Kathryn's Blog: Beware! Bad Stories, Bad Advice
Married folks lurking around on dating sites and trying to snag the unexpected has been a concern for online dating singles. I haven’t heard so much aobut this being a problem lately, and maybe it’s because of sites like this one and AshleyMadison.com Yeesh. Talk about yucky—sites that enable extramarital affairs. Well, at least they may be doing a service and giving these folks a place to go rather that the mainline dating sites. We should be thankful.
Best, Kathryn
100,000th member looks for an extra marital affair….
IllicitEncounters.com, the world’s biggest extra marital dating website, has signed up its 100,000th UK member . A site spokesman told us “With membership soaring by a couple of thousand a week, IllicitEncounters.com is a clear indication that the 34% of married people having an affair - now choose to look for one online”. There are now more than 10,000 members in Scotland, 6,000 in Wales, 2,500 in Northern Ireland, 500 in Southern Ireland, 2,500 non-UK and the remaining 78,500 are in England.
Well, actually it’s not Forbes, per se, but in an article by Michael Noer published in Forbes on August 22, 2006. Oooeee! If you want to read something scurilous, go on over. With it is a rebuttal “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man” by Elizabeth Corcoran, and some follow-up on Slate.com with lots of links to even more skuttlebutt.
Here’s what makes Noer’s position particularly ridiculous: His definition of “career girl” is a woman with a university degree or higher, works more than 35 hours outside the home, and makes more that $30,000 a year. WHAT??!! Who’s left, Mr. Noer?
Godfrey.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Did you know that the Secret Service handles Nigerian scamming cases? The following information comes from www.Crimes-of-Persuasion.com
UNITED STATES ( and most other countries )
United States Secret Service,
Financial Crimes Division,
419 Task Force
950 H Street, NW,
Washington, DC 20001-4518
or telephone (202) 406-5850 fax: (202) 406-8203, (202) 406-6390
You can report this crime online to the U.S. Treasury Department Secret Service ( Nigerian Frauds ) e-mail .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) <419.fcd@usss.treas.gov>
A list of local Field Offices for the Secret Service.
Materials sent in should still be labeled No Financial Loss - For Your Database if that is the case and Loss - and whether or not there is a US Connection - if there was a loss. If you are from outside the US, you should also note the country you are from.
If you receive such a letter in the mail, do not respond. Send it to:
Inspection Service Operations Support Group
Two Gateway Center, 9th Floor
Newark, NJ 07175-0001
For more about Nigerian scams, see:
http://home.rica.net/alphae/419coal/
http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/nigeria.asp
http://www.crimes-of-persuasion.com/Crimes/Business/nigerian.htm
I’ve written many times about scamming for money from singels, particularly the notorious Nigerian scammers. Read more of what I have written here.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
On July 18th, two different TV stations covered Nigerian scam stories involving three separate female victims. Read about their experiences here via WESH News and and here from KUSA
I’ve written a lot about scams and bad advice. Take a look here. In a nutshell (accurate word, nutshell), never, never, never give money to someone you met online. Not for a long, long while anyway. And then think aobut it more than twice.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
9news in Denver reported on May 17th about a woman in the area who had been scammed by a man she met on MySpace.com. Within months, he had moved in with her and even got her to pay for her own engagement ring. The gig was up when other women online got in touch and told her they had also dated the man. A simmple Google search (using “Colorado Court Cases” and “Colorado marriage” brought up evidence of criminal offenses pages long, including domestic violence.
In an unusual case of media reticence, 9News did not reveal the man’s name, though it did print two of the women’s. So what’s the big deal about HIS name, for heaven’s sake?
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I’ve been married to a scientist for too long. I could not read this article about feng shui and finding your mate without a huge dose of skepticism. I could just hear Drew snickering.
Judy Seckler writes about how the proper use of feng shui principals can result in singles finding love. While I can believe that feng shui principals can be visually attractive and improve the looks of your surroundings and therefore your mood, I screach to a halt when this gets extended to somehow magically making your prince/princess appear.
Luck can be enhanced, and an imporved attitude can go a long way, but don’t resign your membership to Match.com in favor of feng shui.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
KOLR in the Ozarks is doing an investigation of online adultery and the AshleyMadison.com dating site. AshleyMadison.com, for those who don’t know, bills itself as the site for folks “When monogamy becomes Monotony.” The site helps married men and women connect to have affairs.
KOLR had a man and a woman list themselves on the site. Within two days, the woman got 40 messages from interested men. The KOLR man got none. I’ve heard that the men far outnumber the women on these sites, and the KOLR findings support that.
I’ve written about ol’ Ashley before. While I cringe at the whole premise, let’s get those married cruisers off the mainline sites like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
WYFF4 ran a story on May 10 describing a classic scam that I’m seeing lots of reports of out of Nigeria. See the Nigerian connection pieces I have written.
Ben Coleman contacted Aileen Califano through a dating site. After spending some time to gain Califano’s trust, Coleman asked for money, which Califano rightly refused. Then Coleman sent her $3,800 in money orders, which he asked her to deposit in her bank account, then wire the money to Colorado.
Califano was not fooled. She was sure they were a fraud, and checked. They were.
Sending phony money orders and asking the receiver to deposit the fake checks and then forward the money to another address is a common scam technique. In the May 15, 2006, issue of the New Yorker, author Mitchell Zuckoff wrote about how John W. Worley, a Christian psychotherapist, was suckered into a classic Nigerian scam. If you want to see how a perfectly normal, bright man gets suckered, take a look.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
CBS3 in Philadelphia reported a story about an Atlantic City man who scammed at least 80 women through telephone and online dating sites. Paatrick Giblin (41) set up accounts all over the country and contacted women in different areas. He’d tell the women he was planning to relocate to their area and was looking for a romantic relationship. Then, down the road a piece, he’d say that he needed money for the move and asked for loans.
Whatever he got, he seems to have gambled away in the Atlantic City casinos. Giblin has moved, since he has been in federal custody since March, 2005.
Never, never, never give money to anyone you meet online!
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
An article from WNDU.com of South Bend, Indiana, describes Bethel College assistant professor Angela Meyers’ brush with a shady dating site. Even though the site was seductively named (for Meyers, anyway) “Executive Christian Dating,” seems like the site was not performing in what one might describe as a “Christian-like” way.
Meyers paid over $900 for a six month membership, which supposedly would entitle her to a counselor who would match her with other “executive Christians.” Imagine her surprise when the guys she was matched with had never heard of “Executive Christian Singles.” Sounds like the “counselor” mined other dating sites like Yahoo! for email addresses of unsuspecting guys. WNDU reports that the Federal Trade Commission has at least 11 other complaints this year about “Executive Christian Singles.” Not to be outdone, the site goes by other names as well, such as “Executive Jewish Dating.”
At least three lessons here:
1. Beware small sites. Stick with the biggies that are well-known like Match.com and Yahoo! Personals.
2. Fees like the $900 that Meyers paid for six months are WAY too high. If you must go for the services that Meyers thought she was getting, start at the smallest level (like a month) until you have proof that the site can perform as promised.
3. Sites that include words like “Christian” or “Catholic” or “Jewish” lull the unsuspecting to think that the site and everyone on it share the same values. Remember that it is as easy to meet a murderer or scam artist in church as in a bar. Don’t drop your suspiciousness. Keep your guard up, even on supposedly religious affiliated sites.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Just as good folks are finding it easier to locate each other via the Net and dating sites, and crooks are finding ingenious ways to use the technology for nefarious activities, nice people are figuring out how to use the Internet to trap the baddies.
A dead beat dad was located and arrested through his online dating action. Brian Lee Todd owed a pile of money in child support and was on the run. Police heard that he was active on a dating site. A female detective posted a profile, communicated with Todd, and they arranged to meet.
The first time, Todd got in an accident on the way to the date, wrecking his 1990 Cadillac. His driver’s license was suspended, so he wasn’t even driving legally. Right after getting out of the hospital, he got in touch with the detective again and set up another date.
Talk about rough first dates: he recognized her, started running, but got caught and arrested.
Lesson: Just because typing away and sending missives into cyberspace feels private, it’s not. Be careful what you write. And it pays to be honest. People can find out if you are not.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I just read the following letter and answer in an advice column by Dr. Erika Schwartz in the Boston Herald:
Q. I am a 45-year-old widow who has started dating again after 10 years of raising four children alone. I am embarrassed to say, I desperately want to meet a good man but I wonÂt use the Internet dating sites. Is there hope for me, or should I just give up?
- K.P., Brockton
A. As long as we are alive there is hope. You successfully raised a large brood; why would you doubt your ability to meet the right man now that you have experience and wisdom? Join a church or synagogue, book club, social club, charity or adult-education class, anything that piques your interest. I am confident the right man will find you. Just keep your eyes open and enjoy the process.
What a sad letter and what aninadequatee answer! First off, what’s embarrassing about wanting to meet a good man? And hasn’t this woman been listening to what’s been happening the last few years as far as Internet dating is concerned? It’s mainstream, for heaven’s sake! And dating sites provide the very best way to meet more singles than you could ever meet in any other way combined.
The good doctor gives all the old saw advice about joining religious groups, clubs, charities, most of which are dominated by women. Then says the right man will find her. Aaaahhh! 45 year old women are not Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. It is highly unlikely that some man is going to find this poor lady with out some effort on her part.
And now the “desperate” part: Nothing is more unattractive than desperation. And desperation clouds good judgmentt. I can’t think of a better cure for desperation than getting on a good online dating site like Yahoo! Personals or Match.com and seeing how many guys are as interested in finding a mate as you are. Instant relief.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I knew that there was a good reason why I haven’t watched the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows, beyond the fact that they are embarrassingly shallow. Evidently in the latest go-around in Paris, Dr. Travis Stork (Can you believe that name?) is the picker, and Dr. Allie G was one of the 25 pickee’s. Dr. Allie, 33, in a snatched semi-private moment with Dr. Travis announced that she was entering “the reproductive phase of my life.” Bomb. Dr. Allie gets dumped from the show.
Then she confronts Dr. T and demanded to know if it was her breasts or fanny (too small or too big, respectively). Dr. T said he was ready to reproduce.
Ghad.
But, as the article states, not the best things to say on a first date.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Here are three different and dreary stories I saw recently:
From Asia—A 20 year old woman emailed her then-boyfriend topless photos of herself. When she later tried to end the relationship, he demanded money or he would post the photos on the Net. Evidently, this is not uncommon, that men will later use compromising photos to get women to meet them or give them money.
Young men in Somaliland are worried. Young Somaliland women have learned about the Internet and use it regularly in Internet cafes to meet men in other countries. Fellows closer to home do not have as much to offer materially, and the women are probably making the best deals they can. In an odd response, they are being encouraged to marry local men (and get pregnant) earlier, forgoing their education (and probably Internet cafes). I wonder why no one seems to be thinking of how to improve the marketability of the Somaliland men?
In an odd reversal of the American men and Russian or Fillipina brides, Janet Masters (40) of Australia married Emmanuel Ochola (28) of Uganda. Even Ochola’s village neighbors were happy about the match: They think that Masters will invest in the area and improved the impoverished conditions. Ms. Masters (Mrs. Ochola?) plans to take her husband to Australia and get him a job, then come back to Uganda and build him a house. Ochola is pleased with the deal, too, which included a cell phone, all the wedding expenses, and new clothes.
To balance this whole business off, keep in mind that there are far more stories of successful matches that started online. Just check out any of my postings titled “We Love Love Stories” or similar. Remember the journalism rule: “If it bleeds, it leads.” Horror stories sell papers, that’s why they get printed.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I’m always on the look-out for stories about my native Maine, and when one comes up about Internet dating, too, I pay attention. Unfortunately, this story also included fraud, based in Nigeria, as I have written about before.
A story by Colin Hickey in the Kennebec Journal told of a Waterville woman who was scammed by a pro. And she now has to pay the bank $2,500. Then right around the same time, a great article came out in the Los Angeles Times that describes, in chilling detail, just how those Nigerians do it. This article is REALLY a must-read for all online daters. Or anyone who gets email, for that matter. I get scam emails all the time—don’t you?
Be sure to read to the end of the article, where there is a side box listing various types of scams, like the “next of kin” scam, the “winning lottery” that you never entered scam, and the “laundering crooked money” scam. Some will sound pretty familiar, for sure.
Now remember, most of the folks out there are legitimate, honest people just like you are. But a few are out to get you. Just like anyone you meet on the street. Pay attention and learn how to pick up the signs. Protect yourself, just as you would walking at night.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I’ve gotten a lot of traffic to my blog because of postings I did months ago ( (4/24, 4/29, 4/29, and 5/9) about Richard Roe, the Senior Bachelor. And guess what? One of the women who got to a face to face meeting/screening with Roe wrote a first-hand report. Here it is:
Kathryn,
I would love for the hundreds of women that Richard Roe has taken pictures of to know that now the photos are on the web for other men to look at. We all knew and signed papers, but never did anyone of us think he was such a cad that he would start his web page on senior dating before he even picked the one he wanted.
This whole thing was about money and is a surprise to me at least.
I did meet Richard Roe and did have my twenty minute meeting with him. HE IS A CAD. Now he wants to meet with twelve women and then pick six to take on a trip, one month each. What happen to finding the one? Also, he has already invited someone that had something to do with Pop and Me to be on part of the trip. Like I was, these women are so wrapped up in the dream he is promising that they don’t see anything else.
Roe will not let you write on his blog if you do not identify yourself. There were people on that were telling how it really is and he would delete them as soon as he found them. The whole thing has been a scam from day one. He changed the rules every time we would turn around. Now you have to be God, which was never said before.
I just had this gut feeling when I meet him that he had a different agenda.
Miranda
Doesn’t surprise me at all. I’ve had my doubts from the start.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
In July, I wrote a posting here about Here’s another story about unsuspecting daters getting hooked for money from scammers with a Nigerian connection. Don’t, I repeat DON’T, get caught up with anyone who asks you to cash checks or money orders for them, ESPECIALLY if there is a Nigerian connection.
And for guys who usually feel safer, here’s an article out of Sydney, Australia, about a series of abduction/robberies of men. Apparently, these men (in their early 20’s) were lured to meetings with blind dates they had met on the Internet. When they went to the meeting, they were ambushed at knife point, kidnapped, and taken to the nearest ATM. After emptying theirATM accounts, the robbers took the money and drove off in the car, leaving the victim stranded.
I don’t know if Australian men are particularly over-confident,because this reminds me of another of my earlier postings about an Australian man who was particularly dumb about his own safety. But what I wrote there applies here too: Pay attention to basic safety rules. Arrange first meeting(s) in public places where there will be people around. Men, don’t assume that because you are a guy, you are safe. Don’t make stupid mistakes with your life. From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
In what seems to be a misguided attempt to “Make lemonade out of lemons,” some men and a few women are advertising on Craigslist.com for partners from those who have fled New Orleans and Katrina. This article on Boston.com quoted one man who said “I’m trying to attract somebody who under normal circumstances may not be attracted to me.”
Hurricane victims??? Why does this remind me of the (mostly) men who go to China or the Philippines to look for mates “with more traditional values” ie who are willing to be dominated and who will feel lucky to marry almost any American who can afford to pay their ticket to the States?
Taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability, either by birth or natural disaster, does not seem the best way to start a relationship. When a relationship begins with a power imbalance right from the start (one partner having the power over the other, perhaps in strength, money, or class), it does not bode well for the future. Practically no one likes to stay in the “down” position forever. If you use power to coerce another person to be with you, you will likely pay a big price later on.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Evidently, “Oprah” reran the episode with Richard Roe (the SeniorBachelor.com guy who is looking for a woman to travel the world with) in August, because since then, my blog has seen a lot of extra traffic from all over the world because of Google searches on his name. See my earlier postings on Richard Roe’s endeavors. April 27, April 29 Part 1, April 29 Part 2, and May 9 I wrote this last entry after watching “Pop and Me,” the movie Roe’s son made about their trip around the world. It (the film AND what I wrote) are revealing.
I decided to go on over to SeniorBachelor.com to see how Richard’s search is shaping up. Oooeee! It’s more of the egotism I wrote about earlier. Check out his blog, particularly the entry for September 4, and see him living out the bachelor dream. Ya gotta hand it to the guy: He’s got a great line going.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Here’s a story that came across my computer screen this weekend that presents yet another reason not to lie in your Internet dating ventures. Dr. Khaled Zeitoun (a fertility specialist—doesn’t he get enough female contact in his work?) is being sued by two separate women he met on an Internet dating site. The problem? He’s a married man with three children. He told potential Sweeties that he was single.
It’ll be interesting to see what happens with these suits. I wonder whether the court will take them seriously. But again, it’s more reasons not to lie about ANYTHING. People find out, one way or another, and as these ladies are proving, you could find yourself in court.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Why do women like bad boys? The extreme playing out of this old saw happens when women pursue and marry men who are in jail. And while we don’t hear about it so often, free guys also fall for imprisoned women. And of course, guys for guys, and women for women.
We’ve just been witness to this in the dramatic example of Jennifer Hyatte, who murdered a guard to bust her husband (of just a few months) George Hyatte out of prison. George was serving a 35 year term for several robbery and assault charges.
While this is certainly a very complicated phenomenon, here’s what strikes me right off the bat: Men in prison are the ultimate bad boys, yet contained, controlled, and “civilized” by the fact they are in prison. Just think about it: The percentage of single men vs. married men in prison must be much higher than in the real world, they are all concentrated in one place and can’t move, they are desperate for connection to the outside world, and they are super-skilled at manipulation of vulnerable people, with a prison full of tutors if they need a little help.
Here’s the “edginess” that lots of women crave, that sense of mystery and danger, yet also controlled. Like a caged lion. And these men have nothing better to do with their time than to focus on a woman who is vulnerable and charm her, if not her out of her pants, than out of her good judgment. A woman would feel as if she were in control of a relationship like this, and forget that it is the bars that are keeping her safe.
Sounds like Jennifer Hyatte fell and fell hard. But like most fairy tales, when exposed to real life, matters are quite different. Without the bars, the romance crumbled fast, and ended just the way you’d imagine, with the couple on the run, in a crumby motel room. Now they are both back in jail, and she is likely going to face her own life sentence for murder.
Remember: Danger is dangerous. Excitement usually comes from fear. Fear is supposed to keep us cautious and therefore avoiding dander. Sometimes we get mixed up: roller coasters are based on this mix-up. They make fear and danger “safe.” But sometimes even roller coasters kill. Certainly people do. If someone is in prison, they are most likely there for good reason. Pay attention, and at least wait until they are out of prison to see if they have learned their lesson and now can behave in socially appropriate ways.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Sometimes, it’s a pretty slow day in the newsroom, and the reporters have to huff and puff to get a headline. Here’s a good example of the old media adage “If it bleeds, it leads.” In this piece that looks as if it was written for TV, the reporter talks to one Internet dater who said “dishonest online daters forced her to go back to more old fashioned methods to meet men.” Cut to the local sheriff who says “...it’s a very dangerous thing to do and we advice people not to do it.” Then to a local cybercafe for a bit more positive message.
Gawd, what a superficial piece. But an excellent example of cranked up media hysteria meant to frighten.
Here in Mississippi, slow days in the press room are all too regular. I hear on the local TV stations one promo after the other about potholes, cockroaches, and the like, all with the tagline “Who’s accountable! Find out tonight on—- News!” They can make a Tootsie Roll sound like a lethal weapon. Internet dating is an easy target. It’s new, popular, and anxiety-provoking. Remember that lying, dating deception, date rape, and domestic violence were not born on the Internet. All of those have been around since men and women got up onto two feet. So don’t be taken in by the hype. The media is selling newspapers and Fix-o-dent. They need to get your attention, and fear is one of the best ways they’ve come up with yet.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Sometimes when I am home alone (I have a home office, and during the work week, sometimes I see only the cats and maybe the UPS driver), I turn on the TV just for the noise. The most consistent background noise are the court shows, and there are zillions. When I actually watch, I see case after case involved lent or borrowed money that hasn’t been paid back.
The worst Internet dating stories (apart from the rape and murder ones that the media splash all over everywhere) involve money. Here’s a story about Patrick Giblin who supposedly bilked money from 70 women he met online. He preyed on the lonely and vulnerable, and that sure describes a lot of Internet daters.
Be absolutely suspicious of ANY requests for money from your online dates. “Neither a borrower or lender be” will keep your name out of the newspaper and off the court TV shows. While I don’t mind a bit of fame, that’s not the way I want to get it, and I suspect, neither do you.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I got this email over the weekend:
Hi Kat;
I met Sam in 2000 !
I met him via internet as well, and boy oh boy did I feel something very wrong about him….
I did have the “privilege” of meeting him. He tried to pursue me by buying me gifts, etc…However I was fortunate enough to read right through him…
I am glad you are coming forward and informing people about jerks like him…
Monica
Read more about Sam Martin in one of my earlier posts.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Tom Blake (I’ve quoted him before—and reviewed his books) recently wrote about trouble seniors had gotten themselves in to when lending or financial support to new Sweeties they met online and off. Having a relationship sour after money gets passed over is not restricted to those over 50 or 65—just watch a few episodes of Judge Judy or the like to see case after case of ex’s who soaked the other before hitting the road. Needless to say, any dater should be looking closely into the financial solvency of a potential partner. I write about that in my book “Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women”—Chapter 12 Traveler’s Checks.
Elena Petrova warns of financial scamers offering up Russian women. Check out Petrova’s website http://www.womenrussia.com/ for insight by someone who sounds like she knows what she is talking about.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
I burn up lots of paper and black ink jet cartridges printing off the articles that come to me over the web, all in an effort to keep me and you up to date on the dating world. When I read, I underline and highlight points I find interesting. The article on the top of my pile is a review of a book about first date disasters. What did I underline? “...excessive farting is not good, even if you really, really have to.” Ain’t that the truth?
First date horror stories provide plenty of fodder to scare the bravest single into a lifetime of unwedded bliss. And of course they make great reading. Breanna Hubbard writes about two first dates in an article dated April 14, 2005, one of which went well. The second did not. Hubbard shows her youth and lack of experience with Internet dating: She didn’t screen the candidates well at all, and couldn’t figure out how to end quickly what clearly was going to be a terrible experience. (Romance Coach to Internet daters: Make the first meeting brief, and have an exit plan!)
If you really want to indulge your first date voyeurism, read “Around the World in 80 Dates” by Jennifer Cox. Cox sets up a marathon of first encounters all over the world, zipping through guys at a dizzying pace. I’m halfway through the book, and enjoying it. Cox writes pretty well, and seems to be learning how to do the dates better as she goes along. She does dismiss seemingly good candidates for very superficial reasons. But we know from the start that she meets a True Love along the way, and that makes the mistakes and agony worth slogging through. For her and for the reader.
We humans (some of us, anyway) have an odd liking for being scared to death or repulsed to the point of nausea. And there’s no harm in wallowing in others’ misery from the distance of your living room. But just keep in mind that no one gets a second date without going through the first one. And a date’s bad behavior is about THEM, not you. So detach a bit, don’t take it personally, and dare!
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
Though I’m a firm believer that 95% plus of people listing on Internet dating sites are basically sincere and honest, for the most part, clearly some of those posting are downright deceptive. A chilling story came across the wires today about just that sort of manipulative cad. Kathryn Martin met Sam Martin III from Martin, KY, on ChristianMatch.com a year ago. They married in less than two months, but didn’t live together full time. Come to find out, he was having affairs with at least fifteen other women since they married. That was one busy guy. You’ve got to read the article to get the full story with all it’s twists and turns. (Just to be completely clear: Not all cads are men. Cads come in female versions, too, and I’ll not shy from telling you about them.)
Honesty and how to tell if someone is lying are big concerns of Internet daters, and should be equally big concerns of anyone dating these days. In earlier times, people tended to meet and marry in the same circles and could get character references from friends and family. I’d guess that marrying within one’s own community and social group is getting more the exception than the rule these days. People move around a lot more now, and the Internet has only aided in helping to connect up with people you’d never have met any other way. So whether someone is being completely truthful becomes a major issue.
Kathryn Martin’s story is a good example of not trusting the perceived safety of Christian sites. Just because someone has posted a profile on such a site, says he’s a “Man of God,” and builds churches, is not automatically a good character reference. I wrote about just this issue in an earlier blog posting.
Interestingly, even Sam Martin’s parents and grandparents seemed in on the deception, But other family members tipped her and another of Sam’s women, Misty Schoff. Thank goodness for that. And Kathryn Martin is getting back: She’s started a web site devoted to spreading the word about Sam. Take a look. And if you’ve been taken in by Sam, email Kathryn Martin. She’ll be good to talk to.
From Your Romance Coach, Kathryn Lord
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