here’s an update: Things have changed. Sites are charging more money to connect people, and the higher membership fees appear to be weeding out the not-so-serious types. Also, the fill-out-a-profile-and-wait-for-replies method of finding a match is giving way to faster means of meeting people.
If you’re thinking about going online to meet a kindred spirit, here is what’s happening these days in the Internet matchmaking world.
WHAT’S NOW?
Fewer people are checking out online dating sites. Internet researcher comScore Media Metrix says the number of visits in December dropped by 10 percent—to 20.2 million Americans—compared with December 2006 figures.
“There are fewer people, but they’re more serious,” says Mark Brooks, who provides marketing and other services for online dating sites. “The revenues continue to climb because the looky-loos have gone away; they can’t get much service without paying (a subscription to a Web dating service.)”
The novelty of online dating is starting to wear off, and Mark Brooks is right, it’s the serious folks who are staying in.
The average monthly subscription is now $25 a month, up $20 a month from a few years ago, but more free sites might start popping up among the hundreds of online matchmakers, thanks to the skyrocketing popularity of Plenty of Fish. Plentyoffish.com is free and among the most visited Web sites—not just dating sites—in Canada and the U.S.
While eHarmony, Yahoo! Personals and Match.com have millions of members, many so-called niche dating sites are growing because they zero in on a specific interest or background or age group, such as SeniorFriendFinder.com. Farmersonly.com attracts those who like the agricultural way of life, while gk2gk.com appeals to self-described geeks. Sparks Networks operates a stable of sites such as JDate.com, for Jewish singles, and DeafSinglesConnection.com. MyPartner.com welcomes gays and lesbians.
WHAT’S NEW?
Growing attention to the issue of online safety. New Jersey recently enacted the Internet Dating Safety Act, requiring online dating services to disclose their criminal background screening practices and to offer safer dating tips on their sites. It’s the first such law of any state; other states might follow suit.
This push to legislate “online dating safety” (as if a law could actually do that) is very controversial. I testified against a similar bill here in Florida last year. See my blog entries about it here.
There is no law requiring dating sites to verify the age or identity of members or to run criminal background checks on them. The online dating/social networking industry argues that any such law would be expensive and certainly not foolproof. Most matchmaking sites require users to state they are 18 years or older and to agree they will follow certain rules of behavior. Many offer safety tips for users, and there are plenty of businesses offering to investigate people met online—for a fee.
WHAT’S NEXT?
Some people think online dating is for old people who stay in touch by e-mail, rather than the social-networking, instant-messaging young crowd. Not so fast. “Paid online dating should grow from about $890 million in 2007 to an estimated $1.9 billion in 2012,” says David Card, of Jupiter Research. “We haven’t seen any negative impact from free social networks on the paid social business.”
Online dating is still getting more than 20 million new visitors a month, so don’t worry that potential mates are abandoning online service. As Card puts it, “The big (sites) continue to do well, and there are little guys springing up left and right.”
But if you’re in a hurry for a match, things might seem a bit slow. Dating sites aren’t messing with their time-tested formula for keeping people coming back: the fill-out-a-profile-and-wait-for-responses method. While that makes money for sites, it isn’t the fastest way to meet people.
SpeedDate.com is shaking things up by pairing Web cam users for three-minute meetings—like speed dating from yoursofa. Dodgeball.com lets your cell phone seek out other Dodgeball members while you’re at the bar, the game or even the grocery store. Exchange text messages and choose to meet. Or not.
ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR MYSTERY DATE?
No matter what online service you choose, use common sense to screen out potential troublemakers and be honest about what you want and who you are. When Steve Johnson, the Chicago Tribune’s Internet critic, last summer asked Plenty of Fish Chief Executive Officer Markus Frind what he had learned about love while running his site, Frind said: “Everyone lies. What people say they want and what they actually want are two completely different things. Like when people write their profile and say, I’m looking for this and this and this, the people they actually search for and message are completely different from what they list, like 30 or 40 percent of the time. People put down what they think other people think they should go for rather than what they want.”
I would not say that people are lying when what they search for appears different that what they state, simply that they may be stating what they ideally are looking for, but then reality sinks in. A guy may say he wants a woman he could take home to meet Mom, but actually LOOK AT the other extreme.
Now, I just love the Brits. If you are a regular blog reader here, you’ll have seen my posting about Match.com’s hilarious ad campaign Cupid and Fate. If you haven’t already, you need to take a look.
Something they are doing over that, whether it is “Cupid and Fate” or in the water, seems to be working Big Time. Take a look at the article below for the HUGE percentages of British singles who are using online dating.
Single Brits looking for love online
By Clement James VNU Net - Monday, January 21 10:30 am
The internet has become a mainstream way to find love, according to dating agency Parship.
The online matchmaking service claimed that there is now a 50:50 chance that everyone knows someone who is currently logging-on to find a special partner.
Nearly eight million Britons used some form of online dating service in 2007, compared to 5.4 million who used a mixture of offline and online services in 2005.
Some 52 per cent of British men and 48 per cent of women have used the internet to find a date in the past 12 months, compared to 36 per cent of men and 34 per cent of women in 2005.
Over 53 per cent of singles intend to use the internet to meet someone in the future, rising to 65 per cent of 36 to 40 year-olds.
Tony Blin Stoyle, UK and Ireland manager at Parship, said: “UK singles, particularly those aged 30 to 40, recognise that as they get older and their social networks become smaller, they need to maximise their opportunities in order to meet a partner.
“Our research suggests that if you rely on traditional routes and wait for a chance encounter with someone special, you could end up waiting a very long time.”
Victoria Lukats, a psychiatrist and dating expert for Parship, added: “ Provided people choose an internet dating site that helps them to meet like-minded people, it can be a great way of meeting someone special.
“With the busy lives that people lead today the old saying ‘love only comes along when you least expect it’ is at best outdated. The internet now allows single people to be much more proactive in finding a relationship.”
This little piece below is pretty dense with the financial talk, but interesting. Just keep in mind that even if Match slips a knotch or two, you are still talking about millions of singles who are registered.
Match.com earnings show major decline in subscribers.
Match.com Released their earnings a few days ago. Is this their way of saying subscribers in the US decreased at least 12% year over year? One assumes the US accounts for far more than 50% of their subscribers.
“Revenue growth was driven by a 1% increase in worldwide subscribers, including 13% growth in international subscribers, most notably in the UK, combined with higher average prices in North America. Operating Income Before Amortization grew faster than revenue due to a lower cost of acquisition as a percentage of revenue in North America and flat operating costs, partially offset by higher international cost of acquisition. Operating income in the second quarter of 2007 included amortization of non-cash marketing of $7.2 million.”
Articles like the one below about how Internet dating is “in” have been popping up all over everywhere lately. While they are similar in tone and get repetitious, I find them so welcoming after what I have seen over the years. Five years ago when I was just getting started as a Romance Coach, searches yielded practically nothing, and what did show up tended to be scary. Not so with articles like this. Yea!
The Many Faces of Online Dating
By Erika Morphy
“Match.com is not for everybody,” says Todd Creager, a licensed clinical social worker and coauthor of Finding Life’s Passions. “There are those that thrive on generalized dating sites, but typically those are people who ‘show well’—whether it is due to looks, an extroverted style of writing, a natural sense of humor, social confidence or some combination of these qualities.”
Shoshanna Berman, an intern in New York City, is happily dating her ideal future husband: a nice, young—and tall—Orthodox Jewish man who is also outgoing and easygoing.
On date two, they bonded while scalping tickets at a Knicks game. Date ten, she remembers, was an all-night drive to Philadelphia.
“I would have married him if he asked me after the first date,” Berman tells TechNewsWorld, “but it took him a few months to realize the truth.” Now they are unofficially engaged.
Take away a few details here and there, and this could be anyone’s “how we met” story—including the fact that Berman met her beau at SawYouAtSinai.com, a dating Web site.
“My friend met her husband there, so I thought I would give it a try,” Berman says.
These days, anyone who scoffs at online dating is either married or in the priesthood. The U.S. online dating market—typified by such Web sites as Match.com and Yahoo Personals—will reach US$932 million in 2011, according to figures from JupiterResearch.
Soul Mate Search
More than 20 million Internet users visited such a site last December, reported comScore. The top destinations were Yahoo Personals, Match.com, True.com, Spark Networks and Singlesnet.com. In short, from 18-year-olds in college (where there should be no dearth of potential suitors) to senior citizens, multitudes are logging on in search of love or companionship.
To be sure, not everyone who goes online finds a happy ending. Horror stories abound from the horrifying—stalking incidents and worse have befallen many online daters—to the annoying. (Hint: Using photos more than a year or so old always backfires.)
Sometimes it just takes a little patience to find your soul mate, says Robert Schwartz, author of Courageous Souls: Do We Plan Our Life Challenges Before Birth? Schwartz met his partner at JDate, another popular Jewish dating site. Several years ago, he posted a profile there but nothing came of it. Recently, though, in the most serendipitous manner possible, he connected with a woman, and they’re about to move in together.
“I had been living in Oregon but thinking about moving home to Cleveland to look after my father, who was needing assistance,” he tells TechNewsWorld. Idly, he perused the profiles in Cleveland and immediately gravitated toward the woman who would become his partner. “What I loved about her profile is that I could tell immediately she is spiritually aware. That is very important to me.”
Fast-forward over several months of phone calls and visits. Schwartz is now moving to Cleveland.
Specialized Sites
It may be no accident that both Schwartz and Berman met partners on specialized dating sites. Mainstream dating site memberships are stagnating—or, in some cases, shrinking. The proportion of paying customers has stayed the same—5 percent—over the last five years, according to Jupiter.
Another Jupiter metric that suggests interest is beginning to decline: Only 10 percent of Internet users visited an online dating site in 2006—a decrease from 16 percent in 2005 and 21 percent in 2002.
One way the online dating industry is counteracting these trends is by introducing specialized Web sites that focus on commonalities that would-be daters hope to find. Many focus on religion; some focus on hobbies or professions.
Sparks Network, currently one of the top online destinations, operates over 30 online personals—all but one of which is targeted toward a specific religious, ethnic or special interest group. JDate, launched in 1997, was its first site.
It makes sense, some say.
“Match.com is not for everybody,” Todd Creager, a licensed clinical social worker and coauthor of Finding Life’s Passions, tells TechNewsWorld. “There are those that thrive on generalized dating sites, but typically those are people who ‘show well’—whether it is due to looks, an extroverted style of writing, a natural sense of humor, social confidence, or some combination of these qualities.”
Singles who do not make great first impressions end up feeling frustrated, he continues. “On a specialized dating site, one attraction may be the similarity of interests, vocation, religion, life challenges and so on.”
Next Evolutionary Step
Specialized sites are the way to go for today’s daters, says Steve Monas, author of several books about online dating and social networking, including Chemistry and Numbers: The Online Dating Guide.
“When I used JDate, there was already a feeling of comfortability, knowing that there will be some commonality moving forward,” he tells TechNewsWorld.
However, the specialized sites may follow the path of the generic dating Web sites, he cautioned—unless they evolve once again.
“Dating Web sites are now trying to get appealing features that will compete with free social networking sites such as MySpace.com and Plentyoffish.com,” Monas notes. These sites, after all, are de facto meeting places and have come to compete with some of the larger, specialized dating sites.
Revenue from major sites will have to come from more personalized services—such as selecting and contacting potential matches on behalf of members, he suggests.
Indeed, some of the newer specialized sites are focusing on what happens once you get past the third or so date and become a couple. eHarmony, a dating Web site known for its hour-long application—and, more controversially, for not matching gay people—has launched a Web site aimed at married couples who want to strengthen their relationship.
On the other end of the spectrum—the far end—is HoochyMail, a service that “brings couples closer together by safely and securely allowing them to create and share their mutual fantasies,” according to site spokesperson Rob Frankle.
Basically, HoochyMail allows each couple to compose and e-mail Email Marketing Software - Free Demo fantasies customized with their own details. There are about 35 different occasions—from Christmas to Thanksgiving to basketball playoffs—in the system Manage remotely with one interface—the HP ProLiant DL360 G5 server..
Thus far, the site has been very successful, judging by almost every metric, Frankle says, including opt-in numbers and click-through advertising rates. “Plus, we have never received even one hate mail.”
In the online dating world, that’s as good as it gets.
Here’s an interesting “massaging of the stats” I found by dating coaches Dan and Jennifer. I can’t say whether or not their conclusions about the patrons and matrons of the way sexy site AdultFriendFinder.com are true, but there is some interesting speculation to be done for sure.
Sinners in the Bible Belt? Sex, Swingers, and Religion...
Dan and Jennifer
August 2, 2007
Who would have thought that Texas, the conservative Republican state, is 2nd In the Nation on Sex Seeking Enthusiasts?
While Texas may be perceived as a highly religious and conservative stronghold, deep in the heart of the Bible Belt, it’s beat out only by California, and Florida is a close 3rd in the number of adults actively looking for sex on the internet.
Are we making this up? Now way!
These revealing numbers are reported by one of the largest adult web sites on the internet. The numbers will really surprise you…
If you don’t already know, Adult Friend Finder is the largest sex and swinger personals web site on the internet today with 22,319,717 members. That’s almost identical to the population of Texas which is 23,507,783. Hmmm… That’s a lot of people on just this one website.
What is a sex and swinger personals web site? Well, it’s basically a dating site for singles and couples looking for sex. What many people don’t realize is that Adult Friend Finder gets more visitors every day than Match.com and eHarmony put together!
That’s no big surprise. But what IS a surprise is that Texas is ranked #2 in the number of subscribers to this web site.
Here is the state by state breakdown of the top sex enthusiasts in the U.S., according to Adult Friend Finder:
* California - 1.2 million (That’s 3.3% of the state population)
* Texas - 800,000 (That’s 3.4% of the state population)
* Florida - 743,000 (That’s 4.1% of the state population)
* New York - 660,000 (That’s 3.4% of the state population)
* Illinois - 429,000 (That’s 3.3% of the state population)
Wow, what’s truly amazing here is that Texas - the heart of the Bible Belt - is #2 in all of the U.S. with a larger percentage of the population subscribing than California!
Is Texas shedding it’s ultra conservative facade? Or will the truth remain buried behind closed doors with faceless pictures on the top sex personals sites like Adult Friend Finder?
Here are some more interesting facts about sex on the internet
While it’s difficult to identify the exact number of internet users, ComScore Media Metrix reports 4% of all Web traffic and 2% of all time spent Web surfing involved an adult site.
* According to a recent study by Google, adult content is the most sought after content by users with cellphones. Google’s team found that 20 percent of searches on cellphones were for adult content, while only 5 percent of searches on PDAs were for it. The researchers sifted through 1 million searches by users of their mobile search software to come up with these numbers.
* The AVN Annual Survey of the Adult Industry 2006 asserts that the adult entertainment industry is nearly a $13 billion business in 2006, mostly in the form of adult videos. But the delivery mechanism is changing… Internet sales of adult content, which includes images, live-chat and live-streaming video, has now become the second largest adult entertainment segment, with 22 percent of the market or $2.8 billion in sales.
So, are more than 23 million people wrong? Or are the rules and social stigmas against sex and enjoying our sexuality outdated remnants of the Victorian age?
Obviously the demand is there, but so are the ultra conservative religious extremists and the lawmakers that they keep in their pockets. Which explains why prostitution is still illegal in most states and certain sexual acts between consenting adults are illegal in the privacy of their own homes. The fact that consenting adults cannot do whatever they choose in the privacy of their own homes, without causing harm to anyone, is outrageous!
This is also why Janet Jackson was persecuted for her wardrobe malfunction during the Superbowl a few years back (the most replayed moment in TiVo history) and Chicago TV reporter, Amy Jacobson, was persecuted for doing an interview in her swimsuit. Exactly what is wrong with a breast and a belly button anyway? Really… Stop and think about that for just a moment.
When will we say enough is enough?
Wait. Visit http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com today.
Dating, Relationships, and Sex. Tips, Advice, Articles, and Videos.
Copyright 2007, http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com. All rights reserved.
From a press release about LavaLifePrime—LavaLife’s new (and free for awhile) site for singles over 45:
A few interesting statistics on single Boomers:
* 30% of Boomers are single
* 70% of Boomers are internet savvy*
* 70% of single Boomers are dating regularly*
* Of those, 45% of men and 48% of women have sexual intercourse more than once per week*
* Only 14% of Boomer women and 22% of Boomer men are looking to get married or live with someone.* (For the younger groups these numbers are a significantly higher, ie. ages 30-39, 60%.) FULL ARTICLE @ PR LEAP
* AARP Study - American Association of Retired People
That’s SOME set of stats! If you are a single “Boomer,” get out there and have some fun!
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I always like seeing some facts and figures come out about online dating. Here are a few from a new poll by Vizu Corporation for OKCupid.com. The numbers I found particularly interesting were in the last paragraph, which lists the factors that singles use to eliminate candidates. If you are chubby, smoke and have kids, your chances of making the cut are slim. One thing that is hard to judge by an oline profile is character, which I think is THE most important attribute in a potential mate. Maybe the chubby mom who smokes would be thebest risk of all. Who will know if you don’t give them the chance?
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
From New Opinion Poll Benchmarks the State of Online Dating
Of the 49 percent of survey respondents who claimed to have interacted with an online dating Web site, more than 20 percent were committed users, either by paying for a subscription or using a free service. Another 29 percent admit to at least browsing profiles, even if they don’t take that final step of signing up and making a connection. Those who do commit tend to stick around - 62 percent trying their luck for two months or longer.
Sixty-eight percent of respondents prefer services that provide personality questionnaires, analyze compatibility and offer matchmaking recommendations. And users want that service for free, too. Free sites are preferred over subscription services at a ratio of five-to-one.
Despite the reach of the now ten-plus-year-old industry, 72 percent still feel there is a social stigma to online dating. Yet that perception appears attached to those who are less involved in the experience. Once daters embrace the online path and actually meet their match, they become more comfortable. Nearly two-thirds will admit that, upon meeting their significant other online, they would tell the truth if asked about how they met.
Finally, the report shows online daters to be highly selective. Most (58 percent) rely primarily on photographs to quickly filter their field of prospective matches. Deal breakers that tend to cause prospects to be rejected include smoking (23 percent say no) and having children (32 percent aren’t interested). As for physical characteristics, 45 percent will reject someone because of his/her weight, and another 33 percent will disqualify those outside their age range.
I’m starting to see stories come out in the news about divorces and assorted romantic miseries in couples who met on Internet dating sites. Well, duh! Did anyone really think that couples who met on the net would somehow avoid the troubles that every other couple has in spades? Of course not! People who meet on the net are going to get married, some in wildly impulsive sort of ways, and a certain percentage of those folks are going to get divorced. When upwards of 15% of couples marrying now are meeting on the web, it only stands to reason that about 15% of divorcing couple will be cyberpairings. There is nothing magical about Internet dating that will protect you from marital misery.
Internet-initiated marriages can head south
11:51 AM PDT on Sunday, May 27, 2007
By AMANDA STRINDBERG
The Press-Enterprise
In 1998, Matt Frassica was featured in People magazine as a cyberlove success story.
He had found his bride on the Internet and was among an emerging group of those who clicked their way to love.
Six years later, the Northern California resident belonged to a different group. He became a Net nuptial divorcee.
Story continues below
The common interests of long walks on the beach, homemade lasagna and a love for the romantic comedy “While You Were Sleeping” weren’t enough to make Frassica’s marriage last. Frassica realized he was gay and the dream of “happily ever after” ended.
“We really had nothing in common,” Frassica, 34, said. “Our profiles had lots of commonalities, but it didn’t go much deeper than that.”
Internet dating sites began to sprout up about 12 years ago. By 2002, it was a common way to meet a mate. An estimated 3 million Americans have found love online and married or entered a long-term relationship, the Pew Internet and American Life Project reports.
But now, area therapists and family-law attorneys say they are seeing an increasing number of cybersplits. While some swear by online dating and say they would have never found their one-and-only if not for the Net, it’s inevitable that cyberromance will also bring with it its fair share of divorces.
Fantasy World
The emerging rocky Web unions make sense given the median length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is eight years, according to a 2005 Census Bureau survey. There are no formal statistics showing if Internet marriages fare better than traditional forms of meeting, but some say the fantasies people create before meeting a match face to face can be blinding.
A 2004 Match.com study revealed 11 percent of married couples who met through its site were in love before meeting. What’s revealed online through the profile and e-mails exchanged is just enough to start the fantasy, said Orange County relationship specialist Michelle Conboy.
“They have already created this image that this person is perfect for them,” said Conboy, a marriage-family therapist. “They become so excited about the prospect of this fantasy coming true that they ignore red flags and don’t ask the right questions.”
Marriage-family therapist Randy Davis, of Corona, described it like this: “It’s like when you see the dessert plate at a restaurant and you create an idea in your head about how it’s going to taste and then when you get it you’re thinking, ‘Wait, this tastes different. It’s not what I ordered.’ “
Divorce Prevention
But dating sites are finding new ways to help make forever a reality. Some sites have hired love doctors, others boast personality tests that measure compatibility for the long haul, and a few have expanded their services to offer advice and interactive tools for married and committed couples.
For example, eHarmony.com, an online dating service that boasts 90 marriages a day, recently launched a separate Web site, eHarmony Labs, dedicated to the study of relationships. The Web site includes tools to strengthen a couple’s partnership such as a relationship checkup, a 60-question survey that identifies a relationship’s strengths and weaknesses.
Last year, eHarmony launched eHarmony Marriage, a Web site that aims to help couples achieve “stronger, healthier and happier marriages” through interactive videos, exercises and coaching. Match.com offers a program called MindFindBind, a series of online videos, workshops and exercises developed by talk-show host Dr. Phil McGraw. The program is said to help people “enjoy successes in relationships they value,” says the Web site.
BlackPlanet.com, a black social networking site, and MiGente.com, a social site for Latinos, say they are unique because couples typically stay logged on even after they have found love.
“It’s about fostering a community,” said Taryn Langer, spokeswoman for Community Connect, which owns the sites. “The ongoing dialogue between members even after they have found someone creates a support network.”
True.com offers its users a long-term-relationship compatibility test, which follows the standards of the American Psychological Association, and is designed to create lifelong matches.
“That’s what we are after, to lower the divorce rate,” said True.com founder Herb Vest. “Divorce is a real bad deal and we are working to eliminate it.”
Vest’s advice on finding a lasting match: “Take your time,” he said. “If it’s love, you have got to give Cupid time to do his work.”
Marriage-Hungry
But with dating sites touting marriage results and nearly promising a soul mate, it’s difficult to ignore the pressure to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, said compatibility expert and psychologist James Houran, spokesman for Online Dating Magazine.
Houran said he is a believer that online dating can create lasting relationships, but the issue is expectations.
“Online dating sites base their success on the number of marriages they create,” Houran said. “When you set people up to think they are only looking for marriage, they come in with the wrong mind-set.”
At first glimpse of what might look like forever, visions of wedding bells begin to dance in their heads. On a turbo trip to the altar, couples are often quick to relocate and make drastic life changes, Houran said.
“These advertising campaigns to find your soul mate are only feeding the fantasy and contributing to the divorce rate,” Houran said. “What they need to be saying is, ‘Put the brakes on.’ “
Exhausted from setups, short-lived romances and bar prowling, online daters are often on a mission to meet someone, Houran said.
“They are eager and looking intently and therefore are more at risk of rushing it and eventually divorcing,” Houran said.
San Bernardino lawyer Stefan Pancer said online dating has opened up “a whole new can of worms.”
Pancer recently got a call from a woman who went overseas to be with her cybersweetie. They married, but when the romance didn’t go as planned, she returned to the United States.
Now she has a husband in another country she wants to divorce, which makes the situation “difficult,” Pancer said.
“I used to see the impulsive Vegas weddings and now I am seeing this,” he said.
Lawyer Stephen Levine, of San Bernardino, has also seen his fair share of Internet splits. On one occasion, the marriage only lasted months before the couple landed in his office.
“She moved here from Idaho and after they got married they were wondering, ‘What the heck did we do?’ “ Levine said.
Palm Spring’s psychotherapist Patricia Craine’s advice: “Remember all that glitters isn’t always gold.”
How dangerous is online dating, really?
In an article about compatibility testing by Dr. James Houran in Online Dating Magazine, Houran included some research from Synovate about why people choose NOT to use dating sites. Interesting are the numbers about perceptions of danger:
30% of those in the U. S. thought online dating “Could be dangerous.”
But only 2% acknowledged “a friend or family member had a bad experience with it.”
Seems to me that despite fear-mongering, the booming success of online dating sites indicates that while people worry, they have little evidence of the danger.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I’ve been seeing a lot of articles like the follow one. Clearly, the media is paying attention to the burgeoning success of online dating sites and the singles who are meeting via them. But the paranoia!!! “Well, yes, happy couples meet, but the DANGERS!” Gawd!
Yes, there are dangers in online dating. But in case you haven’t noticed, plain old tradtional dating, before the Internet and dating sites were even invented, was fraught with dangers: Without dating, there would be many fewer rapes. And domestic violence has to start with a courtship, right?
If anything, online dating has to be safer. People talk, and if folks heard in sufficient numbers about bad experiences via online dating, don’t you think they’d stop doing it? See my next posting for some supporting facts and figures.
From The Daily Vidette:
Relational risks, realities of online dating
By: Amy Gorczowski
Posted: 4/2/07
A happy couple stands embracing each other on the television screen as music plays in the background. They tell their story of meeting online and describe it as the best experience ever. Is logging on a computer to find a soul mate easier than meeting in person?
“On average, each month Match.com receives news of more than 400 marriages or engagements from members of former members,” Maida Goodman, public relations coordinator for Match.com, said.
As Goodman mentioned, some couples from this count are former members, so even with this statistic, there is no guarantee that the couples in question actually met online, only that they used Match.com at one point.
“Last year alone we got word that more than 500,000 people found a relationship that changed their lives through Match.com,” Goodman said.
But what qualifies as changing a life? While online dating may bring happiness and long lasting relationships to some, it also poses a wide variety of risks.
“My first thought about online dating is that there’s a certain degree of risk,” Lisa Rutherford, a licensed clinical social worker for Chapin and Russell Associates in Peoria, said. “You don’t really know the person that you might come into contact with and nothing they have told you is necessarily true.”
In addition, it is important to realize the age difference in any potential online relationship. Pursuing a relationship through an online program too early may increase risk for future relationships.
“Our program targets people who are 21 and older, but there are some college aged students involved,” Goodman said.
“According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are about 90 million single people in the United States older than 18. Of those 90 million, 60 million are online and 33 million are open to pursuing an online relationship.”
Although millions of people are willing to be in an online relationship, one cannot help but wonder what type of people these programs attract.
“As a counselor, one of the risks is getting involved with someone and having that person be sick,” Rutherford said. “If that person has significant relationship issues to begin with, that may rub off on the other person involved.”
Rutherford went on to emphasize that if one is involved in a traumatic relationship at some point, it can certainly effect future relationships. She stressed that problems created in early relationships can trigger similar, even identical, problems in future relationships. Still, online dating sites advocate such ideas and even promote them as better than traditional dating.
“Couples who meet online can potentially have a higher success rate or longevity than ‘offline’ couples,” Goodman said.
“Of the people I have seen who have used such programs, there seems to be a pattern of a risk of multiple rejections.” Rutherford said. “If you use online dating, you’re really setting yourself up to experience a lot more rejections that if you were to not use it.”
Apparently, the public is not interested in this fact, as more and more people are joining sites such as Match.com every day.
“More than 60,000 new people register on Match.com every day,” Goodman said. “They join the millions of people who know that Match.com is simply a better way to find love.”
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
OnlinePersonalsWatch’s Mark Brooks has done it again: Given us some very useful information. Mark has listed the top sites that post their success stories! What’s an online dating site’s measure of success? Marriages and couplings! Here’s Mark’s list:
Ranking, Property, Number of success stories*
1. Christian Cafe, 1287
2. PlentyofFish, 470
3. JDate, 195
4. eHarmony, 160
5. Date, 128
6. American Singles, 100
7. HotorNot, 93
7. Yahoo Personals, 93
9. Match, 90
10. Cupid, 80
11. BlackPeopleMeet, 74
12. DatingDirect, 54
*As at March 30th, 2007.
Online dating industry analyst/consultant Mark Brooks commented, “Nothing is more compelling to prospective online daters than success stories from people just like them that have met through online dating. It would be good for the industry as a whole if more dating sites would feature their success stories and keep them up-to-date.”
If you want to have some inspiring fun, go on over to any of those sites and take a look at who met the loves of their lives.
Isn’t it interesting that Match.com and Yahoo! Personals (the biggest sites and probably accounting for thousands of happy couples) post so few of their success stories? You are missing a great opportunity, Match and Yahoo!
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
With computers and the Internet, men have traditionally outnumbered women, if you can call the history of the brief life of the Internet a tradition.
When Match.com first got going in 1995, they purposely made the site “clean and friendly” to attract women, figuring correctly, that if women came, so would the men.
Recent figures suggest that Match.com has done this very well: Match now has 55% female visitors to 45% male. Some sites have done even better: eHarmony is 69% female, Catholic Match 72% women, SeniorPeopleMeet.com 80.8% ladies, and LoveAccess.com 87% women!!! (figures according to Hitwise)
Yahoo! Personals still has a slight edge of more men: 51% to 49%, male to female.
What’s going on? Women are finding out that online dating works and is safe (at least as safe as regular off line dating). “The more monye and time involved in signing up to a dating site, the more the site the site would skew female. And, the more free pictures were available the more the site would skew male.”
Women are also going where the money is: Sugar Daddie is 68% women.
Where do the men go? Gay sites, of course. And the Internet equivalent of mail-order brides from abroad. While these articles don’t include the sexier sites, AdultFriendFinder is overwhelmingly male.
Good news for men, right. Not so good for women.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
The numbers keep rising…
From an article on DailyVidette.com
Last year (2006?), more than 500,000 reported to Match.com that they had “found a relationship that had changed their lives.”
90 million people in the US are single, 60 million are online, and 33 million are open to meeting a romantic partner online.
60,000 people register on Match.com every day.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
If you are interested on how well your dating site is doing compared with others (and the stats can tell you a lot), here are a couple of articles that spell it out for you.
Making the Match: Trends in Online Dating Sites (click this link to see the whole story with graphs)
Posted on Feb 4th, 2007 with stocks: IACI, YHOO
Max Freiert (Compete) submits: The holiday season is supposed to be a time when people come together. But for lonely singles, it can also highlight the fact that they are, well, lonely and single. Whether it’s for a New Years date, a resolution to finally find a soul mate, or even pressure from family to settle down, online dating services see a ramping up of activity, starting around Christmas. How does this trend look, and what does it mean for the big players in the industry?
The chart below ranks online dating services by member activity, which was described in more detail last month. The site rankings are relatively unchanged from last month. However, in general Member activity increased.
Beyond Skin Deep: The real top dating sites (Click this link for the whole article with graphs.)
Written by Max Freiert (e-mail)—December 28th, 2006 | Listen or download an audio version of this post Listen | EMail This Post
To differentiate themselves from the competition, online dating services use “data” like the number of members, criteria used in matchmaking or (my personal favorite) the number of marriages “created.” But how do these sites really stack up in terms of traffic?
Looking at the number of November site visitors, Yahoo Personals and TRUE lead the industry, with about 2 times the volume of 3rd place Match.
42% Find Love on the Net???
Market researchers Synovate found that 15% of Americans have used the Internet to find love, but of those, a whopping 42% have found what they were looking for: a spouse or life partner.
Wow.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Top Dating Sites as measured by ‘Unique visitors”:
In December 2006 --
Total Web users in the U. S. (age 15+) 152,350,000
Personals Total 20,555,000
Yahoo! Personals 4,153,000
Match.com 3,970,000
True.com 3,086,000
Spark Networks 2,504,000
Singlesnet.com 2,173,000
From The New York Times, 2/26/2007:
Drilling Down
On Niche Dating Sites, Many More Women
By ALEX MINDLIN
During the week of Feb. 5, men and women visited online dating Web sites in nearly equal numbers, according to Hitwise, which measures online traffic. And to look at the 10 most popular sites not directed toward gay people, you might think that every dating site on the Internet was rigorously gender-balanced. All but one of the 10 largest sites came within 10 percentage points of being evenly split.
But among the smaller dating Web sites, many were drastically skewed. SeniorPeopleMeet, the 41st most popular site, had 80.8 percent women. BBW Datefinder, for “big beautiful women and admirers,” was No. 63, and had 76.3 percent women; and Catholic Match, No. 81, had 72 percent.
“It is a problem for them,” said Bill Tancer, general manager of global research at Hitwise. “It’s like any market; you want an equal number of buyers and sellers.”
But Greg Waldorf, the chief executive of eHarmony, the sixth most popular site and one with 68.6 percent women visitors, begged to differ. “If you asked me would I rather have more women or men, I’d rather have more women. If you have a good healthy population of women, I think men are attracted to that.” ALEX MINDLIN
My comment about this article that I posted on Mark Brooks’ Online Personals Watch
“If you asked me would I rather have more women or men, I’d rather have more women. If you have a good healthy population of women, I think men are attracted to that.” Well, duh! Yes, it’s good news for dating sites who want to increase their memberships, and great for guys who want easier pickings. But it is disaster for women, particularly those in the older age ranges, when the numbers are skewed enough as it is.
It’s so important that this kind of information (the gender ratios on sites) becomes available. Sites like eHarmony and Chemistry appeal to women because the are more “passive,” in that the site does the work of the matching and women do not need to put themselves so much on the line. What women don’t understand is that the numbers are so bad for them.
Openness and transparency (big buzz words nowadays) would go a long ways with Internet dating. Keeping women happy and on dating sites will be key to success. If all singles understood the gender ratios and the paid vs. unpaid numbers, then they could pick sites that would be most likely to work for them. The gender ratios would balance out, singles would get more responses to their emails, more matches would be made, customers would be happier, which would be great advertising, and dating sites would get more business. What could be better?
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Very interesting figures from Mark Brooks’ Online Personals Watch:
Male/Female Quantcast Ratios of Top Dating Properties
MalefemaleOPW—Feb 26th—Here are the male/female ratios, most popular age range, and proportion of visits from ‘regulars’ and ‘addicts.’ Ranking courtesy of Hitwise. Ratios, age range and addiction levels courtesy of Quantcast. ‘100’ represents the ‘internet average.’
1 Singlesnet
Male 112, Female 88, age 45-54, 91% of visits from regulars and addicts
2 Yahoo Personals
Male 114, Female 85, age 45-54, 78% regulars and addicts
3 TRUE
Male 116, Female 83, age 45-54, 77% regulars and addicts
4 Match
Male 100, Female 99, age 45-54, 94% regulars and addicts
5 eHarmony
Male 73, Female 125, age 25-34 and 35-44, 95% regulars and addicts
6 Plentyoffish
Male 112, Female 87, age 45-54, 98% regulars and addicts
7 Mate1
Male 97, Female 102, age 45-54, 74% regulars and addicts
8 Blackpeoplemeet
Male 94, Female 105, age 35-44, 96% regulars and addicts
9 Manhunt.net
Male 177, Female 24, age 35-44, 99% regulars and addicts
10 Adam4Adam
Male 170, Female 31, age 35-44, 99% regulars and addicts
11 American Singles
Male 120, Female 89, age 45-54, 82% regulars and addicts
12 Gay.com
Male 171, Female 30, age 35-45, 96% regulars and addicts
13 Hot or Not
Male 122, Female 78, age 18-24, 95% regulars and addicts
14 MSN Match
Male 103, Female 97, age 45-54, 71% regulars and addicts
15 Cupid
Male 110, Female 89, age 45-54, 95% regulars and addicts
How to read this information:
Note that the numbers following “Male” and “Female” add roughly up to 200 for each site. I read that as meaning for Singlesnet, for instance, that for every 112 men on the site, there are 88 women. Therefore, the numbers on Singlesnet favor women.
The age ranges are the sites’ most popular, so Yahoo! Personals and Match.com attract heavily from the 45-54 age group, while Hot or Not draws the kiddos at 18-24.
The percentage figures indicate regular visitors vs transients. So Yahoo! at 78% has much more transient traffic than Match.com at 94%
The sites with very large numbers of men are gay male sites (like gay.com). (What are those 30 ladies doing doing on gay.com? Are they real ladies?)
What that means for you: If you are a man, it would pay you to go to a site that is more heavily female dominated, like eHarmony (73 men to 125 women). Not such a good site for the ladies.
Look for a site that has large numbers in your age range.
A high percentage of “regulars” says to me that the site has a loyal and active membership. With few browsers. Good news.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
It’s Good to Know: If You’re Looking for Love on Valentine’s Day
* For 20-somethings: There are 119 single (never married, divorced, or widowed) men for every 100 single women.
* For the over-65 crowd: There are 34 single (never married, divorced, or widowed) men for every 100 single women.
* To find those singles: There are 904 off-line and online dating services in the U.S.
(Source: The U.S. Census Bureau’s “Facts for Features")
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
In a powerful article aobutabout Online dating in the 1/30/2007 Scientific American (how much more legitimate can you get???), finally, validation of what I have been preaching about for years:
According to Trish McDermott, a longtime spokesperson for Match and now an executive at Engage.com, the confusion over membership figures results from the fact that while a large company such as Match might advertise that it has 15 million members, less than a million are actually paying customers. The others have full profiles online--an important marketing draw--but cannot respond to e-mails. This is one of several reasons, according to McDermott, why many paying members get frustrated by a lack of response to their e-mails; the vast majority of people in the profiles simply cannot respond.
Trish McDermott was the “Vice President of Love” (or some such title) at Match.com for years. In fact, before we met, both my now-husband and I heard Trish on NPR’s “Technation” and were inspired to sign up on Match.com, where we met a few months later. So, thank you Trish! On many levels.
See my earlier blog postings (rants?) on this topic: 1/31/07, 3/06/05
This paid/unpaid secret that almost all dating sites have exploited is the worst and most discouraging aspect of online dating. EVERY SINGLE ONE of my clients asks “Why don’t they answer my emails?” And NONE have understood the odds of paid/unpaid until I explained it. On Match.com, the odds are great than 11 to 1 that the person behind the profile has NOT paid.
Non-responses to first emails are very ego-bruising. Dating sites need to keep in mind that it is extremely easy for people who gather up courage to email a stranger to feel rejected and even crushed. These folks very often drop off the dating site—and convert to being non-paying! These are your best customers, dating sites!!! They PAY!
The reasons that dating sites are set up this way—they allow people to post for free, and the profiles look just like those who have paid—is that then the dating site has more profiles listed and looks busier. And then, if the unpaid people are contacted by the folks who have paid, then maybe the unpaid people will convert to paying clients.
However, that means that the paying clients are supporting all the rest, and do not know the full story. I tell my clients that you know three things about someone who does not respond to you initial email: They are either rude (because is the polite thing to do to at least send a “Thanks, but no thanks” email to those who put themselves out to contact you) or they are cheap (because they haven’t paid up and are freeloading), or they are both rude and cheap.
Come on, dating sites. Come up with come kind of system that indicates to everyone who has paid and who hasn’t.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
My friend Meg drove to Louisiana last weekend for the wedding of
her guy friend Shef. Why is that of interest to you? Well,
because Shef met his bride on eHarmony during 2006. Come to find
out (via Meg), Shef’s new sister-in-law met her spouse online
too.
I don’t know all the details, since I haven’t seen Shef since he
fell in love—he’s been spending a lot of time on I-10 between
here and there. But I do know that Shef is Of a Certain Age
(over 50), and apparently the two are going to conduct their
marriage long distance while her daughters finish high school.
Yea for them both, and my heartiest congratulations!
You know that I am all in favor of online romance. And I
understand long distance ones, too. Drew and I were 482 miles
apart, door to door, when we met. Lucky for both of us, I could
move and did, or we would have been burning up the miles like
Shef and his Sweetie.
Online daters have gotten spoiled in a comparatively short time,
not wanting to travel at all for love. But I wanted the best,
and he was an eight hour drive away.
Just two years ago, WeddingChannel.com’s survey found that “12%
of engaged or recently married couples met online.” I was wowed
by that figure then. Yahoo! News reported on January 4, 2007,
that a survey by WedAlert.com found that 20% of the respondents
met through the Internet. Wow, WOW!
A year ago, eHarmony claimed slightly over 90 marriages a DAY.
I’m not crazy about eHarmony for a variety of reasons. You can
read some of them on my blog (category: eHarmony):
But hey, you can’t quarrel with eHarmony’s success, and that they
have spent the money to track it.
Internet dating is HOT! And this is the best time EVER to get
online and look for love. Remember, memberships on dating sites
go up around 30% between now and Valentine’s day. That means new
faces, maybe one of them your future spouse. Get on and get
looking!
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
From my January 1, 2007, *eMAIL to eMATE*:
Internet dating is LOOKING GOOD!
My, how things have changed since I first tried online dating on
Match.com in 1997. Looking for love on the Net was brandy new
then and quite suspect. A few brave souls were tip-toeing onto
the sites and trying out the medium, but, land sakes, was it
scary or what? And no help anywhere. I know, because I looked.
For you newbies to the Internet dating scene, matters took a
dramatic turn after 9/11. The tragedy suddenly refocused the
country: Everyone now ached for connection and family. Singles
started signing up on dating sites by the hundreds of thousands.
Listing on a dating site became okay, even mainstream. No longer
is it unusual to hear that a couple met online. Now, your
computer is second only to friends and family as a way to connect
with possible mate candidates.
The influx was heady. Online dating sites experienced mammoth
growth for several years as folks signed up and plunked down
their credit cards. Growth has slowed to single digits, but that
does not mean that Internet dating is a fading fad. Far from it.
Did you know that online dating is one of the top money makers
online? “After nearly a decade of double-digit growth, online
dating revenue rose 7% last year to slightly more than $515
million, per Jupiter Media. (Match’s share is about $250
million.)”
Remember that there is only a somewhat finite number of singles,
so at some point the growth would have to stop as the percentage
got close to 100. At present, the estimates are 1/3 of singles
have visited online dating sites. Also, people come on and off
the sites every day. Taking your profile down off the dating
site where you and your Sweetie met has become a sign of
increasing commitment with cyber couples.
My buddy Mark Brooks recently posted some interesting info on his
OnlinePersonalsWatch.com blog: Here’s a summary and link to an
article on dating site usage in 2006.
Interestingly, Yahoo! Personals is pulling way ahead of
the crowd in membership and visits. Since I write for Yahoo!
Personals, I’ll take a little credit for their #1 position.
True.com’s stats are deceptive, as comparing the two charts show.
(I cannot recommend True.com—if you wonder why, look at my
http://www.find-a-sweetheart.com/blog/C37/ “ title="many blog posts">many blog posts:.
Match.com (my personal favorite, since that’s where I met hubby
Drew) is stumbling on in 3rd and 4th place on the two charts.
Another of Mark’s postings led me to “Market Spotlight: Online
Distilling the verbiage, it looks like number of visits
to dating sites are down, but revenue is nicely up. To me, that
says daters are getting serious and paying up, and fewer people
are visiting sites to snoop. Good.
Interestingly, the article also points to what I have sensed:
Singles get busy after Christmas, and particularly after New
Year’s. Online dating sites’ business soars then (and so does
mine). Seems as if the loneliness of the holiday coupled with
New Year’s as a time to start new habits gets folks off the
stick.
Tip: That means new people are signing up, right now! This is a
particularly good time of year to be active and looking on your
favorite site. Remember, new people come on every day—and
others drop off as they find partners. Be ready with your spick
and span profile. Be proactive: Contact others. Don’t wait,
because you don’t know how much longer this new Cutie might be
available.
A third posting on OnlinePersonalsWatch is an interview with
Match.com’s CEO Jim Safka. Looks like Match is going stylish and
pursuing a more upscale market: a new look to its site (adding
lots of snazzy black), offering a stylist to help with photos
Lots of
black and white there, too. And Match is piloting a real
matchmaking program with what looks like real matchmakers:
Platinum.Match.com It’ll probably be
pricey, sounds like perhaps around $1000 per year. Still less
that a tractional matchmaker, though.
Yahoo! Personals still looks about the same, and I think is a bit
more unwieldy to maneuver than Match.com. But they are doing
something right at Yahoo! You can’t argue with #1.
So I will stick with Match.com and Yahoo! Personals. Why go
elsewhere, except for a special niche site like JDate? Stay
where the numbers are.
From YOur Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
From my October 1, 2006, newsletter, too good not to reprint here:
We really know that Internet dating has made it solidly when
academics start studying it. What could be more impressive that
MIT’s Sloan School of Management? Gunter J. Hitsch, Ali
Hortacsu, and Dan Ariely have written “What Makes You Click? --
Mate Preferences and Matching Outcomes in Online Dating,” a
working paper on their study.
At 62 pages long, almost half of which are graphs and charts,
this is not an easy read. And there are formulas: here’s a short
example— Um(m,w)>- vm(m) (not written here exactly right, but
you get the idea).
Lucky you: I’ve managed to digest most of it and pull out what is
really interesting, so here goes. Keep in mind, this study is
reporting on singles’ actual data and behavior—this is not as
things “should be,” but as things “really are.”
The authors used data supplied by an Internet dating company for
22,000 users in the Boston and San Diego area. While they did
not have access to the actual identities of the users, the
researchers did have just about everything else: Profiles,
photos, and preference data, as well as records of who browsed
who, when and if contact was made and reciprocated or not, and if
a meeting was requested or planned. Yikes.
Here are some of the conclusions they reached from their well-
massaged data:
Motivation for using the dating service: Singles interested in a
long term relationship generated the most activity. While 36% of
men and 39% of women declared that a relationship was what they
were looking for, 55% of all emails sent by men were from this
group, and 52% of all emails sent by women. Those “just
looking/curious” (26% of men, 27% of women) did 22% of the
mailing (men) and 21% (women). Only a small percentage of the
email generated was from those seeking casual relationships
or sex: 3.6% for men and 2.8% for women.
The authors thought it was likely that those who indicated they
were “just looking” were actually seriously looking, and
therefore the percentage of emails generated by people looking
seriously was closer to 75%.
Kathryn’s comments: You can probably assume, at least on the
mainstream sites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals, that
nowadays, most folks posting are seriously looking for a
relationship. Sites like AdultFriendFinder.com have siphoned off
most of those just looking for sex, and AshelyMadison.com and the
like have gotten noticed by married folks looking to cheat.
Demographics: Men dominated the site in both cities: 54.7% in
Boston. 56.1% in San Diego. Age concentration was in the 26-35
year old range. 2/3’s were never married (sounds right, given the
age concentration). Education and income levels were slightly
higher than national averages, but about right for Internet
users. The authors conclude that “during recent years, online
dating has become an accepted and widespread means of partner
search.”
Reported physical characteristics: I love this part.
The site asked users to rate their looks on a subjective scale:
19% of men and 24% of women rated themselves having “very good
looks.” 49% of men and 48% of women described themselves as
“above average.” 29% of men and 26% of women described
themselves as “looking like anyone else walking down the street.”
Less that 1% declared themselves “less than average looks.” That
means that 78% of the men and 74% of the women were above average
looking, which is either statistically impossible, or the dating
site attracted only the most attractive people. We do like to
think of ourselves as above average, don’t we?
Women reported they weighed less than the national averages: 6
lbs. less in the 20-29 age group, 18 lbs less in the 30-39 group,
and 20 lbs. less in the 40-49 age group. Either these women
dieted before going on the site or are fibbing. Men reported
weights slightly higher than the national averages.
Men’s reported heights were 1.3 inches above national average,
women’s 1 inch above average.
Kathryn’s comments: Buyer beware! when it comes to an
individual’s self-description of attractiveness and physical
attributes. People have a real tendency to distort or downright
lie. Or maybe they really believe that they are “above average,”
whether you do or not. To do your part, NEVER LIE! It’s big
trouble. See my recent blog posting:
http://www.find-a-sweetheart.com/blog/item/winners_never_cheat/
Fascinating tidbits: 71% of men’s and 56% of women’s first
emails did not receive a reply. Men are much more receptive to
first email contacts than women are. The average man can expect
35% of the average women to respond, where the average woman can
expect 60% of the men she contacts to respond. The more
attractive men and women are less likely to respond (are
“pickier"). The least attractive are more likely to write back,
two or three times more likely.
First contacts are usually made by men. Women receive an average
of 11.4 first emails, and men got 2.3. 56.4% of all men in the
sample did not get any first emails at all, with 21.1% of women
never being approached the first time.
Kathryn’ comments: This absolutely validates what I have been
telling my women clients: Men like it when you email them
first!!! Do the picking yourself. You’ll be much more likely to
get what you want!!! And remember, a 30% response rate to first
emails is GOOD!
Guys, if you want the contacts from women, be interested in a
long-term relationship. Men are penalized and receive less
emails if they indicate that they want a casual relationship or
“just sex.” Women however receive 17% MORE first contacts if
they are looking for casual or sex.
Looks: Not surprisingly, the better looking folks got the most
emails. Interestingly, men in the top 5% got about twice as many
contacts from women as the next 5%. The researchers called this
the “superstar effect” and did not observe it with men’s contacts
of women.
Photos count—and I would add, good photos count even more.
Women with photos got at least twice as many emails, and men got
60% more.
Women like tall men: men 6’3” to 6’4” got 65% more emails than
men 5’7” to 5’8”. Women are increasingly penalized the taller
they get.
Men prefer skinny women. Really skinny women. The researchers
used body mass index (BMI) which adjusts weight for height. The
most preferred BMI by women in men is 27. According to the
American Heart Association, a BMI of 27 for men is slightly
overweight. Men however tended to prefer women with a BMI of
about 17, which is considered underweight and corresponds to the
figure of a super model. Women tend to feel they look their best
between BMI’s of 20 and 22. 50 year old women at the 50% of
BMI’s would be about 27.
Hair: Men with red hair had a moderate penalty, while women with
“salt and pepper” hair had a large penalty. Men with “long curly
hair” got 18% less email than men with medium straight hair.
Kathryn’s comments: The ideal guy? 6’3” tall, very attractive,
slightly overweight, with medium length straight brown hair. The
ideal woman? Be between 5’3” and 5’8”, very attractive,
emaciated (How can that thin be attractive??? It would hurt if
you bumped into them.), and have long, straight, blonde hair.
What’s new about that?
Of course, only 15% of men are over six feet tall. And only
around 10% of women have a BMI of 17 or under. (Want to
calculate your BMI and see where you stand compared with other
men or women? Go here:
http://www.halls.md/body-mass-index/bmi.htm ) Less that 2% of
the world population has blonde hair. Those stats cut out lots
and lots of perfectly lovely people. Are you sure you want to do
that?
Tidbit: You can tell the difference between natural and dyed
blonde hair by exposing it to ultraviolet light (bleached hair
will glow, while natural blonde hair will not).
Income: Income strongly effects the dating success of |
