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In the “What will they think of next?” category is avatar dating and RedLightCenter.com. Yeow. I just hopped over and the intro video about curled my hair (straight as a stick since I was born). This stuff is FFO. Literally. See the article below for one real life relationship that grew out of one that started with their avatars. I dunno. What do you think?
After they clicked, romance was for real
By Ellen McCarthy
Washington Post Staff Writer
A recent study by four academics, including professors from Harvard Business School and Duke University, suggests that online dating sites regularly leave users disappointed because they present potential matches as a rundown of characteristics—age, race, religion, income—that in no way embody the full measure of a person.
Vitamins and laundry detergent, they assert, are quantifiable things that can be purchased with reliable satisfaction through the Internet. Romantic partners, however, must be experienced to be properly evaluated, like a restaurant or a perfume.
But the authors don’t predict the demise of online dating. They just think singles might be better served looking for love with a little help from their avatars.
That would put Jill Stewman and Algie Bhoomz ahead of the curve.
Stewman and Bhoomz first “met” late last fall on RedLightCenter.com, a virtual-reality site designed to mimic Amsterdam’s freewheeling red-light district.
Stewman, 36, was living in Portland, Ore., and, after hearing about the site from friends, logged on to just see what it was. Hours later, she’d built an avatar and begun to explore, nearly missing a flight to Baltimore.
“To me it was really amazing,” recalls the marketing professional. “Just being able to walk around—you’re this little person and everyone’s talking. Being able to walk into these rooms and clubs with music and people dancing.”
Soon she was visiting the site every day. So was Bhoomz, a 36-year-old customer service representative from Montclair, N.J. Both had virtual flings and flirtations with other avatars before beginning an online courtship of their own in January.
“We started talking and realized we had a lot in common,” Stewman says. They would meet in the online world every night to send their avatars out dancing, chatting, playing games and engaging in virtual intimacies.
The two also began talking on the phone and via webcam for long hours. Because profiles of the people behind the avatars exist on the site, they had seen photos of each other and knew the basics regarding age, occupation and location.
On March 16 their avatars were married in an online ceremony witnessed by 60 RedLightCenter.com friends. An additional 20 came to the reception, on a virtual yacht.
“We had the whole place sobbing,” Bhoomz says.
“Yeah, we wrote our own vows,” Stewman adds. “And they were pretty mushy.”
Two weeks later, when Stewman’s grandmother in Minnesota died, Bhoomz flew out to meet her there.
“It didn’t really give me a chance to get really nervous and freak out,” Stewman says. “I just went to the airport and got him.”
“It was just like it was on the phone or on the game,” he says. “We had spent so much time together between the game, Skype, the phone and all that, that we pretty much knew everything about each other.”
Stewman says the person she met in real life is “exactly the same person” she met online. On May 15 they finished a cross-country drive to move Stewman to New Jersey, where the two now live together.
Match.com and eHarmony aren’t likely to turn themselves into cyber singles-worlds anytime soon, but Stewman’s experience does support the academics’ claim.
“I think it was easier than going to a dating site and looking at someone’s profile and then you e-mail each other back and forth,” she says. “The interaction is more there.”
Bhoomz doesn’t visit RedLightCenter.com much anymore, but Stewman still logs on to talk to friends. These days her virtual life and her real one are both, she reports, “pretty wonderful.”
Somebody had to do it. Is this cute or what?
Trick… Or Treat?
Anyone who has done any online dating or listened to other singles knows that dating horror stories abound. What you hear less of is the successes, and there are plenty, believe me. I’m one of them—I met my husband online. If people like me weren’t finding love online, Internet dating sites would have gone out of business years ago.
But if there is ever a time for horror, it’s Halloween. If you need a few lessons on how to scare the willies out of your cyber sweetheart, try some of these Trickster Tips. You won’t even need to yell “Boo!”
How to be a Cyber Trickster:
1. Lie—about your age, weight, height, or marital status.
2. Post an old or deceptive photo. (Most men have learned how far a “glamour shot” is from reality, but not all...)
3. Start writing/talking about sex in the second email or first phone call.
4. Neglect your personal hygiene. Do not have your teeth cleaned in recent memory. Or take a bath. Or clean your nails. Or have your hair cut. Or your gray roots dyed.
5. Treat your first date like a trip to the Laundromat. Dress accordingly.
6. Expect the worse and make it happen.
7. Take your time. Be late. Very late.
8. Forget your wallet.
9. Show up drunk or high, or proceed to get that way.
10. Say that you will call or email and then don’t.
Scary, huh? Well, if you’d like to more of a treat and less of a trick, avoid the boo-boos that so many others have made before you.
I really dislike emoticons. }:P I was going to write “hate” but that is a little too strong. They seem so silly to me, very junior high school. “Write what you mean!” I want to yell at the computer screen. In online dating, it’s best NOT to do anything that risks turning off the recipient, and emoticons are one of them. When in doubt, don’t.
Tech Dating 101: What’s Up With All the Emoticons?
I was out with a group of girlfriends last week when one of them received a text from a guy she’d gone on a few dates with. It read, “Great time last night ;)” — with the winking emoticon. Apparently after every single text he sends (and sometimes midtext, too), he includes an emoticon.
One of our friends thinks he’s just being friendly, but another is convinced he’s downright weird. And the friend-in question is not sure whether to accept his request to go on another date. “It’s too weird!” she says. “I’m not sure what he’s trying to do, but it’s sort of creeping me out.”
I’ve covered a few text-etiquette rules, like if it’s appropriate to get out of a date via text and how to decode post-date texts and IMs, but what about the little day-to-day exchanges you tend to have with a potential love interest? What do all of those smiley faces mean? For more of my emoticon advice,read more.
Generally, you seem to feel emoticons are fine for personal use but not for professional. What about dating? I can see where my friend is coming from, and I’ve definitely decided to check myself when it comes to text and instant-message emoticon use. Turns out I use them more often than I should! I received some solid emoticon advice recently: “Don’t ever use an emoticon smiley face with a guy you don’t want to make out with.”
I asked a few guy friends, and their answers varied from the seemingly obvious: “He types a smiley face because he’s actually smiling,” to the sort-of charming: “He really likes you and is trying to be endearing,” to the less virtuous, “He thinks you’re into him and is trying to charm you into another date.”
If his emoticon use really bothers you, you could always address it . . . but risk him feeling rejected. Until he starts adding the spoken equivalent of emoticons into regular conversation (think: “I’m sorry you can’t hang out later. Sad face."), it’s probably not worth getting worked up over. If you simply can’t take it anymore, you could always try calling him instead. Have you ever dated an overzealous emoticoner? Is it ever cute? Or just annoying?
One of my clients with a good sense of humor sent me this chart of the highs and lows in a guy’s life—unfortunately, only up til age 25. What about the next 50 years? Anyway, it is funny and worth a posting here just for the laugh.
Drew and I usually watch “60 Minutes” on Sunday evenings, and while I could skip Andy Rooney at the end, we watch him too, because Drew likes the crusty old guy. He thinks they belong to the same club. A friend sent me the following piece by Rooney, and it is certainly worth reprinting here for the giggle. However, Andy is over 80, I am pretty sure, so that makes him twice the age of the women he is talking about. So that’s a little odd, don’t you think? Why isn’t he writing about women over 60 or 70?
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one . You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’, here’s an up date for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
 In one of the coolest made-for-the-web videos, collegehumor.com has done a brilliant send up of both “West Side Story” and online dating and social networking. “Web Side Story” is well-produced, closely mimics “West Side Story,” and pokes good fun at looking for love online. Take a look here.
As we all know, normal covers a lot of territory. See what happens in Normal’s Taco Bell:
Normal couple weds at Taco Bell
Associated Press - January 10, 2009 11:44 PM ET
NORMAL, Ill. (AP) - Wedding bells meant Taco Bell for Paul and Caragh Brooks.
Customers inside a Normal outlet of the fast-food restaurant continued to order tacos and burritos as the couple married yesterday in 1 of its booths.
Thirty-year-old groom Paul Brooks said he and his bride have an off-beat relationship and thought an off-beat setting would be appropriate.
Employees displayed hot sauce packets labeled with the words “Will you marry me?”
Twenty-1-year-old Caragh Brooks wore a $15 hot pink dress for the $200 wedding. Several dozen guests looked on as the couple’s friend, Ryan Green of Normal, administered the vows.
Green was ordained online, making the ceremony a fitting happy ending for a relationship that began on an Internet dating site.
Garrison Keillor is so wonderfully prolific. His “Dear Mr. Blue” column on Salon.com is a little-known gem. See here Mr. Blue’s excellent advice to this 63 year old woman looking for love in Mississippi (I’ve underlined the part I particularly like):
Dear Mr. Blue,
I am a 63-year-old woman blessed with incredible genes. My mother is 81 and looks like my sister; my father is 86 and looks like he is maybe 50. I look great. I’m a size 4. I have great bones. I love men, and I love sex. But no one ever asks me out, except a couple of old friends and a few lovers who are married to other women. They tell me that I should just enjoy life with them but I want to meet interesting, sexy men who are not married. A considerate man who loves sex, good food, good movies, classical music. I could delight such a man indefinitely. What is wrong with me?
Perplexed in Mississippi
Dear Perplexed,
Nothing is wrong with you whatsoever, but perhaps Mississippi is low on unmarried, sexy men who are interesting and who are interested in 63-year-old women with great bones, so, as when you search the woods for your car keys, you must cover a great deal of ground and look closely. Look for “interesting” first and then cull the marrieds from the herd. An interesting man is one who can talk and when he does, doesn’t talk about his pickup, or football, or hunting. Football is a depressant, like most sports, and hunting is mostly about drinking and male bondage, and pickups are not suitable friends: They are motor vehicles.
You might feel differently, but I don’t know any interesting people who don’t read books, so you might start nosing around bookstores and the library. You can spend hours in these places and not spend a dime and nobody blinks at it. Avoid the auto-repair section; hew toward nonfiction, history, biography, and when you see the zebra come to the water hole, approach him and ask an innocent question about whatever section he seems to be browsing in—e.g., “Do you know any good books about World War II?”—and if he leaps away in alarm, let him go, and if he answers appropriately, scan his left hand, and if it’s clear of ringage, tell him in a quiet voice that he is awfully good-looking.
Tell him this as a preface to something else, e.g., “I suppose you hear this all the time, but you’re what I call a blanket man. Speaking of which, do you know where I’d find the poetry section?” The vanity of men should never be underestimated, and women, for some reason, have given up playing to men’s vanity, thinking perhaps that in the 12-Step Era, frankness and empathy are the key. Nonsense. Men go to pieces if a woman compliments their appearance, their overall sexiness, because it almost never happens. So this man, dazed, not knowing exactly what “blanket man” means (neither do I, I just made it up), follows you into the poetry section where you are browsing, and, as he approaches, you look up and smile and you ask him, “What do you think of this?” and you read him a poem—like Mary Oliver’s “Wild Geese” or James Wright’s “A Blessing” or, if you are brave, something sexy by Sharon Olds—and you judge this man by his response. If he can say that he likes it and sound plausible, then he’s worth looking into. Good luck, and remember that good advice can be magical: Sometimes you do the exact opposite and achieve the same result.
Everyone should have a few romantic, indulgent recipes for special occasions. I love simple and elegant food. Add the romance and you’ve got a sure winner. Martha Stewart has this one—Rose Water Panna Cotta—below in her current magazine, at least a version of it. I didn’t like the fruits she paired with it—canned lychees? And where do you find edible rose petals, fresh ones, at this time of year? Not in my Publix, for sure. She also suggests raspberries, which I think are a good idea, but the raspberries in our market are not so good right now and VERY expensive. Minding the budget, which we all have to do these days, I went with blackberries, strawberries, and blueberries which are all at bargain rates and in perfect shape. Here is the result:
Rose Water Panna Cotta
(adapted from Martha Stewart’s recipe)
1 cup heavy cream
2 T sugar
1 tsp unflavored gelatin
1 T cold water
1/3 cup mascarpone cheese
2 - 3 tsp rose water (or 1/2 tsp vanilla or 1/4 tsp almond flavoring)
1 drop red food coloring (optional)
fresh berries for decoration
1. MIx cream and sugar in a small saucepan, heat over medium heat until sugar dissolves and remove from heat. Do not allow cream to boil.
2. Sprinkle gelatin over cold water in a small bowl and allow to soften, about 2 minutes. Add to hot cream mixture and stir until dissolved.
3. Put mascarpone in a medium bowl and strain cream mixture over it. Straining twice may seem silly, but it will make the result silken smooth. Stir until mascarpone is thoroughly mixed in.
4. Add rose water and coloring, stir and strain again into measuring cup or bowl with a pour spout.
5. Pour mixture into 4 demitasse cups, decorative bowls, or pretty wine glasses. Chill at least 2 hours.
6. Just before serving, either unmold or leave in containers, decorate with berries, and serve.
Here’s the hardest part of this very easy recipe—the ingredients. Mascarpone is Italian cream cheese—milder than what we think of as cream cheese—don’t know if you could substitute. Rose water I happened to have in the cupboard, and it has been there for years and is still good. The cream I got was exceptionally thick and rich, which of course made the results even more so:
The rose water going in—you probably could use vanilla or almond flavoring, but the rose water was really lovely and unusual:
And now the dishes—Martha used demitasse cups and then unmolded the panna cotta after it chilled. Why go to that trouble? Use a pretty dish that shows it off, like wine glasses. Then decorate with berries. I finished off with a dusting of powdered sugar. Pretty or what? And really very easy.
Martha’s got lots more Valentine goodie ideas on her website: http://www.marthastewart.com/photogallery/valentines-day-treats. But this one (slightly revised) is in her February magazine with the gorgeous cupcakes on the cover.
Ah, revenge is sweet. I love these ingenious ideas for getting back, with no blood being shed. Ya know, guys and ladies, you think that you are fooling around in private, and you are counting on your partner to behave as is he or she is sane, but don’t count on either.
The wife, the cheating husband, his lover and her ‘humongous’ knickers
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – especially when she has access to eBay.
At least that appears to be the motto of an Australian woman who is seeking revenge on her cheating husband by selling an empty condom wrapper – “size small” – and a photo of his lover’s underwear on the internet auction site.
“Empty Ansell condom packet (size small) and a photo of The Tart’s black lacy knickers (size humongous)” reads the ad, placed by ‘Annastella’ who says she discovered the items in the bed she shared with her husband of 22 years.
Anna, who also plans to auction her ex-husband’s Harley Hog motorcycle - “his pride and joy” for 99c (46p) - originally had the actual knickers up for sale but was asked by eBay to take them down due to the website’s policy against selling second-hand underwear.
“Personally, I did think 99c was a bit ambitious,” she writes of the bloomers on eBay
“But, as they are so huge, I thought they may make someone a nice shawl or ever better, something for Halloween perhaps”.
Explaining in some detail why she is selling her rival’s knickers, Anna says she caught her husband out when he accidentally sent her a text meant to be for his lover, apparently named Kylie, and how she returned home from work early to find him watching a DVD and discouraging her from entering the bedroom.
She describes how she found the condom wrapper under her husband’s pillow and ‘The Tart’s’ knickers at the end of the bed, and explains in detail his rather comical explanations for how a condom and underwear which was not hers appeared in their marital bed.
She said her husband claimed he used the condom to fish his mobile phone out of the toilet and that the knickers were his because he was a closet transvestite.
“10 out of 10 for trying buddy but your (sic) out of here…” Anna wrote on eBay.
Since the ad was placed on August 7, 47 people have placed bids for the items, with the top bid currently standing at £71 ($US132.50). The auction finishes on Sunday.
EBay, which is full of odd items up for sale, is becoming revenge site for the broken hearted selling off bad memories.
In March, Canadian political pundit Rachel Marsden used the auction site to sell the dirty laundry of her ex, Wikipedia co-founder Jimmy Wales, who had broken up with her via his blog.
And earlier this year an Australian man, wanting a fresh start after separating from his wife, auctioned off his entire life and belongings for just over £186,000 ($AU400,000).
Cereal daters
By Rod McPhee
Finding a partner over breakfast - it’s the next big thing, apparently. Rod McPhee dropped in on a Leeds event to find out how it works and, more importantly, if it works.
MARIE is eyeing up the staircase bannister which is smack bang in the centre of the bar.
“I love going down on them backwards.” says the 45-year-old divorcee and mother of three. “It’s my party trick. I was half tempted just to leap up during one
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of my dates and do it – just to break the ice, you know.”
Marie isn’t over-impressed. Not because three minutes wasn’t enough to get an insight into the men who attended this breakfast speed dating event but because it was sometimes too long.
The 13 women in attendance are seated around The Living Room bar and the 15 men who’ve also come along have to switch tables every time the organisers ring a bell.
“I wish they’d put a bell on my table,” says Marie. “I’d have rung it myself after about three seconds with some of them. God, some of them were so boring, just not my type at all.
“That said, I was quite pleasantly surprised by the quality of people here, if you know what I mean. It’s not a sleazy thing at all, which is what I sort of expected it to be, if I’m honest.
“It’s all very civilised really, even if I didn’t actually like anyone I met, and I have to say I would give it another try.”
Quality is pretty much a given at these events since all those taking part have signed up with the organisers http://www.datingdirect.com who’ve organised three breakfast speed dating events around the UK.
Leeds was chosen, alongside Birmingham and London, because it’s one of the cities which boasts the highest number of subscribers to their online service.
But why speed date over breakfast?
Katie Mowe is the company’s lady with the bell. “Well, it’s the complete opposite of an evening event if you think about it. We’ve held some of those before and whenever there’s alcohol involved it gets to the point where we turn up the lights at the end of the night and there are couples snogging in the corner!
Less pressure
“I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that from our point of view, but other people don’t necessarily want that kind of environment. With breakfast it’s much less pressure, much less intense.”
That sentiment was echoed by Mark, a 29-year-old hospital worker who has come along with best friend Marie to offer some moral support.
“I think it does work, actually,” he says. “And I think it works because you have a set period of time in which to talk to everyone so you know that if you don’t like someone, or anyone, you can just go through the motions and leave, or if you do meet someone you like you can arrange to meet again.
“Whereas if it’s in the evening, or even over lunch it feels much more formal and you can sometimes end up with the same kind of atmosphere as going out to a bar or club or something and that’s exactly the kind of thing I hate.
“The whole reason I’d consider doing this is to avoid a situation where you’re trying to get to know someone by shouting over thumping music, getting pushed around by drunk people.
“The only reason I haven’t met someone here today is because there just aren’t many around my age.”
Professional
The age range does vary substantially. The youngest is 28, the oldest 48, with the majority in their 30s. And, if appearances are anything to go by, the majority look like professional people – and a quick check of the datingdirect.com’s list confirms that in attendance is a teacher, a surveyor and a handful of self-employed businessmen and women.
Among them is Lisa Randerson, a 35-year-old who runs a business in Wakefield handling accident claims. She’s been divorced for eight years, during which time she’s rediscovered herself but now wants to find herself a suitable man too.
“I know it sounds a bit funny,” she laughs, “but looks aren’t that important to me. I need someone who’s a professional so I can feel they’re on some kind of level with me. I want someone I can talk to and have a laugh with.
“I thought I’d stand a better chance doing that through something like this because it has something of a structure to it and you know you’re likely to meet a particular type of person.
“I’m a very sociable person and go out all the time. I even let guys give me numbers and stuff but it’s all so random – you never know who they are, what they do, what they’re about before spending any amount of time.
“And what’s great is, I’ve actually spoken to a couple of guys here I’d really like to get to know a bit better.”
So, at least one satisfied customer. But why not more? More pertinently, why didn’t more people attend?
“There is still a bit of a stigma attached to it,” says co-organiser Daisy Swan, who’s been ensuring every man gets to meet every woman during the two hour event. “Up until about four years ago internet dating and speed dating was seen as something for losers
“Which is strange because in Europe online dating is seen as something on a par with going on Facebook really, but over here it’s still something people want to keep secret, even though that’s changed a lot now.
“So getting people to attend something like this can be tricky, but it’s definitely growing in popularity. In London we had something like 35 people attend and in Birmingham there were some absolutely gorgeous people – a couple of the guys I wouldn’t have minded going on a date with, but I couldn’t, obviously.”
Things are going swimmingly when controversy arises – someone, at some point, has decided they really rather liked one of their brief breakfast dates and gone back for seconds, knocking the order of rotation out of kilter.
It seems it will take more than orange juice and pastries to negate human nature, but the organisers don’t seem to mind too much. They ring the bell, clear the plates and quickly check the corners of the room, just in case.
Hey, it’s the day after Christmas. Maybe YOU got a new sweater under your tree, or a “re-gifted” turkey from your former best friend. Well, here’s giggle for us after the Big Day:
100 Types of Sweaters You Should Avoid Wearing On the First Date
By Laura Milligan
Deciding what to wear on your first date is tough. Especially if your first date falls during the colder months. We’re here to help you resist the temptation to pull on some pilly, hole-y, stinky holiday sweater by showing you just how horrible you might look on your date. Read below for our list of 100 types of sweaters you should completely avoid wearing on your first date.
Top 10 Deal Breakers
If your sweater meets any of the following qualifications, it’s the wrong choice.
1. Anything that sheds: If you’re leaving behind bits of pistachio-colored wool or mohair behind you, no one’s going to want to risk kissing or even hugging you goodnight.
2. A stinky sweater: Sometimes we wear our sweaters more than once without washing or dry cleaning them, but if it’s a first date, always wear a clean–or at least Febreze’d–sweater.
3. Anything the moths have gotten to: If you find a hole under your armpit, don’t think that no one will notice. They will.
4. Anything that smells like mothballs: Keep your sweaters in airtight containers during the summer months. Mothballs will make your first date gag.
5. “Vintage”: Vintage sweaters are cool but not for first dates. Especially if your idea of vintage is a triple hand-me-down from your great grandpa who loved to sleep in his sweater.
6. Stained sweaters: Wearing a stained sweater to your first date–no matter what kind of stain it is–makes you look disgusting and lazy.
7. Cashmere: Cashmere is soft and snuggly, but it’s also really hot and will probably make you sweat if you’re even the teensiest bit nervous.
8. Horizontal stripes: Girls who wear sweaters with horizontal stripes will just look chunky, so wear something more flattering.
9. Itchy sweaters: If you’re going to be itching and scratching and turning red during dinner, wear something underneath or pick a different sweater.
10. Incredibly expensive sweaters: You’ll be so nervous that you’ll end up spilling something on it, but you can’t make a big fuss because you won’t want to seem materialistic or rigid. Leave it at home.
We’ve all heard the horror stories about bad dates, but here’s somebody looking for the funny side of romance. Maureen is one of my enewsletter readers, and she’s putting together a book of people’s funniest date experiences. She’s like to hear your. Take a look below and send her your biggest chuckles:
Let’s laugh about it! I am writing a book on the humorous side of dating and looking for volunteers willing to share their personal stories. If you have braved this wild and whacky world of dating and have experienced a close encounter of the strangest kind, I would love to hear from you. All stories will remain anonymous; your name will not be used. Please contact Maureen @ to arrange for an interview and enter “Funny Date” in the “Subject” area of your email. Thank you.
Internet dating is the greatest thing since sliced bread for singles. But like anything that is successful, some proportion of those who participate will have a not-so-good experience. Here’s some stories from the Aussie press that are good for a giggle—but don’t let them scare you off!
Texan bride case tip of iceberg in online love gone wrong
By Robyn Ironside
LOVE moves in mysterious ways - especially in cyberspace, where looking for a partner with a click of a mouse is anything but predictable.
Far from happy-ever-after, an online romance between an Ipswich man and his would-be Texan bride this week ended with the pair behind bars after a bloody backyard barbecue.
The extraordinary story is the latest example of online love gone wrong.
Like countless others, Liam Gaynor and Lois Perryman met on the internet and fell in love.
After dating online they were finally united last month when Perryman travelled from the US to be with Gaynor in Ipswich.
All was rosy until Gaynor took his fiance to meet his former boss, Paul Hicks, at a Sunday barbecue.
In the space of a few hours, the love affair was in tatters when Perryman and Hicks apparently became enamoured with each other.
Police alleged Gaynor then left the barbecue in a jealous rage and returned with a knife, which he allegedly used to stab Hicks.
But the plot thickened on Wednesday when Hicks told detectives Perryman was the culprit. The former cyber lovers are now in custody after both being charged with attempted murder and grievous bodily harm.
Last month, The Courier-Mail reported how online scammers using three little words - “I love you” - to unlock the bank accounts of vulnerable Queenslanders.
Purporting to be from Nigeria, the culprits used match-maker websites to fleece the lovelorn. One of the hapless victims, Ralph Thomason, lost $20,000.
And the stories keeping coming.
“Tara" went for a dream date with her online love. One thing led to another and the couple ended up in bed. Afterwards he turned to her and said, “that was great but it’s helped me realise, I still prefer men”.
“Mandy" has given up internet dating after arranging to meet an online friend for a date. After waiting for 45 minutes in the rain she gave up. He later told her that he’d met an old girlfriend on the bus on his way to the date and they decided to give it another go.
Critics of online dating say these horror stories are just the tip of the iceberg. But researcher and author Yvonne Rice says for every horror internet dating experience, there are millions of people who find their “happily ever afters”.
“I’m talking age groups from 18 to 80. I’m constantly meeting people who’ve met their partner on the net. I’m a huge fan of internet dating,” Ms Rice said.
In the US alone, 20 million people look for love online each year. And Australian dating website rsvp.com.au boasts a membership of 1.3 million singles.
“It’s becoming more socially acceptable. In my travels I’ve met everyone from the unemployed to a cardio-thoracic surgeon who have used online dating services,” Ms Rice said.
Police are not opposed to internet dating sites but members of Queensland’s Computer Crimes Unit do advise extreme caution.
“It’s not the websites that are the problem, it’s the people who use them,” said Detective Senior Constable Graeme Edwards.
The unit received “hundreds of complaints a year” from Queenslanders who had fallen victim to online romance scams at an average cost of $35,000, he said.
Dating sites were popular among scammers but not as popular as social networking and genealogy sites where criminals were not required to do much work to gain valuable information.
“The data required to open a bank account, for instance, is often freely available on these sites,” Sen-Constable Edwards said.
Perryman will face Ipswich Magistrate’s Court on Tuesday. Gaynor is due to appear on November 12.
I checked out this new niche dating site for cat lovers and was in for a treat, maybe you too. I normally don’t cover or recommend small niche dating sites, but this one caught my eye. If you go to Purrsonals.com and wait just a few seconds, what look like a live avatar comes out of the left margin, a woman holding a cat, and both look real. She talks about the dating site, but I couldn’t help but see that she had hired our very own TJ to work with her to promote the site. You can see him relaxing here.
A site like this will probably have a very low sign-up rate and many more women than men, even though it’s a cute idea.
What do you think of avatar? Do you like them or do they turn you off?
You don’t have to be on a dating site to find true love on the Internet, but I do not recommend hanging out where these two folks met, on a gambling site! Good financial habits speak well for a future mate, and dropping dough gambling is not a good reference. But the story is amusing nonetheless…
Love At First Slot: Online Gambling Couple Married
July 28, 2008
Online gambling is not just a pastime anymore – “Swede” and “Cynthial” met on an online gambling forum just over a year ago and last week, their relationship hit the universal landmark of matrimony. Crossing international waters, love slowly blossomed and thus the happy couple have joined together as one.
“Swede”, hailing from Sweden (as you may have guessed), crossed paths with “Cynthial” of the US in June of 2007, and what began as innocent conversation soon intensified to daily emails, continuous instant messaging and intercontinental telephone conversations. Even with thousands of miles between them, destiny is not so easily thwarted. The two eventually met in London, choosing a neutral half-way point for a one-week getaway.
In that week’s time, the couple decided they were inseparably compatible, sharing the same interests, including their love for online gambling. Swede went about the process of closing down his antiques auctioneering business and made the monumental move to join Cynthial in the United States, where she runs a construction products business.
Arriving on US soil in April, Swede and Cynthial were married just last week. They have a new life plan now, intending to open a restaurant along Albuquerque, New Mexico’s famous Route 66.
On a personal note, I would like to wish Swede and Cynthial all the happiness the world has to offer. I myself met my husband online and we have been together for nearly 6 blissful years, with one gorgeous 2 year old daughter to show for it.
It just goes to show that while ‘online dating’ and ‘online gambling’ have both seen their fair share of scrutiny, wonderful things, well beyond our imagining at the time, can quickly blossom.
OnlineBootyCall does it again—horrid site with dreadful premise, but they do have a sense of humor over there.
“Men get a bad rap for leading women on when we’re really just not that into them,” but according to Moses Brown, Founder of Online Booty Call, “women play a part in it too. If the ladies would relax and read the obvious signals we give them, they’d understand that most of the time it’s nothing personal. I’m just not that into you.”
Here are the Top 10 indicators that your date is just not that into you:
10. He tells you he’s just not that into you
9. He tells you he isn’t ready to settle down into a relationship
8. Doesn’t give you a hug or a kiss goodbye
7. He doesn’t call and makes poor excuses like his cell phone died
6. He suggests you date one of his friends, or asks for one of your friend’s phone numbers
5. Shows up with his wife or girlfriend to the party you invited him to
4. You find him at the club showing off his moves to some other girl on the dance floor
3. He doesn’t want to come upstairs and says he has an early meeting
2. If he doesn’t know your last name, he’s really not that into you
1. If he doesn’t call to thank you after taking him to a Lakers playoff game, lets face it, he’s just not into you
Years ago, when I was practicing as a psychotherapist in a rural Maine town, I saw a man who was in trouble at work because he had been reported for running across a field in women’s lingerie. That wasn’t the worst of it: His job was driving truck for a major beer distributor, and the truck with the beer logo plastered all over it was sitting on the roadside by the field.
The message I gave him, and is repeated in the story below, was: Don’t mix your work life with your sexuality! Particularly if your work life is easily identifiable.
Mountie rapped for ad seeking transsexual date
Officer posed in red serge, said he sought relationships with transgendered Thais
Matthew Ramsey, The Province
Published: Sunday, April 13, 2008
A Lower Mainland Mountie has received informal discipline for posting a dating profile online, using a picture of himself in a red serge uniform, to find transgendered and transsexual mates.
“I am looking to meet mature Thai women who are interested in a sincere friendship that can develop into a LTR [long-term relationship] and possible marriage,” wrote “Dave” on the thaikisses.com site.
“Special interest towards TS [transsexual], TG [transgendered] women. Any nice Katoey women looking for a serious LTR.” “Katoey” is a Thai term that typically refers to male-to-female transgendered persons, commonly known in English as “ladyboys.”
Dave identified himself as a divorced 49-year-old from Vancouver who would travel the world if he won a lottery and likes the beach and TV.
He listed his qualities as “humorous, loyal, honest, attractive, realistic, quiet, tolerant, attentive, shy, friendly, sympathetic, fond of children, intelligent, romantic.”
“Dave" registered his profile on Sept. 3, 2006. Senior officers were not aware of the posting until late March.
Staff Sgt. John Ward told The Province it’s “totally inappropriate” for any member to use the RCMP uniform, insignia and their identification as an officer in the context of an online dating forum.
“Dave" has removed RCMP reference from the site, Ward noted.
The RCMP’s chief concern for members revealing their jobs on online social sites is operational, Ward said.
“You might be telling people where you work, who you are, what you are doing,” he said.
Ward declined to reveal any details about “Dave” except that he has been with the force for a “number of years” and his unit commander initiated the discipline process.
Shawnigan Lake RCMP Const. Trent Richards was ordered to resign in February after it was revealed he used plentyoffish.com, flirtbox.com and ratemybody.com to seek sexual partners while on shift. Richards also posted images of himself in the iconic red serge.
What would it be like to be in the early “in love” stage of a new relationship for YEARS? Have you notice either in yourself or others, that when someone falls in love and it is reciprocated, the couple usually sort of disappears for a year or two, blissfully and totally absorbed in each other? Then the newness wears off a bit and they resurface, both as a couple and individually.
Here’s the interesting story of a long married couple who tried staying within 15 feet of each other, even eating out of the same dish. Click here to watch them talk about their experience.
Interestingly, what they really missed was that since they had shared the same experience all day, there were no “So what did you do today?” stories to share at the end of the day.
While I don’t like OnlineBootyCall.com and their general premise (On their home page: “You have entered the most unique singles site on the net. Let’s face it; chances are you will never find your soul mate online. So don’t promise marriage just to get a date. Join OBC today for FREE!"), they do have a sense of humor and do not take themselves too seriously. What they do take seriously is having fun. See below the humor they get out of eHarmony’s latest booboo:
OnlineBootyCall.com: eHarmony Ends ‘One Night Stand’ With Walk of Shame
Thursday May 15, 8:00 am ET
SAN DIEGO, May 15 /PRNewswire/—Contradicting its marriage-oriented brand, eHarmony ventured into unfamiliar waters last week by releasing a newsletter titled “Navigating the One Night Stand.” The newsletter instructed singles how to engage in appropriate booty call etiquette, reminiscent of OnlineBootyCall.com’s playful advice in the Booty Call Commandments. The ensuing backlash from members forced eHarmony to take the proverbial “walk of shame” back to their community and issue an apology.
eHarmony’s misstep into the casual dating scene was a tacit recognition of the increasing influence of Americans who are opting to remain single and subscribe to non-traditional dating services. Despite eHarmony’s unwillingness to admit, people joining match making sites are not always looking for marriage. OnlineBootyCall.com, recognizing the special needs of this segment of the population, caters to proud singles who “enjoy being single.” “Let’s be honest, there’s a time in people’s life when they actively choose to be single. They want to enjoy that adventurous stage in their lives. Finding the right person isn’t a one shot, one kill process. You have to explore a bit,” added Moses (Mo) Brown, CEO and founder of OnlineBootyCall.com.
The New York Times(1) piece, “To Be Married Means to Be Outnumbered,” captured the crux of this issue, noting that “a growing number of adults are spending more of their lives single or living unmarried with partners.” US Census statistics also corroborate Brown’s statement, as major studies(2) show that the majority of households in the US are comprised of single, unmarried individuals.
With its usual tongue-in-cheek humor, OnlineBootyCall pokes more fun at eHarmony’s embarrassment by releasing its spoof of eHarmony’s marriage compatibility advertisements. The video parodies eHarmony’s compatibility speech, exposing the undertones of sexuality implicit in eHarmony’s coverage of the ‘one night stand.’
eHarmony has an advice section, pretty standard for the most part, but recently the boss was snoozing and a doozy of an article got sent out. eHarmony actually ended up retracting the story pronto and issued an apology. Here it is:
A Note from the Publisher
Last week, the eHarmony Advice site published a column called “Navigating the One-Night Stand” that was also included in the eHarmony email newsletter which reached many regular readers of our Advice site. The advice contained in this column was completely inconsistent with our editorial guidelines and the relationship service that we offer to our members. The day after sending the e-mail newsletter, I was made aware of the column and it was immediately removed from our site.
eHarmony is committed to helping its members find highly compatible, long-term relationships and I regret that the inappropriate content and tone of the column could lead our members to believe that we were not interested in their long-term relationship success. For nearly a decade, eHarmony has served its members very effectively by delivering matches that have resulted in tens of thousands of marriages. We apologize to anyone who read the column and found it inappropriate.
You deserve and expect the best from eHarmony and we are dedicated to providing information that resonates with our diverse, vibrant, and thriving community. Please be assured that we are immediately upgrading our editorial review process and are also reviewing our existing content to make sure that it is consistent with the interests of our members.
Stan Holt (bio) ()
Vice President, Publishing
And here’s the offending piece, which took some sleuthing to uncover (pun intended):
“Navigating the One Night Stand”
So you’re a swinging single and you’ve had a one-night stand. What’s the etiquette for establishing boundaries, calling the day after and getting out without hurting feelings?
While most of us are looking for that special someone to spend our lives with, the single life dictates that sometimes the opportunity for companionship presents itself in the form of a one-night stand. While a one-time roll in the hay isn’t exactly emotionally fulfilling, sex in any form can be relaxing, enjoyable, and fun.
So maybe it’s closing time and you haven’t found Mr. or Ms. Right. If you are up for it, you can enjoy a romp with Mr. or Ms. Right-for-the-night. But when you find yourself in a position to get lucky, you should heed a few rendezvous rules to ensure a seamless one-night-only performance.
Be Up Front
As consenting adults, it’s absolutely fine for both of you to do what makes you happy. The key is to make your intentions clear with your date and call it what it is: sex with no strings attached. Once both of you have appropriate expectations, you can appreciate the spontaneous lovin’ for what it’s worth.
Do the Safety Dance
Keep a cell phone with you, and if you can, tell your friends where you will be and your date’s name. Further, always use protection. Without the risk of sounding like a high school health teacher, protect yourself from STDs and pregnancy every single time to avoid lingering consequences.
Don’t Spend the Night
Unless invited, don’t sleep over. Snoozing together is too official, and it should be reserved for an established relationship. Gather up your belongings and make a respectful exit. Don’t try to leave a trail of personal “bread crumbs,” such as a wallet, a purse—or, worse, your unmentionables—as a gateway for a second meeting. Hanging around implies desperation, pegging you as the sad Clingy Clarissa or Hopeless Harry.
Don’t Call
One-nighters need not call or check up on the whereabouts of the person they shared the evening with. Acting as if your near-anonymous night of passion was a first date will just confuse sex with love.
Keep Your Mouth Shut
Don’t crow about your conquest or the amazing time you had with this lover to your friends like an adolescent.
One-night stands might solicit spontaneity and liberation, but you ought to know enough not to participate in short affairs unless you are capable of the detachment they require.
If you have the ability to live in the moment and not demand a long-term relationship afterward, then you are golden.
More humor from OnlineBootyCall:
Booty Call Commandments:
I. Thou shalt get out before the sun rises
II. Thou shouldest never ask “can we see each other from now on?”
III. Thou shalt refrain from referring to our activities as “love making.”
IV. Thou shalt not request advanced plans.
V. Thou shalt kiss anything except my mouth.
VI. Thou shalt scream my name often
VII. If someone cometh over whilst thou art here, thou art my cousin from out of town.
VIII. Thou shalt not ask me to walk thee to thy car. Don’t thou knoweth what it looketh like?
IX. There shall be no “pillow talk.”
X. There shall be no cuddling—ever!
An amusing take on Internet dating cads, right out of Merry Old England:
Warning: don’t date these men!
a woman at a computer
When dating online, you’ll probably end up sifting through a lot of dodgy profiles before you find your perfect match. We’ve saved you the ground work and identified six toxic types you’ll meet on the web dating scene
The serial online dating addict
For the serial online dater (let’s call him S.O.D.), the novelty of the new date never wears off. You may think he’s going out with you, but he will never stop hunting for other women online. He’ll never love you as much as he loves the thrill of the online chase.
How to spot him
He’s probably been an active member of a dating site for many months, or even years. He seems to be online all the time. His photo is handsome and he’s open-minded about the kind of woman he wants. It’s not that he can’t get a date, it’s that he can’t get enough.
Sadly, the only real way to tell an S.O.D. is once you’re going out with him. A month or two in, he seems smitten. But he hasn’t taken his profile down, and he’s still logging in. You have to confront him, tell him it’s you or the website. A man who wants to keep you hanging on while he keeps his options open isn’t man enough for you.
The self-esteem leech
Nothing you do is ever good enough for this control freak. You spend hours making him a mix CD of your favourite songs, and he criticises your taste. You slave in the kitchen over a three-course meal, and he sneers at it like a restaurant critic. Dare to gain a couple of pounds, and you’ll get a lecture about carbs.
Do not give him the time of day. He demands perfection for you while failing to notice his own faults, and he expects you to share all his tastes rather than having a mind of your own.
How to spot him
A self-esteem leech is not easy to spot, because when he’s chasing you he’s devastatingly charming. It’s only once you’re ‘his woman’ that he’ll start to chip away at your confidence.
But once you’ve found the strength to dump him, you will quickly realise that you’re better off without him.
The computer dating gamer
The dating scene has always been full of game-players, but the online dating gamer is a special breed. He treats online dating like a computer game. He creates a profile that bears little relation to reality, and has hours of fun seeing how many ‘hits’ he can score.
He’ll enjoy flirting with you and whipping you into excitement, but will never meet you.
How to spot him
The gamer may give himself away through weird inconsistencies in his profile or emails. He’ll lose interest quickly and never meet you for an offline date.
The rebounder
A dumpee can be a very enthusiastic boyfriend. He’s grateful for your affection and desperate to prove to his ex that he’s happy without her. And that’s the point: it’s all about his ex, not you.
The rebounder still thinks about her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. He’ll never stop hoping for a reconciliation. If she offers any hint of hope, you won’t see him for dust.
How to spot him
He’ll probably fill his profile with veiled references to his heartache and not-so-veiled criticisms of his ex. ‘I’m looking for a woman who won’t slag off my clothes and make me spend weekends with her mother’ is the mark of a man who’s stuck in the past.
Don’t assume that separated or divorced men are rebounders. It takes time and courage to walk away from a marriage, so chances are he’s had a while to get over it.
The married man
Dating websites aren’t quite the adulterous knocking shops that some believe them to be. But online, just as in any bar, you’re bound to find men in search of some extra-marital pulling.
How to spot him
The biggest clue is the absence of a photo on his profile. He won’t include much personal info either, and when you start emailing he’ll neatly sidestep your questions.
He may want to meet up quickly rather than get caught up in a three-week email bonding session, and he’ll only see you at odd times, perhaps a bit of Wednesday afternoon delight or a weekday evening rendezvous.
He’s not keen on weekend dates, because he has other commitments. Like a wife and two kids!
The pretty boy
You say you want a man who is wise, witty and kind to animals. But when you’re browsing online profiles, you click on the ones with pretty faces. It’s human nature.
Worse, dating a guy who is better looking than you will leave you feeling insecure. You know that he can get any woman he wants, so you’ll always be looking over your shoulder. My tip: use him for sex and move on.
Love those bloggers. Cate Sevilla pokes fun at Internet dating…
Hot fuss: why is online dating still treated as though it’s mysterious and new?
Cate Sevilla writes…
Can we get over this whole “online dating” thing and stop calling it a phenomena? After its initial boom and mystery practically 10 years ago, why are we still freaking out about it? I suppose that it’s still technically new, and that the Internet and social networking and meeting people online is somewhat scary to the more conservative and the blessed technophobes.
However, surely mainstream media is a bit tired of analyzing the mystifying concept of online courtships? Between the “It’s dangerous! It could kill you!” forewarnings, the Bridget Jonesy “It’s so hard to find a nice bloke online” articles and books, why are we still *realizing* that its just as hard to meet The One online as it is in real life?
I’m not sure why people are still under the illusion that:
a) it’s easier to meet people online
b) tech savvy daters online don’t understand that most people lie or are exaggerating to some degree, because they do
c) if you meet someone online they will definitely try to kill you
d) it’s a good idea to meet someone you hardly know at their remote farmhouse in a forgien country because you talked on the phone once or twice and feel a *real connection*
Look, maybe I’m just used to being around bloggers, tech nerds, and people who spend more time indoors hunched over laptops than they do outside in the fresh air...but I just don’t understand the fascination any more. Sure, I think there are some news stories regarding online dating which are newsworthy. If you’re giving actual advice instead of just moaning and whinging about how you meet complete losers all the time and GOD WHERE IS HE ALL READY, that’s just boring. Online dating can be cool, but must we really mull over the same angles, news stories and columns every damn week?
Some new stories I’d like to see on the whole internet dating story or how the internet effects couples are the following:
-Couples who got married after meeting online: do you still email each other? Do you still refer to your husband as SexyIsBack343? Do you read all your old chat sessions together every anniversary and reminisce? Do you spice up your sex life with random acts of cyber sex, just to keep things interesting?
-Are you a parent who’s son or daughter who only dates people they find online? Are you concerned, or does it seem normal to you? Or are you too busy trying to wean your son of WoW to care how he meets girls, and are just happy he’s attractive to someone, somewhere?
-Are you the partner of a famous blogger and/or web celeb? Do you get sick of them posting *cute* photos of you on Flickr and sharing with the world your flatulence problem?
-Have you caught your online boyfriend cheating on you on Facebook? Did an unsuspecting coworker tag a photo of him taking a jello shot off some girl at his office party? Did you totally change your relationship status after that?
See? Wouldn’t that me a new, fresh angle on the whole dating and relationship culture online? Wouldn’t you want to read that instead of how some dude met some chick and she was a lot uglier than she was in her photos, whilst never actually admitting that he too lied about being 25 and an ex Abercrombie & Fitch model?
I picked up a copy of “The Economist” in February, probably the first time ever. And what should I see but my very own logo (a chocolate dipped strawberry) as the back drop of a fascinating graph. Not only did I just have to post it here, so y’all could know this trivia, but also, Sweetie Pie Drew used it in his Valentine’s Day lecture to his botany class.
Valentine’s Day Food of love
Feb 14th 2008
From Economist.com
ON VALENTINE’S DAY the relationship between chocolate and sex becomes, at least for gentlemen considering the ideal gift, less a matter of theoretical musing and one of stark practicality. Will a box of chocolates do the trick? In some parts of Europe sex and chocolate go hand in hand, though a causal link is unclear. Mediterranean lovers tend to have as much sex but less chocolate—perhaps hotter weather has a bearing on both. The Japanese have precious little of either.
All right, already, I fell for it. Online Booty Call has consistently had such a great sense of humor in its publicity, and here’s the latest entry: An April Fool’s joke. But I bit, and was about to write a blog piece about the OBC owner’s cruising of his own clients for dates and now a mate. (It happens, folks: the new trend with professional matchmakers is to set up dating sites that they they peruse for possible dates for their own matchmaking clients.) So read here, with your tongue firmly in cheek:
Online Dating CEO Marries Customer
Edited by Carly Zander
Tue, 01 Apr 2008, 08:00:10 GMT
SAN DIEGO, Calif., April 1 (SEND2PRESS NEWSWIRE)—In a stunningly ironic twist, OnlineBootyCall.com Founder and CEO has married one of his own customers. In a private Vegas wedding, Moses (Mo) Brown married Heather Rivers (Username: WantNLovN), a 24-year-old fashion designer from New York. Online Booty Call is a unit of Mobeze, Inc.
Caption: OnlineBootyCall CEO Moses Brown married website member Heather Rivers in a private Vegas WeddingOn a traditional dating site like eHarmony(R), such an event would be championed as a testament to the community’s romantic strength. Yet, at Online Booty Call (OBC), it has quite the opposite effect. Members of OBC actually enjoy being single and believe the adventure of dating doesn’t have to be based on the pretense of long-term commitment. So the idea of the CEO attending to the domestics of married life will have a chilling impact on this community of Next Gen daters. It’s all very reminiscent of Hugh Hefner’s similar marriage attempt in 1989.
Brown, with a sparkle in his eye, describes the beginning of their newfound eternal love, “So there I was thinking, man for sure this profile is fake, she’s the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. But, after some investigation, and a bit of ‘Google stalking,’ I discovered she was the real deal. It’s awesome; I’m ready to cash in all my chips, and leave it all behind for our life together as one!”
OBC employees worry Brown will make good on his plan to “change the name of the site and gear it towards a guaranteed marriage service… because my wife and I want everyone to be as happy as we are.” In response, a senior programmer responded, “Hell, his ship is going down and the fool didn’t even get a prenup!”
We’re predicting a widespread “WTF… Married, seriously?” response from OBC members. As the man who created the “patented” Booty Call Commandments (second commandment “Thou shouldest never ask: can we see each other from now on?") will be ending his Playboy lifestyle, literally, as Brown does party at the Mansion.
About Online Booty Call
OnlineBootyCall.com is an online dating community for singles who enjoy being single. The site’s lighthearted approach to dating allows its members to combine all the benefits of dating with the excitement of maintaining the single life. With millions of registered members throughout the U.S., U.K., Canada, and Australia, OBC makes millions of personal connections every week. OBC is an interactive and fun dating site where “you don’t have to promise marriage just to get a date!”
If you’ve ever thought of using a web cam (come on, now, who hasn’t?) but didn’t know how to start, here’s just the advice you need in the article below. Fess up now, who has used a web cam and kept it clean?
Microsoft and sex expert Tracey Cox’s top tips for hot webcamming action this V-day
By Katherine Hannaford Tech Digest
To support the launch of Microsoft’s new range of webcams - the VX-7000, VX-6000, NX-6000 and NX-3000 - Tracey and her heaving bosoms want you to know that you should always… Check whats in view People will make assumptions about you simply by looking at the things you own, so make sure everything in view sends the signals you want to send. If youre keen to promote a certain image - like be seen as intelligence, for instance, make sure a pile of books are in view. If you want to be seen as artistic, put a painting directly behind you.
Along with…
Be friendly It sounds obvious but there is a temptation to play it cool for fear of appearing too keen. This can (sometimes) work in the flesh but it doesnt translate well on a webcam. The more you smile, the more theyre going to like you. If you insist on using the treat em mean, keep em keen stuff, save it for when youre actually out on a date. We like people who like us. Simple as that.
Make them laugh The joy of being able to see each other as youre chatting means you can use humour, irony and innuendo without fear of it being misinterpreted - which often happens with text or email. Its impossible to take something the wrong way if you can see its delivered with a big, cheeky grin!
Use the camera to reveal the different sides of you Obviously, youll want to look your best the first time you chat via the webcam, but dont be afraid to let them see you looking less than perfect. Revealing different looks gives you dimension.
Look animated and expressive Give good face! Popular people tend to have animated faces and make a steady stream of expressions when theyre talking or listening. Not only do facial expressions liven up our own stories, they also let other people know the effect theirs are having on us. A lot of expressions are infectious - it really is a case of smile and the world smiles with you!
Watch your body language Dont slouch - youll look lazy and uninterested - and if youre nervous, watch what youre doing with your hands. Also be careful about camera angles. Try out your webcam with a trusted friend first, getting them to check its in a flattering position. Practise tilting your chin down and lifting it up, getting them to tell you which is most becoming.
Dont cross your arms Before you jump in with a (defensive) Its comfortable, thats all, let me agree with you. But while some people do in fact cross their arms for comfort, just about all of us adopt this position when we feel defensive, protective, angry, threatened or plain scared. It sends negative signals, so dont chance it. While were on the subject, if youre female and body conscious, resist the urge to hug a pillow. Itll make you look both childish and insecure.
Write down a few ideas of what to talk about before you chat Funny things which have happened that day, something interesting you heard on the newsIf you get suddenly tongue-tied, a quick glance at the list saves you from awkward silences. Keep conversations reasonably light-hearted at the start - its fine to go deeper later but ideally youd save serious topics for when you meet up.
Compliment but not too much When someone tells us were sexy, funny, bright - whatever - it has the optimum effect the first time its said. Keep harping on it and you not only dilute the compliment, you also get the opposite reaction to the one intended: instead of liking you, they find you annoying!
Does he fancy you? Watch to see if hes smoothing or messing up his hair. Guys do this involuntarily if theyre keen, trying to look their best. Also check out how hes sitting. If hes keen, hell tend to sit with his legs open, giving you a crotch display. Its a subliminal Me Tarzan, you Jane gesture, highlighting hes got something you dont Does she fancy you? Women also tend to play with their hair or smooth their clothes, in an effort to look their best. If she tilts her head to the side, its a sign shes interested in what youre saying. Its also good news if she massages her neck or her hands start to glide over her arms and neck. This is called autoerotic touching: shes touching herself where she thinks youd love to!
Use we as soon as you possibly can Were great at this arent we!, or Well have to get used to chatting this way. Linking the two of you conversationally subliminally plants the idea of linking up in other ways. Another great word to use often: you. Instead of Anyway, I was talking about, say Anyway, as I was telling you. Including you makes people feel youre talking to them specifically and it pushes the pride button. The word to use least of all is I. Youll sound selfish if every sentence starts with it.
CrazyBlindDate.com last month">I wrote about CrazyBlindDate.com last month, the perfect site for those of you who think Internet dating is too slow. Now CrazyBlindDate has expanded into more cities: Los Angeles, Chicago and the Washington, D.C. So if you live in one of the urban areas they cover (New York, Boston, San Francisco and Austin), you can be out on a date in 15 minutes.
CrazyBlindDate.com Now Available in Los Angeles, Chicago and the Washington D.C. Metro Area
Hugely Popular Free Online Dating Site Continues to Gain Momentum; Named 2007 Online Dating “Innovation of the Year” by Online Personals Watch
NEW YORK--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Starting today, singles in Los Angeles, Chicago and the Washington, D.C. metro area have their chance to join the growing CrazyBlindDate.com phenomenon. Already a success in New York, Boston, San Francisco and Austin, CrazyBlindDate.com is the only online dating site that encourages singles to get off their computers and into real, live dates, meeting people when and where they want.
Created as a free, fun and spontaneous new twist to the often tiresome world of online dating, CrazyBlindDate.com users simply enter criteria for their date (age, height, ethnic background, education, etc.) and choose the time and location from a list of local venues. Once CrazyBlindDate.com finds two compatible daters, both parties receive text messages and e-mails with the date logistics. Both daters must reconfirm their availability before the blind date is finalized.
CrazyBlindDate.com, first launched in November 2007, has received an incredible response and was recently named the online dating industry’s #1 Innovation in 2007 by Online Personals Watch. According to an analysis of the first 3,000 CrazyBlindDates:
* Over 2/3 of all daters rated their dates as “good” or “great;”
* 87% of singles told a friend about their experience on CrazyBlindDate.com.
“We’ve been thrilled to see such an overwhelming response and look forward to serving the voracious appetite of singles in LA, Washington DC, and Chicago,” said Sam Yagan, co-founder of CrazyBlindDate.com. “Singles across the country are finding that CrazyBlindDate.com is the one website that quickly connects them with real, live dates, taking the work out of online dating and replacing it with spontaneity and fun.”
I just don’t get it. People now complain that Internet dating takes too much time, the process is too slow and time-consuming, too much work, blah blah blah. Man, have we gotten spoiled or what? Internet dating is not even 15 years old yet (Match.com started in 1995), has evolved with breakneck speed, particularly since 9/11/2001, is the greatest thing that has ever happened to romance, EVER, and we bitch? Don’t you remember how hard meeting ANYONE was prior to online dating? People now go from no dates in years to six in a month or even a week! What’s to complain about?
Well, as will happen, when a need is identified, a solution will be invented. Who knew that we needed garbage bags?
Onto the stage comes CrazyBlindDate.com. Looks like it is a branch of OKCupid in beta, and it looks like it helps if you are in Austin, Boston, NYC, or San Francisco, but by going through a bit of a sign up process, you could be on a blind date in 15 minutes. You really should go to CrazyBlindDate.com and go through their sign-up process just to see what is possible. They even set you up with a place to meet! Ah, technology. See the article below for one woman’s experience:
Speeding up love at first site
By MEREDITH BLAKE
Thursday, February 7th 2008, 4:00 AM
Braganti for News
The rigors of Internet dating had always seemed daunting for author Meredith Blake, but here she’s got a ‘crazy blind date’ with destiny.
Twenty minutes was all I had to give.
Okay, technically 40 minutes, but for the sake of my own sanity, I was telling myself it was only 20 minutes. It was a Friday night in the dead of winter, and I had not one but two blind dates to look forward to. Oh, and a photographer would be there to capture my date in all of its awkward glory.
A mere 24 hours earlier, I had logged on to a new dating site, CrazyBlindDate.com. Launched this past November in New York, Austin, Boston and San Francisco, the site is completely free and lets users go on a blind date almost immediately - in as little as 15 minutes. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and be willing to commit to at least 20 minutes no matter who or what shows up (anything less would be rude, of course).
The brainchild of Sam Yagan, also the CEO and co-founder of OkCupid.com, CrazyBlindDate was designed to address the perceived shortcomings of many other sites.
“When I talk to my friends, they have two complaints about Internet dating,” explains Yagan. “They say it’s too much work - working on the profile, browsing, sending e-mails. And they say that it lacks spontaneity. You can’t go online and set up a profile and get a date that night.”
Unlike other services that offer hours of fruitless distraction, CrazyBlindDate is not a destination for anything other than getting a date as soon as possible. You can’t view profiles of other users, or communicate with them in any way before your date, and there aren’t even any ads.
“With CBD, we want you to spend as little time as possible on the site, all your time out on the dates,” says Yagan.
Once you’ve requested a date, the system tries to find a match for you based on the criteria you request. If a match is found, you get an e-mail with a very brief physical description of your date, and a suggested location chosen from a standing list of bars and coffee shops. Once you accept, there’s no going back.
I had never tried online dating, with the exception of a few quasi-dates way back in the age of Friendster.
On the other hand, I have been on plenty of blind dates before. To ease the pressure, I follow this advice: Treat your date like an interview for a job you don’t want. With that in mind I usually enjoy myself.
So in theory, CrazyBlindDate seemed perfect for me.
“It’s a forced adventure, so I knew there would be something to talk about” says CrazyBlindDate.com veteran, Brianna Klemm, 30, of Astoria, who rationalized her first date as fodder for her blog.
“It’s great because it reminds you that dating is not that big a deal, that really it’s just two people sitting in a bar.”
But while Klemm was dubious about finding a serious relationship on CBD, Richie, 27, of Brooklyn, was more optimistic about its prospects. He recently ended up dating a guy he met through the site. “I tried Match.com a few years back, but never actually went out with anyone because the process is really tedious, “ he says. “But [CrazyBlind Date] is good for anyone.”
So, with these encouraging thoughts in my mind, I headed out on my dating adventure. First up was Michael, “Asian, 31, highlights, carrying an iPhone,” according to his CBD description.
I was the first to arrive at our meeting spot - 71 Irving, a Manhattan bar and cafe. I sat down and immediately started drinking my glass of Cabernet, waiting for Michael to walk through the door.
A few minutes later, an Asian man walked in, with telltale white headphones in his ears. I deliberated for a second about whether the barely noticeable reddish streaks in his hair qualified as highlights, and decided it had to be him. Michael joined me at the little table in the corner, and we both tried to ignore the photographer taking our picture. Not that she wasn’t nice.
Michael was eccentric, funny and totally unfazed by the situation. Even though there wasn’t a romantic connection, he kept me entertained with stories of seducing older women as a teenager and his plans to buy a plasma television for each wall in his bedroom. The only lull in conversation was when he answered a business call on his beloved iPhone, which provided a welcome opportunity to dig into the chocolate macaroons he bought for me. After about an hour at 71 Irving, Michael upped the ante and suggested getting dinner in Chinatown, but I had to decline since I had another date scheduled.
Emboldened by two glasses of wine, I headed for my second date at Greenwich Treehouse, a laid-back bar in a corner of the West Village . I awkwardly made a lap around the crowded bar, not seeing anyone fitting Brian’s description: “27, white, dark hair, clean-shaven.” I got a beer, and took a very conspicuous seat by the door so as not to be missed.
I felt strangely liberated and not self-conscious about the fact that I was a woman in a bar by myself on a Friday. This turned out to be an especially good thing, since 20 minutes passed with no sign of Brian.
To be honest, I was relieved. I’d had a great night, despite being stood up by a total stranger.
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