Here we go again: Yet another article about how online dating is now mainstream and THE place to find love. Not that I am complaining about the positive coverage. Far from it. After all, it’s good for my business, right? And more importantly, good news for singles looking for love. This article also throws in a couple of cybercouples just for fun.
Finding your love at online dating site
We have become a society of high-tech people. The internet has changed the way we do business, how we learn and how we find love. Alicia Hansen, a 36-year-old mother of three, has been dating online, on and off, for a couple years. She does not care who knows. “People who don’t understand that it is part of our new world are like, ‘oh, you’re doing that?’” Today millions of people are “doing that,” trying to find their match online. In fact, online dating has become so main stream it’s even part of a class taught at the University of Minnesota.
“We don’t have the same connections that we used to have through church or family or neighborhood,” James Caron, U of M Social Science Professor said. There are plenty of sites on the internet that cater to those looking for love. Each one works a little differently. Most sites charge a fee, make you fill out a profile about yourself and then help you find people with whom you are most likely to be compatible. The rest is up to you. Dr. Elizabeth and Eileen parks met two years ago on MillionaireCupid.com.
“I did it for about four or five months before I winked at Ryan,” Elizabeth said. “I went on a lot of first dates, but I guess Ryan was my only second date.” Two weeks ago, they tied the knot. Certainly not every match ends up in marriage, but for a budding industry, the number of success stories might surprise you. It’s estimated that anywhere from 8 - 10 percent of all marriages are the result of people meeting online. There is a downside to dating online. It’s hard to tell someone’s tone in an email. Also, you have to trust that the people you meet are being truthful about themselves.
Not a problem, says Vince Turk. He met his wife Karen on eHarmony.com. “As somebody who is looking at profiles, you know the people who have invested time in it and put some money into it are pretty serious about wanting to meet somebody.” Karen couldn’t have been more honest. “I lived in a small town. I was approaching 40 and I had six kids,” Karen said. “There were just not a lot of options for me.” Vince lived in Minnesota. Karen lived in Iowa. But after a push from their combined eight children, the two decided to move from the cyber world to the real world. “We have two 15-year-olds, two 13-year-olds, a 12-year-old, 10-year-old, nine-year-old and a five-year-old.” This month, the Turks are celebrating their one-year anniversary.
KOLR in the Ozarks is doing an investigation of online adultery and the AshleyMadison.com dating site. AshleyMadison.com, for those who don’t know, bills itself as the site for folks “When monogamy becomes Monotony.” The site helps married men and women connect to have affairs.
KOLR had a man and a woman list themselves on the site. Within two days, the woman got 40 messages from interested men. The KOLR man got none. I’ve heard that the men far outnumber the women on these sites, and the KOLR findings support that.
I’ve written about ol’ Ashley before. While I cringe at the whole premise, let’s get those married cruisers off the mainline sites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
If you are single and out of your teens, you are probably either building up some net worth or some net debt. And if you are single and looking for a mate, you’d better put checking out your potential partner’s net worth and debt too.
In an article in the Miami Herald, Jodi Mailander Farrell reports that 1/3 of 1,022 people sampled by Fair Isaac Corp said that a “lack of financial responsibility” damaged their relationships more than even infidelity. And here’s another juicy tidbit: Respondents said more that twice as often that financial compatibility was more important than good sex.
It’s a good idea to get your finances straight and understandable before you need to explain them to someone else. Chapter 12 “Traveler’s Checks” of my book “Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women” takes you through taking control of your finances, if you need it. Click here to find out more about my book and how to order.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Internet dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony are venturing into new territory: Relationship building, marriage strengthening, and divorce prevention. While it is hard to know what is really going on, the first wave of divorces in couples who met on the Net has begun.
According to an article by Ellen Gamerman in the Wall Street Journal. US Census data says the median length of first marriages that end in divorce is eight years. Online dating got started with Match.com in 1995.
Since all marriages have a divorce rate of about 50%, cyber couples divorcing should be no surprise. And actually, I would venture to guess that the marriage survival rate for couples meeting on dating sites might turn out to be better, since the singles get more information up front about a potential partner than in ordinary dating.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Drew works as a research biologist for the Army Corps of Engineers, and through him, I hear more military shorthand that I need to. There’s ERDC, SWWRP, and CHL, just to name a few. Can’t they call a program by it’s real name? I mean, really! Who’s supposed to remember all that alphabet stuff anyway?
But here are some initials that make more sense: “F. A. C. E. S.” (family background, attitudes, compatibility, experiences in previous relationships, and skills that the individual brings to the relationship) and R. A. M. chart (Relationship Attachment Model). Army chaplains are being trained to use these tools to teach military men and women how to pick a good partner. The program is called, appropriately enough, “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk.”
“F. A. C. E. S.” teaches individuals to study a potential partner’s family background, their attitudes towards life and marriage, the compatibility of the couple, the experiences they have had in previous relationships, and what skills they bring to the union. Makes perfect sense to me. Just like your mother would tell you to do, and then some.
The R. A. M. chart goes further: It suggests “Don’t let your sexual involvement exceed your level of commitment or level of knowledge of the other person.” Is that sane advice or what?
Finally, something that is useful to us all, and from the Pentagon, no less. Well, actually not: The program comes from Dr. John Van Epp. His website is nojerks.com. Hey, if the idea is a good one, use it, huh? Yea, Army!
From Your Romance Coach, Katharine Lord
You’ve heard the saying: It’s as easy to fall in love with a rich woman as a poor one? Well, it’s all over the media this week: According to Ohio State researchers, a person who marries and stays married accumulates almost twice the wealth as someone who stays single or divorces. One reason for the greater net worth of marrieds is simple: It’s cheaper to maintain one household than two. Another is that married folks feel responsibility towards each other and are therefore more careful about their spending.
It would also seem reasonable that it helps to be married AND happy, since folks divorcing start losing worth 4 years before the actual divorce. And getting divorced takes an average of 77% of a person’s worth. Most divorcing folks can testify to that.
I sat in on a lecture by Dr. Chris Peterson today. Dr. Peterson is a leading scholar in the study of happiness and is co-author with Martin Seligman of “CHARACTER STRENGTHS AND VIRTUES: A HANDBOOK AND CLASSIFICATION.” Peterson listed the five traits associated with happiness and life satisfaction across the life span: Love, hope, zest, gratitude, and curiosity. So if you want to increase your chances of happiness and wealth, find someone to love.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
|
